She Takes After You
“It’s called Tribal Dysmorphic Disorder.”
Applejack reached over and took her wife's hoof, chilled as it was from the medical center’s sterile air. Physical touch always helped the pegasus center herself and already she could feel Shy's heartbeat quickening with worry.
“It's when a foal of mixed parentage has a significant over- or under-expression of one or both parent's tribal traits,” Dr. Gentle Care continued. “It's not rare, but it’s much more common in unicorns where it's easily identified by stouter builds and weaker magic. Even then, many live ordinary lives completely unaware that they have it."
She thought she could almost feel the echoes of a second heartbeat in the river of her wife's, but that had to be her imagination. It was too soon. Shy wasn't even halfway along yet, her bulge still hidden under a knitted sweater.
"B-but— she's okay, right? Not in danger? Lots of ponies live with this and they’re fine?"
He winced. It was slight, but not slight enough for her to miss it. "I said many unicorns live with it. With the foal of a pegasus and an earth pony... things are more complicated."
Applejack tightened her grip, making herself a rock for Shy to anchor herself to. "Complicated. How?"
In response, he reached over to pass her a manila folder. Fluttershy snatched it first and flipped it open. There were charts. Numbers. A lot of long terms in medical jargon. Nothing that made any sense to her.
But Fluttershy's spiking pulse spoke volumes.
"Give it to me in plain Equish, doc."
He sighed. Removed his glasses. Cleaned them. Put them back. "According to these preliminary tests, it's highly likely that your daughter is going to have your bone structure—" he nodded to Fluttershy before turning his gaze "—and your musculature."
Her breath caught in her throat. A daughter. Her daughter. Somehow, it all hadn’t felt quite real til that moment.
“We can't predict the severity of her condition, but given the factors at play I’d project it to be near the extreme end."
She almost didn't want to know. "Factors?"
"The odds of severity increase when both parents are of particularly pure stock."
Her mind flashed back to a dozen Apple family reunions; every last one of them hornless and wingless until she'd married. She didn't know much about Fluttershy's extended family, but remembered her father-in-law once saying he could trace his lineage back to Commander Hurricane's aide-de-camp.
“In addition," he continued. "TDD is a known side effect of magically-aided fertilization. The spell has to make a few… logical leaps when transforming an egg into sperm, which can cause an overexpression of certain genes."
Fluttershy's pulse was like a frightened bird in her hoof. She squeezed and it slowed, slightly. "Doctor... please... how bad is… 'extreme'?"
He sighed, clearly resigned. "She'll be prone to exhaustion, overexertion. An inability to sense her limits leading to collapse and regular fainting spells. That’s the best case scenario. In the worst... in addition to that there's a very real possibility she might be strong enough to break her own bones. Even light foalish roughhousing could send her to the hospital."
The room fell silent. Shy's hoof was hot in hers, blood pounding.
Then it steadied. Slowed. Applejack spared her a glance. There was an unfamiliar hard look in her wife's eyes.
"Shy? Hun? What are you thinking?"
Fluttershy took a deep breath. Held it. Released it. Her hoof stayed gripped tight. "Applejack. You know I’ve witnessed a lot of births. Helped a lot of them along. I treat and help as many as I can but... Nature can be callous. It doesn't coddle. A bird with a misshapen wing. A snake with no eyes. They won't survive in the wild. Sometimes, you have to make a hard choice."
Shy's hoof burned against hers. Or was that her own blood running cold?
"Sometimes it's... kinder, to spare them the pain."
The words plunged like a knife into her heart. "Y-You can't be serious." The hoof stayed firm. Applejack recoiled, horrorstruck. "...No. No! This ain't some- some critter you picked up in the woods! This is a pony we’re talking about!”
“I know.”
“Our filly!”
“...I know.”
“And you want to kill her?!”
"I don't want to ki... to abo… I don't want to!" Shy snapped, her voice raw. "But what kind of life would she have?"
"Her life! Any life! One she can find her own way in! Doesn't she deserve the chance?!"
"What chance!? To spend her life in the hospital? Or indoors, protected, like some kind of porcelain doll? I wouldn’t want that for her!" For all the years they’d been married, she’d never heard Fluttershy so angry. Worse, she couldn’t tell if it was directed at her, or the diagnosis. "And what if she takes after you?! What if she wants to run and play and buck apple trees and do rodeos and we have to tell her 'no' because we decided she had to live crippled!?"
"We decided nothing! It's fate! Bad genes! Bad luck! I’m not letting you kill our filly cause she might have a tough time!"
“It’s just an option!” Fluttershy hissed, “One we have to consider.” Her voice solidified into something cold and hard. “But it sounds like you’ve already made your choice.”
“What choice is there to make? Between a disabled filly and a dead one?! There’s only one answer!"
Fluttershy was quiet for a moment.
Then she stood up, pushed back her chair, and let go of Applejack’s hoof.
“I think…” She shook her head. “I need some air. I’m going to Dash’s for… awhile.”
“Shy…”
“No! I can’t… I can’t talk to you right now.”
Fluorescent lights caught the glint of tears slipping down her face as she turned and left.
Leaving Applejack alone.
In a moment of terrible clarity, Applejack wondered if she might have just lost both of the most important mares in her life.
Her hoof was cold, clutching nothing but dead air.
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This was pretty good. The ending was well executed and poignant.
