- Member Since 25th Oct, 2021
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
King Of The Below
Just some Writer, who loves to write about fantastical worlds and ever evolving ideas.
King Of The Below
Joined 25th Oct, 2021 ·
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It’s interesting how all the dialogue is italicized. Can I ask why? Or is it just a stylistic choice? I am loving this story so far:D
11620150
The dialogue is just pure style as too many stories use the whole "Insert phrase here" without any indications its talking unless stated otherwise so I thought to make it easier to read for anyone who liked heavy dialogue. I appreciate the love for the story, just hope you'll like the trials and pain everyone will endure later on :))
11620189 (keep in mind this is my personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt)
I don’t think italicize is the best choice for trying to make the dialogue easier to read. (In my opinion.) I think it makes it a tad bit harder to read. I think making the dialogue bolded would work better.
11620202
hey no worries, I understand that critique I'll take into account later, some scenes involving dialogue would have to be bolded for importance or other reasons.
11620204
I choose to side with the love queen. Mainly to restore balance to a corrupted world. By the alicorns who were supposed to be the balance itself.
11620344
I see, well maybe your loyalty may be misplaced. But who knows, order is a fickle thing after all.
So I take it the human does not stay human if this was put into the ponified human folder by you. I have not read it. Just want some clarification.
11620349
This looks interesting.
11620403
Well for one, the original plan was to keep him human but yes at some point he will become human once more, be it temporary or permanent
11620512
I give you a recommendation?, make it Human as much as possible. If you are going to do a story with humans, it has to be done because if you propose to only put him as a Pony, just make a story about a pony in a different equestria, so simply, he absolutely loses all the grace of the Human Label.
11621378
Fair point, but if I may, the point of him becoming a pony is that he keeps what makes him a human, his soul, his mind, his very heart is all human. Think of it like this: if someone gets reincarnated then they are meant to keep their original soul so for one that remains the same. He's still himself deep down. He's simply put into a new body with new issues he'll come to find.
11621378
If that's not enough, I apologize for the mis-fire when it comes to stories and where they'd go again apologies if that is a mishap on my part
11620349
Loyalty has nothing to do with it. It is a simple choice about who to decide which is best for all and not just you.😒 Besides, you know I'm right about my judgement. Cadance is order, while the other two alicorns could be an apocalypse if they all fight in a war that is. Basically almost like 'The Devil's Brew'. An event that tore families and nations apart during the medieval era. A queen married to the French king, only to marry other men through out her whole life baring each their children. And the children of royalty fought for what was promised to them. {Watch Extra History you'll learn the answers.}
11621660
To answer you properly, while that can appear how it is. I think as the author I can accurately say that order is just a fine line between chaos and nothing. you'll see what I mean later
11621470
nothing happens, in any case, no matter how much spirit you have, you must imply (at least some difficulty) that it is not a body even similar to a human, we are talking about a race of prey or technically herbivores in dangerous situations, the soul and body of the protagonist will be in Disorder
11621688
Well that's kinda the point, his soul and mind are messed up and its going to remain that way until he finds some way back or comes to terms with his new existence and how that's done, well if you do read you'd see but I won't ask that of you.
I am enjoying this now to wait patiently for more. Keep up the good work my friend.
11621936
I very much appreciate that, love that you're enjoying this work so far
I wonder if his magic will specialize at affecting his own body? It would explain the self levitation.
11622097
Seeing as he's not discovered his talent or proper magic, keep in mind the world is an alternate universe so the types of magic one can specialize in are key to talents.
11620512
I see. Well thank you for the answer.
I think i will pass on this story. Honestly no point of making a "Human in Equestria" story if the character is not even human. At least to me anyway.
Also been lied to before about such changed only being temporary, so yeah.
Anyway, i wish you all the happiness with this story.
11622186
Always happy to help and it's no problem, not every story can please everyone and that's ok! I hope you have a good rest of your day!
I love this story. Keep it up also FUCK shining. Jk. In all seriousness I ship oc and cadance👍
11623225
love it man and I'm just gonna say, Shinning will become more like a close family friend. but who knows, maybe something has changed?
11623393
Bro gets gender changed bc of some bullshit spell lmao. Jk
Maybe time magic will be his calling?
Also, what kind of horror just traumatized him?
