• Published 15th Sep 2014
  • 5,946 Views, 336 Comments

The Humans in Equestria Club - billymorph



With a over a hundred humans in Equestria and rising it’s Alexis’ job to keep them safe and sane. But with two worlds colliding she finds herself facing mad gods and queens to save her home.

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Appendix: Twilight's Summary of Changeling Biology, Behaviour and Magic

Dear Princess Celestia,

My full notes will be travelling by courier, but I wanted to send you a short summary of my findings before the university tears into it. Rose has been extremely cooperative, and, in public, I will be maintaining our view that integration of changelings is possible, however her abilities are terrifying. I would not say that Rose herself presents a threat to Equestria, but that is because of her individual temperament, not any inherent qualities.

Changelings

Changelings are small, quadrupedal, and have a roughly equine shape. Overall there is surprisingly little of note in their biology. They operate on well known vita principals, with a great many similar, if not identical, internal structures. Changelings can, and do, eat regular food but it appears that emotional energy is required for higher functions, and this energy is quickly drained by the use of spells and other magics. As far as I can tell, changelings do not have their own internal wellspring of magic, and all the powers they express are the result of scavenged prime energy.

There has been debate as to whether changelings can really cast unicorn spells, or whether they just mimicking the effect through manipulation of prime magics. I can confirm that their telekinesis is an arcana effect, but they can also cloud walk like a pegasus, bend space and commune with nature like an earth pony, and use pyromancy spells. I convinced Rose to emulate some zebradian forms of magic, which she did with relative ease. Alexis has said repeatedly that Chrysalis wanted to steal the sun and I see no reason why Rose could not do this, beyond mere inexperience.

Drones

Rose’s drones have the approximate intelligence of a well trained dog and the vocabulary of a parrot. Judging from discussions with Rose, she believes her drones are unusually smart and far more capable than Chrysalis’. They seem able to operate on their own for extended periods of time and even devise complex and well reasoned plans without her input. When a large number of drones gather they can form a hive mind, allowing them to communicate instantly and react as a unit, thus increasing their decision-making capabilities.

Drones, while capable of magic, seem to be quite poor casters, able to do little beyond basic energy blasts, flight, and aping the native skills of ponies. They are also, somewhat surprisingly, quite poor at disguising themselves. Often they miss or misinterpret many major features of the pony they are trying to emulate. While they will pass a cursory examination, they could never hope to impersonate a specific pony for any length of time.

Rose

Rose is similar in appearance to Queen Chrysalis, baring some differences in colour. She is set apart from the other changelings by two factors: her intelligence, which is the equal of any pony, and her control over magic. Rose... is an alicorn in all but name. She does not understand magic, but can cast anything that I explain and at a strength that rivals my own. She is limited in her exertions only by her access to emotion as a power source.

Much to my surprise, Rose does not lay eggs, but shapes them. With enough prime she can pluck them out of the aether and they appear to be viable without need of a mate. I have not yet had time to examine the lifecycle of a young changeling, but given Rose already has many apparently adult drones, they can either grow extremely quickly or be summoned in an adult state.

Conclusion

I can not overstate how large a threat the changelings could present. Rose seems reasonably balanced, empathic and is limited by her extreme youth. Chrysalis has none of these redeeming features and has a large supply of power in the form of the subsumed buffalo empire. I know what the official conclusion of Chrysalis’ threat was, but after my research I can not agree. Chrysalis is a real and imminent threat and we must respond with all possible force in the event of a second attack.

Author's Note:

Canonically, this was written by Twilight between chapters seven and eight.

