Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXIII · 8:33pm Oct 13th, 2022
So my writing is kinda-sorta dead at the moment. On top of my usual reading, I agreed to read the beta of someone’s original fiction and do a review of it around publication time, and it takes up a surprisingly large amount of time due to its long chapters. I thought giving myself four weeks to go through it would make things easier, but nope. On top of that is my work to re-publish those books. I’ve finished the general work on Frequency (still need to find an artist for the new cover art, though) and am now going through Bulletproof Heart. The combination of all these things has left me pretty much burnt out on anything to do with reading or writing by the end of it.
The good news is that I’ve only a week left of that extra reading project left, after which I should, in theory, have the time to get back to writing. In theory.
On a related note, I'm considering a new format for the BPH book. I'd leave the hardback as-is, but a little while ago I essentially discontinued the paperback version on account of the poor binding quality. But what if I brought it back as two books, a Part I and Part II deal? I ran into a lot of issues trying to fit the story within the pagecount limitations of Lulu, and this would let me bypass them. Larger text size would be a plus, amongst other things. I dunno, I'll have to think on it.
That’s all I’ve got for today, so why don’t we get to the reviews?
Stories for This Week:
My Path by Silver Moon
Second Draft by Pascoite
Dinkin’ Donuts by Pascoite
March Goes Out Like a Lamb by Mikleo
Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge by CheshireTwilight
Total Word Count: 99,217
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
My Path
1,555 Words
By Silver Moon
Once a week, Fluttershy follows a familiar path through the Everfree Forest to spend some time with her mother.
Written in 2013 – way before we knew anything about Fluttershy’s family – this story runs under the premise that Shy’s mother has been dead for a year and Fluttershy regularly visits her grave which, inexplicably, is in the Everfree. This brings up a number of questions for me, including “Didn’t we know Shy was from Cloudsdale at this point? So why is her mother buried near Ponyville?” or just “Why is her mother buried in the Everfree?” or “Isn’t Shy still terrified of the Everfree at this point in the series?”
If you can get past these issues (or even consider them in the first place), then I suppose there’s nothing wrong with the story. It’s just Fluttershy taking a walk in the woods and spending time at her mother’s grave. I was actually looking forward to the resolution, because Silver Moon depicts the nature of Shy’s mother as a mystery. The story is written in such a way as to know her mother is there, but she never speaks and never seems to react. I was hoping there’d be some big reveal at the end, like maybe Shy is a dryad and she’s visiting the tree she came from or something. But no, it’s just “character is dead”, which… yeah, done to death. Pun intended.
While there’s nothing objectively wrong with this story, I came away from it feeling altogether neutral. The mystery is handled decently, but the conclusion is disappointing for its commonality. The narrative is “fine”, but lacks anything to make it stand out. The story just sort of “is”.
I guess that’s fine. It’s just not what I was hoping for.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Second Draft
1,313 Words
By Pascoite
Sweetie Belle has a school project: interview an adult. She could have picked anypony, but she aimed for the sun. Shock of shocks: she got it. But now here she is, sitting across from Princess Celestia herself and getting in the way of all the infinitely important things she could be doing… for a school project. Sweetie’s starting to think she shouldn’t be here.
Despite everything, this is more a look at Celestia than Sweetie. The story’s exceedingly short length appears to be largely focused on the nature of Celestia and how she views her ponies and her job. At first I was a little miffed, because it’s so short and how can it possibly encapsulate everything that is Celestia when 90% of the story is about Sweetie’s guilt?
Then I think on that ending. It’s so very brief, but I realize how much it does in such a short time. It’s actually a very good way to capture the nature of Celestia in so few words. It’s not the trickle of information but an injection into the brain. I particularly like how Sweetie notes to herself that trying to put it all down in words doesn’t come close to doing it justice, which should say something about the attempt made by our resident rock.
It took me a minute, but the more I consider it the more I like this story. The gradual buildup, the sense that the story is going in one direction, the sudden tonal shift, it all just works. I shall rate this one highly and hope it garners a little more attention. At only 1,300 words, it’s certainly worth the two minutes.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Basking — Pretty Good
Duet in the Folk Style — Pretty Good
Where the Heart Is — Pretty Good
We Get Diplomatic Immunity, Right? — Worth It
My Domestic Equestria — Worth It
Dinkin’ Donuts
6,086 Words
By Pascoite
Requested by Pascoite
Alternative Title: Pascoite Is Trying To Kill Us
Dinky has the best mommy ever! And today is Hearth’s Warming Eve, so it’s up to her to get the best mommy ever the best gift ever. Figuring what that should be is easy enough, but making it work? That’s a real pickle. Luckily, there’s a pony named Pinkie who will surely have the solution!
