• Member Since 3rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 17th, 2013

raha


T

Rainbow Dash's world is quickly crumbling around her. She was not accepted into the prestigious Wonderbolts team, and swears to become the best. Fluttershy helps her recover as best as she can, and develops feelings for her as well.

(This is my first fanfic. I do not mind constructive criticism.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

:moustache: Certainly looks to be interesting so far! The setup is fairly solid, the premise is promising, and it's off to an intriguing start. :pinkiehappy: To be constructive, it might be a little bit rushed and could use a little more detail, and there were a couple of punctuation bits. But otherwise, it's a good start! I look forward to what will come next. :pinkiehappy:

I like it! :twilightsmile: Though in all honesty I'm not one of those critics. :derpytongue2:
:yay::heart::rainbowwild:

2215737 Thanks! I really like your stories. You are one of my go-to flutterdash authors. Getting a comment from you makes me really happy! :pinkiehappy:

2216926 Thank you. :yay: I understand, sometimes I don't care for correcting things if the story is good in general.

2220336 :twilightblush: Aww, you're too kind! :twilightsmile: Thanks!

But of course, all that to say, good luck with this! :pinkiehappy:

2220351Exactly,:pinkiesmile: but if there's a huge (and I mean HUGE:ajbemused:) number of errors (tense changes at random times, spelling errors, etc.) I'll see what major things are there and try to point them out. :twilightsmile:

An interesting start. :yay: The only errors here are small ones that can be quickly fixed. If you have any version of a word processor, you should ultilize it to find some of the errors.

I'm interested in seeing what's going to happen at Rainbow Dash's house. I can't help but predict that Fluttershy isn't going to act like her usual self around her.

good start. Though you missed some capitilization of names and i particularly near the end.

'Brain, save this memory for later analysis.' Twilight wanted to review this later. (That's redundant. Just go Twilight thought)

Some other lines were pretty awkward as well.

Nice start im sure to enjoy the next one ^^:pinkiehappy:

oh, my, gosh...
please update.
:raritycry:

2407328 Update coming soon. *Salutes* Sorry bout the delay, spring break kept me occupied.

Can't wait until next chapter:pinkiehappy:

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