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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice looking story
Please pega sisters and bronies colts and fillies stallions and mares go go now to my profile that is to follow me and to read my story and if you have some extra time on your hands or hooves leave me a comment
Sister... Drat.
FIM BMR, abort second strike. Come home.
Yes welcome back to the land of the not-being-in-hiding. Here have some cakes *gives cake*
So yeah this chapter was hella good, I was surprised by how neatly the Past Twi arc wrapped up, and of course Spitfire is not-dead and coming home. Now Twi needs to tell her herd wives, and of course the Mane 6 all need to have a meeting to discuss....their new lives I guess I mean if they're all a part of the same princess shouldn't they all be experiencing new changes?
Still I fear for Blueblood as he goes to visit his incredibly insane and murderous father, and I've deduced the Universe just hates Plain Sight.
Also Sunny seems to go back and forth between being adorable and being...... well slightly off puting
Pretty sure it's gonna be liver failure, Golden Bit's been shown to be a pretty heavy drinker so far and he's pretty far past his prime. I'd almost feel sorry for him if I didn't want to punch him so very, very badly.
3058452
Nah, it's from a older game series by Sierra Online called Quest for Glory. It was a series of 5 adventure/RPG hybrid games, which, among other things, had a very nice old save bonus feature. Force Bolt is a spell you acquire in the second game, notable for being both a damaging and utility spell. It was low damage, low cost, and could bounce off of stuff. Think Magic Missile, mixed with a ping pong ball. Great game series, and one of my favorites of all time, so i never hesitate to make references to it, despite it's obscurity, and the fact only one other person on the whole site knows what it is.
Can't wait to see his reaction when he finds out that his Father was ultimately behind everything! And if he actually is ill, but it's not deadly, I reckon he's almost definitely going to die from Blueblood or somepony else wrapping their hooves around his throat.
Golden Bits ill?
GOOD
You're gonna love the answer, old chum.
Seriously, trying to kill your employer's son, AS HE IS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE? Aren't you supposed to be smart? That kind of strains credibility. (Assuming it was Backtalk)
On the other hand, retirony is nice when it happens to someone that despicable.
3058546
I know a lot of readers were predicting this, but I honestly didn't think you'd divide Celly and Lulu's sister up among the mane six and, based on all the info, I just don't forsee a happy ending for all concerned.
Either the mane six give up the "pieces" of the sister they hold (and thus probably loose their own connections to the elements) or Celly and Tia wait for the current six to die, and try again with the next bunch.
Depressing all of it.
Ok, time to list the negatives for this chapter:
1) Blueblood is being really dense here. The circumstances makes it blindingly clear to anyone 'in the know', which Blueblood is, that the monster in question is Gold Bit.
2) The disclaimer in every chapter is getting kind of annoying. You only really need it in the description or first chapter, this story is one complete unit. Putting the diclaimer in every chapter is like putting the description or an prologue/epilogue in every chapter, we get it, you're using those things in this story.
That's... it. No other criticisms for this one.
3058996 Definitely had to be Backtalk, he had the comm crystal after all.
3059003
Actually, I think, when the Element bearers reach the ends of their lives, something is gonna happen that will result in P!Twilight returning.
3059520
It can be amazing just how much one may try to avoid certain conclusions if they are terrible enough, No one wants to believe their own father would be this horrible, ESPECIALLY if it is for the son's benefit. However, I don't see any way for the characters in the story to connect this atrocity to Golden Bit. GB has not, at least as far as the characters have seen, done anything that might indicate him as being capable of slaughter like this, particularly having his subordinates kill innocent bystanders like that. (Though, it MIGHT be possible that that might have been Backtalk, and Golden Bit just lets Backtalk operate the way he sees fit. I doubt it, but the possibility exists.) Everything Golden Bit has done up till now has been political.
3059601
1) Enough political influence to have reinforcement requests faked to get Blueblood and the Wonderbolts sent to the SAME area of the border.
2) Wealth enough to afford such a powerful hit squad to assassinate such a strong target.
3) Invested enough in Bluebloods future to bother having him sent somewhere.
4) Sufficient animosity towards Twilight and her herd to spend this much effort to hurt them.
The only one who fits all of those is Gold Bit. It might not be enough for a court, or to act on, but it is enough to convince those who know about his plans for Twilight and his familial ambitions. Remember, Blueblood knew GB was willing to torture Twilight if necessary to break her will and turn her into a weapon against Celestia.
I liked this except for one big ol glaring problem... Twilight just got sent to the Astral Plane, found her gravely wounded wife hanging to life by a thread, made a shadowy deal (which she has no clue what the consequences will be) to save her, relived the last incredibly painful moments of a previous life, while simultaneously discovering that her mentor and oldest friend in collusion with her newest friend, have been keeping a life altering secret from her.
