To Win a Marshmallow's Heart
It was a sunny, cloudless day in Ponyville. There was a gentle breeze flowing throughout the town as lovers everywhere ran about, enjoying the company of their special somepony. It seemed to be a perfect hearts and hooves day.
"And a perfect day fer a confession," Applejack quietly said to herself, with a rather large smile as she trotted through the town towards Carousel Boutique. She didn't know when it happened, but somewhere down the road Applejack had fallen in love with her good friend Rarity, and in no way is this lazy writing where I refuse to do anything pertaining to character development.
"Hey Applejack!" Bon Bon called over as Applejack neared her stall of candy, "want to buy some candy for Hearts and Hooves Day? I have some really great deals!" she said with a smile as she showed the orange mare a box filled with bonbons. It's funny because it's ironic!
"Wow, they sure do look delicious, how much?" Applejack asked as she examined the box of candy with great interest. Rarity would love it.
"Since I'm closing up soon, and you're a good friend, how about 6 bits?" Bon Bon offered.
"Sounds great!" Applejack said as she handed the money over, and received the box of candy, "though I gotta ask, why you closing up so soon?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, causing Bon Bon to blush.
"Well, me and Lyra thought it'd be nice if we could spend the day together, since it IS Hearts and Hooves Day after all," she said as she started closing up shop, "well, good luck with Rarity!" she waved as she walked away, causing Applejack to blush.
"These aren't fer Rarity, there fer...uh...SHUT UP!" Applejack yelled out, causing Bon Bon to laugh a bit. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she continued her trot to Rarity's, arriving in just a few minutes, "alright, this is it," she muttered to herself, "now or never," she took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down, and knocked three times on the door.
"Coming!" sang Rarity, and a few seconds later opened the door to her house, "Applejack! What a pleasant surprise! Do come in, oh, but wipe your hooves first darling," Rarity gushed as she led Applejack into her home.
"Thanks Rare's, it's good to see ya!" Applejack said as she offered the box of bonbon's to the white mare, "gotcha a lil somethin," she said with a smile, eliciting a squeal from Rarity.
"Bonbon's, my favorite!" she said, popping one of the sweets into her mouth. She smiled with content, "oh Applejack, you're far too kind darling!" she hugged the orange mare, who turned a deep red at the sudden show of affection.
"Shucks Rarity, ain't no big deal, anythang fer one of my best friends!" she said hugging the white mare, taking a small whiff of Rarity's mane as she did so, 'aw yeah,' she thought with content as she let go of her friend.
"So Applejack, what brings you here? I'm glad you came and all, but I doubt you only came here to give me chocolates," she joked, fluttering her eyes as she did so, causing Applejack's heart to flutter along as well.
"Well, ah was just awondering if you were doing anythang fer Hearts and Hooves Day?" Applejack asked while scratching the back of her neck with her hoof.
"Unfortunately no darling," Rarity replied, her smile disappearing and her eyes glazing over, "I've been so busy with commissions, and I haven't really been able to go out and about, I have no plans...unless," she stared at Applejack, her eyes half open with a smile, "you want to go out with me?" she leaned towards Applejack, "as friends of course?" Applejack involuntarily gulped at that, and smiled.
"If'n you wouldn't mind?" she blushed, causing Rarity to giggle a bit.
"Oh Applejack, I would be delighted!" she squealed with delight, "usually I'd dress up a little, but I suppose I could forgo that, just this once," she said leading Applejack out of her house.
'...this is going better than expected,' Applejack thought to herself with a smile, maybe this really could work?
--------------------------
"Hey Rare's, how's this place look?" Applejack pointed out a nearby restaurant that shall not be named because I am terrible at naming places.
"Well, it's not exactly high maintenance, but I suppose it will do," she replied, with a bit of disdain as she entered, followed by Applejack.
"Aw it ain't that bad," Applejack said with a huff, "trust me, as soon as you try the food, you'll be begging for more," she said as both mare's sat down. As the two mare's waited for their food, Rarity spotted Lyra and Bon Bon at the far corner of the restaurant, sharing a box of dark chocolate.