An uncomfortable piece. It presented a situation, but in my opinion it didn't really say anything about it. I'm not really picking up any intention behind the words. There's nothing wrong with that, but it didn't hit me like it would have if it had a sense it was going anywhere beyond irreconcilable differences.
11637983
I agree.
Hard hitting. Good stuff.
I love your medical explanation as well, interesting layering for the franchise.
11637889
I think you meant.... poignant
11637983
That often is the point. An impossible choice that neither side can live with.
Couples faced with this situation in our world often end up seperating, whatever the outcome.
Author: nice story. I guess Equestria doesn't have mandatory genetic counseling for artifical conception? They would have been warned about this as a possibility....
11638367
Thank's! Lol
11638369
Yup, I'm aware. So, why ponies though? If you're putting mlp characters in a real world situation where it plays out exactly like it would in the real world, what's the message? What did the setting and characters bring to the table? It's a well put together piece, but to me it just came off more as a statement of facts than a story.
I think this story could stand to be longer and go into things more.
'But that would not qualify for a 1000 words contest!'
11637983
imho you have a point here. I will note that writing substantive stories about abortion without making lots of people angry at you is kind of hard, though, and that's something the incentives of this website's design discourage and 'punish.'
11638516
It would be interesting to see what would happen if your implied 'does this story HAVE to be about ponies?' guideline for which stories belong was applied to every story on the whole site. I think we would lose some good stories.
11638549
Both valid points. I'd never espouse a policy where you have to defend your story's validity in the use of ponies, personally. I guess I'm just struggling to express that this story wasn't served very well by the word limit. I ran into the same problem, where the amount of information I had to give got in the way of the feel of the piece I was trying to engender. I'd love to know how long this story was on the first pass. One of mine started out at 2200 words before the pruning shears came out.
11638516
Why does a story need to have a message?
I thought this was a well written look at the emotions felt by those who have to make terribly difficult decisions. It is the emotional impact that is what is valuable here, not whatever the actual decision turns out to be.
The see and feel through the eyes of others is a strength of writing, and this story used ponies to take us into the hearts and minds of people making difficult decisions. We may have our own individual opinions on what is “correct”… but this story will, we hope, give us empathy for those people.
11638591
I agree, and all I can say is it didn't do that for me. I already felt empathy for this turn of events, regardless of who was experiencing it. That's just my personal reality. I have no doubt that for someone that hasn't given the circumstance much thought it could hit a lot harder and give valuable insight. I'm not disparaging the story, but from my perspective it was just a picture of cold reality injected into a setting with the capacity for something better. It's a divisive subject, and the largely positive reception reflects the quality of the writing, but it just fell flat for me. That's really no one's fault, but it's my reality.
11637983
It doesn't make an obvious statement because that's often how real life works. A shitty thing happens, and no matter what you do there's nothing that can be called a resolution. No matter what happens, you have to live with it for the rest of your life.
The lack of 'intention' in this work is the point, the method of emphasizing that helplessness and pain.
11638943
That's exactly what I said. I guess I could have been more clear in saying lack of intention beyond the obvious. Obviously it's presenting a scenario with no good outcome. Obviously the choice of characters is designed to create sympathy. Maybe I'm not a fan of hopelessness as an artform. It's difficult to appreciate a piece in the abstract when it's designed to bring you closer to the subject. Happily it hit the feature box, so more people will get a chance to read it. As I've been saying, it's not my cup of tea but it's still a well done piece.
11639009
My bad. Sometimes I skip a sentence while I'm reading, and I almost never realize. Good night!
I don't think I've ever seen Fluttershy and Applejack shipped before, but this sounds exactly like a conversation I'd expect them to have.
This was really good.
This was well done considering both the subject matter and the word limit.
I particularly like that you didn’t give a clean clear ending that tells me how I should feel. The rebooted “Battlestar Galactica” did this extremely well and left the viewer to draw their own conclusions.
Excellent work!
oof! very believable in-universe congenital malady
oh no…
and augh. honestly, devastating to me personally that this is the side effect of two wonderful things
and yeah, Fluttershy being much more intimately familiar with the heartlessness of nature than her friends really does track
and augh, what a heartbreakingly tragic situation. there is no good ending here, only the avoidance of a worse one at best. well-drawn in terms of characters, and well-fitting into this world of magical ponies that we know, or this version of it where nature is as callous as it is anywhere else. thank you for writing
I was going to bring up Scootaloo, but you do a good job of explaining why this case is much more dire than her own TDD.
Nice touch with Fluttershy understanding the medical report even when Applejack doesn’t; goodness knows the animal caretaker needs to stay up on research for dozens if not hundreds of species… and goodness knows she’s dealt with a great deal more deaths.
But Applejack may have her beat on quality, if not quantity. Bad enough to lose her parents too soon. Losing a daughter before ever knowing her is too terrible a proposition for her to even consider, no matter how much suffering the alternative may cause.
Great character drama, with entirely believable stances from both parties. The open ending may be the only right one; there is no sweeping blanket statement about a “correct” choice here, and the particulars are outside the scope of what a thousand words can cover. Thank you for this and congrats on the silver.
Good stuff but instead of a dangerous medical situation they should have gone with a doner. If Big Mac donated then the pony would still be Fluttershys and have Apple DNA.
Hello! Here's your courtesy note for my review of this. Emotionally powerful, with believable world-building to explain it. I was satisfied by both the characterisation and the avoidance of unrealistically easy answers. Not a happy story, but faving it nevertheless.