• Member Since 4th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 8th

NintendoGal55


I'm a Canadian gal who loves to write. :D

E

Why did Scootaloo never mention her parents, or even any family to begin with? Well, what if it was because her parents were famous, and were not around very much due to their work schedules? Now with Scootaloo promising her parents to come in on Family Appreciation Day, it's time for the truth to be revealed.

Co-written with StormySummer

Inspiration comic right over here!

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 126 )

Alrighty... I'll watch it, I s'pose.

Scootaloo's parent have never been mentioned and Soarin' and Spitfire's ages have been said either. Not the first time I've Spitfire as Scoots' mother but so far you've done well.

2517142 Exactly, so we use a bit of that to our advantage. :raritywink: Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

2517181
I've seen Scootaloo being Fluttershy's daughter and Celestia's as well. Being related to Spits and Soar isn't that much of a stretch

Cuuuute.... :twilightsmile:

I sense Flutterdash in the near future :raritywink:

You would not believe how long I've been waiting for a fanfic like this
THANK YOU:pinkiehappy:

2517248 D'aww, you're welcome! :twilightsmile:

I approve of this head canon. Do it.

Intresting idea and it could very well work out like that. We don't know the exact age of Spitfire and Soarin so who's to say they aren't Scootaloo's parents. :eeyup:

This just might become my new headcannon. :scootangel:

2517278 Awesome! X3

2517281 Yep, that's pretty true! It's become our headcanon by this point! :scootangel:

This should be a fun one to see in action.

I'll follow along.

~Skeeter The Lurker

In a word: cute!

I'm quite excited to see where all this goes, and the promise of impending FlutterDash only furthers my curiosity :pinkiehappy:

2517366 Hey, even if FlutterDash isn't the primary focus, they're totally still canon! :raritywink:

I´m pretty suprised that I´ve never got the idea of this family picture. Can´t wait to see how it goes on.

I am loving this story so far. I am looking forward to reading more of it as it comes out. Keep up the great writing!

I'm sure even your two lame 'mommies', Fluttercry and Rainbow Crash must find you to be absolutely pathetic. I mean, really? A pegasus who can't even fly? Face it, Scootaloser, you're not even a real pegasus! You're just an earth pony with wings!"

:trixieshiftleft:Not sure if author actually ships FlutterDash or simply having Diamond Tiara being a bitch....:trixieshiftright:

Other then that little thing (which I've already talked about), this story looks very interesting....watched, liked and faved my friend.

Don't screw up:ajbemused:

I like this concept. I'm doing something similar in my new story

2517423 Guilty! :scootangel: It's a bit of both. X3

2517449 That's beautiful! :raritystarry:

2517421 Thank you kindly! :twilightsmile:

2517481 Ah I see.

Not my preferred ship, but as long as it stays in the background and Scootaloo and her parent's are the focus...I'll survive.:trollestia:

2517481 Sweet, praise! It's going on tumblr now! :rainbowlaugh:

Reading this soon.

2517492 Yes, Scootaloo and her parents are the focus...but there will be FlutterDash sprinkles. I ship it, so you might not want to read my other works. :scootangel:

2517499 Yay! :rainbowlaugh:

2517690 XD Okay! Thanks a lot! :pinkiehappy:

I WANT MOAR. The cuteness is killing me.

Warning: This comment contains spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, DON'T read this comment!

I think this is the first time I've read a story where Spitfire and Soarin' have been placed as Scootaloo's parents. I don't know what to expect from a story like this, so reading it is a first-time experience for me. And so far, it's okay. I will be offering some criticism, and I don't want you to be discouraged from any of it; it's there to offer suggestions on how to improve your story.

It begins okay enough, with Scootaloo joining her fellow crusaders in discussing laser tag. And the dialogue between them is enjoyable. For some reason, the "Sharpshooters" comment brought a smile out of me. That was good. As for where it fits in the story, I think it's a good introduction to it. With how Scootaloo basically waits for her parents to pick her up (which will be talked about later on), I think beginning it as school is being let out is a nice place to introduce the scene.

