Princess Twilight Sparkle, daughter of the Queen and King of Gymkhana, is summoned to her mother's chamber one day. Princess Celestia of Equestria is willing to help their dying kingdom, and in return the Queen gives Celestia what she wants most; a student. Now Twilight Sparkle is sent to Equestria to learn more about magic-and her brother wants her to hide a part of who she is from everyone besides the Equestrian princesses.
However, while in Canterlot, tragedy strikes and Twilight is forced to flee Canterlot-and where else would she go than Ponyville?
Warning: Alicorn Twilight.
Chapters (2)
I could always use summore Alicorn Twilight.
BTW in your story : "Twili" is Twily.
1722341 ALicorn Twilight is awesome Twilight
And I know how it's actually spelled, I've just always naturally spelled the shortened version of "Twilight" as "Twili"
Force of habit.
1722371
Just wondering if you did that on purpose or not
1722380 Haha
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It's good when people who critique have to get picky.
instead of using:~~Line Break~~
Use maybe: ~~~~~ or ----- generally these are symbols for time change/scene changes.
1722417 Oh great I forgot to change it... haha I'm such a numbskull
Thanks for the tip. 
Dunsparce will review this once he is done with his stupid-huge homework assignment tonight. Dunsparce likes weird names that sound like World of Warcraft bosses.
1722450
Why are you the comment b1sh for a pokemon i think?!? Seriously you've been on like 5 other fics saying that you are going to bless our presence somehow. Get over yourself. This isn't the place to be a jerk and refer to yourself in the third person. Go back to 4chan.
1722443
No problem. I saw your author notes in ch. 2 and i think your fic either A: Needs to be slow to introduce everything in a timely manner or B: Needs to be a tad fast to get to where you can do everything to the grand scheme of things. I kinda like the pace but there's always more room to be more descriptive in some areas.
1722485 Trying to change as hard as I can. Somethings just make me angry and I just lose it. I'm trying to capture my rage and energy, however it didn't seem to work that well for a few stories.
1722485 Well most of the story takes place in Ponyville which is why I only spent the first two chapters on Gymkhana and Canterlot... But yea, there are places in the story that could use a lot more detail/description. I just suck at both.
I'm glad you like the pace so far, though 
Needs more Ken Block
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Eh wierd story but hey its Alicorn Twilight and its not 1000% tragedy with twilight going psycho on everyone or something like that.
I really like where this story is going, and I'm interested to see how twi gets along with everypony in ponyville. Also, loving the universe you've set up here, it's pretty awesome.
The only problem I can find is really the 'problem' in the story. Twilight's kingdom is dieing... With no clear reason as to why.This group of people known simple as 'they' some how revolted a country and had them kill the leaders that are trying to help them and now wants them to go to war, with even more bloodshed and dieing and worse conditions than before just to kill 1 pony. Also 4 traitors take a fleeing princess to the most powerful kingdom in the land, and decide not to kill her in her sleep in the 3 days it took to go there? Also they believe Shining is dead, even tho everyone in that country knew he had alicorn blood. Lets also point out that Twilight is now a wanted mare, and there was someone told to give her information about her kingdom and family and they didn't, showing they are a traitor, and probably plans on hurting Twilight, and Celestia just brushes it off like dust. Lets also not forget that these are Alicorns here, almighty destroyer of worlds gods in mortal forms... And they couldn't defend themselves at all, couldn't fly away from a bunch of unicorns... or teleport... There is also the Twilight being the best mage in the entire kingdom... and couldn't make her wings disappear for more than an hour.... Doesn't really speak well for the other 96% of the population of the nation that are all inferior unicorns... And someone they STILL kicked the shit out of the royal family, including Shining Armor who has the best defense spells in the world...
Yeah, just stuff doesn't add up at all. If it's a simple Twilight was always an alicorn and doesn't trust her friends and ends with them finding out and everything is ok, why do you need the crappy half assed back story about a war that doesn't make sense?
1724080 the spell things can be ignored don't know how the author make the magics mechanics
and the Shining armor incident 100 against 1 don't matter how strong you are
and saying they are coming doesn't mean there will be a direct attack
Liking this story, it has a original plot , please continue it
and how you are going to insert Spike?