Comments ( 53 )

wow this is the most spectacular act of majeste committed against Celestia from a formerly human character, that's the way to to burn a bridge with with royalty:rainbowderp:. Now this rely complicates things'. I now what is left for Alex to do now? May be going rogue with the rest of the club to save the mane 6 and the rest humanity? This was a fun chapter, their is a lot of excitement in the air, every thing is in a nice stat of chaos, I love it. The musical at the end was also a nice touch, and it show that Chrysalis is not as in control of the situation that we mite believe. Also seeing Star Charge in a other light was interesting; his antagonistic character is always fun to have in the group. I find it always boring when all the characters in a group always agree whit each other. Seeing him admitting that he is a opportunist that has no problem exploiting the situation for his own ends, like a real politician, rejoices my inner cynic, but despite that, he still has personal code of honer,
I can't wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy:

Well, i could say the fan hit planet shit, in sense the amount of trouble humans and ponies are.

Now it said magic, aether, is very like electricity, now i wonder what would happen if Chrysalis take an EMP bomb in the face, the very thing that kills electric devices. I would say it be an insta kill but a sudden magic reserve slash would be rational, stripping her of power.

Of all the stories I've read that make Chrysalis equal in power to the princesses, this is the only one where it actually seems reasonable. In the show, Chrysalis simply isn't that powerful. But since you specifically made it part of your story that the show is over-simplified for the sake of the children who watch it, it actually makes sense to have Chrysalis be a credible threat.

5609703 Well you know, that sequel might not happen, but there are other ideas :twilightsmile:

5623644 Fixed, good catch there.

5630219 5630280 Glad to hear you're enjoying the story. The drive for darkness in the HiE genre is a strange thing sometimes (I'm looking at you, Conversion Bureau), yes things are tragic, but there's still room for hope and comedy.

5631284 I'm sorry you feel that way. Ultimately I had to choose between Alexis' narative and the Club's, and I chose Alexis', more action orientated, plot.

5630352 Yelling at princessess, for fun and profit :twilightsmile:. Seriously though, Alexis seems to be burning bridges left right and centre, there aren't that many places left to turn, though I'll give no spoilers as to where she'll eventually have to go. The song was one of my favorite things to write, though I doubt I'll ever get a better chance which is a shame, there's nothing worse than writing a song that the audiance doesn't know the tune to.

Star Charge has actually surprised me, he's always been a bit of a dick, but I didn't expect him to be the one to be comforting Alexis here. I'm unsure just who was in my original draft, but it definitely wasn't Star. He's had a minor role in most of the story and little growth, but at least now he knows he can be better.

5633016 Umm... well EMP creates a large pulse of electromagnatism, so technically that would be more power for her to use. Of course, it may be like drinking from a firehose, so I guess it would depend on whether she saw it coming.

5635446 That little bit of headcanon has gotten me so many free passess from the setting laywers :twilightsheepish:.

5637271 I suppose, but i imagen EMP wave here like the wedding love powered shockwave, maybe weaker and not throw her over the horrisont, but act like a massive punch, made by an spiked, titanium reinforced punk glows.

As for Celestia, she sure got mighty mad, but i'm sure after awhile she would calm down enough to think rationally, even if she like it or not. That def would after days, and with the conflict gone, and some words from the mane six with her. After all she can't harm one of their best friend with out consequences, be the god-empress of the MLP universe.

Minor quibble upon reread:
How exactly does Alexis have any sort of metric with which she can measure how many spells a gigawatt can produce per second, actually?

5637768

...like the wedding love powered shockwave,

Oh sure, if she got blindsided that's exact;y what would happen. If she were prepared, with a massive spell set up to absorb the power, that's another story.

As for Celestia, she sure got mighty mad, but i'm sure after awhile she would calm down enough to think rationally,

Yeah, she's pissed not murderous. Alex might want to stay away from Canterlot for a few months though. :twilightsheepish:

5638223

How exactly does Alexis have any sort of metric with which she can measure how many spells a gigawatt can produce per second, actually?

Alex logic: A light spell is approximately a thirty watt bulb. The power plant is 1 gigawatt approximately. 33,000,000*30=1,000,000,000. Therefore 30 million odd spells is the maximum equivalent power production.

This is a terrible metric as Alex has no idea of the conversion efficiency between electricity and magic, and magic and light, but it's a good worst case estimate.

5638795 Good to hear you're enjoying the story. :yay:

5672552 It's a cool idea. Not one Alex would ever come up with unfortuantly, she's not someone who'd ever ask someone to run into danger like that.

