• Member Since 4th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 1st, 2023

NintendoGal55


I'm a Canadian gal who loves to write. :D

E

On Heart's and Hooves Day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders get the idea of setting up Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, convinced that the two pegasi are perfect for each other. Even if they at first swore not to attempt this, after what had happened the year before. But the CMC feel sure about it this time. No love poison to mess it up!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 57 )

"OH COME ON"!, yelled Sweetie Belle.
LMFAO, this is going to be AWESOME!!!!! :rainbowkiss:

Pretty gewd! Had me laughing a couple of times, and super embarrassed several others. Excellent characterization, and I love the shout-outs to the Hearts and Hooves' Day episode. Looking forward to the next part! Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.

Very nice - your writing reminds me of myself back when I first started. That isn't to say that I've changed at all, either :twilightblush:

Your syntax and grammar is practically spot on - no mistakes that I found, though I wasn't looking particularly hard - the premise got me from the start, and I quite like how you've presented your story so far.

The thing I'd say to work on is your dialogue. Don't take my word as law or anything, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it - far better than much I've seen on this site. But it could be made much better, as well - currently, it reads to me like a solid step from sentence to sentence, rather than flowing easily between them. It's fine, but I think it could be made more... elegant, if you know what I mean.

Another thing you could do is add a little exposition; it's fair to make the assumption that everyone who reads this knows what Ponyville looks like, but it's nice for a reader to get the author's perspective on it as well, not solely their story within that world. I still have no idea if I'm saying these things right, or in a nice way.

Finally, while I understand that the idea is to present another Hearts & Hooves Day, this time with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, and references to the show are practically necessary in fanfiction, it isn't the best thing to do to copy the show's scenario too closely. It very nearly put me off when it seemed (for just a moment) that you were following the episode to a tee. I actually felt relieved that you deviated in the end; you got me hooked on the characters, but I might have lost interest had you kept going that way.

But these are actually fairly minor complaints, compared to those I have of some other fics - even my own work, upon reading back, get so, so much worse than this. So good job!

- MS

You need to keep working on this. I'm hooked. PLEASE!!!

Damn kids need a spankin

:pinkiehappy: I mean... no :pinkiehappy: is a good way to describe this fic

YES OH GOD YES YES OF FUCKING GOD IF YOU DONT ADD MOAR ILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!:heart:

awww, that was sweet!

My god, it's... beautiful.

FlutterDash <3

That was really cute. So yes, more please.

MOAR NOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or everyone is going to want to kill you!

Definitely more :rainbowwild:

I'm going to go against the majority and say no. Why you ask? Because the story is over, and going any further with it will only serve to make the story to drone on and on and on. Sure, you could introduce a new plot, but that completely takes away what the point of the entire story was in the first place I guess.

If you do choose to continue the story, the ONLY way I would suggest going about it would be to have the CMC try and get more ponies together. If you were to follow the FlutterDash, then the whole narrative would be changed, with the POV being focused on anyone but the CMC.

I say if you wanna continue, make a whole new story as a spinoff sequel of this one.

611249
Thank you for your input! :pinkiehappy:

I guess that makes sense though, continuing it may more than likely just get old and old. If I were to follow-up with them, maybe it would be better to just make a little spinoff thingy. After all, the whole point of the story was for the CMC to get Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy together (much like in the actual episode, 'cause they care :D), and now that they succeeded, it's pretty much done there!

I'll see what comes out of it! :twilightsmile:

Two words. Amazing, moar. :yay: :rainbowkiss:

Please don't add any more. You can make a spinoff if you like but please don't make more actually connected to it. This is a really rare kind of fic; it's a sweet feelgood story with proper characterization, and it has shipping without sex. It is really unique among shipfics, because it's actually about love, not lust.:yay::rainbowkiss:

....Derpy and Dinky as sisters...? :derpyderp2: Interesting... I... don't hate this. Dinky's still Derpy's daughter in my headcannon, but the idea of them as siblings is also cute. x3

As for the rest of the story.... oh, I see so much shenanigans in the future. XD *proceeds to next chapter*

Eeeeee what a cute story. <333 FlutterDash FTW!

