• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 26,580 Views, 131 Comments

Monster - Mr Stargazer



They wanted a monster...... ( A 1000 word story)

  • ...
35
 131
 26,580

Story

Blood boils in his veins. A dark will, newly formed, twists and turns in the void left by her.

A love lost plagues the man standing on the empty plain.

All around him, dark shadows play. Glimpses of the mind that could make ponies shudder.

The army of the sun and moon stand across the flattened fields, as the man sits on his twisted throne pulled out from the very rock.

"RUSSELL! WE BESEECH YOU, STOP THIS! COME BACK TO US!"

However, He didn't hear the pain in Luna's voice any longer. How could he? It was too much.

Too much to see her lock lips with that stallion.

Too much realizing that they looked right together.

Mind breaking to know that place was not for him.

"Peace Luna... we will find out why." Whispered Celestia, thinking he could not hear her.

She was wrong.

Since coming to Equestria, the human had been alone.

It had hurt, but Luna's kindness had seen him through. His physically weak nature had lead to the monarchs to take pity on him.

That was, until the first time he fought.

***************************************************************

Russell sidestepped the charge of the winged pony and grabbed him. It surprised him how nimble he was compared to them.

His arm wrapped around the pony's neck and then he simply stood up straight.

This cut off the pony's air and since he could not hit the human with either his fore or rear legs.

He promptly fell into unconsciousness.

**********************************************************************

That had been a grave mistake of his. As the pitiable ape was now a fearful fighter in the eyes of pegasi. One whose natural skills made him for more suited for combat, than any pony.

The winged ones went from chuckling about the gaudy ape, to parting in fear.

Russell became even more lonely... he could not even remember why that stallion had wanted to fight.

Luckily, Luna's friendship was there to sustain him.

Over the months.

The years.

Then the decades.

It was on his one hundredth birthday, that it really hit home.

He was immortal.

For whatever reason, his body would not age in this world.

In fact as he grew older and wiser, his mind opened to the magic around him. This came to a head on a particular day.

***************************************************************************

Russell sat beneath the garden trees. Listening to the wind and thinking how nice it would be to have some chocolate milk.

"Why not just make some?" Came an errant thought.

"Because that's impossible." His rational mind responded.

The other idea laughed.

"What are you saying, that it is impossible for matter to break apart?"

"Of course not. That happens all the time."

"Oh then you must mean it can't be put back together."

Russell smiled at this train of thought. It had been the most interesting one he had in years.

"Well of course it can."

"Ah good. Then it is only logical that a chocolate milk could appear before us right now."

A part of him imagined it. The air and dust reforming into a new structure.

"...I suppose so."

Then there it was.

On the ground before him, before his very eyes, was a glass of brown liquid.

Completely in shock, his hand stretched out and picked it up. A few sniffs and a small taste later, he took a long drink.

It was delicious.

******************************************************************************

That had been the second nail in his coffin, for now the unicorns hated him. Even if he had proven himself physically superior, at least they had magic.

Now he was doing things that the highest unicorns could not explain. Many claimed that it was not like magic at all....

Luna had been fascinated with it from the beginning. She endlessly made him make, change and even destroy things.

He tried to teach her, but to no avail. The pony mind just seemed to rigid.

Luna saw the sadness in him, and his dreams. She could feel his loneliness like a tangible thing.

The disdain of the other ponies toward him filled her heart with sadness.

Russell forgot about his caution at her downcast face. With the snap of his, fingers the frown was replaced with laughter as the sky rained chocolate milk.

After all, it was her favorite.

Thus the earth ones feared him.

It was then that he realized he loved her.

Then that Celestia began to hate... and fear him.

That fear would lead to greater restrictions.

Greater restrictions lead to longer times with Luna.

His heart soared at their first kiss.

It plummeted at the sight of the other.

He never found out who the stallion was. Yet with a snap of his fingers. The pony was turned to chocolate.

It happened so quick.

He really had not meant to do it.

Now he stood on the dry cracked earth as rain came down but never touched the ground.

His new paw holding a glass of chocolate milk.

As his thoughts wandered into ever darker and insane places, his body had slowly changed.

Russell stood up. His eyes cold.

For over a hundred years, he had tried to gain the ponies' love.

He had watched as they only became more afraid.

Even now he knew what he had done was terrible.

Yet as he looked into Celestia's eyes, he saw no hope for forgiveness.

Better to be the devil than an animal.

A thought appeared.

What if I made their fears real? Would that not be justice?

"Death to Discord!" roared the army.

Discord... the one who could not fit into the harmony of this world.

As he looked at the disgusted faces of the unicorns. The angry looks of the pegasi, the fear of the earth ponies and the cold stare of Celestia he made his decision.

Very well my little ponies. If it is a monster you see. Then it is a monster I shall become.

Before them he stood.

A draconequus.

His claw snaps.

Thus began the reign of Discord.

Author's Note:

An attempt to write a story in one thousand words.

Hope you like it.

Please comment and tell me what you think.

