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It had been a few years since she was forced to leave the vault she called home, now people don't even know her name but the title she was given. A malfunction with a device she was given takes her to a land that is not like her own. How will she handle this new environment and these happy ponies?
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5,000 words on the first chapter? Holy shit, I better check this out!
EDIT: And I was not disappointed! But it is a bit hard to read. Maybe space things out a bit?
Hmm someone else using the Lone Wanderer, yay (not being sarcastic) . I'll read this in the morning.
This is a good story. i agree that the spacing could use some work, but it seems to be off to a good start. First time I have seen the Lone Wanderer as a ghoul as well. Unexpected, but it has potential.
2196223
Well, it makes sense. If you don't count the DL content Broken Steel as being a part of the in-game story for the purpose of this crossover, then the only way the wanderer could have survived the radiation would be if she or he became, or was on arrival for that mission's end, a Ghoul.
2196301
Never thought of it that way, but you would be right.
2195801
I have heard this before, with my other story, and I am currently trying to fix that little problem on all my chapters.
*Edit*
OK that should make it easier to read for everyone.
Journey of a lonely wanderer already has ghoul wanderer. But this story is nice. (Especially the pony killing!)
Maybe a flashback as to how she became a Ghoul? Maybe if her Intelligence and Speech are max as she gains more levels in Equestria or she learns the language from reading skillbooks, aka raiding Twilights library. What new perks will she gain and/or lose due to this "mishap." Would be glad to contribute more ideas if you want.
You keep mixing past and present tense. Pick one and stick to it. You're just making things confusing.
Also, Blackhawk is one word. Shishkebab should always have a capital 'S'.
2196223
Take a poke at my stuff. Mine's a ghoul cyborg.
One thing keep updating daily if possible this my new favorite story most have chapter by tomorrow.
2196943
Thank you for pointing those out I'll get to fixing those right away.
Very nice, thought it was a bit rushed, but other than that, I liked it!
Also, If anyone (or anypony) hurts dogmeat, they are in for a world of hurt
Keep going I love it
*Expects 4 ponies of the apocalypse*
*Starts reading*
Liking it
You need a question mark there.
2198079
Thank you for pointing that out...
Write a Fallout and MLP crossover and it is a instant feature story, but write a fallout Equestria story and you are more or less forgotten the next day.
Logic I don´t get you
Pacing could do with a little work, as well as the punctuation. At the moment, the story seems to be following the line of "and then this happened and this happened and this happened and this happened". Sort that out, and you could have pretty good story.
Until "It Must Be Tuesday" updates you will be my new best friend.
Only one Issue I found was a minor spelling mistake:
2195871 Least it's not the Courier.
your grammer is shotty as hell, and you need to figure out how to explain things without going into a monolouge.
'Oh, look, a story where the Lone Wanderhuurr doesn't immediately befriend the ponies let's thumb it down durrr'
I mean, 5 dislikes, already? damn. I know it's not very original but what really is?
I like it. Keep it up. Fave and thumbs up.
2198218
It's because it's more interesting to see the game actually crossed over, rather than the universe of MLP warped into something that had so many logical errors that it confused everyone. Not offending Fallout Equestria, but its story and everything was quite... Illogical.
2198384
None taken. But if you look at the world of Fo at the seams are that not so logical again.
But each person their taste, I do just know that I like Fo:E better since it is only dark and not grimdark like the games... Stupid Vault-tec grumble grumble
KILL THE PONY THAT HURT DOG MEAT!!!!!!
Dogmeat hurt? RRRRRREEETTRRIIIBUUUUUTTIOOOOONNNN!!!!!
The wanderer in "Bear, Scribe, and Paladin" is a female goul.
2198410
Well, looking at the backstory of Fallout, it's quite the dark little horror. Mostly H.P. Lovecraft.
2198541
The Wanderer is just a name for the character of Fallout 3, so you can find a million different kinds of those
2198568
Yea... A tad to dark for me. Sure I love a dark story, but grimdark as that... Well the universe is what that keeps me coming back, not the backstory if that makes any sense
PFFFT SHE'S OBVIOUSLY AGAINST THE BROTHERHOOD.
2198337
THIS ONE?
it's funny 'cause it's a horse
Different languages and violent to ponies. Perfect. Props on making the main character a ghoul.
YOU BETTER NOT USE A TRANSLATION SPELL SO THEY CAN TALK TO EACHOTHER.
Suddenly Equestria! Major pet peeve, just suddenly, within the first few paragraphs the character is in Equestria. That being said, I like where this is headed. Just pace yourself.
As a note, The Wazer Wifle is actually weaker than a typical laser rifle.
2198308 I await as well.
What you have is good, but the whole "WHAM suddenly EQUESTRIA" thing was... jarring.
You should work on your pacing, maybe give us more details so that it builds up to something rather then jumping the gun and diving right in.
But nonetheless, you are a good writing, you just need to practice more on your grammar, spelling and spacing. Keep up the great work :)
Interesting, yes. Although the pacing makes it seem a bit rushed, this story has perked my interest. Please continue.
2198410
There are certainly darker games than Fallout. It's mostly just dark comedy in FO Universe.
(Like the testing of Nuka Cola Quantum)
2200337
Would you please elaborate as to what you didn't like about it? I will listen to any criticism you may have.
2199540
Actually I found this on the Fallout 3 wiki:
While identical in appearance to the laser rifle, it does 5 more damage and also comes equipped with a larger magazine, with 30 shots instead of the standard 24. It is also 80% more durable than the standard laser rifle with 800 more hit points.
Hmm, 21:4 would have worked a lot better than 21:6.
Disregard if title has something to do with the crossover.
2200533 Huh. Then why was mine a piece of shit by comparison?
Every single plot point of this story, to me, seems to have been ripped from Wayward Courier and Bear, Scribe and Paladin.
A ghoul LW? Check!
Transportalponder used as means of access to Equestria? Check!
Language barrier between main character and ponies? Checkity-check!
You also manage to pull off some of the worst regular HiE tropes as well. Namely, we're into Equestria in less than 1000 words, the ponies are immediately (and unnecessarily) hostile to any new creature, and, of course, there's a damn manticore attack that the hero overcomes with little to no effort in order to prove their badassery. You also switch up your tenses a lot for no reason whatsoever.
Yeah, sorry, but it's a downvote from me. I just don't see enough originality here to warrant a favourite, much less the feature box.
2201029
This.
A cruel twist of fate would be if the LW treated ghouls like shit only to end up becoming one
At least the title is original.
Too bad it dosent have anything to do with the story.
I overall remain neutral so far, but is subject to change. So good luck!
2200213
Look at the Enclave, FEV and Vault-tec and say that it is mostly humour. Sure there is a lot of humour, especially in Old World Blues my favourite DLC, but the game is also filled with grimdarkness no matter how you look at it