MLP: A HUMAN IN A NEW GENERATION

Lukas Hart was just an ordinary teenager who lived in California with his family and friends, intill one day something happened that changed his life forever, he was struck by lightning and was sent to someplace where an adventure of a lifetime is waiting for him, Join Lukas as he travels across Equestria with his friends Sunny and Izzy were they make new friends, see new places, and bring unity back to Equestria again.

(Benjo's Comix INC. Productions.)
(MLP belongs to Hasbro)

Enjoy!

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1: One Storming Day · 9th Aug 2023 · 1,212 words
1,212
Download .txt
Download .html
Chapter 2: The Strange Guest · 10th Aug 2023 · 1,685 words
1,685
Download .txt
Download .html
Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay · 15th Aug 2023 · 3,330 words
3,330
Download .txt
Download .html

Comments ( 20 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 20
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Skyblazer9

Skyblazer9 #1 · Aug 10th, 2023 · · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

I'm already hooked and looking towards the next chapter of how Lukas will react when he realizes it wasn't a dream.. LOL

Darth_krayt

Darth_krayt #2 · Aug 10th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

Well I guess you can say he's not in Kansas anymore

BenjosComixInc

BenjosComixInc #3 · Aug 10th, 2023 · · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

11663143
LOL!!!

Aimee Goodwin

Aimee Goodwin #4 · Aug 10th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

That is wonderful thanks for sharing. My THDHR

Yolero

Yolero #5 · Aug 10th, 2023 · · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

Te has ganado mi like, buen dice, me encanta, creo que si la subes en wattpad ganes más xd.

BenjosComixInc

BenjosComixInc #6 · Aug 10th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

11663304
Gracias amigo!

SunFlare Knight

SunFlare Knight #7 · Aug 10th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 2: The Strange Guest ·

wonderful chapter, hope to see more.

MyAwesomePony

MyAwesomePony #8 · Aug 14th, 2023 · 2 · · Chapter 2: The Strange Guest ·

Good story so far, I never thought someone would take inspiration from me

BenjosComixInc

BenjosComixInc #9 · Aug 14th, 2023 · · · Chapter 2: The Strange Guest ·

11666624
Well, it's a good thing you got a big fan!

And friend...

If that's ok with you?

Skyblazer9

Skyblazer9 #10 · Aug 14th, 2023 · 2 · · Chapter 2: The Strange Guest ·

Excellent chapter, I do hope we get to see how Izzy's reaction to meeting a human will go and I'm already visualizing of how Hitch and the other residents of Maretime bay will react to meeting Lukas will be. xD

SunFlare Knight

SunFlare Knight #11 · Aug 15th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

Love it, can’t wait for more.

Skyblazer9

Skyblazer9 #12 · Aug 18th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

Fantastic job, keep it up as I can't wait to see what happens next.

Comment posted by Mango1233 deleted Aug 30th, 2023

Mango1233

Mango1233 #14 · Aug 30th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

Have you finished working on the new chapter yet?

pokemaster

pokemaster #15 · Sep 12th, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

can't wait for the new chapter my g

BenjosComixInc

BenjosComixInc #16 · Oct 12th, 2023 · · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

11680692
Not yet but I'll be finishing it soon.

Fearmegu

Fearmegu #17 · Oct 21st, 2023 · 1 · · Chapter 3: First Day In Maretime Bay ·

'I'm sure I'll be fine, I mean what's the worst that could happen?'' Lukas said. And those were his famous last words

The Blue EM2

The Blue EM2 #18 · Oct 21st, 2023 · · · Chapter 1: One Storming Day ·

This was difficult to read. On a technical level this chapter was really messy. You have multiple characters speaking within the same paragraph, often making it difficult to tell who is speaking at any given moment. Your writing also has mountains of comma splices (commas being used to join bits of sentences which should be separated by full stops), and there were several tense swaps (pick a tense and stick with it). Example:

They started crossing the street not noticing the truck coming straight for them, Sean was too distracted to see the truck driving towards him, Lukas and Tyler however saw this and yelled out to Sean. ''Sean get out of there!!!'' Lukas yelled. ''RUN Sean!!!'' Tyler yelled, Sean looked at them and looked where they were looking at and immediately went stiff, Lukas can see that Sean was scared to death as the truck was getting closer by the second, He couldn't watch his friend get killed so he ran towards Sean. ''Lukas what are you doing!!!'' Tyler yelled out but Lukas didn't respond as he jumps at Sean and pushes him out of the way, Lukas looked at his right and can see the truck about to make contact with him, he closed his eyes as he waited for his fate... Until.

This should look like this:

They started crossing the street not noticing the truck coming straight for them. Sean was too distracted to see the truck driving towards him, but Lukas and Tyler saw this and yelled out to Sean.
''Sean get out of there!!!'' Lukas yelled.
''RUN Sean!!!'' Tyler yelled.
Sean looked at them and looked where they were looking at and immediately went stiff. Lukas could see that Sean was scared to death as the truck was getting closer by the second. He couldn't watch his friend get killed so he ran towards Sean.
''Lukas what are you doing!!!'' Tyler yelled out but Lukas didn't respond. He he jumped at Sean and pushed him out of the way. Lukas looked to his right and could see the truck about to make contact with him. He closed his eyes as he waited for his fate.

This might seem nitpicky, but if the writing and grammar are a mess people are going to be put off.

BenjosComixInc