I didn’t intend to do two Pascoite stories in the same blog. It just sorta happened. Also, I don’t actually know if this was requested. One of the two stories I picked for myself, and the other was a request, but I forgot which was which. I think this was the request. Maybe.
Anyway, this story utilizes Dinky in her most common and appropriate role: super-adorable child. She wants to find a way to make donuts and coffee such that they can both be eaten at the same time using only one hoof. That way Derpy can do her mail runs without having to skip breakfast! But making something like that work is beyond Dinky’s culinary comprehension. What follows is a day-long adventure seeking out the expertise of some of the greatest confectioners around (with apologies to Bon Bon).
A story like this is only so good as its narrative wit. One must hope Pascoite can live up to that demand.
She hummed a tune, tra-la-la, down the road, a skip, a stop, a hop-frog trot, down, down the road. No weepy eyes, no cloudy skies, a nip of cold, a filly bold, down the road, tra-la.
A little sparkle danced across Dinky’s eyes and exited stage left. “I have an idea.”
Such words from industrious fillies never fail to strike fear into grown-up hearts, but luckily, Pinkie Pie didn’t possess one of those.
I think he’s got this.
The end result is a cute story worthy of any Christmas evening with the kids. Or without; you’re never too old for cute Christmas stories. This was a bit of whimsical fun featuring the likes of Pinkie Pie, Donut Joe, Mulia Mild, and Gustave le Grand. I was particularly amused that the final solution ended up being rather circular, not to put too spoilery a point on it. That nobody seemed to realize the issue despite how obvious it was made it all the better.
A pleasant read for any time of year. Definitely give it a go if you’re in need of a pick-me-up.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ambergris — WHYRTY?
Roam-Springa — WHYRTY?
Curse, Bless Me Now — Pretty Good
Method Acting — Pretty Good
The Poetry of Politics — Worth It
March Goes Out Like a Lamb
11,648 Words
By Mikleo
Celestia has a crush on Fluttershy. When she admits this to Luna, the younger princess convinces her that the coming festival in Ponyville is the perfect opportunity to get to know the pegasus better. Discord decides to help. With alcohol.
This is an entertaining story of the Royal Sisters being ‘normal’ for a change, which includes Celestia getting smashed in public and Luna starting a hot dog contest (alas, the contest itself is not shown). Poor Twilight has to deal with the mess, including coming to terms with how today has shattered her perceptions of Celestia. Also, Discord struggles to be both helpful and mischievous at the same time. And we mustn’t forget Fluttershy, who takes Celestia’s first confession predictably, but takes the second one like a champ.
So yes, the story is a lot of fun, and has some great character moments. About the only member of the Mane Six who doesn’t get at least a well-done cameo is Applejack, poor thing. But there are some issues. For example, Rainbow Dash shows up for a very brief period to talk about Ponyville’s crummy weather team. Why? What does this have to do with anything the story is about? Is she there just to have Rainbow make an appearance? If that’s not the case, then why not Applejack, too? At least Rarity’s brief appearance made sense in the background context.
Also, there were an awful lot of uncorrected double wordings, i.e. places where Mikleo wrote down one word or phrase, then changed their mind and went with another one but forgot to get rid of the original. If it was only once or twice I’d have let it go, but it’s often enough that it’s a bit of a problem.
The only other thing I’d point out is Celestia herself. I’ll start this point by noting that is entirely subjective, but… it always strikes me as odd when Celestia shipping stories treat her like some schoolfilly having her first crush. Which is more or less what we have here. Sure, we can expect some anxiety, but this felt like a bit much for a one thousand year old pony, even considering the background element of her having not dated in said millennium. As I said, it’s entirely subjective, so I won’t let it impact my rating. It just doesn’t feel to me like this is the way Celestia would react to a crush.
An interesting story, and fun in many ways. It’s held back by a few oddities, but I honestly doubt most of you will care, so by all means give it a go. It’s got a drunk-off-her-rocker Celestia and a Princess Luna who is addicted to tabloids. What’s not to like?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lose Yourself — WHYRTY?
