I write for fun. I learn from my mistakes. I have feelings and I transmit them.
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When reality becomes blurred, and Twilight's mind can't distinguish between the real and the false, she falls into an endless abyss devoid of any meaning for her, especially when she awakens with a broken horn. However, Applejack, in her attempt to pull the unicorn out of this melancholic pit, tries to understand why Twilight woke up asking for wings she never had.
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You definitely have my attention.
Looks interesting cant wait to see what happens next
The vivid detail in this is very engaging.
I feel this part would be better split into two separate sections, because I read this on my laptop and for those reading on mobile, it could read like a wall of text. It's very minor, but to me this reads more clear.
I also love the way your write Applejack, it's a challenge in of itself to get her voice just right, without coming off too "country ish" while sounding natural, and you walked that line, like a trapzee rope walker.
I am very curious to see where you go with this. I would recommend posting blogs about it too, and joining Discord groups for My Little Pony if you haven't already. There are a bunch of them out there, and the more places you can put this, the better chances to be seen.
Keep it up, you've got a great hook here, and I'll be following along for this ride.
Is very interesting so far! Your characterization is brilliant, I love the attention to detail, and this is a great hook! Please keep it up as I want to know more!
Lemme guess
Based on friendship is tragic?
Looks like the Ascension spell backfired.
I always did enjoy these types of stories; looking forward to the next chapter!
I'm following this one, please carry on. I want to see where it goes.
Yikes, that is a scary situation to be in.
Judging by the last few sentences, it seems that Twilight really was always just a unicorn.
Wonder what happens next...
Ah, I like this a lot. This world is almost identical to the Equestria we know, with just a few tiny differences.
Makes sense AJ would be the one person to recognize some sort of deeper issue, she always had great intuition.
Cannot wait for more!
THIS IS SO GOOD
I'm loving what I've read so far! I felt compelled to write down my thoughts on what might be revealed.
So here's my theory: the spell Twilight cast to see the future did indeed show her the future, but then immediately changed the timeline due to the accident. Twilight experienced in great detail what would have happened had she never cast that spell. This could have a few side effects, for instance, Twilight now knows that Celestia was grooming her to become the new ruler of Equestria, that Tirek has or will escape from Tartarus, and she has probably learned from her experience leading Equestria.
There are a few things that might contradict this theory, however. for instance, She feels a need to read a book on relaxation techniques when in the timeline that we know Cadence has already taught her the 'breathe in, breathe out' method. Perhaps this means that she doesn't retain skills she learned in her vision, or perhaps it means that she doesn't find this technique very helpful right now and needs something else. Maybe it means that nothing in her vision/dream was real.
Another thing that may contradict my theory is that Applejack seems to have had a feeling that something was wrong long before Twilight cast the spell and supposedly altered the timeline. This could be explained by Applejack having a premonition that the timeline would be altered. However, there is some small indications that the timeline may have been altered before then: Applejack's cutie mark story. It talks about Applejack saving the apple farm to gain her cutie mark, which doesn't quite line up with what we see in the show (Applejack gained her cutie mark when she returned home from Manehattan) , but could be attributed to just a difference in interpretation. (perhaps Applejack saved the farm by returning home.)
A few thoughts on your writing, if you're not already bored:
Your writing is beautifully detailed, but I think you might be overusing flowery language in dialogue. Here's one bit that kinda killed the immersion for me:
Maybe it's just me, but that sounds more like Shakespeare than Applejack. Applejack is very taciturn, and Big mac needed no further encouragement to go back to bed.
I think there were also a few times when you accidentally used the wrong word, for instance:
I think you mean Stubborn?
Anyways, great fic, and I'm eager to know what happens next!
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I am not one to answer comments, but I am very grateful and happy to be able to read you. Thank you for your contribution to my writing. I'm trying to correct it according to my schedule, especially the detail of Applejack's cutie mark so that there would be no misunderstandings. Sometimes my poetic part escapes me, sorry hahaha. Thank you for reading! ♡
Who's up for the phylosofical trauma ?
Great story btw
I'm really liking it so far, the ambient and descriptions are really well made apart from the Applejack's dialogues ( i hope you didnt have much trouble writing them
) I hope it doesnt end here
Keep up the magnificent work !