5689202

Star Charge is a jerk who is all too happy to alienate those who don't agree with his views, more recent actions notwithstanding.

Alex isn't the only one who has had character development in the story. Star Charge has had some serious reflection on his actions and would probably actually be a decent leader now. On the opposite end, Alex's growing apathy with her position also makes her a worse leader than the beginning.

Alex just isn't the kind of person who can lie to people's faces about their chances of things going back to normal (which Twilight has admitted is impossible). Star Charge on the other hand is all about trying to integrate. He was overzealous in the beginning about it and a jerk to boot, but the philosophy isn't wrong. In fact, it may be the only real path now instead of trying to let false hopes live.

Comment posted by Lord Of Dorkness deleted Mar 29th, 2015

5798851 Yeah, you do have to make the descision as to how much you want to detail things in first person. I settled on the exposion side of the spectrum for this one, if I was adding the haze of shock we'd probably just skip straight from the tanks firing to Chrysalis in one long blur, and it's best not to be ambigous about plot points regardless of the narator's state.

5798715 Heh, no deus-ex planned for this on. It's all on Alex :scootangel:

5798795 There's no such thing as overkill, eh?

5799010 I tend to think of dark as horror or otherwise unsettling stories. I think HiEC is still in the adventure band, these last few chapters have just been in the darkest before the dawn section of the story.

5799056 Awesome, that was the emotion I was going for :twilightsmile:

5799201 Glad you're enjoying it. I think Alex mentioned the weather back in chapter 9, it's been long enough that I'm unsure, but I think it was to the effect that she found the English drizzle comforting.

5800773

Maybe the narrator is actually Chrysalis, reviewing all of Alexis' stolen memories as she revels in her victory.

Dang, why didn't I think of that one? :trollestia:

5800895 You know, you're the second person to mention Alicorn Alex to me. I wonder if she has any say on how that ticket is redeemed?

Well no use putting off finishing it noe

Finally! :pinkiecrazy:

This story first came to my attention back in the -old- Twilight's Library group. I've been following it for quite some time, and even helped out with editing seeing as I wanted to see it finished.

For all the many HiE type stories out there, this one actually made some sense. It's not rushed, and it actually focuses on a plot that isn't the typical Brony caught up in pony-land nonsense. I want to say thanks for taking the time to do this right. Have a sparkly ribbon too!

i.imgur.com/X4NpPxt.jpg

Sudden and interesting ending! I was surprised I must say, but will we have a continuity for this story? There be some great potentials there with every one still alive, including Chrysalis. She's kind of a hero we don't see often.

My final thoughts on this story:
Loved it. I usually loath the Brony in Equestria stories. But this one manages to avoid all the reasons that I hate them. The new arrivals don't use their special knowledge to gain advantages, the hero isn't automatically a power in Equestria, there are not any time where I think the author is using the story to preach "This is how I think it should be!".

I like the plot seeds that are planted throughout the story. I think that they are well used, and allow the attentive reader to see shadows of how the story will end without browbeating the audience with plot contrivances.

There are only two things that I don't like about the story. First, I don't like the epilogue. An epilogue is what came after the story. The final chapter here is still very much a part of the story. If it had ended with the funeral, then it would have been an epilogue, because Alexis' story would have been done. But there was more to it. She came back, this story isn't over yet.

The second thing I don't like is that there was a funeral. This allowed all the ponies to say goodbye to Alexis. It was a great scene. There were a ton of feels to be had, and it showed off a ton of the character development that happened throughout the story. But then she came back, and now that great scene feels like a lie to me.

But despite those two things, the story was truly awesome. It has well earned a permanent spot in my favorites list, as well as my "Best of the Best" bookshelf.

5891372 Well I had to leave some fodder. :twilightsmile:

5891376 Awesome, that's going write on my wall/in the description. And thanks again both of you for all your help.

5891408 Thanks, we can always count on Discord to keep things interesting.

5891482 Actually, juding from the responses people liked the political stuff the most, so I'm thinking of focusing more in that direction. We'll see what I can actually come up with though.

