Twilight Sparkle is on top of the world: she's the newest addition to the Equestrian Principality, and everypony admires her success story.
Everypony? Well, yes, but somebody disagrees...
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 13th Feb, 2012
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GIULIO
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GIULIO
Joined 13th Feb, 2012 ·
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Hi everyone, this is my third story on the site, and this time it has nothing to do with TCB.
Needless to say, The Magical Mystery Cure left me with a bad taste in my mouth when I finished it. I'll get into an in-depth critique in a blogpost later, but my greatest gripe was the fact that Twilight was crowned princess when it didn't really make sense in the episode's and in the whole show's context. I know that the whole 'Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle' was a marketing ploy for more toys and the writers didn't have much elbow room in making it work, but I found their excuse for the coronation pretty lacking and their reasoning full of holes. This, is in essence, my stance on the whole affair.
I realize that much of what I wrote here is headcanon, but I tried to base as much as I could on the canon of the show. But seriously Hasbro, you have to explain how alicorns work and their backstory. Otherwise stuff like this will pop out.
I don't have anything else to say other than I hoped you enjoyed my take to an alternate ending to the season three finale and maybe see some my stance here.
Comments, as always, are very much appreciated.
2594634 If I'm not mistaken Cadance was a pegassus not a Unicorn before becoming an Alicorn Princess. I love his and I actualy agree with may things. Faved.
Interresting story.
I think The Magical Mystery Cure was a pile of manure, the whole cutie mark thing was the opposite of everything that was told and hinted for 3 years on the show, and the coronation make no sense, just like you said.
2594837
That's what the Crystal Hearst Spell Book stated. As far as I am aware, it's not pertinent to the show's canon. I treat is as an alternate canon.
And oh my gosh! This got featured! I'd like to thank my pre-readers boredhooman, Cyberphantom and Demon Eyes Laharl, and you of course for making this happen!
Well played, master.
Still, it´s difficult to believe such a change like removing Princess Celestia from Government after thousand of years in power can be succesfully archieved in only a few weeks, with a 100% public approval (99% counting Celestia) and without chaos (the non-harmless) variety. Any revolution uses to demand bloodshed and strife before things get right (or not). "Dusk Dangerous Games" has a more realistic approach to Celestia (control) vs Twilight (freedom).
2594946
But that's the thing, as Reason and Discord said, there will be hitches and obstacles. The senate that the nobleponies set up? That's barely representative of the Equestrian people, but it is the next logical step after the thousands-years-old principality. Small steps and changes which can (and mostly will) be painful to go through. But ultimately they are heading in the right direction.
Ooh... Im liking this.
I never really liked the "mystery cure" episode as I found it kinda shallow, so Im glad I read this.
I find it quite clever the way you portrayed Celestia and her little ploy to keep her peacefull rule while keeping conflicts to the minimum (It makes sense that a millennium old monarch would fear change and stick to the ideals off eternal peace)
So.. Good job and ill make sure to eat a cookie in your honor.
Me likey! I do happen to like the 'Celestia-secret-tyrant' idea, and this hit the JACKPOT, BABY!
/5 mustaches!
Awesome read! Will we ever know what happened to the human(s) that made things turn out as they did?
2595042
If we do, then I won't be the one who wrote it.
You know I've always had a special place in my heart for these kinds of stories. Well done!
Very nice. A longer version would had been preferable, instead of the fast-forward process. I could have seen this taking a turn towards the dark theme, maybe with Celestia objecting to step down from the throne. Twilight, as Reason said, taking babysteps; relaying information to her friends, coming up with plans to expose Celestia. etc.
It was a nice read, but it has more potential in my opinion.
I must say, I really like the approach you've done.
I'm not afraid to say I dislike Magical Mystery Cure's execution, and therefore the episode as a whole.
This story greatly exemplifies the concerns of the rushed nature of the episode, and if not rushed; the execution.