And then Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle leave, and Scootaloo is left alone... thinking about it, that's kinda sad, and not in the pathetic kind of way. So with Scootaloo being around Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, she has ponies to hang around with, but when they're gone, she's alone? That's kinda sad. I actually wish you explored that a bit more. Scootaloo doesn't seem too bothered that her friends are going away from her. Just look at this part:

Scootaloo waved again as her friends walked away with their sisters. She sighed in relief, no longer feeling worried. At least now, nopony would be around to see what was inevitably to come, and she could handle this on her own.

However, she was soon met with a dreaded chill coursing up her spine. That usually meant one thing. Scootaloo closed her eyes, hoping against all hope that the dreaded source would go away. She was in no mood for that, most especially dealing with it herself.

This doesn't make sense to me. When she's around her friends later in the day, how does she get away from them to meet up with her parents? About that, where does she usually meet her parents? It doesn't make sense that she just stays there waiting for her parents, when, as far as I'd assume, she isn't usually picked up there. I feel like just leaving her there is odd, and I feel like there should either be a) some more surprise from the parents that she's there, or b) showing that she's moving somewhere else to be picked up.

Anyway, I think Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's teasing is great. They touch a personal issue, one that riles her. It's good to see how she reacts when she faces personal issues alone, and I think you did a very good job on that small scene.

However, the scene after that, where Spitfire and Soarin' pick her up, feels a tad weak for me. I think one aspect of it is that the Wonderbolts feel a bit out of character. I would imagine that they would encourage Scootaloo to shrug it off first, and then think about having a talk with the parents. Scootaloo has an air of bravado and tenacity, so I feel like encouraging her to shrug it off would be the easier, more in-character solution for them.

Also, how would anypony not figure out that two Wonderbolts are there? If they're going to Ponyville, Rainbow Dash would likely have seen them, since they're flying right in their area. And she's near the school, as far as I can tell, so somepony would probably see them and talk to them. I feel like if Scootaloo really didn't want anypony to notice her parents, she would've set up a place where they could meet in secret. For example, there could be a place away from Ponyville, a place where the river flows out of Ponyville, where she waits until sunset, and when Spits and Soarin' are finished with their workout, they could come get her. And then when they find her after crying, they could be concerned (or if she didn't move from that spot, they could be concerned that she didn't show up).

But that may just be me.

I think my biggest problem with this part is that it's not clear what you're trying to accomplish here. From the synopsis and Scootaloo's dialogue, she doesn't want anypony to figure out who her parents are; however, that doesn't seem to be the focus of it. The immediate focus of it is on what to do about Scootaloo's bully problem. In fact, in this introductory chapter, the fact that Scootaloo doesn't want others to know about her parents doesn't take precedence, which bothers me. The scene is enjoyable, but for what I think you're trying to accomplish, it's not resolutely tied with the conflict.

So overall, I enjoyed this chapter. Scootaloo's interactions with the foals are great, and there aren't a lot of distracting descriptions; most of what's there feels necessary. It also appears that you have a nice control of your prose. There's just that thing about the plot, how Scootaloo's gotten away before, that bothers me, as well as her not wanting others to know about her parents not being the focus. But overall, it's interesting. I think I know where it's going, but I won't think about it too much; I'll just keep my eye out for it.

I wish you the best of your talents with the rest of this story!

We desire more for our viewing enjoyment

2518296 It's a bit in playing with the fact that Spitfire and Soarin' are both out of uniform and not even wearing their goggles. As well as that, nopony else is around at the moment (should have made it clear), or even really says much about it, so that's kind of what's going on there. I'd say they would keep a lower profile when doing this kind of thing, but also aren't exactly hiding what's going on.

It's also meant that Scootaloo is a little more open and vulnerable around her parents since they understand and will try talking to her. Besides, they're not the Wonderbolts right now, they're her parents, and being there for her as her parents, that's also what it's meant to be.

