"Un"sinkable
Pit Boss Trixie and Casino Manager Starlight looked across the wide array of slot machines and gaming tables that filled the Ponyville Casino (which, before Twilight's move to Canterlot to take up the Crown of Equestria, had been the Castle of Friendship's main banquet hall).
Mr. Waddle played centibit slots in the back corner. That was it. One pony, playing the cheapest game.
"Where are all the customers?" Trixie asked. "It's Friday night. This place should— should— should be busy!"
Trixe walked up to Smolder, who was dressed in a slutty outfit (that drew particular attention to her tail) and held a croupier's rake, standing at a craps table. "Are... are the customers invisible?"
Smolder glared at her and smacked the rake into her left palm.
Starlight looked around. Ocellus and Yona, in skimpy cocktail waitress outfits, held drink trays and waited for orders that seemed unlikely to come. Sunburst sat behind the bar, morosely sampling his own wares. Gallus—dressed in an even sluttier outfit than Smolder—spun his roulette wheel, dropping the ball onto it even though no customers were about. The blackjack and baccarat tables weren't even staffed. "Where's Silverstream? And Sandbar?"
"They took jobs at the new riverboat casino, since it pays more," Smolder said.
Trixie hugged Smolder, making her drop the croupier's rake. "Trixie thanks you for your loyalty!"
Smolder pushed her away. "Loyalty, schmoyalty. Sandbar is an Equestrian citizen, and Hippogriffia has an employment treaty with Equestria, whereas my student visa is only good for this stupid job since it counts as work-study. As soon as Flim and Flam get me a work visa" —she snapped her claw— "I'm gone."
Starlight narrowed her eyes and growled. "Flim and Flam?"
It was a good half-hour trot out of Ponyville into the Everfree Forest to reach the riverfront.
"But Trixie's casino is right in town!" Trixie whined. "Why is all of Ponyville walking out here instead of playing at Trixie's casino?"
"It's Twilight's casino," Starlight said. "And I'm the boss."
"Yes, Trixie's casino."
The ship was a massive wall of steel, painted in garish colors like a circus bigtop. Steam calliopes played jaunty music. Slot machines, crowded with ponies, lined the rails.
Steven Magnet, the sea serpent, wore a giant straw hat and blue-and-white striped shirt. He coiled half in and half out of the river at the gangplank. "Welcome, welcome!" he cried. "Welcome to the Equestrian Battle Casino Royale!"
"Oh heck," Trixie said. "Their name is more clever than ours."
"More clever than 'Ponyville Casino'?" Smolder said. "That's a shock. How long did your committee study and test out that name?"
"Six weeks," Starlight said. "Hi, Steven. How're you?"
"Staaaarlight!" he cried. "Flim and Flam told me you might come check out the competition!"
"Well, ha ha," Starlight said, "here we are!"
"They also told me not to admit you under any circumstances."
"What?" Starlight shouted.
"Sorry." Steven shrugged. "Smolder, looking forward to you getting a start date!"
"Thanks, Steven. Can I go talk to Spike?"
Steven Magnet gestured Smolder up the gangplank. She headed up at a jog.
"Spike works here?!" Starlight gasped.
"He's in charge of pony resources. He's helping with Smolder's visa application." The sea serpent crossed his arms over his chest. "Bye-bye."
Starlight and Trixie headed back around the first bend of the trail, out of sight of the casino. They still heard the jaunty calliope music and the bright lights left the high cirrus clouds glowing above them.
"C'mon," Starlight said, putting a hoof on Trixie's withers.
"Wha—"
𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕚𝕥𝕪
"—Starlight! Tell me before you teleport us!"
Starlight plopped down to her butt, sitting on the deck. "Oof. I hate teleporting... through... cold... steel..."
She laid down and passed out, drooling heavily.
Trixie looked around. She heard the electronic noises of slot machines echoing through the bulkheads but couldn't identify which direction to go.
Zephyr Breeze banged through the hatch. "I thought I heard you two ladies. Did you miss me?"
"Who are you?" Trixie said. "And no, I can't imagine anypony missing you under any circumstance."
"Security!" He gestured at his dark suit and white shirt. "Flim and Flam said you two aren't allowed."