What I love most however, is that you keep everyone in their legitimate mindsets; such as Celestia stepping down 'quietly,' and Luna afraid to cause more discomfort.
This earns a favorite from me, because this is a story that looked between the lines of the show, and took that to create a great take on what could happen in a no-boundary environment.
That part with Discord was very poignant.
Also...
2595371
I had considered writing Twilight's revelation and her act of exposing Celestia, but I decided against it because it would drag the story far beyond what I had intended. I do not mean to write an entire series stemming from this story, I do not trust myself to be able to do so. I am more than willing to allow others to take up from where I left the story and proceed from there.
I agree that there could be more, but I believe that this is just the right amount for a simple one-shot.
2595406
I am glad to see that you agree. That honestly does a lot to give me faith in our community after having seen so many so ready to defend MMC in spite of its flaws. I do not contend your enjoyment of the finale, but I aimed to show its flaws in execution and internal logic and formulate a possible scenario continuing from where the MMC seemed to be going. Nothing more, nothing less.
2595371
Well, there really isn't anything stopping another writer from filling in the gaps or continuing it.
Maybe the story from Celestia's point of view after she stepped down?
With Discord totally saying 'I told you so over' and over again?
Maybe a continuation of the story set a year later?
How much progress could be made with a brilliant mind like Twilights?
Or, like you said, an alternate version, where Celestia refuses to step down?
As Reason said: "That, is for you to decide."
The possibilities are there.
2595443
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22034090.jpg
The story certainly uses some plot holes in the series effectively. Perhaps you would consider continuing this universe a bit. It has a lot of potential.
It is stories like these that burrow a special place within my heart.
First off, I'd like to say that when I took a first glance at this story, I thought that it was going to be some random human interacting with Twilight. But when I actually took a moment to actually read it, my expectations were blown away. This would seem like a proper closure for the final episode of MLP:FIM, asking the questions "Why was Twilight Sparkle made a Princess?", "Where was Luna and Cadance's voices throughout it all?", "Just what consequences can the leadership of a watchful mother be?" and many others. Were I a bit more reckless, I dare say that this would be a bit of a deconstruction just like "Lesson Zero" was a deconstruction for the idea of sending daily friendship letters to Celestia. It is only a shame that many more stories do not hold this sort of analysis to their contents.
Thumbs up and placed in my favorites. Great work.
Hmmmm, I both like and not like this story at the same time.
Personally, I kinda liked MMC, but that's because of preference and how I just personally see it as a powerful completion of Twilight's character arc and how far she's come, I just wanna make that clear. However, despite my preference, I DO understand people's stance against it and I do see the faults and holes in Twilight's ascension (as well as the flaws in Equestrian society like the military) and the many unanswered important questions like you, or rather the character Reason, have put forward and analysed here. They are indeed very glaring and did manage to get me to look at the whole episode in a much more skeptical light like other arguments against it have, even though I still am personally okay with Twilight's ascension.
However, I do have to point out that half the strength of this story is like you said, due to your headcanon and interpretation mostly of Celestia and her motives, and whilst they were very well reasoned and executed, at the end of the day, they are only that. Now, yeah, she very well be underhanded and scheming, but then she may pure as the driven snow, it's all down to how we see it, so I guess that's what we have fanfiction for, eh? Really, I suppose I can't fault you for that, with maybe only the exception that I just personally don't like "Tyrant Celestia". And hey, I will give you credit that here, she's not just some evil conniving monster, but more of a well-intentioned extremist that is doing what she believes is best for her people though like every over-controlling parent, she's doing more harm than good.
Also, just wanna point out, you NAILED Discord's character.
And it was satisfying to see the argument of chaos not being something inherently bad brought, as well.
But let me ask you this: the first two episodes of Season 4 are in fact going to deal with the issue of the downsides of Twilight's ascent to Princesshood. Depending on how they handle it in those episodes, do you think they could possibly soften or alter your stance to the whole issue in anyway?