"Blegh," she made an unladylike sound, causing Applejack to look towards the offending couple, "can you believe those two, doing something so degrading towards mare's everywhere? Honestly," she said in a huff, causing Applejack to have a mild panic attack.
'Whoa whoa whoa wait!' Applejack panicked, 'does she hate...filly foolers?' at that thought Applejack had to resist gagging, 'but, ah'm a filly fooler!' yes Applejack, we kinda figured seeing as how you have the hot's for Rarity and have high sexual tension with Rainbow Dash. But I can't blame you, Rainbow Dash is one fine pegasus. With a real tight fla-
"Applejack, are you alright darling?" Rarity asked, concern lacing her voice.
"...ah'm just not feeling well," she replied in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Oh you poor thing, here, let's go, it's obvious you detest what those two are doing as much as I do if this is how you react," Rarity sent a glare at the offending couple, earning questioning looks from said mare's as she lead Applejack out of the restaurant, and back to her home. Only one thing was on Applejack's mind.
'How am ah gonna tell her now?'
-----------------
After a few minutes of walking, the two mare's finally arrived at Rarity's home.
"Come along Applejack, let's get you inside," Rarity said as she lead Applejack into her home, "oh don't worry Applejack, I'm sure those, barbarians, will learn the error of there ways soon," she said as she rubbed Applejack's back, earning a glare from the orange mare.
"And just what's so barbaric about it!?" Applejack yelled as she knocked Rarity's hoof away from her, earning a gasp from the white mare.
"Applejack, don't tell me you don't mind what those two were doing!?" Rarity questioned with a glare, "do you not know how unnatural it was?"
"There ain't nothing unnatural about those two, in fact, ah'm the same way!" she yelled at the shocked mare, tears streaming down her face, 'ah can't believe how much of a bigot Rarity is,' she thought sadly to herself.
"Don't tell me Applejack, no, I won't believe it!" Rarity yelled out, tears running down her face, ruining her make up.
"Well, believe it!"
"YOU FIND DARK CHOCOLATE ROMANTIC!?"
"AH'M A FILLY FOOLER!" the two mares shouted out in unison, "...wait, what?" Applejack couldn't believe her ears. All this heart ache...over dark chocolate. The two mare's stared at each other, nothing but shock showing on there faces.
"...Well...this is awkward," Rarity said with a fake smile, causing Applejack to chuckle a bit.
"Yeah, it kinda...is?" the two mare's chuckled together, unable to look each other in the eye.
"So...you're a filly fooler then?"
"Uh, yeah, that's not a problem, right?" Applejack asked a bit uneasily, earning a hasty shake of the head from Rarity.
"What? No, no, it's just, oh, I'm sorry," Rarity apologized, her head hung low.
"What, why? You didn't do anythang sugarcube, it was all just a missunderstandin," Applejack explained with a wave of her hoof, eliciting another shake of the head from her secret love.
"No, not that!" Rarity said with a huff, "I mean, if you're a filly fooler, than obviously you're in love with me," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Wha-what! Where in tarnation did that come from!?"
"Well, it's obvious really. I mean, with my pristine beauty, and you being a filly fooler, there's no way for you to not be enchanted by my beautiful face, my perfect hooves, and my well rounded flank," Rarity listed off, annoying Applejack, more so was the fact that Rarity was actually correct in her hypothesis, she really did have a nice flank.
"Oh what have I done?!" Rarity lamented as she fell to the floor, shocking the poor earth pony as she did so, "I've lead astray one of my most precious friends! Oh the ponyality! How could I have hurt my dear Applejack by not reciprocating her feelings of love! Woe is mehehhehe!" she shouted, tears once again flowing down her face freely.
"Hey, Rare's, it's okay," Applejack said as she held her friend, "it's alright if you don't share mah-"
"NO!" Rarity shouted as she pulled away from Applejack, "it is NOT okay! As your friend, I simply must repent!" she stated as she caressed Applejack's face with her right hoof, "therefore, you and I are now marefriends," she stated simply as she let go of Applejack and began walking away.