Starlight opened an eye. "Zelda?"
He glared. "Zephyr."
"They gave you a job, Zephyr?"
"No pony else would mop up all the bodies and sanitize the decks. You would not believe the mess when this thing showed up! It smelled like cordite, saltwater, and Pervitin."
Starlight got to her hooves and swooned. "I... I wanna see the main gaming room."
Zephyr rolled his eyes. "Follow me."
"This isn't a gaming room," Trixie said.
"It's the nightly fireworks display!" Zephyr said.
Trixie danced and squealed.
"Here, look through this viewer." Zephyr gestured to a fifteen-inch opening.
Trixie stuck her head in. "It's just a long, empty tube!" she said, her voice echoing.
Zephyr jammed a large powder bag against her ass, rammed her up the barrel, and slammed the breech behind her.
Trixie and Starlight sat in the outpatient clinic at Ponyville hospital. Nurse Redheart wrapped Trixie's ears with gauze and Starlight sat still, getting an IV to replace the magical fluids lost teleporting into, and then back out of, the cold steel citadel of the riverboat casino.
"You two need to go home and rest," Redheart said, leaving the room.
"Now what?" Starlight said.
"Huh?" Trixie shouted, rubbing her bandaged ears. "I can't hear you on account of I got shot out of a fifteen inch gun!"
Starlight frowned, drumming her forehooves on the counter. Then she smiled.
"What the heck is this?" Trixie said, looking at the fabric-covered biplane sitting in the center of the pentagram. "Don't let the summoning candles set it on fire." She kicked the torpedo slung down the centerline.
Starlight removed her black and crimson summoning robes. "The spell is 'summon nemesis'. We just have to trust the dark forces of the universe to be helping us."
"Can a fabric covered biplane really be the nemesis of fifty thousand tons of steel, slots, and table games?"
Starlight shrugged.
"Well, it's a two-seater," Trixie said. "I call 'pilot'."
Pit Boss Trixie and Casino Manager Starlight looked across the wide array of slot machines and gaming tables that filled the Ponyville Casino (which, before Twilight's move to Canterlot to take up the Crown of Equestria, had been the Castle of Friendship's main banquet hall).
Mr. Waddle played centibit slots in the back corner. Dozens of other ponies played the other slot and poker machines, and dozens more played at the gaming tables. A cheer went up from the craps table, Lyra bouncing frenetically and Bon Bon hugging her.
Smolder glared sourly and used her croupier's rake to push a large pile of chips to Lyra. Star Tracker stood behind Smolder, enjoying the sight of her tail in the slutty uniform. She then hit him between the ears, breaking her rake.
"Well," Trixie said, "I was wrong. A fabric covered biplane is the nemesis to fifty thousand tons of steel."
Flim and Flam stormed into the casino, bedraggled and stinking of river water.
"You," Flim (or possibly Flam) snarled.
Flam (or possibly Flim) continued, "sunk my battleship."
The End
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What are you even on about? Wasn't it the combined effect of the British Royal Navy sunk it?
11387776
Fairey Swordfish crippled it so that the Navy could dogpile it.
11387778
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairey_Swordfish
Oh yeah, that biplane. Forgot about that.
static.wikia.nocookie.net/kancolle/images/7/79/Bismarck_Drei_Card.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/284?cb=20180817195527
Perhaps that's why.
On a side note, I wonder if Trixie ever burned down a casino with a flare gun.
11387786
Seems like EqG Trixie, while recording on a mobile.
11387787
She didn't have much time.
I think the reason that it is so popular is that even after getting dogpiled it still took a lot to take it down. Also I find the ship itself is quite pleasing to look at.
Urge...to make....obvious song reference...so strong! Must... resist!
aw you didn't bring Rodney? she really hated the bismarck
@SockPuppet
I’ve been obsessed with the Bismarck in World of Warships/Azur Lane lately, and this just happens to pop up under “New” when I hop on FiMFiction out of boredom?
You, sir, are a master of mindreading, HAVE ALL OF MY YES!
Don't cross Trixie and Starlight, because bad things will happen to you otherwise.