Still, all in all, this was indeed a very well handled and argued case against the Alicorn Twilight issue, even though I personally and surely many others reading this are on the opposite side of the fence. Well done.
You good sir might have started another verse for writers to write with .
Personally I like this story a lot :3 and would love to see other writers make spinoffs sequels and such great job with this fave and upvote
Beautiful story-- well played.
Stories like this have always made me wonder:
Would people/ponies/whatever-species give up anything in exchange for peace and consistency, or would they be willing to give that up in exchange for the unknown? It seems like whenever it fully reaches one side (if we were this to a pendulum) of the spectrum, there's always a small group apart from that majority that gets it swinging the other way again, creating a perpetual "clock." Great, now I'm going to over-analyze this...
Here's to you, Nicola and Bart Rest forever here in our hearts The last and final moment is yours That agony is your triumph
Yay, technology stagnation! I've been working on aplot outline that revolves around the mismatched technology sets throughout the series and I'm glad that Somepony has finally picked up on it! Anyway, I love this story! Great job sir, great job!
2595520
I fully understand and respect your opinion. I never wanted to convince anyone that I am right and that my own headcanon is the be-all-end-all continuation from the finale. As I have said, this is only my interpretation and what I believe would be the consequence if the show were to continue. Granted, this is just the first of the so-called 'Twilicorn' trilogy, so it still remains to be seen if anything what I've said here holds up.
I am willing to forgive MMC, but the fourth season pilot and the follow up better have a damn well good reason or explanation for this. I'm hopeful, but I'm not setting my expectations very high, don't want to be disappointed.
2595493
As I, 2595443 and 2595548 have said, if people wish to continue this, they have my full permission. The possibilities are endless, so long as they are coherent.
2595558
That's one of the great questions of philosophy, isn't it? One that might never be truly answered.
2595598
You.
I freaking love you right now for getting that reference.
I have mixed feelings about this. I've never liked Oppresslestia because making her into a modern tyrant tends to break the character. This story skirts that line nimbly. So while I don't particularly like Celestia being cast in this kind of light, the motives and results fit and make sense.
I just worry that Twilight hasn't fully considered the ramifications of pushing Celestia fully out of power at the request of a little-understood creature who professes change for its own merits - both for herself and the rest of the ponies. It just seems so very drastic.
So what about Celestia?
I think therein lies my problem with so many 'Celestia is bad' stories. Luna nearly killed everyone - or at least just tried to implement an eternal dictatorship - but deserves a second chance. Celestia doesn't. Why?
I'm a little confussed about one thing.
Celestia turns alicorns into princess because she want to keep then under control, but
Does she want only female alicorns rulling and only the ones she can control?
Does the fact that all the alicorns are females is beyond her doing? or she is responsable for that too?
Why didn't she turn the main six into alicorns?
I din't undestand that part.
2595714
You already say it.
Luna nearly killed everyone - or at least just tried to implement an eternal dictatorship.
And she was punished for her actions.
Celestia needs to be punished as well, maibe not in the same way as Luna, but still. When I say punished I mean justice.
Hmm a very interesting and well thought up fic about Alicorn Twilight. An odd twist on an HiE as well. All in all pretty damned good story, eh?
2595689
Give me a 3 billion people, 3 planets that are 100% similiar, and god-like powers and I'll give you some results.
*1 billion remain as the control group and are responsible for themselves on the first planet.
*Another 1 billion are given the circumstances to be completely peaceful at the expense of personal freedom on the 2nd planet.
*The last 1 billion are given the the 3rd planet and start as a technologically-based nation without any kind of ethics to hold them back.
At the end of the experiment (after say, 200 million years) I will mark any changes, including attempted revolutions and changes in society in all 3 of these nations and release my findings.
My personal favorite question is: Is knowledge a countable infinite or an uncountable infinite?
2595714
I'll be honest with you: if I had my way, the finale would've turned out completely differently and have made much more sense than it already does. As it is, it tells me that Celestia is a underhanded schemer. I don't want to see that sort of Celestia, because I personally find the idea of a 'bad' Celestia a tired trope as well. I've written this because this is honestly what I got when the credits rolled.