"Wait, what?" Applejack questioned, her heart feeling like it was beating a hundred miles per hour.
"You heard me, we are now dating," Rarity turned and stated simply, "I expect you to take me out to dinner tomorrow, romantically mind you, and for you to tell me how beautiful I am," she demanded as she flipped her hair, "and in return we will return to my place and spend a quiet evening together, gazing at the stars, and at the end, we stare lovingly into each other's eyes," she squealed a bit at this point, "our eyes would meet, you would caress me as any lover would, and you would lean in and plant upon my luscious lips a kiss that felt as if it were from heaven," she said dreamily, causing Applejack to pant a little.
"...Okay," she gave in, causing Rarity to smile.
"Perfect darling, oh, I suppose I should say lover," she said thoughtfully to herself with a hoof to her chin, "then I shall see you tomorrow at eight, is that fine?"
"...uh huh," Applejack nodded with a smile.
"Fabulous, see you then!" Rarity then gave a quick smooch to Applejack's cheek, eliciting a smile from the orange mare.
"S-see ya tomorrow Rare's," Applejack nodded, hiding her face a bit with her stretson as she left Carousal Boutique. Tomorrow was going to be the best night ever.
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lol, that was funny
No development, no details, characters OOC, cliche story not done well.
Shame, this is one of my favorite ships.
2123100 Well, the overall point was to be funny, but seeing as how this story has mix'd reviews, I'm guessing I could have done better. This wasn't suppose to be a serious story, and should not be taken as such. I'm not bashing on your review, looking back at my story I whole heartily agree with you on the most part, but it just seems like you may have took this story to seriously. You did bring up some excellent points, one's I'm definitely going to keep in mind next time I write a one-shot, so thanks for the helpful review.
The set up was ok, but the resolution was very abrupt- and Rarity's reaction was extremely ridiculous and not fun to read- I get that this was not meant to be a serious fic, but it needs more content. Thank you for posting your fic, though.
That was hilarious.
Glad I read it.
2129335 And thank you for reading. I really should get to working on that ending to make it more satisfying, no good ever comes from rushing I suppose.
I can't really critique it different than any-one else has. You did help me realize something: Rarijack works as a ship because they are the most mature and grown up of the Mane 6. Yay. Thanks for putting it up.
When it comes to romance, Rarity is even more oragnized than Twilight Sparkle
2142163
You...you commented on my story...THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVAH!!!!!
This type of aside detracts from the story and takes the reader out of the moment. Better to offer some description rather than say you don't know. For example, say it is one of Applejack's favorites, or a new place neither had eaten, or some clue what sort of place it is. You did this several times, this is the example I chose.
Other than that a nice funny fic that needs some polish.
2177429
I know that, but it was meant to be funny, but I do agree I need to polish this bad boy up a bit. I'll probably fix this up when my other fics are finished, thanks for the review!
2177489 You're welcome. I can only offer my opinion on such things, but I think the story would be stronger without those.
BTW, thumbs up
because I did enjoy the story. And that 'dark chocolate' joke.
*facepalms* (Still thumbs up
)
That pun is positively fabulous.
I did a reading!
4848201 That got more views than I expected
! Though I am incredibly happy about this!
This could use proofreading, but more than that, it needs more of those meta-narrative asides to the reader. They set up a certain tone, but there aren't quite enough to carry it through the entire story. The opposite decision, of course, would be to remove them entirely and let this stand on the ridiculousness of Rarity's reaction at the end, which it certainly could do.
4953069 When I first wrote this, I didn't wanna put too many of the meta-narrative thing, but looking over it again you're right, shoulda added some more into the story.
4953280
They distract from the narrative. That said, if the whole point of the story was to break down tropes and cliches, as you do a little, they would have been just fine in greater numbers. It's just that there aren't enough to really drive home what the reader should focus on: the story, or the meta-story?
Calling it now: Rarity is talking about them bringing food into a restaurant. The nerve of some people!
Edit: close! But no cigar.