11627127
Maybe time magic is just a stepping stone, or perhaps it's different, maybe. This horror, if I could put it into the best words possible, is nothingness. The absence of light and darkness, no goals or motivations, drive or want it, just curses them all with its touch and burns them as a tarnished soul. Hence, eon's current predicament.
11627193
Ah thank you
Damn ran outta chapter kinda sucks but I'm calling it, dudes gonna have some esdeath from akame ga kill powers mixed with some Sombrero shit, like icy powers and time shenanigans
Honestly other than the cringe of his coat color/ species which I think you described a few times differently like when the guard or kirin asked him about being human or something he answered a Pegasus or something, that and the confusing ish dream sequence tomfoolery.
The Dream is fine and so is luna stuff but you don't describe his gibberish after said dream and the dark flame changes to himself real well imo, still great story and I'd love for you to continue to write it
11720932
Honestly, what you're saying is not wrong and I do wanna continue it but to give you a small spoiler, no his power is not going to be related to some death-like or ezdeath power I have something more interesting in mind as time goes forward and I plan to continue I'm just a bit busy and frankly feeling iffy rn.
11720932
one thing I will say is that personally I want the colors to be something more about himself, hence the bodily dysmorphia he is going through and continues to go into this self-destructive cycle over and over but that of course will get expanded on more as time goes.
11732461
understandable bro i just cant wait till you drop more chapters so i can find out more about his magic although itd be nifty to find out what hes the alicorn of ? is this universe more like lost narrators where there's a alicorn for everything or different ?
11732487
I'm a bit rusty when it comes to that but I will say, Personally I don't plan on ever having an alicorn to me, that makes things too easy or sometimes too weird and feels more of a plot issue than a good story beat if that makes sense, no shame to people who like that sorta thing though.
11732487
Currently I have no plans to make him an alicorn, I wanna make him something entirely different but you'll see that soon I imagine
11732542
its all good, generally authors make their character achieve a level of magic or skill and when they think they surpassed it they just upgrade them to a alicorn like its a video game which can be interesting but is mostly just boring.
11732563
I 100% agree with you honestly, which is why I want to not go down that route being an alicorn is cool but once you see it enough its just a boring tad on to give the mc a gift or reward for their hard work instead of keeping them who they are and not some new royal.
I personally liked this chapter quite a bit, it just felt short thats all.
Good slice of life chapter and a lil plot development, now I just need more twilight intentions and il be satisfied, I mean "burden with deaths" touch sounds ominous. Almost I'm guessing she's metaphorically called that like cadence is the bloody empress despite not being bloody?
11620150
Most of it is italicized. It switches though, and I can’t figure out why.
The grammar and punctuation is numerous and distractingly poor.
Cadence has spent all her time being royal and not having friends? So she should know that checking on a vagrant in custody in hospital is very much below her status. Right?
Where’s Shining Armor? Was that Sunset?
The setting is interesting. A world where both nightmares took over the princesses has a lot of possible narrative conflicts to explore. How did Cadence escape her own nightmare, and has her MIA parents been dealing with these as well? Is there a narrative purpose for the biology of the natives? They’re alien equines but don’t have equinous features?
11751513
to answer this tell me this, if you were given a crown and a kingdom you had no wish to be given what choice would you have but to be burdened with that simple answer of being the ruler, doing your best for your people believing its the best chance you have at getting what you want.
For the question about the nightmares, a nightmare from what I know is unique to everyone so the best examples being daybreaker and nightmare moon are a clue as to how a nightmare for cadence would work. you'll see in time. Her parents and the many mysteries of how this world haven't quite literally fallen apart will be answered in time and I appreciate the comment about the grammar/puncuation, always an issue on my end so I'll do my best to improve that.
11750457
Being burdened with something is something that no one wants to bear so in this case being told you are burdened with deaths of those around you is simply a thing that will happen or something that you can't change about yourself.
11751513
On the note of her checking on someone, when you can sense the emotions and love of all beings in an unknown radius a new signature much less one alien to you is going to get anyone curious so while its not said directly the courts and most of her staff consider her weird for this move.
11753725
its always good to improve grammar but id take his criticism with some salt, I mean "distractingly poor" ? I very much disagree. even so you get you point across and convey the story in a interesting manner, you're doing your job right as they say imo.
My Little Reviews & Feedback reviewed this in 2023.