And yes, Twilight (and all of Equestria, really) is taking a big risk by ousting the one leader who has proven to work so far, and as Discord and Reason said, there will very likely be huge obstacles to overcome before things truly get better.
As for not giving Celestia a second chance... the thing is that Luna had been corrupted. She was no longer herself and was not fully in control of her faculties when she threatened eternal night. Celestia on the other hand was willing and aware of her actions in the context of this story. One could make the argument that she still ought to be given a chance, but as I see it, the populace still very much remembered the failure of the defense of Canterlot from the Changeling invasion. And who knows? Like 2595762 said, there's still the opportunity for a second chance, it just will take time for people to be willing to forgive.
2595721
No, Celestia having only turned females into ponies is just a coincidence. Were Cadance a male, she still would have turned Cadance into an alicorn princess.
2595781
I think you could only answer that question with certainty if we know the answer to this question: is the universe finite?
Twi you sexy beast!
"The rule of the Princesses has ended. But with them no longer ruling over Equestria fades the faith of the masses. And without our faith, the Elements of Harmony will not protect us. Sure, the new system will keep our nation afloat, but it is only a matter of time until the other civilizations take advantage of this situation. In the eyes of our illustrius leaders we have won.
But in this hour of victory, we taste only defeat. I ask why. We are Equestrians, guardians of all that exists. The roots of the world have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun towards which all intelligence blossoms. And the impervious shelter beneath which it has prospered. I stand before you. Accused of the sin of ensuring Equestrian ascendancy. Of attempting to save us from this fate where we are forced to... recede... The other species stand as the greatest threats in the world. Refusing to eradicate them is a fool's gambit. We squander eons in the darkness, while they seize great triumphs for their own. The Mantle of Responsibility, for all things, belongs to Equestrians alone! Think of my acts as you will. But do not doubt the reality. The reclamation... has already begun. And we are hopeless to stop it."
-Attributed to Frosty Gaze, leader of the Supremacist rebellion of 1038, who had plans to combine the Elements of Harmony with unknown magic for unknown reasons. Examination proved theories that he was working on a device identifiable as a 'Weapon of Mass Destruction' that would have been able to destroy all multicellular life on the planet and even having effects reaching far into outer space Reports indicate that he and his accomplices had help from an unknown entity who is known only as the Mad Titan.
2595837
That excerpt almost makes me want to continue this.
Almost.
2595782 Thanks for clarifying it.
Have a moustache my good sir
You mean Fluttershy?
2595874
No worries, I'm happy to help explain my story.
And much obliged for the fine 'stache, sir.
2595880
How in the hell did that slip past not just me, but three pre-readers? I apologize, I'll get on it.
2595782
I guess my hint was too subtle.
Twilight is a huge hypocrite for enjoying being a 'good friend' to five ponies while completely ditching her friendship with Celestia. She's directly tossing out her lessons from Griffin the Brush Off (dealing with a difficult friend), Sonic Rainboom (being there for your friend), Green Isn't Your Color (communicating with your friends), Over a Barrel (understanding and compromise), Return of Harmony (friendship is worth fighting for), The Cutie Pox (be honest with yourself and others), Secret of My Excess (be kind and generous), One Bad Apple (the entire episode mirrors this fic to an extent; minus how the end plays out).
Several other episodes' lessons may also be indirectly hurt by Twilight's actions: Winter Wrap Up (working together), Party of One (expect the best of your friends because they should have your interests in mind), Lesson Zero (don't let your problems grow out of proportion), The Last Roundup (don't hide from your problems).
2595762
I'm going to backtrack a little on my position.
As far as we are aware Luna reached a point where Celestia's entreaties were having no effect on her decisions. Essentially Luna's second chance was 1000 years ago. But she had to be stopped and so she was punished. Her reinstatement is her third chance.