Yet after all of this, the entire situation is smoothed over in a matter of seconds by some boilerplate platitudes... I know that you had some readers looking for your head after the last chapter, but I really don't think this was a good way to go about appeasing them. I'll be the first one to denounce drama for the sake of drama, but right here you have a perfectly logical reason for some pretty major interpersonal drama and growth, yet it just slips past almost without impact or repercussion. I for one am sad to see it fall so silently by the wayside.
3059601
I was kind of hoping the cliffhanger at the end would involve whether Blueblood recognized Backtalk, and in fact perhaps backtalk's death wasn't quite the accident it may have appeared to be. The final scene does seem to make it obvious that there was no recognition there, but I'll take a deathly ill Golden Bit as a consolation prize.
Another great chapter! Finally we get some light shed on Twilight's past.
Golden bit ill? well can't say I find that bad. He's just done too many wrongs for me to feel sorry for him. Would be ironic if he too got poisened though. You reap what you sow after all!
3059648
As far as Blueblood is aware, most of his dad's political influence is spent. Indeed, it WAS nearly all spent, he would had to have used every favor and bit of pull left for this, something I would bet Blueblood would not think his father would do. That's basically political suicide, for dubious gain. Wealth and animosity I will grant you, but thing is, if I didn't see some of the behind the scenes things going on, I don't think I would have been anything more than a bit suspicious of GB, as this goes REALLY far. I don't think Bluey is aware of just how huge his dad's ambitions are. I don't think he knows GB wants to actually take Equestria from Celestia anyway. In any case, I bet Blueblood suspects his father of having a hoof in things, but it may just not occur to him that his own father would be the mastermind of this level of murder. Golden is a politician in a country that is remarkably peaceful. This kind of behavior probably fits more with Griffon stereotypes.
I don't think it will be too long before Blueblood starts to figure it out though. Assuming GB doesn't just fess up to his son.
3059773
Possibly why the story had Backy smashing his face so hard dental records would be needed to identify him, so Bluey wouldn't be able to immediately.
CALLED IT!
I have a feeling Bit's "illness" is some kind of ploy and when Bluey gets there Bit's gonna do the evil villain monologue about what he's done.
That was great I think you played Twilight well I don't think she would dwell on the facts of what she found out especially after Celestia explained what happened when she tried to force the memories Though I think she should have been a little more angry about it at first, not enough description in the emotions of her during that But all in all I find it acceptable I hope golden bit chokes on his own puke and I hope Blueblood realizes what his father tried to do. I think if his own son disowned him, he would be wreathing in misery before he died just like the king in Braveheart found out that his daughter in law had William Wallace's baby. I want him to be broken completely before he dies! I WANT MOAR NOW! If that is alright with you
How long are the pregnancies going to last? I want to see Trixie get Sunny Days her sibling sometime soon.
3060764typical gestation for. A horse is 11 months
3061181
I did not know that. Thank you .
3058546
You know, most writers would not like you using their stories to promote your own., but I'll give you a little bit of friendly advice. If you're going to do that, at least have something relevant to say about the story you just read. Just putting down "Nice story" makes it seem like you didn't read it at all, and are just riding on the writer's coattails, trying to boost your own readership. I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt though, and assume you did in fact read my story and liked it.
3058575
Were you hoping for maybe, Twilestia?
3058611
::breathes a sigh of relief::
3058649
Yay, cake! And it's not a lie this time! Also, Sunny was supposed to be a little... off putting.
3058651
I assure you, that his drinking did nothing to mitigate his current... situation.
3058679
Wow. It's good to know that I can make people hate a character as much as redeem them in their eyes.
3058996
People do desperate things when they don't want to be caught.
3059003
Or something else happens. Something wonderful. Sorry. Couldn't help quoting 2010 there.
3059021 3060059
Thank you kindly.
3059520
1. So far, all Blueblood has been told is that he is integral to GB's plot to gain control of the throne through Twilight, even if she has to be... persuaded.
2. I put the disclaimer in every chapter, because which OCs are in the story changes from chapter to chapter, and I never know when another one will crop up or fall to the wayside, forgotten. In any case, the disclaimer is in the author's notes, and easily skipped over. It's not like I put them at the beginning of every chapter in the body of the story (anymore). This just seems like a strange nit to pick, to me. In any case, all serious comments and criticisms are welcomed, just be aware that they may not be used or followed.
3059601
This.
3059648
If you are talking about the reinforcement request for the Wonderbolts, it was not faked. You can't fake reports of troop buildups, as they are too easy to debunk. GB used his political clout to get the Wonderbolts sent in, by making it seem like they were the only ones that could be trusted to be there in case something happens. If you are talking about Blueblood being sent there, a simple letter is easy to fake, and requires no real involvement with government or bribes. Sorry if it seems like I'm attacking you or something, I'm not. Just trying to add in some info that could be inferred, but I decided to leave out because as it stands, there's already too much politics in this story.
3059773 3060646
I was thinking it was kinda thin, too, but really, if you consider what she's forgiven in the past three stories, and what Celestia said was her reasoning, it's not that far a stretch of the imagination.