I see what you're saying and you're not entirely wrong, either. But I hope you'll see what we're trying to do here. Yes, it is about Scootaloo having them as her parents, but it is also about her own struggles too, in how she handles certain situations and wants to overcome the issues with that.

Thank you all the same for your feedback! :twilightsmile:

This is great so far! :pinkiesmile:
Can't wait to see where it goes.
I can't wait to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's jaws drop when they find out her parents are wonderbolts. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

2518478 Ah, I see what you're saying. In that case... maybe Scootaloo should be a little more worried that they're out in public, lingering about. Maybe with her doing a quick check down the streets, or with her saying "Let's go before somepony sees you" and then Spitfire demanding in that motherly way to know what's wrong. I think that may help you.

I do see what you're trying to accomplish now, and I think having Scootaloo and Spits & Soarin interact that way is really really good. I think I'll have to wait for the next chapter to come out before I make any more remarks on it. Thank you for the explanation. :pinkiesmile:

2518540 Spoilers, they do live in Cloudsdale, so that's part of it, also. XD But yeah, that is a good idea! I was thinking of things like that along those lines, but you put it pretty well. :P

You're welcome! I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story! :twilightsmile:

Well, having those two particular pegasi as Scootaloo's parents is a new one to me. I like it and look forward to seeing where you take this.:twilightsmile:

Another theory added in the Scootaloo files.

2517499 wait you have a Tumblr?:rainbowhuh:

I should totally follow you if you do.

2520390 Link's on my user page :pinkiehappy:

Well, I already read one story with Scootaloo's parents being Wonderbolts. Why not another?

The interest rises. Favoritiiiiiiinnng.

2520424 I know! Saw it and I followed you.:ajsmug:

Holy macaroni! Do I actually see a story where Spitfire and Soarin' are together? No Soarin' x Rainbow Dash or Rainbow Dash x Spitfire?
I...I...
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5aiq4j81c1rp1dfgo1_500.jpg
After checking out the first chapter, I gotta say that this story has potential. Of course that depends on how you write it, but so far it looks promising. To be honest, this idea has been lingering in my mind for some time now, but since I'm a terrible writer, I couldn't bring myself even trying to write one. The scene with Diamond Tiara hit a nerve, meaning it was done well.
I know this might look like nitpicking, but even though Spitfire and Soarin' are currently off duty, Spitfire could be a bit authorative towards Soarin', who, on the other hand, could act like a cheerful goofball we've grown to love. I don't mean she needs to command him to clean the house or anything, but some PLAYFUL snarkiness from her wouldn't hurt. I mean, have you seen this picture?
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/31966337.jpg
Loves her foal and husband, and likes to tease the latter at times. Makes sense, right?
Sorry, I just love Soarin' x Spitfire. But it's your story so you can do whatever you want with it. I can't really give any criticism since it's just one chapter.
Anyway, I'd love to see more. Especially how Scootaloo copes with her parents. Good luck!

2521685 Yep, there's some SoarFire! Or...SpitSoar?? I don't know how they call it. XD But yeah, I like the pairing, too! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah, I guess Spitfire would be a little playfully snarky toward Soarin' XD We'll see how that works!

Huh... You have my attention, ma'am.

2521685
We share those feels bro. And I'm optimistic that more people do too. This site, and frankly the entire fandom already has SoarinDash coming out of it's ears. We need more SoarFire.

Although I have to agree with most of what 2518296 said, I still think the story is pretty nice. Tracking.

2523241 Thank you! :twilightsmile: SoarFire is a cute pairing, I definitely make it my headcanon if I'm not over at my second choice, SoarJack. XD

you have my full attention I can't wait to see where this goes and you're right to show never did mention her parents so this could be somewhat to a good way to find out and you should add rainbow dash to this and see where that goes but anyways good story I would love to read more of this

:rainbowderp: Mind=blown

Love this story concept already. Looking forward to future chapters! :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!