5891624 Now that's the response I wanted to nail :trollestia:

5891734 Good to hear. I'm also glad that some people saw the writing on the wall, that's generally the sign of foreshaddowing done well.

5891839

Did Twilight just imply that Discord was actively choosing the forms people came through in, and he'd agreed not to make any of them alicorns?

Theoretically Discord's adaptation spell is completely random, but I believe Alex mentions her suspcions he's leaning on the scales a few time. Rose is right on the money when she accuses him of being a bit of mastermind, though how much is planned and how much is him taking advantage of the chaos is debateable.

5892270 He's a great big cuddly softie, I'm sure :scootangel: Glad you enjoyed the story.

5892393 Fixed, thanks.

5891872 You're very welcome, I had fun writing it :pinkiehappy:

5892045

Damn you! You make terrible tropes feel satisfying!

It's a gift. Also this story's MO come to think of it.

5894074 Glad you had fun. I'm sure Alex will find pleanty to bitch about :yay:

5894671

By the way what did you mean by after Princess Luna had her fun?

Litterally that she had a lot of fun beating Chrysalis up. Go, go warrior princess!

5894946 Awesome, that's great to hear!

First, I don't like the epilogue. An epilogue is what came after the story

Well I'd argue that the epilogue of a story begins when the big bad ends. There was also the issue of the PoV shift which I perfer to keep behind chapter breaks whenever posible.

There were a ton of feels to be had, and it showed off a ton of the character development that happened throughout the story. But then she came back, and now that great scene feels like a lie to me.

Fair enough. I feel that the character development is still useful even if the reason fades away. Alex doesn't change their opinions of her, though Rainbow I think will later deny the whole conversation happened.

5898220

Well I'd argue that the epilogue of a story begins when the big bad ends. There was also the issue of the PoV shift which I perfer to keep behind chapter breaks whenever posible.

In most cases, I'd say "Authors prerogative". But there are actual, well defined, parts to a story.

1) Exposition: Where the author "sets the stage". In this part the situation of the characters in the story is explained and it leads up to the further development of the plot. In this story, it's the prologue.

2) Rising Action: The series of actions, or complications, that sets up the conflict for the main character of the story. There is where the bulk of any story is. For this story, it's well covered in chapters 1 through 10.

3) Climax: The high point in the story, the big battle. The turning point where the everything comes to a head and is decided for one side or the other. Your climax is spread over two chapters, 11 and 12.

4) Falling Action: Events that happen after the climax - usually the wrap up of the story. This is where all the loose ends are tied up. You have this marked as the epilogue.

5) Resolution: the point of closure- also called the conclusion, denouement, or epilogue. Where we see what happens to the characters after the conflict is resolved.

Here's a good reference page

5898542 Huh, well what do you know, I've never heard of that structure before. There are days I wonder just what they were teaching in English Lit.

5898542
5898700

Huh, well what do you know, I've never heard of that structure before. There are days I wonder just what they were teaching in English Lit.

If it makes it 'better' none of my so-called English teachers ever bothered to explain how contractions work. The long, long string of amateurs just assumed somebody else had. :facehoof:

I've gotten much, much better since I started writing fan-fiction, but those little apostrophes sprinkled everywhere confused me for a long time.

Then again, I've heard that Swedish is an utter walking nightmare for English speakers to learn since we use a lot of homonyms, with only context for guidance on just what the word means. Guess that might work both ways.

media.litteraturvaggen.se/2013/06/Litteraturtips27.png

Translation: Rock (Yes, that is a real name in Sweden. Semi-rare, though.) was walking along a trail, when he spotted Trail (Also a real name. Slightly more common even.) on a rock. "Climb/step upon my rock, Rock", Trail said. "Very funny," (Literally, 'rockfun,') said Rock.