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Comments ( 128 )

Welp that was rather nice for a such a short story...

Nice.
Short and sweet.

*Sound of jaw hitting ground*

M.C

Rigged != rigid. Nicely done.

Very Good. I'm jealous.

That was good! Very gripping for a short story!
i.imgur.com/DpkktCu.gif

Also:
i.imgur.com/fn4MoO2.gif

*sees title
Die monster! You don't belong in this world!!!

Russell sat beneath the garden trees. Listening to the wind and thinking how nice it would be to have some chocolate milk.

as soon as i read chocolate milk i knew he would become discord.

I like this concept!

2477543 you and me both buddy

I am reminded of the Twilight Zone episode, "It's a Good Life". I like interpretations of Discord that have some link with humanity.

Good job on the minimal fanfic!

also greatstory! i think it could be entirly plauseable if you ask me and will use this for my source o lore on discorn or the one where he was once starswirl the bearded

2476902>>2476910>>2476918>>2476968>>2477000>>2477100>>2477289>>2478204>>2478463 Thanks guys:pinkiehappy:
I wrote this as a challenge to see if I could make a 1k story HIE with emotional weight.

It also had to be an actual story.

Took about an hour of writing and ten minutes of correction.:eeyup:

2478532 Yes! I just hit one of my writers goals that was hidden. Have someone say my story is nifty
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leqwetoXTw1qdy8xg.png

I choose to interpret this as a story about a man who is willing to sink to unfathomable depths and destroy all that he holds dear for the sake of chocolate milk.

BR

I finally got it about halfway through. Very well-written, sirrah.

2478529you forgot to mention meeeeere?!?!?!!

Comment posted by TheSlowOne deleted Jul 10th, 2017

2479097 I do tend to surprise readers:rainbowlaugh:

You should read my story Mordane. Many tell me that the first two chapters are terrifying because it feels like a moment when I go gary sue with him is just around the corner. Never do though

Cant figure how to fix that but everything after tat I get a lot of really good responses.

I am surprised as to how wonderfully written this is for such a great short story.
Plus, its a fantastic short origin story. Love those and this one deserves a fave.:moustache:

2479372 Thanks I came up with it while listening to this.

2478570

What can I say? I'm a man of few words.
:eeyup:


I have a little story where the Cutie Mark Crusaders are never going to get their cutie marks, and Discord couldn't be more proud of them. If Equestria were the proverbial Garden of Eden, and a strange two-legged visitor were the metaphoric tree of knowledge - then they're not being cast out of paradise. They're leaving of their own free will.

Care to hear more about a little allegory-laden science fiction horror romantic comedy story?

2479386
Great choice by the way. Its so perfect with this story. They just join in unison so well once you put both into perspective.

NIce.

A origin story of chaos incarnate, nice.:pinkiehappy:

This would be pretty sweet if this was Discord's origins.

Awesome. I wouldn't expect anything less!

As his thoughts wandered into ever darker and insane places, his body had slowly change.

One typo there (when something's a thousand words everything counts, right?).

I enjoyed this little snippet. :derpytongue2:

When he told me what he was trying to do I laughed.

And then I read what he wrote and my jaw hit the floor.

Nice, really liked the twist of this fic.

Soon as you mentioned chocolate milk it clicked.

and to think I laughed to myself when you said you would do it but once again you pulled of drinking boiling lead.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT

Great short story. Any chance of expanding it? Maybe a story where the mane six find out Discord's origins.

This was incredible. Really, it really was. In just over a thousand words, you told a story, impossible, but worthy of a full length fic. You took a generic HiE idea, and pulled it out over the course of a hundred years, and over time, he slowly goes insane before morphing into a character we know today. I have never seen this done before, in under 1500 words no less!
I recently read a short story, The Ballad of the Flexible Bullet, which tells the tale of a writer and editor going insane, but shows just how close we all are to insanity. All it takes is a little Fornit, or in Discord's case, a little mare.

you should keep it up its good

This story makes a disturbing amount of sense.

2483355 actually the story itself is exactly 1k words. Fimfiction just gets the count wrong for some reason. ( also counts authors notes)

Wouldn't it be awesome if the writers of Hasbro actually look into the fanfics in this site and takes their ideas and puts it in the show itself?? This would be a good backstory for Discord...:pinkiehappy:

With the snap of his, fingers - i don't think that there should be a coma, or I'm just bad at english. Btw. GREAT STORY, NYES

2483355 actually its exacally 1000 words. No more no less

2483194 Hmmm I might do it as a poem. Or have fluttershy ask him.

This doesn't fit with how I perceive Discord's character and personality, but an interesting "alternate version" interpretation nonetheless. Also, Discord's real name is Russell? Freaking lol :rainbowlaugh:

Pretty well done. For a thousand words, this was incredible.

2484585

Considering how much nonsense bronies come up with, and how much of the canon they misinterpret, I think the show quality would reduce significantly.

Then again, maybe it's just me acting old and grumpy.

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