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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I want to see the babies, damn it!
So much awesomeness in this chapter. And on that note, yay for Blue and Plain Sight.
Ah, Twilight, ever the number-cruncher.
And do I detect romance between Blueblood and Cherry? Interesting choice. Still, poor Bluey. He's done little wrong in his life (Gala notwithstanding), and he suffers for it.
Beach scenes.
Must have beach scenes!!
Oh Great Wrabbit, deliver unto your faithful disciples that which the show never shall in it foolish pruditude!!
Twi with zinc on her nose is an adorable mental image.
LOL Silly Spitfire, questioning whether Twi had really thought about how she was going to have your babies.
Huh....so was Twi wanting to have Spitfires babies for the last 8 years what originally got her looking into "that" spell maybe? =P
So that's what happened to Blueblood.
And now he gets some of Cherrys Pie, and maybe some cherry pie too
I wonder how long it'll be before the foals have distinct personalities. There's plenty of evidence that Ponies develop much faster than humans.
After celebrating their "Happy One Month-aversy," the Cake twins were acting like human 9 month olds.
When Luna Eclipsed first aired and Pip had his "first Nightmare Night ever," many assumed the holiday just wasn't celebrated in Trottingham but after the aforementioned episode with the Cake twins a lot of people switched their headcannons over to him being just over a year old.
When Twilight is transformed by the mirror in Equestria Girls she's turned into a human teenager of about 16.
Finally Lauren Faust on her Deviant Art account has posted that the Mane 6 are 13-21 emotionally depending upon the needs of the episode and that she justified the broad range to herself by the fact that horses grow up much faster than humans.
If Wrabbit follows the above an overly long timeskip for the foals to have adventures wont be necessary. 2-3 years will work just fine.
............... Well if the show won't give us a beach episode damn it Wrabbit will.
All in all this was a fun sexy chapter, even if I think adding ANOTHER foal to the mix so early in the relationship is a bad idea. Just you wait Twilight raising three foals won't be quite the simple test you think it'll be. But alas it's her life so she's free to make the choices she wants.
“I'm told that my cherry pie is the best tasting dish this side of the Swayback Mountains.” Seems Blueblood is getting a taste of the local delicacies Good for him. Also Plain Sight got her griffoness, though I was surprised with how smooth that all went.
2723495 Seconded, bring on the babies!
2723419Maybe...
images.wikia.com/halo/images/7/77/USER_Vid_Pinkie_Pie_Suspicious.png
That Twist unnerves me...
Anyway I think I was trying to say that Golden is broken and unfairly unjust.
I bet Blueblood wants to eat her 'cherry pie'.
2723419
OMG! They took my avatar and made it Pinkie Pie! *squeeee* That's so awesome that I won't even hold it against them that they didn't ask for the rights
Aww man bluelight becoming more rare by the chapter
Now what's this sorcery? Blueblood not referring to a commoner as a Peasant?
Did he die?
That was just....wow....there are no words.....other than....
if I ever need a need to write a clop. I am coming to you for help.
2723495
Babies incoming. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_shh.png
2723544 2723555
Well, thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it so much.
2723620
I could see a Mrs. Robinson thing going on between them in the right circumstances. She strikes me as something of a cougar.
2723664
Grrr! I wish you had asked for a beach scene last week! I'd already planned to do a time jump for the next chapter! Oh, and yes, she meant that cherry pie.
2723700
For the sake of convenience (read: my laziness, plot, and desire to not having to keep in mind that horses age faster), ponies age at the same rate as humans in my stories. Otherwise, we get generations lasting only about 5 years or so instead of 25, and that makes for a lot of living to cram into the 25-30 years that horses live.
2723711
Another one with the beach! Alright, maybe I can cram one in somewhere later on down the road, but I really need to do this time jump if this story is going to go anywhere anytime soon. Also, just because the acquisition went smoothly, don't assume that there won't be teething problems.
2723763
I used Twist in her nerd capacity, rather than plot twist capacity this time.
2723873
Yes, he does... until he finds out that she wasn't talking about the one she pulled from the oven. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
2724008
Ain't it cool? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
2724133
Looking for a Bluelight special, are you? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
2724178
Close. He grew up. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_ooh.png
2724205
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!! //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
2724235
Wow. And I still have yet to get to the freaky stuff I had planned... //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
2724350 Liar!
2724350 Oh by all means the beach can wait, I was hoping there would be a timeskip after the wedding, as I desperately would like to see the babies, so I say all systems go, full steam ahead.
Of course I want there to be an entire timeskip spinoff of the lives of the TwiHarem Offspring, but I know you are merely human and require sleep and food and sunlight.... and friends and whatnot since the show seems to make a big deal out of friendship, jeez they act like it once saved the world or something.