Strangely, we Swedes are rather ironically in general not big on puns. Figure that one out. :applejackconfused:

Still, writing rules like that should be to a good writer like a vow of celibacy for a politician; useful for appearances sake, but in the end it only matters if you're caught cheating too many times. :ajsmug:

And either way, in the end the one thing that matters the most is how wild a ride you gave your adoring audience, not how many little red marks you've gotten compared to the theoretical gold standard. :rainbowwild:

The story was fantastic, the twists enjoyable and quite funny, and the ending makes me wish for more of Alex.

It's one of -if not the- best HiE stories I've read and had the privilege of following and reading. Kudos, Billymorph, your work has inspired and enraptured me for the entirety of its length, and I look forward to more of your wondrous work.

-Silent Quill.

5912113

It's one of -if not the- best HiE stories I've read and had the privilege of following and reading. Kudos, Billymorph, your work has inspired and enraptured me for the entirety of its length, and I look forward to more of your wondrous work.

Wow, thanks so much, that's one of the best comments I've ever had :twilightblush:. Thanks for the follow as well and I hope you have just as much fun with my next story.

1) Time to try to convince you to make Cog build Tanks, Miniguns, and Cybernetics, because I have issues not including those wherever possible. Plus, Cog wants to build big explosions anyways. And hands, and maybe a way to get hands back.
Also, has anyone asked Celestia how she can generate aether? Could be the basis of a pony power pack. Unless there's still the issue of the universes colliding
2) More necromancy/lich? (Blame Dorky for this)
3) More Magitech? That stuff always seems a bit rare, for some reason.
4) Scribbles notes for imitiation.

5926440

This setting is so perfect for a roleplaying campaign boxed set.

Well Fallout Equestria got one, why shouldn't I? :rainbowlaugh: Knowing my RPG leanings it would be based off the WoD series unfortuantly.

Reminded me of Merlos the Mad's Mary.

I can get behind that idea, they're both character that, when faced with an unprecidented level of werid still got up on their hooves and carried on.

The very idea that ponies don't breathe air, but instead pure aetheric magic that takes its place, to the point that they need rebreathers is just wicked awesome.

Thanks, I had far too much fun with the physics for the setting.

5945771

Also, has anyone asked Celestia how she can generate aether?

Solar magic, the sun and the moon in Equestria produce heat, light and aether (in varying amounts) which then fall down to Equus. Fun fact, Rain Dash's Sonic Rainboom is a solar magic technique, producing more aether than it consumes.

More Magitech? That stuff always seems a bit rare, for some reason.

Not a problem with Crystal Cog around, he's already drafting ideas for a flying aircraft carrier built out of clouds. :rainbowkiss:

5945905 Hmm, only if I can do it in such a way it almost destroys Earth/Equestria :twilightsmile:

If I had to come up with an alternate title for this story, it'd be "Serial Escalation: The Novel". Not that it's inherently a bad thing... but there were quite a few things brought up near the beginning that I'd have liked to seen explored (like Alex's "there were incidents" statement). But instead the story just jumps into ever-larger situations until we hit the "fate of two worlds" level and everything seems to be going by in a blur.

I think it would've been interesting to spend more time on the reactions of various Club members to what was going on throughout the story, but character-centric focus tends to be my preference.

5959037

I have been discussing doing a side fic of this with billy involving a dude turned griffin and his nephew. itd focus mostly on them and not a large scale events

Reeeespect, reading this story was a pure joy, here's hoping for a sequel, cuz daaaayumn.... Chryssie surviving was beyond annoying. :flutterrage:

It never did go down in quality, get worse, or lessen. I am always amazed and glad when a story doesn't go down the shoed in romance pit of death.

This story made for an awesome morning/afternoon of reading. I would definitely consider it one of the best stories I have read, although it falls behind in a few places.

Firstly, it seems to lose scope. The change between chapters, I feel, is way too large, and the story moves too quickly. It needed to be a story twice as long to fit all the content you seemed to want to put in it. However, I much prefer that the story actually ended quickly instead of going on forever like most do, so that is both a blessing and a curse.