1724080 It might be a bit confusing right now, but I promise I'll explain everything. Though the reason as to why it's dying I thought was already explained... ""...but the mines are empty. Without Earth Ponies in our kingdom, the ground won't produce food, so we have to continue relying on other kingdoms-and that takes money. And the royal family is the only family which has wings, but more and more of our cousins are being born like you-without wings..."" And there are various reasons for the citizens to revolt, just as there is with any dying kingdom. Twilight is still young even by pony standards-she's still learning and developing her magic, and she did get the spell spell for more than an hour-she has gotten it to at LEAST six now and is still practicing for twelve. Not all four of the guards with her were traitors; at the time they were still doing their guard work. It was when they got back to Gymkhana they decided to revolt as well. And we all know how royal business is-if one of the children of the king or queen lives, they can rightfully re-claim the throne. The 'revolutionaries' who are just furthering the destruction of their country wouldn't want that; they think they're right and Twi's family is wrong. As to how her family was overpowered and the guards thought Shining Armor was dead... well, that will be explained later. Don't want to give spoilers now do we? (Though about the Alicorn thing; while I do believe alicorns would be stronger than unicorns, I don't consider them gods-in-mortal-form. They're fallable. And besides, we know Cadance isn't even half as powerful as Celestia and Luna, so why should I expect Twilight's parents to be on Celestia and Luna's level? Celestia and Luna are like gods-in-mortal-form; alicorns, however, are not. I think it's already bad enough that I put Twilight herself close to their level-I won't be that way with the rest of her family.)
Though I think there were some things you just assumed, you did raise some legit questions and I thank you for that. I always love to receive critique and improve on my ideas/style. But I have this planned out, and no good author reveals everything at the beginning of the story.
1724543 Thank you and you'll see
It's somewhat sad. The premise in interesting (although Jirodyne already highlighted its biggest problem in its current state: 'they' are simply not a good reason for all that stuff to happen), but the execution is...well, I like being honest, I think in its current state it is botched. I am sorry if you feel offended by the choice of words.
You already mentioned that you are probably advancing too fast. Actually, scratch the 'probably'--your pacing is way too fast. You skip entire scenes that are important to the story (like Twilight meeting Celestia for the first time--this is stuff for a wonderful scene in which you could, e.g., describe Twilight's feelings and impressions meeting such important ponies for the first time, or the impression Canterlot Castle leaves her with) and some of your dialog is rushed, too (the whole scene with Shining Armor in chapter 2, for example). You introduce characters that might be (or become later on) important to the story, e.g. the guard Twilight grew up with, but never establish a real connection between them and the main characters. "So, there is a guard Twilight likes. Woah, huge thing", that's basically what I took from that scene. Also, due to the lack of character introduction, some of the ways they act in feel strange. Take, for example, the scene in which Twilight is told by her mother that she will be going to Canterlot. You do mention that she becomes all princess-like, but this alone is insufficient. You did not describe her background sufficiently to make us really understand this. Without you introducing the reader to changes in the characters you introduced in you AU, the reader only knows the canon characterizations from the show, and canon Twilight would probably flip out over being send away to some strange place without further notice. Yes, we are probably able to extrapolite that she was raised in a different way or experienced things that led to this changed behaviour (also, how old is Twilight? The paragraph about Cadance mentioned that Twilight and her whole family would be well over a thousand years old--if that is the case, I think Twilight's characterization is even more off because she doesn't really act like somepony that old. You would guess she would have seen Equestria before if she really was that old), but this is unsatisfying.
So, in short: Show, don't tell, and work on your dialogue. Go over the motivation of 'them' again (Jirodyne already highlighted the problems with that--why are there revolts, why do the rioters want to kill their royal family, why are their only unicorns in Gymkhana and why the hell did the royal family never think about growing their own food by handing out attractive offers to foreign earth ponies?) and, lastly, get a pre-reader (or atleast let spellcheck run over it--there are quite some mistakes that should have found, e.g. missing letters).
And, again, I'm sorry if someone feels offended by my choice of words, but sugar-coating criticism until it basically becomes a subordinate clause in a sky-high jubilating post declaring the author the new Shakespear, Goethe and Tolstoi in person tends to be a teeny tine bit ineffective.
Edit: I forgot to say that, please, do not feel discouraged by this post. As far as I know, this is your first fanfic and, if you would kindly think back at the time you learned how to drive a bycicle (or walk, but most people probably do not remember this), I think you will remember that you probably fell over a few times before you got the hang of it. I surely did, as did everyone else. Scratching your knees is a part of it, just like getting criticised is part of becoming an author.
1724823
The simple way to explain alicorns being weaker than some readers expect would before their power to be a function of natural ability and how old they are, thus Celestia and Luna are much stronger in part because they are the oldest.
EDIT:
For line breaks, us [ hr ] without the spaces. (there is no closing tag).
must have more of this amazing story!
WHAAAT?!
An alicorn Twilight story that's not sad or dark?
And it's an original idea!
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY LIKES!
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This would probably best be put in the comments section provided by fimfiction, along with this.
sorry if I sound a bit mean or heartless however the A/N really distract from the story.
~~Line Break~~
switch to something else as that is also distracting maybe something fanciful such as ~~Gymkhana~~ or _______________________________________________________________________________________________
rather than stating what is supposed to be there.
again sorry about coming off as mean but this story is really good so far and i'm just stating stuff that distracts from it.
This still alive???
When will u add more
love this story can not wait for more
we nneed morrerere