11387802
Yeah, it was a once-in-a-lifetime miracle shot that made its defeat possible at all and even after that kneecapping it still took a concerted effort to defeat. As my father put it, if they'd made 20 Bismarcks we'd all be speaking German right now.
11387807
Don’t worry, good sir/madam/other preferred pronoun, I will gladly make it for you!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=e7WdjnCFM4Y
I have but one question...why?
It's not a bad story, but...why?
11387928
Sock doesn't know either, so they wrote a satire of the trend.
11387928
I'm a simple man:
I see a trend, I mock it.
11387860
If they'd made twenty bismarcks the war would have been over in a year. Germany would be bankrupt, thousands of tons of metal littering the oceans floor and Europe significantly safer. A giant boondoggle is still a boondoggle afterall.
11387979
More that they couldn't make 20 Bismarcks. They didn't have the manufacturing capabilities for that. And again, it was pure luck that let them take down the first one. They didn't have a backup because it was unreasonable to take down the first one. Fortunately for everyone else, real life doesn't care about what's reasonable.
11387865
I guess I expected a song more like this: Sink The Bismarck - Johnny Horton
But I want a song that at least mentions the Fairey. A song about sinking the Bismarck that doesn't is kind of 💩
The Sabaton song doesn't seem to mention the Fairey either.
Maybe some warboos just don't like admitting that irl a battleship was crippled and doomed by something called a "fabric-covered Fairey." Which means neither factual accuracy nor warmaking effectiveness are what they admire, I guess?
11388017
Tirpitz was the backup one and spent the war standing menacingly until it was bombed. Also, hard to call it one lucky shot, when Bismarck was already damaged from the previous battle and thus low on fuel (some of it couldn't be accessed) and even when they lost the Allied fleet, the captain decided to break the radio silence, letting Allies find them again.
Also, when scuttling was ordered, Bismarck was on fire, listing 20 degrees, with all four turrets and both fire control centres destroyed, so I guess it was going down anyway (also, it's kinda funny that Rodney got more damage from firing her guns at a low angle than from Bismarck's shots...)
That's probably where you went wrong, then--you let a committee decide.
Wait, what? Zephyr not only actually doing something useful but also does it competently? What crazy Twilight Zone-esque AU have I wandered into here?!
11388017
Lucky shot or not, once word of the Bismarck's existence got out, it was still a dead ship walking--the allies would've done whatever they could to take it out, because they knew how potentially dangerous it was to their fleets, and indeed, that IS basically what happened anyway. So it was probably always going to go down one or another.
But that's the problem with the "let's make one big uberly powerful warship and let it solve all our problems" tactic--no matter how powerful that ship may or may not be, you still ultimately only have one. One that can be easily ganged up by a whole fleet of other enemy ships whose combined firepower can make up the difference, one ship that is too large to outmaneuver attacks as effectively, and one ship that was too costly to build a fleet of so to resolve these problems. That was precisely the problem the Bismarck faced, what Imperial Japan faced with their own version of the Bismarck (I forget it's name off-hand...the Yamato, wasn't it?), and what most dreadnaught scale battleships both before and since have ultimately faced. Heck, even the Galactic Empire in Star Wars faced that problem (and ultimately helped bring about their downfall because of their over-reliance on it).
Honestly, from a tactical standpoint, dreadnaughts on principle are more of a "short term gain, long term loss" in practice. Better off sticking with fleets of more smaller but more practical ships instead.
11388029
The music video for Sabaton's "Bismark" does have several Swordfish in it.
(The Swordfish is the actual plane that dropped the torpedos, "Fairey" is just the company that designed and manufactured the Swordfish. And Fairey was behind the design and manufacture of many aircraft, so calling them "Faireys" doesn't paint the picture quite right.)
11387860
getting a jammed rudder and a ruptured fuel compartment only is fairly lucky, jammed rudders from torpedo and combat damage were quite common, go look at the recent USS Texas's drydock walkarounds and you'll see the rudders are very vulnerable on these big ships.