Secondly, you brought the main character back to life. Twice. I still hold the opinion that dead characters should stay that way, and having a main character die only to be brought back to life is a really bad trope.

You also used cliffhangers. That is a major negative mark. Didn't effect me much, but I would have hated you if I had to wait.

I absolutely loved the characters in your story. The Cog character was ten types of amazing, and I am always glad to see people who can write real antagonists that aren't just pure evil, but regular people with regular drives. I love that you put so much effort into making the main character develop over time, although I do feel you spent a small amount too much "telling" rather than "showing" on that aspect. Every character change seems to be discussed out loud for the readers to hear and know that way rather than seeing naturally through how the character acts.

I would call this story a 10/10 in the beginning, and slowly going down to a 7-8/10 by the end. The initial setup, the early characters, the scenes, were amazing, but you seemed to have been rushing a bit towards the end, and the story lost a lot of it's depth the moment Chrysalis showed up.

Seriously, this is the sort of story I sat down and couldn't stop reading, and didn't/wont really stop thinking about it for at least until the night is over. It's a hell of a lot better than anything I could write, and I loved every moment of reading it.

If a sequal came out, I would jump on it in an instant.

6034509 Hey segmeco thanks for your comment, it's always awesome to get feedback, especially so much feedback :twilightsmile:. Sorry for taking a while to reply, it's been a busy week for me. I'm planning a big blog picking apart the story but to answer some specifics.

First scope, I really agree that this was something that wandered a bit. The setting is huge, far larger than I really anticipated when laying the groundwork of the story and I kind of shot myself in the foot when it came to length. If I'd gone with a third person story with Alex as the lead and taking a lot of the strong characters as secondary PoVs (as I kind of did but to a greater extent) I could have easily hit 200k wordcount. In the end I went for the shorter option with a much tighter focus on Alexis, this was very much my 'get back into writing project' and I didn't feel comfortable writing something huge at the time.

The resurection was one of those things that was a victim of the format. Back at the beginning when I wrote the plan it passed my rule of cool test and made it into the plot and was heavily foreshaddowed. I then spent about six months agonising over whether to put it in, but in the end there was too much inertia for me to really cut it. If this story was finished first and then published, I would have taken out a lot of the references and softened the 'death' but it was published episodically so that wasn't an option.

Characters :pinkiehappy: Seriously though, I love writing characters. Many years ago I got the best piece of advice when it comes to characters, every one of them should be the lead of their own story and have just as much detail to them. I'm hoping to give some of them spin off stories so they can get their time in the sun. The show don't tell is one of the blanace things that I think was a victim of the word count.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it so much, and I hope you enjoy my next story just as much, if not more.

6206661 The Goliath bugs aren't particularly great, they're well armoured against light arms and have a big punch for use against hard targets, but their numbers are their strength, rather then their effectiveness. Chitin is pretty much ineffective as armour against even an anti-tank rifle, and even basic infantry support weapons can take them down if used appropriately. Still, most of Chrysalis' success can be attributed to the shock factor and the time it takes gather modern forces for an operation, rather than the quality of her troops.

Wrote you a recommendation. Because this story deserves more love! (it also deserves a redux with more story padding, or a sequel, but I'll take what I can get)

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/517079/status-report-and-recommendations-from-pen-mightiers-library-the-humans-in-equestria-club-by-billymorph

6034509

Secondly, you brought the main character back to life. Twice. I still hold the opinion that dead characters should stay that way, and having a main character die only to be brought back to life is a really bad trope.

Granted, the first time was a Chekov's Gun: he mentioned that pegasai could cast necromantic spells on death - even giving it the name 'thunderclap' - and then six or so chapters down the road we see one happen. Rainbow Dash even comments on it, if you hadn't put two and two together when it happened.

The second time was a tired Discord Ex Machina, and I'm not going to argue. It would be more interesting to me to see how Cog and Star deal with handling The Club without Alex, in her memory.

This story made quite an impression on me, and therefore I feel compelled to comment at length.

The setup was brilliant, I thought. This was a breath of fresh air among the hordes of HiE stories, and I'm proud that you didn't shy away from the existence of FiM and bronies. It added a lot of fun moments.