To be perfectly honest, as much as this story is about the four of them, I'm honestly loving this path to reconciliation between Plain Sight and Limnear even more. You're crafting that very well.
you know it would be kinda ironic if it would be impossible for Twilight to become pregnant.
Speaking of 80's songs...
After Celestia's dream sequence (I am still traumatized), I was half expecting Twilight to get herself knocked up via triple team. The essence of each of the three pony tribes, incubated in the most magical womb in Equestria, if there was ever a recipe for a natural-born alicorn filly, this was it.
Ah well, this story already has a Nyx.
I'm really quite worried now that because of Twilights wish to be pregnant, we'll find out that she's infertile or something similar. Either way, Lovely chapter. I'm wondering how long it'll be before we see 3 mares on one with the... err... penises, but lets put that aside for now and just hope that Twilight will be happy forever more
but because of Golden Bit, I doubt that
That was an awesome chapter it is about time that Plain Sight got rid of all that pent up sexual frustration I can't wait for the babies still interested in Spitfire's when she goes through pregnancy Also love the fact that Blueblood and Jubilee are getting together I think he really needs a good Mare to keep him noble I WANT MOAR NOW! If that is alright by you
2725105 Nah, that would only be a setback by a few Years. Still, there's still the cheap Drama from:"Oh, the birth is going badly!" to be had. This story is kinda like a soap, I bet he can't resist throwing something like that in.
well there needs to be a clop scene with Blueblood and Jubilee now
I'll let you figure it out.
Ew, more Blueblood. Still hoping he dies.
Just FYI, the Paper would say Baroness Spitfire, Captain of the Wonder Bolts.
Or more likely, just Baroness Spitfire and save occupation for later as Neither Trixie nor Cherilee were introduced via their occupations.
The usage of Brackets like that is wrong from a journalistic point. (Also you wouldn't have them in Paragraph one unless it was unavoidable)
Also, Twi wouldn't have such an inflated introduction, Countess Twi would be it.
Her court position of Student to Celestia as well as her position of Element Barer is unneeded in the introduction and would be present in the second or third paragraph along.
First paragraph is story summery, which on the most part you did well. Only essential information is placed here as it allows a reader to make the choice to read further or not. This is quick, simple and only the basics. Twi, Cheerilee, Trixie, Spitfire, honorfics, hearding, Ponyville, Princess Presided over ceremony.
Paragraph two would further complete these details, full titles, Elements of Harmony, Princesses Plural.
Paragraph three onward would then rehash the story in full detail.
This is, of course, assuming the Canterlot Times holds any journalistic integrity and isn't just a tabloid rag.
Sorry, I like the chapter, just pet-peeves coming through.
I have had training as a newspaper writer, among other things, and it tends to bug me when I see faux newspaper articles with such major mistakes.
Writing articles are a fashion of writing all to itself and a rather tricky one to do professionally and have their own rules to follow. It's not hard to pick up the basics though.
2723419
but that still leaves two to all the fun in the world
This story was really pushing it with me, and I only really stayed this long because I was invested from the previous stories, but that ends with this chapter. I'm sorry, but I just can't do it anymore. PS had a lot of potential as a character, and you've made her far too weak to be believable. It seems to be a trend. You're throwing us waaaaaay too much drama waaaaay too fast. It doesn't feel like high quality writing. It gives us absolutely no time to react or adjust to changes before another is thrown at us, the characters all change attitudes at mach 8, and as a result they just don't feel real. I'm not trying to be a dick, and I haven't said anything for a while, but now I really feel that biting my tongue was a mistake. The worst part of this is that you have a lot of potential as a writer, this story just does not show it at all.
Well, that was insanely hot.
Then, in an ironic twist, Twilight doesn't get even a little bit pregnant.
Okay, I'm not very funny.
ANYWAY. *ahem*
The only issue is Plain Sight, who is become more unrecognizable to her original appearance. It's not her pining for Twilight so hard, after all that was established early, but, well, even considering everything that has happened, she is breaking to easily. It doesn't fit with who we were originally introduced to.
Wrabbit, stop making my pants tight!
Great chapter once again, I really like how you write blueblood qs well, must be the first story that I've read where he isn't an asshole or a douche
2724477
I know, right?
2724828
Thank you. I'll try to keep up the stuff you like while staying away from the stuff others don't.
2724898 2725105
Perhaps, but I couldn't do that to Twilight.
2724955
Now that's some sweet cherry pie.
2725012
An interesting idea you propose. Sounds like I may have a one-shot to write sometime in the future.
