Twilight's ascension to the throne was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but as the months have passed and the shadows of the world grown a little darker, the lessons of her mentors and the weight of her responsibility has done nothing but made her more uncertain about her ability to rule.
Now, on the day of a grand gathering of nations, an attempt on the life of one princess and the abduction of the other brings with it an old foe and the weight of the world. With the fate of empires resting on her shoulders, Twilight must undertake a grand journey into the heart of madness and the untold history of Equestria to save her princesses and the world entire...
But save them from what?
Featured on Equestria Daily 10/12/13
I am humbled once again to be assisted by the brilliant RainbowDri in bring this story to fruition. I couldn't have asked for a more insightful assistant or all-around excellent guy.
Coverart supplied by the extremely talented dreampaw (Power leads to corruption). I can't thank her enough.
Dat Cover Art
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/172871%20-%20animated%20epic_wub_time%20Its_beautiful%20vinyl_scratch.gif
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All compliments go to the artist herself. She's a pretty cool gal!
Hello, what is this?
Certainly has my interest...!
~Skeeter The Lurker
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Good to hear! Hopefully I can keep it as this story progresses...
and let me tell you, it will most certainly progress.
Ok, this is pretty good.
You could have probably carved this into smaller chapters, but otherwise, it's not bad.
~Skeeter The Lurker
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It's funny, the chapter itself is under 10,000 words. For some reason it says it's greater than that.
I usually don't post that many comments on stories, especially on the ones that I like and are doing everything (almost) perfectly. But after you commented on my userpage, I feel at least obliged to post what I like about your story.
Essentially what happened in this chapter was Twilight gets nervous about her new responsibility as a princess, Luna scolds her for it. Celestia and Cadance comfort her, she makes a faux pas, due to her said nervousness, but manages to recover (using power of friendship) and everything seems to turn out fine (except Luna is still grumpy Mc.Oldfashionpants about it). Oh and we see a scene about a villain/antagonist.
Yet, you wrote all that in such a way to make it more than just interesting to read, it's outright compelling. The way Twilight's thoughts flow, her interaction with Luna (descriptions too!), it's all written in a way to paint a picture that all this shit that's happening is Serious Business™. And I love it.
Basically I think that all that comes down to, Is that I love how you use words to paint the scene and convey the atmosphere of realpolitik. Oh and the interaction between the characters, of course.
So...keep up with what you are doing.
Would you believe me if I said it was the cover image that lured me in to this? Because damn, that's one hauntingly beautiful piece of art.
That said - I'm glad the hook worked, because you have me intrigued. The prologue did a very good job at setting up the mystery surrounding both the Elements and the princesses, and the first chapter itself provided a good follow-up.
What is the darkness starting to creep in to the alliance's lands, and more importantly - what I assume to be its leaders, the insane mystery mare and the mentioned 'lord'. Somehow, I get the feeling that we are looking at Starswirl and Clover here - twisted and warped after ... whatever it was the princesses and the Eelements did to them, now after some (perhaps not completely unjustified) revenge. Add to the fact that the other five element bearers have apparently been kidnapped, and I find myself very much looking towards where the plot of this will go.
Moving on, another thing your first chapter did was make me really dislike your Luna. I am actually somewhat confused why she was the one tutoring Twilight in how to (according to her) act like a Princess, instead of Celestia. Because she is evidently a fairly incompetent teacher at worst, or someone completely unsuited for working with someone with Twilight's personality at best (which still makes her an incompetent teacher, because she fails to adopt methods that would coerce the best results out of Twilight, instead expecting the world to bend its knee before her with that stick up her rear end)
Contrast that with how quickly Celestia managed to get Twilight composed, calmed down and presentable, and actually present her arguments, even if they are largely the same, in a manner that wouldn't make me want to spit them back in the speaker's face, and it makes it pretty clear to me that Luna isn't suited for teaching anything more complex than yelling at green recruits in the boot camp while they make their laps around the field. Honestly, when Celestia asked Twilight to look at Luna and tell her what she sees, the answer that spring up in my mind was "something you should hope you never become, Twilight".
Though with the upcoming attempt at Luna and Celestia, as per the story's summary, I'm looking towards to seeing how Twilight is going to handle being left in charge of Equestria, essentially. That should make her grow as a Princess nicely, and hopefully she can find it in herself to be the Princess she wants to be, and perhaps one that people would appreciate more and is no worse at leading a nation- more along the lines of Cadence I imagine, rather than the archaic stick in the mud.
Looking towards the next chapter.
i seriously can't take the cover of this story serious with ur profile pic next to it.
oh, spike.....
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It might be time for a change of profile pic, but ever since I chose this picture I have had nothing but love for it. I honestly look just like this when I write: coffee in hand, beard scraggly and long, and more often than not tired as hell.
3169852 I can relate. Hey, how's the real world going for ya?
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School's starting, I moved into a new apartment, and the second chapter's coming along. It's going to be an interesting year, stressful though it might be with getting this story all fleshed out.
