I will not buy this smoothie; it is scratched
The strangeness of what had just been said was enough to jolt Sunny out of her temporary lapse of concentration. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"
The pony on the opposite side of her smoothie counter maintained his facial expression. He looked very unhappy. "Here is a smoothie who have a bad looks. Give me another; I will not that."
Sunny wasn't sure she was hearing correctly. "Well, it's made the way I usually make them. What appears to be the problem with it?"
The pony continued onwards in his rather curious approach to Ponish. "It is pursy, it is foundered. Don't you are ashamed to give me a jade as like?" He paused to take a breath. "It is undshoed, it is with nails up; it want to lead to the farrier."
'That got dark quickly', Sunny thought to herself. As she processed what had just been said to her, her mind flashed back to earlier in the day, and she realised something was very wrong in Maretime Bay.
Earlier that morning...
Sunny's day had started as most days around Maretime Bay did. The sun shone into the Crystal Brighthouse as she stumbled into the foyer, keen to start her day with her friends.
It seemed as though she'd badly overslept. There were plenty of dishes already in the kitchen, with a couple of glasses that appeared to have apple juice in them at some point.
'What a mess,' Sunny thought to herself, and set about clearing them up. This was most unlike them.
After having grabbed something quick to keep her going until she was down in the bay, Sunny grabbed her bag and slipped on her roller blades to make her way into town. After all, she only had half an hour until her smoothie stand opened.
She slipped out of the door and sped over to a nearby lake. She had spotted Izzy looking in the water, seemingly fascinated by it. "Hey Izzy! Find something interesting?"
Izzy looked over with a giggle. "That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes," she replied.
Sunny blinked and did a double take. "Sorry? I don't quite follow."
Izzy looked baffled in turn. "That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing!" She levitated two objects out of a nearby basket. "Here, there is a wand and some hooks!"
Sunny shook her head. "I can't right now Izzy, but I'd be happy to do it later. See ya later!"
Izzy nodded. "Which pleasure! Which charm! The field has by me a thousand charms."
Sunny sped off towards Maretime Bay to save some time. Sure, she loved Izzy as a friend, but she seemed to be in one of her weird phases at the moment. The words were certainly Ponish, but the structure was far proper.
As she skated down the streets, she overheard a conversation between two colts.
"She do not that to talk and to cackle!" said the first. "She laughs at my nose, she jest by me!"
The other colt sagely nodded. "Never have I feeld a such heat."
Sunny was even more baffled. Two colts were speaking in the exact same manner as Izzy. Maybe it was just a new trend?
She skated to a stop where her stand was usually kept, and set it up, observing the other ponies around her to try and establish what was going on.
As she finished arranging her items, two unicorns strolled past, discussing what seemed to be a film.
"Were you go to the theatre yesterday?" asked one.
"Never I had seen the parlour so full," the other replied. "She has very much grace in the deeds, great deal of exactness on the declamation, a constitution very agreeable, and a delightful voice."
The first laughed. "Have you seen already the new tragedy? They praise her very much."
"No, it was divined. It want to have not any indulgence towards the bat buffoons."
They trotted off into the distance, their conversation still incomprehensible.
Sunny found herself trying to understand what in Equestria was going on. Why was everypony speaking so oddly?
There was suddenly a ring of the bell, and a pony spoke. "Here is a smoothie who have a bad looks. Give me another; I will not that."
The strangeness of what had just been said was enough to jolt Sunny out of her temporary lapse of concentration. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"
The pony on the opposite side of her smoothie counter maintained his facial expression. He looked very unhappy. "Here is a smoothie who have a bad looks. Give me another; I will not that."
Sunny wasn't sure she was hearing correctly. "Well, it's made the way I usually make them. What appears to be the problem with it?"
The pony continued onwards in his rather curious approach to Ponish. "It is pursy, it is foundered. Don't you are ashamed to give me a jade as like?" He paused to take a breath. "It is undshoed, it is with nails up; it want to lead to the farrier."
'That got dark quickly', Sunny thought to herself.
Sunny knew that she had to find Hitch and get to the bottom of this. She left up a notice stating she was temporarily out and to come back later, and went off towards the Police Station. On her way, she saw Posey shouting at a pegasus.