2725750
A lot going on, huh?
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//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
2725951
What would we call that ship? BlueJubilee? Cherryblood? Blubilee?
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Oh, Peppy. Does your misandry know no bounds? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
2730462
Thank for the tip. I don't read newspapers, so I never really paid attention to that. I'll fix that now.
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There's a certain appeal in just being an audience as well. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_chair.png
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Perhaps I should explain myself here. Plain Sight has been watching and pining for Twilight for over a decade. She wants more than (almost) anything to be with her, but feels that she can't because that would leave her vulnerable. There are two ways to read that last sentence. The first is what Plain Sight says (Twilight being vulnerable); but the objective way is that Plain Sight herself will be vulnerable (which is something that even she doesn't realize). She thought that she had finally given up any hope of being with her, but seeing Twilight with her herd has made her realize that perhaps she made the wrong choice. Things have finally come to a head for her, and we all have our breaking point; even the toughest among us.
Plain Sight would normally never, ever, EVER break down like this. She has toughened herself physically, mentally, and emotionally, at the cost of her own happiness; and she has finally realized the price of that. But now, someone has thrown her a lifeline, and like a drowning person, she's grabbed on to it with fierce abandon.
I don't like to speak ill of someone (especially one of my favorite characters), but Plain Sight is a messed up mare. She's put Twilight's safety and happiness above her own for so long, that it's cost her her own happiness. For a while, she could get by vicariously through Twilight's happiness, but that can never be enough. Eventually, you find it a hollow experience, and want more. Compound this with the fact that she's put Twilight up on such a high pedestal, that she (Plain Sight) can never reach her. Others have tried to get her to realize what she's doing to herself, but when you think you're always right, it's difficult to take advice, even from someone as wise as Princess Celestia. This is the source of her breakdown.
Yes, what happened in the story is a complete 180 from how Plain Sight normally acts. But there's only so much weight a back can bear before it breaks. It took Limnear, her old lover rubbing her nose in the facts to finally break the dam and let the emotions she's been bottling up for so long free. Please understand that none of this will change anyone's character beyond anything recognizable, but there must be some growth, like it or not. Plain Sight will still be herself. She'll still be the same caustic, smartass that she's always been, though she may be a little less possessive when it comes to Twilight. I hope this explains what happened satisfactorily. If you have any other questions or criticisms, please, don't hesitate to come forward and tell me. The comment section isn't just for lavishing praise, and my sensibilities aren't so delicate that I can't take some constructive criticism. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png
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I like redeeming characters, or at least, giving them good motivations for being jerks. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
2735843 2735604
Rarity was in the wrong at the Gala. Simple as that. Blue IS a douche, but we only saw him being a douche at a deserving target. You didn't show that part of him and basically took a new character and stamped Blueblood's name and appearance on him. That's not redeeming, that's ignoring canon. He is just completely unbelievable like that. You should have shown him maybe as manipulative of the other nobles and definitely as disdainful of sycophancy. The way you did it you took the main facet he's shown in canon and completely ignored it.
There are two ways to redeem Blueblood as a character: The boring a thousand times seen before in any cheap chick-flick one of he sees the error of his ways.
Or the much more interesting one of him being completely self aware and playing spoiled prince on purpose. A prime example is in "Cultural Artifacts" (a complex, intricate story with spot on characterization and perfectly believable interactions about Pony psychology featuring a James Bond-expy, who doesn't speak a lick of Equestrian and can't even tell apart most sounds of the language. It's mostly about the ponies funny and intriguing reactions to him and less about how awesome James Bond is.) where Blue is shown as using Twilight to make his academic accomplishments stand out less and playing politics and strawman while fending of sycophants and Golddiggers with his routine and having a blast about it. It's extremely funny how he always obscures the fact that he solved the problems. And even more funny how nobody likes him and everyone hopes that the "monster" eats him, while he laughs himself silly behind their backs.
My point is: Blueblood can be so INTERESTING and you made him totally boring.
2735843 CherryBlood, definitely CherryBlood.
Hmm... Well, I like that you didn't leave Plain Sight alone forever, but I was kinda hoping for her joining in the herding.
But hey, this is your story, so I shall hold my peace and simply tell you that this chapter was amazing.
2735843
But I LIKE lavishing praise.
In any case, it is not that she had the long awaited breakdown, so much as the manner of it. I had her pegged as breaking through the whole story cycle, and when the other shoe finally dropped, it would be somewhat understated, at least at first. She has already been showing the strain, but the sudden eruption felt jarring coming from her. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png
Then again, who is the writer here, and who is the commenter who knows perfectly well he couldn't spin a good yarn if his life depended on it? Certainly you know your own character better than I do. And criticism aside, I was still going YEEEEEESSSS! when she finally went back to Limnear.
