• Member Since 18th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2017

Mikleo


“It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes.”

T
Source

Celestia wants to court Fluttershy. Naturally, the best way to do so is while drunk and with or without the support of her sister, Discord, and a baffled Twilight.

Things can only go well.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

Ohhh I see what you did with the title there. Clever.:trollestia:

Okay, just finished reading the story and I gotta say this a really well-written and sweet story. I must say I enjoyed it a lot, especially the interactions between Celestia and Fluttershy towards the end. Therefore, I shall reward you with this:
pbs.twimg.com/media/CVhLgUZVAAECEvv.png

Luna’s ears fell back, a rather lewd slew of curse words flying out of her mouth. In a few seconds, she was gone in a flash of green magic.

Dang it, Chrysalis, where did you put Luna?

8066983 I was thinking of when she uses her magic and it's a green/blue color. :twilightsheepish:

Cute and sweet. :twilightsmile:

8067036
That was Nightmare's magic. Luna's is blue/blue-grey. Not that it really matters, I just thought it made for a good joke. It was a really cute story.

You did well. :twilightsmile:

It could use just a bit more editing - there were a few punctuation mistakes, some strange word choices and parts where you got expressions wrong. Here are the ones that stood out to me:

“You probably just want to use your royal card to get with Fluttershy."

This seems like a bit of a mixed metaphor. You probably want either "play your royal card" or go with something like "use your royal influence."

“If I’m honest, I truly don’t think a romantic relationship could’ve come between us for a number of reasons."

This reads as the opposite of what you were trying to say. "Come between" when used like this generally means "get in the way of." I would suggest: "would've worked out for us."

Celestia tilted her head up. “Care to evaluate a little?”

Wrong word for the context, I believe you meant to use: "Elaborate."

Most of the remaining issues are fairly minor. Over-all, it's a very solid story. I like how you made full use of the cast without making their presence feel especially forced. While the characterization diverges a bit from strict canon, it does so in a gentle way that suits the story without being very jarring. I particularly liked how you managed to balance Discord's immaturity and ignorance of romance with his willingness to help out.

My favorite part was this, though:

“Alright. I’ll humor you..”

Luna leaned forward slowly. Celestia followed suit.

“You’ll tell them you’re a homosexual-”

“I regret asking for help, Luna,”

I don't often burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, but that genuinely made me crack up for a full minute. I don't even fully know why I found it so funny. :rainbowlaugh:

So yeah, good job.

He soft,

her.

eyes.“I was tired that day for reasons I can’t remember.

missing whitespace

able. “ I don’t know, she tr

obsolete whitespace

“Then let us attempt to

obsolete whitespace

this instance

this instant

I take have decided to keep these magazines close to my presence from now on.

obsolete 'take'

Discord grumbled,”I was looking forward

missing whitespace

...for the gods sake, Celestia.

:moustache:

If you do this, you need the ' though, to indicate possession. the sake belongs to the gods.

“ you’re overreacting.

obsolete whitespace

Celestia seemed influence by her sister,

to be influenced?

from her throat.“I think I’m properly drunk.”

missing whitespace

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna,

obsolete whitespace

Discord hovered in front of Celestia.“How about

missing whitespace

Despite a few confused glances and Twilight’s desperate, hushed calls for her while the play started, Celestia found her way to Fluttershy relatively interrupted.

should be 'uninterrupted,' I think.

“Princess, I think it would be best if we were to leave for tonight,” Her words soft, like a mother comforting a foal.

has to be either a period and then a 'were' before the 'soft,' or there needs to be a 'she said,' before the 'Her'.

Review dropping sometime in sometime.

8068976 The word elaborate was not in my head for whatever reason so I went with the closest word I could think of. :twilightsheepish: I couldn't find an editor so I ran it through Grammarly and hoped for the best. Thank you!

8068994 Thank you. :twilightsmile:

8069062

Personally, I don't rely on editors. They're useful, don't get me wrong, but I can normally catch most mistakes by myself. It's just a matter of practice, I think.

8068994

obsolete whitespace

I'm pretty sure it's "redundant," not "obsolete."

Unless you're saying Mikleo is using a very archaic style of spacing, or something.

8069089 I forgot to credit you for help, so I put you in the author's note. :twilightsmile:

8069103

No worries. I appreciate the gesture, though.

8069089
oh *embarrassed blush* you're right! That's what happens when you rely on your intuition on what a word probably means based on context, without ever bothering to look it up...

Thanks.

Aside from some typos, this was beautiful

You cut me to it, but I should still link to my review here.

8069155

It's fine. I actually had to check first to see if "obsolete" didn't have some other secondary meaning I wasn't aware of.

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