3228331 I can relate. My schedule is chaotic at best between my major and my job, so I know haw it feels.
Great story so far I'm interested In what will happen next.
If I didn't know the history behind the characters, I might have given this a pass, a thumbs up, despite some iffy moments (her so called teacher let Twilight in without making her study the Zebra nation's problems, really?). Except that in the past, Celestia sends Twilight so she can make friends and learn the magic of friendship. Now she is asking to give all of that up? Sorry, but I am against bending characters to suit stories, so I have to give this story a thumbs down for now. I will give you this, at least it is an interesting version of Equestria in which being a princess means a lot more than just ruling over ponies.
Elements of Harmony being anything but harmonious. Tyrantlestia. Secret thing hidden in the past left to fester for a thousand years in spite of the obviousness of it being a problem eventually. Mystery mare obsessed with revenge... I'm seeing lots of the prototypical dark cliches here.
Hmm, I'll give it a chance for now, but this mystery crazy mare is already reminding me of those annoying villains with a bunch of convenient advantages who manage Xanatos Gambit victories despite the flagrant implausibility of their plans and their all-too-frequent OCD hatred of one or more characters. In reality, people driven by insane revenge make LOTS of mistakes.
The only reason I'm hanging on is that it's written well enough for me to hope that it won't just waltz down a road I've steered off every other time I find myself on it.
Gripping. Exxxccccelllent....
Continue
I'm posting here to keep the story mostly clean and free from my musings.
I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out. I'm finishing up my final quarter as an undergrad, and my schedule has been less than forgiving. Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait.
I regret to announce my aide, RainbowDri, has had to abdicate his role as my assistant in pursuit of a personal dream of his. I have taken on several others as consultants. Hopefully their influence will help this story progress on its long and tumultuous track. I wish him all the luck in the world.
I will try and get into the rhythm of posting a new chapter once or twice a month. I thank you for your patience.
What? I didn't get an email telling me that there was an update for this and it ends on a suspenseful cliffhanger. Keep up the good work. I await the next chapter when it is ready.
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Glad to hear you're enjoying it thus far! I would've replied sooner, but I've been wrapping up my final quarter as an undergrad and my time has been quite tight. The next chapter is about 90% finished.
We've got a long road ahead. Buckle up, kid.
Uhm... what do the changelings gain from this?
Seriously, if the world dies, they die.
This is written really pretty and all, but the changelings have just committed suicide.
Not to mention, the ponies would have to be really stupid to leave anything to chance if the changelings were THIS violent. Screening everyone and everything would be standard.
Between that rather sizeable crack in my willing suspension of disbelief, the ease with which these changelings (who were getting their flanks kicked in the series by 6 untrained mares until there were literally hundreds of changelings to 1 pony each, remember) infitrated THIS TIME... meaning they should have won the Canterlot Wedding episode.
Then there's the changelings' blood being a super poison that just keeps spreading. So, what, it's growing or something?
Ironhoof is an arrogant ass.
The ponies are stupid.
The griffons are stupid.
The changelings are suicidal.
I can't take this.
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Regardless of what this guy said, I found this story to be a much more realistic view of Equestria without the rose tinted glasses. The zebras attitude would explain why everyone freaked when Zecora would come to Ponyville. Griffins are jerks, that has been established both in canon and fanon.
My thought is Chrysalis seriously underestimated the resistance she would encounter and let all the love she absorbed go to her head. Also, maybe not everything in Equestria actually believes the Princesses actually move the sun and moon. It has been said somewhere (probably fanon) that unicorns used to raise the sun and moon before the princesses. Maybe the Changelings thought they could do it once Celestia was dead.
I've enjoyed movies on SyFy much worse than some of the stuff on this site. This story is so much better. I look forward to more.
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Its called fanfiction for a reason
4221285 That doesn't mean it can't be written well.
I am really liking this story a lot. Personally. When I read it I feel the tension, the emotion, everything. I pause reading sometimes to find that my heart is racing. This is so well written to do that. And I am extremely excited for more
Yikes Equestria is in a bad place.
Twilight needs to go full ends justify the means badass to get her country out of this.
I liked this update a lot. The introduction of a villain, which is kind of insane which I love, really advanced the story a lot. I'm really excited to see what you're going to do with the idea of the lore around ancient Equestria and how the lands around it tie into the story. Till next update!
A very intense and intriguing chapter
At first I was skeptical about this story, the pacing seemed off somehow, but now I can gladly say that you're added to my fav list :D
Enjoying the story so far but I'd be careful about human anatomy references
Enjoying the story so far but I'd be careful about human anatomy references
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y'know, I've never been sure on the proper term to use for something like that. Thanks for bringing that up. I'll be more cautious in the future.
This story is getting more and more interesting as it moves on. As I've said before, I'm just able to feel the emotions of the story as I read it. It pulls me in and keeps me closely attached. I love it! Definitely one of my favorite fics.
That turned super dark really quickly... Literally too.
Really happy for the update! Epic chapter
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Glad you enjoyed!
Got an errant bracket there.