Twilight's birthday is coming, and Princess Celestia invites the young student to bring her friends and celebrate in Canterlot. Along the way, disaster strikes and Twilight uncovers a terrible secret. Has her life been a lie?
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Over all a good start.
But you need to find a way of clearly marking scene changes, as its a bit hard to read at the moment.
1984668
Which points in the story did that for you?
1984836
Mostly when Twi was meeting the rest of the main 6. Using a few breaks throughout would make it read better and stop it seaming to run on.
An example would be:
Something as simple as ~-~-~ could be used.
But other than that issue I haven't been able to see any other problems.
1984866
I'll toss the idea around in my ol' noggin, thanks
1984868
Your welcome.
wow that was intresting il just say follow is given.
1984873
Decided that I agree with you. Smoothed out that section a little bit, hopefully
A good start, what I want to know is, when does the next chapter come out?
1985565
Don't want to overpromise and underdeliver there
Depends on my free time and when the notion strkies.
I have a general outline of what I want to happen, but I need time to stew each section 'round my head
Another good chapter.
And dam that cliffhanger!
I want more!
1990318
Mwahahaha, with this author as my tool, soon the great and powerful Trixie will control every reader!
Haha for a moment you've got me there - my story is also called Fallen Star (although it's a Fallout Equestria side story) and so I've questioned my sanity for a moment when I saw the notification about putting it in Dark
1991164
Haha, I can see where that might be confusing I try to do a little search to see if a title is exactly taken, but I'm sure there are more than a few duplicates on the site :p
1991201
Considering the amount of fanfiction and writers things like this simply have to happen
Thanks for the all views, faves, and thumbs guys, wow! I hope to continue on in a day or three.
So Twilight investigating a mysterious scroll...
What could possibly go wrong?
2004000
Why, whatever do you mean? When has investigating a mysterious object whose arrival coincided with a disaster *ever* gone wrong for somepony?
2004016
Never to my knowledge.
I will just have to look more closely!
Hmmm... now what I wonder? Need Luna emoticon :(
Her knees threatening to buckle, bu-but ponies dont have knees!
2010948
They do, actually; it just hinges backwards compared to ours.
The plot thickens.
Aww. Cliffhanger'd.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YneCSau-TuI
o_O
Now it gets interesting.
2012323
I tend to do that >_>
2012397
haha, I was expecting a clip from Dune or something
2013018
You mean, it wasn't before?! j/k
I'm a hoping this will have a happy ending. xD
Do you mean to say it was a rendition of her Cutie Mark, or it was her Cutie mark? (as in, an inexplicable piece of her hide that had been treated)
2014213
Will be clarified next episode. Right now Twilight is too busy reeling in horror
2014233
Arrgh need new chapter NOW!
2014233 LOLZ for a sec I thought you replied to me.
2014738
haha :p
who knows what twists and turns this rollercoaster ride will take!
2014249
"Always leave them wanting more"!
But honestly, I've been on a prolific writing spree lately, set down almost 6500 words between this and my other running story yesterday. Gotta refrain from rushing too much; now is when things go down the rabbit-hole
Black ooze? I'm getting some older gen pony flashbacks. Of course I believe that was a dark purple...
Huh, somehow I appear to be missing a substantial amount of hide from my flank... Oh, there it is!
2018150
Had to look up the reference, don't know anything about the earlier gens. interesting
2018301
well, its not from her :p
I just want to mention that, for the most part (well, for the whole part, really) I *am* trying to adhere to the canon of the show, so if you find an unequivocal error, don't hesitate to point it out to me here or in PM.
However...
What comes in the next chapters may initially strike you as horribly wrong. I urge you to refrain from judging too quickly on that account! Things may get dark, but My Little Purple is a one determined mare, and not everything is what it seems...
2018150
Noooooo! not the Smooze!
..
Oh wait a minute ...
cue Gak commercial!
It is hard to break cannon with Sombra since there aint a whole lot of cannon there to break...
oh yea ... Twilight Totally called it !
"may get dark" ...
Please don't make Twilight commit Ponycide or hack off some poor unfortunate unicorn's horn or something like that!
I have seen that! I have read that! Nightmares! Nightmares and tears I tell you!
...
anyhoo ... Love the story and cant wait to see what happens...
2023845
Don't worry, it's not going Grimdark or Gore
2024630
Good to hear its not going to be unnecessary gore.
2024786
Yea, the Mark is about the extent of it, only reason I bumped it up to Teen. Although I suppose the stitching a bleeding wound earlier should have done that already. I'm not a fan of gory things - unless they're done humorously over-the-top a la Tarantino - so while I hope there are feelings of tension/worry, this should not be nightmare-inducing
very very nice :D
Still alive here, but super busy plus other stuff. Hope to update soonish; I just need some good alone time to get down and pound it out.
Sorry for the delay! busy busy busy.
nice update :D
YAY development
o_O! Now what! Damn cliffie :)
2105861
I can't seem to help but minorly/majorly cliffhanger each part. hah.
was having some writer's block in getting this section started. Will try not to have such a long interim before next
me need MOAR!
Noooooo! I need mooooooooore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!