As far as this fic goes, Twilight never tries to reach out to Celestia, so Celestia doesn't even get a second chance.
After thinking about it I think this story breaks Twilight's character.
Right, so: unholy fuck, that was well done. Granted, it was very logic bomb, and I'm not going to lie and say I was perfectly well entertained, but you clipped along right quick and got to the main points swiftly and portrayed all the characters exceedingly well. Very good work!
There's a fairly substantial hue and cry for a continuation, but let me break the combo by cautioning you against trying to continue this universe. for it lends itself far too easily to massive despair cannon and I can't help but fear a melodrama, a civil war, multiple instances of characters dying bloody deaths, and a massive dragon that was once Spike laying waste to the countryside, all for fairly flimsy reasons.
2595781
Speculative multi-universal fanfiction of three different Equestrias, AHOY!!!
2595923
Now, you would've been right if Twilight had reacted the way she has if Celestia decided to force her and her friends to pay the tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala. The thing is that here she's been lied to and, as a result, been kept away from her parents. Again, headcanon galore here, but in the context of this story, Twilight's reaction over abandoning Celestia is actually justified when she was about to be sent away from her friends, her family, and everything that she loved.
Now I'm not saying that the two can never again be friends; in time wounds heal, but for the time being, Twilight simply does not want to be with Celestia, the one whom she's supposed to trust as much as if she were her own mother and who broke that trust.
Again, if you think that I broke Twilight's character, then alright, I won't hold it against you. I'm just presenting it as I see things. You may see things differently than I do, and others see them differently from the two of us.
To continue the tradition of pedantry established by the prior comments, "protectorate and its own independent state" ought to be rephrased; had become? became? developed it's status into? The phrasing must be your own, because your writing style is smooth and better than most published novels I've read, but hey, I'm here to pick nits.
All that aside, this is a fantastic piece of fiction; not just FiMfiction, but fiction as a whole, and I look forward to finishing it.
-edit- There's a few minor problems, but they can all be dashed away as stylistic choices or not containing enough nits to pick. And, despite my overall predilection towards dubstep, I found the Kid Cudi rap song "Dat New 'New'" fit shockingly well with the latter two-thirds of the piece.
2595968
How in the devil are silly mistakes like this one slipping through the net? Nuts!
And what do you mean by 'looking forward to finishing it'? Do you intend to do so or do you expect that I continue this? I have already said this before, this is as much that you'll have from me of this universe.
2595850 Damn! So close!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/166/752/soclose.jpg
2595985
I hadn't finished it at time of my persnickety comment. I've now finished unforseen consequences and I'm working on The Familiar Explanation. I... I read pretty quickly.
And hey, mistakes slip through all the time. I'm working on editing a friend's fic before he publishes, and every time he puts something new, I reread it. I've done this 5 times now, and I find some new problem every time.
2594634
It's going to suck when season four completely destroys this story since the writers will probably come up with someway to fix things.
2596068
Quick as a hiccup, aintch'ya? I'm surprised at how quick you are. There ought to be a medal or something for that.
2596071
I honestly hope that they do. If they can fix it it would be great.
2596079
Alright, I'd love to be flippant, but the Familiar Explanation, coupled with tabbing back and forth to my friend's horror FiMfiction, is leaving me running dry on the happiness-o-meter. I'm sure rewatching an episode or two will do me a world of good, but right now I am not there.
2596082
My TCB fics are tagged as 'Sad' for a reason.
2596090
Ya got a point there, but the horror tag is holding a lot more relevance for me now. So far, your fic is simply intriguing.
Huh. We've been carrying on a conversation in comment replies, and it's CIVILIZED. Mayhaps I've been on Youtube too long.
Sidenote; I am a rather new brony, converting shortly after the Season 3 Finale (though I didn't notice it at the time), so- is there some form of chat function on this site? It would make a lot of sense.
2596104
There is, but I don't use it personally. You might find others who you can chat with though.