2735843 But a character like her wouldn't do it in front of anyone. And she wouldn't just get depressed, she'd get angry. Yes, she would inevitably break down, but this is not how it would happen. And this doesn't address the other problems this story has. It's too much, too fast, with too little purpose. I'm sorry, I just can't bring myself to remain invested in this story. I tried, I really did, and I feel bad saying it, but at this point it would require a major rewrite. Good luck with future chapters, I'm just sorry i'm not going to be one of the ones reading them.
I've been enjoying this story for the most part, but there is one major plot point that kinda confuses me.
I'm kinda confused on how the "nobles only marrying nobles" as a plot point ever mattered. I mean, the herding ceremony went off with no problem, so unless the bill somehow retroactively eliminates herding, then there was never really an issue here. Even if the bill had gotten through before the ceremony, well, Twilight would have just lived with her mares anyway and just not had an official ceremony. Is there more to this part of the plot? I do hope so. It never felt like a true threat.
2736596
To be fair, Blueblood's role in this story is very minor, and almost over. I don't think I could justify spending more time on him than I did to give him some sort of motivation for his behavior. He was a douche-canoe because he was single-minded in his pursuit of Twilight, and honestly had no interest in bothering with another mare; simple as that. Plus his father. For his role in this story, that was all that needed to be explained. Had this been a BlueLight story, you can bet that I would have crafted something more substantial than that. I gave him motivation, I gave him a past, and I gave him family. Honestly. that was more than was necessary for this.
2736749
I dunno. I kinda like Blubilee.
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I wouldn't leave my mare hanging like that.
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To be honest, it was supposed to be jarring. Here we have a strong (in every sense of the word) mare, who suddenly loses it after realizing that the dream she had cherished for years was now shattered. The feels would quite naturally be over 9,000, and with said feels being something she isn't used to dealing with, I think it's quite normal for her reaction to be so extreme. By the by, if you think the story had feels before, prepare your Hhhhnnnggg for the nest chapter. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
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I'm sorry to see you go. I wish you'd stick around if for no other reason than to see the end, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'd like to hear what you thought was too much, too fast, and with not enough purpose, though. It's hard to improve without constructive criticism, and I'm always open to that. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia2.png
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Keep reading. The answers lie ahead. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_smile.png
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In the beginning, it did matter, but as Celestia moved to counter his ultimate goal, it lost it's effectiveness. Now, Golden Bit is left with a bit of legislation that has made him enemies and has him owing a lot of favors, with no return. What this means for him in the future remains to be seen. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
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The cosmology in my stories works a little differently. Trust me, the stars (and the sun) are safe from her. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png
wow...that part with Plain Sight and Limnear actually made me cry, course that may have been due to the song I was listening to, but still, well done, and her is a parting song for you.
These girls need to learn some basic birth control
I'll admit, I love the futa scenes, and this one was especially great with the triple blowjob before Spitfire mounted Twi... seriously if this had happened in the shower you would have hit nearly all of my main fetishes. However, if they don't learn how to do it without getting at least one mare pregnant they'll be forced to stop using the spell or be inundated with more foals than they can handle.
Twilight, I don't think you have any idea how hard it is to raise one foal, much less three.
As for caring for them, Trixie and Twilight will probably be home almost all day, so they take the foals in the morning and early afternoon. Then Trixie will be alone while Twi and Cheerilee do their classes. When they get home, the three of them will be able to handle them. Spitfire may come home that night, but she may be more sporatic during the Wonderbolts season. She'll still come home when she can.
That part with Plain Sight and Lim was really nice. Even though that scene was short, it was heartwarming. And the previous clop scene was just... steamy as hell. Nice to see somepony else get a change in plumbing for a bit of FUN!
~SolidFire
Commence read.
Think that might have been a misplaced e?
Looks like Plain has found a place to be.
First: Good to see P.S. and Lim finally reconnecting. So to speak. That tension was so thick you could cut it with a spoon.
Second: Dayum. Blueblood really ISN'T an ass in this fic. I thought it was a show but.... dayum. Good for him!
Aww, I was hoping for Plain to confess to Twilight.
8595137
I'm glad they haven't. I enjoy misery a bit too much.
That said I'm here for the slice of life stuff. I don't need the politician or minataur plots. I understand that most stories need conflict to be interesting to the masses so i get why they're in this story and they aren't bothering me enough to stop me from continuing.
Some good Plainnear
Twi got her wish
Nice to see that the poor guy survived after saving Evening.
Bluey gonna get some Cherry Pie.
Oh and some dessert.