The story is unusually well written, details fleshed out and characters realized, and I can rarely recall a protagonist that could stand side-by-side with the main six without seeming like a contrived Mary Sue. Kudos for pulling that off.

The extreme incompatibility between Equestria (Equis?) and Earth nagged at me a little. Ponies aren't even made of protein? Their world doesn't even have oxygen? Electricity doesn't work there? (Except, in some way, lightning!) And yet. . . After hitting us with that curve ball, you seem to undermine it somewhat with the battles happening on Earth near the end, in which all these obstacles are brushed aside with ease.

I was left at the end scratching my head over whether Alex fulfilled her destiny or, with Discord's help, defied it. Now keep in mind, I don't think the subject ever should come up in the first place -- not a fan of destiny here. That this story was, to some extent, about destiny is a negative point to me.

A loose thread: Chrysalis said that Celestia is a changeling! Well, she could have been lying. That seems to be a changeling thing. On the other hand, everything else she revealed in that conversation turned out to be accurate. . . And when Twilight wrote that a changeling queen is like an alicorn in all but name, she might have been closer to the mark than she knew. But wait! We know Twilicorn, at least, is no changeling! (She's a spawn of a Hasbro toy marketing campaign!)

I came into FiM way back in Season Two, and it seems like a large part of this story is built around concepts from later seasons that I railed agaisnt when they were introduced and still haven't learned to like: Princess Twilicorn, reformed Discord, "destiny". . . I'm also no fan of massively powerful, god-like Princesses (or Changeling queens). . . There is much in this story that seems calculated to irritate us curmudgeony old-timers.

6395862 Well it's great to hear you had fun reading. So, I'll try and answer as best I can.

The extreme incompatibility between Equestria (Equis?) and Earth nagged at me a little. Ponies aren't even made of protein? Their world doesn't even have oxygen? Electricity doesn't work there? (Except, in some way, lightning!) And yet. . . After hitting us with that curve ball, you seem to undermine it somewhat with the battles happening on Earth near the end, in which all these obstacles are brushed aside with ease.

Yeah, I kind of shot myself in the foot. A big part of the dramatic reveal hindged on a fairly obtuse reading on how the physics I'd set up actually did. If I'd taken some time to explain things there'd be less confusion, but I didn't leave myself the space to explain properly. In esscence, the two words are incompatible, but trying to be compatible, so what actually happens when physics hits magic and vice versa is up in the air, untill it happens. No one could see lighting == aether coming, but once Alex showed that's what happened then it was true for the rest of the story. It needed more explaination, I'll definitely agree with you there.

I was left at the end scratching my head over whether Alex fulfilled her destiny or, with Discord's help, defied it. Now keep in mind, I don't think the subject ever should come up in the first place -- not a fan of destiny here. That this story was, to some extent, about destiny is a negative point to me.

Heh, you're one letter off, with Discord's help Alex defined her destiny. Alex didn't have a destiny at the start of the story, none of the humans do, but she built one when she had to.

A loose thread: Chrysalis said that Celestia is a changeling!

To be honest that story is probably a myth. Most telling is the fact it makes no mention of Luna, so it suggests that the story has been made up or at least heavily modifieed during her banishment. Chrysalis uses it as her casus beli, but there's no evidence to support her beliefs.

There is much in this story that seems calculated to irritate us curmudgeony old-timers.

Alas, I didn't get into the show until a year or two ago, so all those things seem normal to me. Though, I think most of my destiny fodder came from The Cutiie Mark Chronicles back in season 1.

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By the way. . . I meant what I said about the characterization being good in this story. However, if there was any weak area in that respect, it would be Rose and the other post-human changelings. We never learned anything about their backgrounds, very little about what they went through after becoming changelings (though it sounds like the makings of a horror story), and not even much insight into the new Queen Rose's personality, aside from "generally good".

Seems like something that might be worth exploring in any possible sequels or side stories.