the squees and awws you are witnessing are caused by the cuteness with in this fan fiction :rainbowkiss::heart::yay:

607984 good celestia, if you kill him, there wont be any more to add. heheh :pinkiesmile:

626340
XD Actually, I'm a girl. :derpytongue2:

626354 OH! im so sorry. :fluttercry: i didnt mean to

626388
No worries! XD I never was mistaken for a guy before, this site here was the first time it ever happened! I think one other person referred to me as a guy, I don't know. xD That's okay, no problem at all! :pinkiesmile: So really, it's all funny. :pinkiehappy:

626406ok good. im reffered to (at my school) as the human fluttershy, so...ya know. they call me fluttershy and all:fluttershyouch:

Damn it, I though Phase 5 was going to be: RUUUUUUUNNNNN!
But anyway, I liked this alot :twilightsmile:

Oh hey it you again you write alot of FlutterDash don't you.:heart:

654956
Me again! :twilightsmile:

I write what inspires me, and well, this happened to be FlutterDash! :pinkiehappy:

Finally made it to the end.

I must say, you have potential. There are areas you could work on, to be certain; it feels like a childrens' book at some points, like in the last chapter how the girls' sisters and Rainbow Dash all came one after another in rapid succession, and here how all of a sudden Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were together, with no real trouble and no lead-up besides the fillies' plan. I'm trying to be constructive here; don't think I'm tearing you down. I only think it could have been done a little better.

I'm not really a person to ask for advice on this sort of thing, but I can give you a couple of bits:
Practice makes perfect. Keep on writing, and you'll only get better. I can't wait to see what you're like when you're better.
And don't rush. Take some time; if you're writing a story as short as this one, it's easy to go back and edit things. Revision, revision, revision - the more you go back to something and find that one thing, or those couple of words, that could make that sentence or paragraph just that much better, the more you'll realise that your story benefits greatly every time.

And thanks for the story; it was a fun read, don't doubt that.

- MS

EDIT: Wow, you have lots more stories than this one. I'll have to read them all now.

667748
Okay, you don't need to assure me you're not tearing me down. XD I know you're not. Believe me though, I've written since I was twelve, I practice and learn new things, and I still am.

I was planing to revise some bits, anyway. So you can be on the lookout for that if you want. :yay:

Thanks for your input! I'm glad you enjoyed it none the less. :pinkiesmile:

667770

I most certainly did. It was a pleasure :twilightsmile:

And revisions, huh? I can't wait.

667772
Awesome! :twilightsmile:

All righty, we'll see what comes with it. :raritywink:

You're like a FlutterDash queen... Yeah, I've been going through your stories in rapid procession, just because I can. Your writing style is cute and wonderful, suitable for nice romantic stories like this one. I'm guessing your stories don't have any continuity, since this sort of contradicts to your story "Pegasi Introspection" where RD said she liked 'Shy. Oh well, not that it matters. Keep doing your thing!

713819
XD I am not! But I'm very glad you enjoy them! :twilightsmile:

No, this isn't connected to PI. XD Most one-shots aren't. But unless I say so either in a disclaimer or in-story, yeah, they won't connect. Just so you'll know for future reference!

Thanks again! :pinkiehappy:

:rainbowderp::rainbowhuh::ajbemused::twilightoops::unsuresweetie::twilightsheepish::facehoof::pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss::yay::heart::raritystarry::rainbowlaugh::scootangel:
My reactions in order

Awesome story :D

So charming. (no sarcasm)
It is just that FlutterDash shipping is really good. And it makes me go like "D'awww" :pinkiehappy:
Awesome story. It made my day bright :pinkiehappy:

This story is so beautiful and cute! I really like it! :pinkiehappy:

I think you should add more too.

So much D'awww! I love Flutterdash :)

Tis is truly amazing :rainbowkiss: make more please :pinkiehappy:

Moar please <3 This is just D'awww :rainbowkiss:

Aww! That was adorable. The CMC should get their cutie marks in 'unintentional success'-- Wait, what would that kind of cutie mark even look like? Oh well! Good story. :heart:

Being a die-hard FlutterDash fan, I certainly approve this story to the maximum. This is amazing!

Good story. Can't see how you would do more, and it doesn't really need it. Great fic!

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