Vogel im Käfig — Worth It
Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge
78,615 Words
By CheshireTwilight
Requested by ikindalikedogsalittlebit (who has either changed their name or deleted all evidence they exist (I hate it when people do that))
Sweetie Belle is in a rut. Everything she tries to do doesn’t work out and she’s starting to feel like a failure. Then, while trying to help Rarity hunt for gems, she ends up in some ruin. One thing leads to another, and now she’s got a voice in her skull. Not that anyone will believe her…
This was a curious one. Set shortly after the Tirek incident, it combines show-like comedy, Serious Business™, and extreme technical and technological knowhow in a way that somehow manages to work. Mostly. The technical jargon is almost certainly going to go over most readers’ heads.
But at its core is Sweetie Belle coming to understand more about herself, going on an adventure with her fellow Crusaders, and ultimately discovering the secrets of pony evolution and the inner workings of her universe. Much of this is due to the Tablet, a simple A.I. system that has been embedded in her brain, can teach her all sorts of complex information and skills at a subconscious level, and which can answer any question she asks so long as there is only one objective answer to the question.
I’m greatly simplifying things, but it’s somewhat necessary. For being only 78k words long, there’s a lot going on with this story. Not just the adventure itself – much of which involves comedically avoiding the pursuing adults i.e. the Mane 6 – but also the significant amount of worldbuilding. CheshireTwilight is devising an entirely new… I’ll call it “creation theory” for ponydom. It’s incorrect in a wide variety of ways, but it gets the point across.
The end result is fun and fascinating, but not as fast as you’d expect considering the word count. CheshireTwilight’s pacing is excellent. I also note that apparently the author has been going back and making corrections to the story to improve upon it. While I don’t necessarily encourage people to go back and polish their turds (which is not to say that this one is a turd, quite the opposite), seeing evidence of a desire to improve is always something to condone.
Artificial intelligences. “Cunning” disguises. Passive learning tools. Discord being Discord. Extreme prediction algorithms. Rarity thinking Braeburn is hitting on her. Dyson spheres. Ethical crises. So many things going on at once, all without ever being confusing or hard to follow, and it’s all just the start of what’s apparently meant to be a bigger tale. If it wasn’t for some recurring issues with the writing, mostly in the form of typos/editing errors, and the fact it ends kinda-sorta on a cliffhanger, I’d be giving this top marks. I almost did it anyway. It was a hard choice and I’m still not confident about the rating I chose. To be honest, I may have chosen the one I did because of the discovery that the sequel was never and likely will never be completed. Pretty big disappointment, that.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Flat-Earth Fluttershy by Jinzou
Teahouses of Saddle Arabia by Amber Spark
More Guidelines Than Actual Rules by I-A-M
Hollow Insides by Element of Malice
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXVIII
Dinkin' Donuts is hands-down one of the best stories ever posted to this site. I dare anyone else to write something half as lyrical anywhere near as well.
Almost forgot about Second Draft. It was certainly worth the short reread I did to remember it. And your points about it are spot on!
Also, I'm actually the one who requested Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge (along with Simply Rarity). I just changed my name to better match the names I use for other platforms (all sleep-related, of course). But glad to see I'm not the only one disappointed that the sequel was canceled; it was a unique concept with a great writer. I still remember when I was starting to learn Calculus and I was actually able to follow along with the early math part, felt pretty good and made me that much more invested.
I could have sworn I'd read Dinkin' Donuts before, but apparently not. Onto the list it goes!
Can't argue with the ratings for My Path or Second Draft; the former is a passable diversion, the latter's a short piece that seems like nothing happens but gets more satisfying the more you reflect on it. Which, hey, is quite a skill! Pascoite's got writing chops, as we all know.
Never nice to be in a dead period for one's own writing (kind of in one of my own currently, also for other obligations as regards Ponyfic). Hope you get back to yours as soon as you predict, buddy.
Thanks for the reviews! I'd chime in on the other stories, but I haven't read any of them.
If you liked "Dinkin' Donuts" and have a bit of spare time, give Neighrator Pony's reading of it a listen. I've been blessed to get some really good readings in my time (when is a Scribbler reading ever not good?), but Neighrator went so far above the call of duty that this was amazing, with music and sound effects and doing a lot of the voices himself.