3060129
Heh heh.
3060590
Time will tell.
3060764
i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/whiterabbit75/mlfw1643-1316939275_zpsbb9dea31.jpg
3061181
Correct, but I think he meant when I was going to get on with it, and have them born.
3061197
Well, my point was never that she shouldn't forgive Celestia, their relationship is far too close for even something like this to be a permanent barrier between the two. I just thought that the scene and reasons were too flimsy for the circumstances.
After what Twilight had been through at that point she was obviously emotionally frayed (especially shown by the fact that she broke down crying as soon as she got home) and when you're that emotionally on edge it feels disingenuous for the scene to essentially go:
"You've lied to me for years, perhaps the entire time you've known me, about who I am, what I am, and what I mean to you, and you convinced Nyx to obfuscate the truth as well."
"It was for your own good and the good of Equestria."
"Oh okay all is forgiven, hugs all around."
I'm not saying it should turn into some huge prolonged emotional battle, but with everything that's happened upto that point and the enormity of the reveal to Twilight, it should have more emotional impact than what the scene got.
I can't wait for the gobsmacked looks on all the reader's faces when Blueblood's dad is not the "monster" but is instead yet another pawn for the true monster pulling everyone's strings.
3061197
*gives you a bear hug*
3061245
I figured, from the "eeirly calm line", that part of why Twilight was so quick to forgive, was she was still processing what all just happened, and was in a bit of shock. She was going a bit on auto, with the more rational part of her mind being in control (ironically enough, considering which pony this is.)
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/2/28/Twilight_Sparkle_Crazy_S2E3.png
Then she arrives at home, seemingly cheerful, and breaks down sobbing, as everything really catches up to her.
3061197
For individuals like Backtalk, the need to survive generally trumps the need to not be caught, or not give away his employer (especially considering he had no intention of working for Golden after this point.)He isn't getting paid near enough to die for Golden like that. Falling off a cliff is rather permanent, getting captured by individuals you know won't kill you allows the possibility of escape.
3061197
... Maybe
hhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
3061271
Eh, being manipulated by a monster wouldn't make him any less a monster. Sure, there are cases in which you can forgive someone who was manipulated cuase they didn't know everything, but the old dastard knows well and good that his methods are unacceptable.
3064041
While he would rough up a pony, through the use of minons or politics, I just don't see him the type to send a hit squad, then have them taken out by another hit squad. He can't possibly be that daft to know it could possibly be traced back to him and undermine everything he's accomplished in his entire life? I'm pretty sure he made a deal with the Devil and all that such a thing includes; no chance of backing out then or avoiding the payment due now.
Ill, eyy? We looking at the knife in back kinda ill, or the boring-er kind which means the bastard might live? Also, Trixie... hurry um Grog damn it, we want to see pony baby!
Just can't believe it all just ended so soon.
I think.... that I see where you're going with this. But I'm not quite sure. I guess I will have to wait and see.
3061245
I may have this come up again sometime in the future.Twilight looks up to Celestia so much, that it's hard to accept that she isn't perfect. She would rather believe that it was something she (Twilight) did rather than her mentor. But like I said, I'll probably address this later.
3061271
Heh heh.
3061406
Yay, hug tiem!
3061578
He was caught in actions that could be construed as treasonous; a very serious crime. You'll probably get to hear what exactly happened from Blueblood's perspective sometime in the future, so you can see exactly what happened. Trust me. What he did, made sense for him at the time.
3063360
Do... do you require medical attention?
3076331
Patience, my friend. Patience.
3078688
Indeed. Mr. Bub-bun is no one to mess with.
3079234
Huh? The story's not over yet.
3084370
Let's hope I deliver as, or above what is expected.
three more chapters...god my eyes hurt
Almonds? Is that poisonous to a pony? Or was it some poison that makes that smell? And all this stuff about Princess Twilight and that is just confusing to me now. Good to see Spitfire up and well-ish.
~SolidFire
3368841 Cyanide is a highly toxic poison that smells of almonds. Fun fact as a kid I avoided any almond smelling liquids out of paranoia.
All this buildup for "Oh, I'm apparently a shard of an immortal alicorn. How 'bout that."
3400745
Plants Toxic to Horses
apparently almonds (or the plants they come from) are also poisonous to horses. Though I didn't know that about Cyanide.
Commence read.
Knowledge has been gained. Though still plenty of questions.
dude, you threw off her groove!
3851967
To a certain percentage of the population, cyanide smells like bitter almonds. It's not something you can learn though; basically, you either have the gift or you don't. I think around 5% of the Earth's population can smell it. Might be more for ponies, as they have a larger olfactory gland than we humans do, being related to horses.
5592471 Science!!
(need a damn crazy twilight emote *grumble*)
Assassinating Assassin's Assassins and accidentally committing self-assassination.
GG NO RE