6398112 Yeah, Rose is pretty high on my list for characters who would warrent a spin-off. She never got a fair showing due to the PoV, Alex just didn't know how to ask the right questions, so it would make a good story. Might even be worth a stand alone, psychological horror story.

Comment posted by Wellwater deleted Dec 15th, 2015

That was... a ride.

This was such a great story. Really. I can't tell you how widely I grinned when I read this line:

“We’re going to get a happy ending!”

I eagerly await a sequel one day! :pinkiehappy:

6983069 Or use the memories as guidelines to simply pull the correct soul from behind the veil

Wow, this story is amazing. It was recommended by PersonalGamer and with only 310 (from this point) likes I admittedly did not expect such an awesome story but I stand corrected.
Thank you for the good read billymorph and well done explaining pony magic, first story I've read that's done anything beyond small explanations for arcana magic.

Readers looking for a parody should take note: despite it's name, The Humans in Equestria Club is an adventure story at heart. And it is very good. It may not have the popularity of the 'classic' long-form stories (Past Sins, The Irony of Applejack, etc.) but it certainly has the quality to compete with them. Good plot, good characterization, and magical technicalities which would put J.K. Rowling to shame. Billymorph serves up a variation on the classic Equestria recipe, with enough spice to intrigue, but not so much as to make it gimmicky. I particularly admire the way that the story stays together. Many hundred-thousands-word-plus fanfics lose track of the story 60% of the way through. They have a serious 'second act' syndrome in which the second act is very different, and often worse, than the first. The Humans in Equestria Club's plot's scale does ramp-up big time here, but if feels natural and remains interesting. I actually thought it was getting away at the end, but billymorph wrangles it back in with admirable skill. If I were to make one complaint it would be that the story leans pretty hard on 'I'm a hero in Equestria; and I don't want to be', but I at least admire it for staying consistent.

Overall scores:
Writing: 4 / 5 (above average)
Story: 5 / 5 (far above average)

Well, that was not at all what I expected, but it was fantastic. I enjoyed every bit of it.

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Ah this is one of those stories that I'm afraid to read again, I'm not sure I can experience again the same enjoyment.

It has been a while since I've read a store this well constructed.
It's been an amazing ride. Thank you for writing it.
I really hope there will be a sequal. Even if it's just a single chapter showing us Alex's thoughts after the events.

Once again. Thank you.

Jdts7 #47 · May 2nd, 2018 · · 2 ·

Truely one of the greatest stories on this site, bravo!

I eagerly await the sequel.

In hindsight, the only real problem with this story is the ending. Not that its bad, but that its lacking in resolution for the protagonist. Sure the bad guy was defeated and they were returned to life, but Alexis' problems were never really solved. Celestia seems hostile and somehow uncaring about the problems and stress she's under, her "friends" are apparently gunning for her position for power, and Discord gets free reign to fuck with her. I really can't believe that her cutie mark is a real one, or meant to be good. That her fate has been assigned by a hostile figure who cannot truly be trusted kills it. If say, it was a fake one just to make her believe she coukd do it and later got a different REAL one it would be more believable but as is things don't look good at all. Plus her soul and mind being handled and toyed around with by Discord make it look like she'll be in even worse shape coming back because it would be "funny".

Nicely done! Really enjoyed this! :pinkiehappy:

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Valid points, but recall, many stories nowadays have sequels, where the Step 5 of the previous story arc isn't a complete conclusion, but has to leave some plot elements unresolved or open-ended enough to lead into Steps 1 and/or 2 of any following stories.

This one clearly leaves room for more conflicts between Alexis and Chrysalis, as well as Alexis and Celestia (after all, that question Chrysie planted into Alex's head still hasn't yet been asked....! :trollestia:)

I'm also a little curious if anyone has ever looked into testing any those "101 things to NEVER ask Rainbow Dash"...like, isn't she supposed to be in that Club...? :rainbowwild:

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You do know that comment was posted over a year ago, right? You do know that I no longer give a shit about this story, right? Good. Now go bother someone else with your inane prattle.

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