Torpedo bombers themselves were actually quite dangerous for ships in ww2 especially Bismarck which did not have torpedo blisters or a torpedo belt. The japanese waves of torpedo bombers both medium and smaller planes were tremendously difficult to defend against in the pacific, as you're talking a wave of torpedoes being dropped
I never really get the love for Bismarck because the Bismarck and Terpitz were not really a match for any of their peers, even the Italians could have put up a good fight against the two if it actually came to blows. certainly the french, british and US ships were all matches or better as these navies all had exceptional experience operating large battleships. Its one success, Hood was a flawed design when built and the british knew it but couldn't do anything in the post war to fix it, and then they still sent a battlecruiser to take down two battleships as they had nothing else in the moment. the King George and Rodney would have been and were more than a match for the german ships when they caught up
the germans plan was really never going to work either. You can't use a battleship for surface raiding, its not like a Q-ship where you can scrounge up some torpedoes and 5 inch shells, its guns were 1-offs, its charges, shells, and munitions were all bespoke, and supplying a battleship is a massive undertaking. If it had broken out, it would have been bad, but ultimately like their other uber raiders, they all had to come home sometime, and home was under Bomber Command's sights
It takes brass balls to name your biggest battleship after a jelly donut.
What the actual fuck lmfao.
Spelling error.
A decent story. Not one of my favorites, but its good. Keep up the great work
11388584
Thanks!
11388699
No problem! Happy to help
and the silence of the seas is about to drift into a storm!
11387807
dont resist
*Pervitin
Good ol' pharmacology school pays off once again. /s
Loved the story, the whole thing reaks of meth vapors. That punchline? Feels like it hit me right in the face. 10/10.
11388973
Fixed, and thanks!
11388873
Yessss!
I would continue the lyrics, but I don’t want to flood the comments section with them, heh.
11388235
Indeed it does, and it shows the sinking as well.
11388029
My apologies, I wasn’t intending to start any flame wars by posting that particular song link, I was just trying to join in on the joke made by the user I replied to.
I’m a fan of the Bismarck because he managed such an impressive reputation despite only fighting in one mission, not because I refuse to believe he was doomed by a combination of good luck and skill on the part of the Allies, or because of any sympathies toward the regime he fought for.
Was the Bismarck a visually-impressive ship? Yes.
Was the “leadership” he fought for absolutely horrible, and thus he had to be sunk to help end the war? Also yes.
(My use of “he” isn’t a typo, the Wikipedia article on the Bismarck explains this)
11389203
my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined
I know this is referring to Bismarck's final battle, but I could not help think of USS Eldridge
(Which, come to think of it, is rather puzzling why that ship is never mentioned in (Westernised, Americaland) versions of isekai stories... All the elements of the story are already right there.)
11387807
11387865
And here I have Significant Other being all silly beside me on the sofa, singing in an impressively gravely Joakim impersonation:
♪ He was the playground for the Kriegsmarine!
Craps, roulette, and slot machines! ♫
Man for the germans havingb the Luftwaffe they really had a problem with fabric covered biplanes
And not just the Bismark but for ships and U-boats
Im a fan of the USS Texas just because it was the first for a lot of things. The Arkansas to but less so
~Reggie
When I visited Baltimore in August 2019 for BronyCon a group of us went down to the central bay and visited USS Constellation and one or two other vessles.
In college I took one tech class, and in one of the units we discussed war-tech, and how as we get more and more technically advanced we're going to lose the human element, which means that war will become routine, a disconnect, I seem to remember there being talk of some of the ICBMs and similar being controlled by Xbox controllers. War is terrible and while I'm not saying that I want bloodshed I do feel that over-reliance on computerized tech is not good either.
As to the story itself Bismarck reliably fills the analogy of eggs in one basket.
The Bismarck is honestly the most overhyped battleship of WW2, followed by Yamato. Real history buffs simp for the "Grand Old Lady" HMS Warspite or the gigachad USS Enterprise.
11401221
Three things, fortune favors: fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise.
One of the reasons Navy folks call U.S. Carriers "Warhead Magnets"...
It takes a huge taffey around it to even try to keep it safe...just for the convenience of having a cruise-portable airport...
Drones are gonna be the future...
11387802
She may not have been the best designed battleship (being largely based on the WWI Baden-class), but she was certainly beautiful…