"You do want to fall?" she shouted. "You have hit me the face with yours cupcakes!"
As she dashed along to the police station, she dodged past Phyllis Cloverleaf and Sprout leaving. Their dialogue seemed to relate to something that had happened inside, but was (as with everypony else) complete nonsense.
"You are young and strong," Phyllis informed her son. "it would be better to work as you deliver to the business who you do."
This seemed to annoy Sprout. "It is money as I beg you, not councils!"
Sunny opened the door and dashed inside, desperate to escape this insanity for perhaps a few minutes. Luckily, she soon spotted Hitch at his desk, checking over his paperwork. Hopefully he was still speaking normally.
"Hitch?" Sunny asked. "We have a problem."
Her hopes were dashed as Hitch glanced up and smiled. "How does your father do?" he asked.
Sunny facehoofed. "This isn't a joke, Hitch! Everypony is speaking really strangely and I have no idea why. Do you have any clues as to what's happening?"
"Do not might one's understand to speak," Hitch replied. "You not make that to prate all day's work." He looked back to his desk, then glanced over to one of the menagerie of animals that seemed to follow him around. "This pen are good for notting. During I finish that letter, do me the goodness to scal this packet; it is by my cousin."
Sunny could see that talking here would get her nowhere, so she set off outdoors. "See you later, Hitch!"
Hitch seemed surprised as Sunny's sudden exit. He glanced to another animal. "Do you like the reading good deal too many which seem me?"
The next pony Sunny located, having dodged two pegasi having a rather strange conversation about having fighted themselves together, was Pipp, who seemed to be doing a livestream. A livestream that seemed to have been translated from Ponish to some unknown language and then back again.
Literally.
"What is there in new's litterature?" she asked her followers. "A little learneds are happies enough for to may to satisfy their fancies on the literature."
Sunny appeared in the background of the image. "Hello?"
Pipp looked about. "Sunny! Take care that you not give me a foot kick's."
"Sorry," the earth pony replied, looking a bit awkward. "But could you ask your followers to post a message in the chat? There's something I want to check."
Pipp nodded, and looked back. "Go to send for," she instructed her followers. "Apply you at the study during that you are young. Have you understand that she says?"
The flood of responses that came in suggested that the ponies on the other end certainly understood what was being asked of them. And these responses were even more incoherent than anypony else's. At least in the other cases Sunny could figure out what they were trying to say.
Sing an area.
That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain.
Give me some good milk newly get out.
Sunny nodded. "So it's aflicting most of the planet. Thanks!"
Pipp turned to continue the conversation. "How is that gentilpony who you did speak by and by?" she asked.
"I'm not sure who you're referring to," Sunny answered. "A bit of context, please?"
"Tongh he is a unicorn," Pipp began, "he speak so much well pegasus, earth pony, and unicorn, that among the pegasuses they believe him pegasus. The Earth Ponies belie ve him Earthponying, and the unicorns, unicron." She sighed. "It is difficult to enjoy well so much several languages."
The only hope now was Zipp, whom Sunny was yet to run into. The sooner she escaped from this madness the better.
Sunny returned to the Crystal Brighthouse after a few minutes galloping along. She skidded to a halt, hoping somepony hadn't left the keys in the wrong place. "Zipp?" she called. "Are you there?"
There was no reply. Sunny pushed open the door and stepped inside. The interior was precisely the same as she had left it, with the dishes still neatly stacked as before. But Sunny had no time to concentrate on that.
She dashed onto the lift and ascended into the clouds, right to the top of the Crystal Brighthouse. The crystals were housed here, and Sunny suspected something was to do with them.
As she reached the top platform, she saw Zipp looking closely at it. The pegasus looked at her and spoke. "Tell me, it can one to know? That not says a word, consent."
"Have the crystals been behaving oddly?" Sunny asked.
Zipp nodded. "Is sure the road? The thunderbolt is falling down."
Sunny was able, through a little bit of logical thought, to establish what Zipp was referring to. "Of course! The crystals are out of alignment! I just need to put them back into position and we should be back to normal!"
As if on cue, her alicorn form flared into being, allowing her to access the magic required to fix this problem once and for all. With a quick blast of magical energy, the fragments were pushed into shape, with a gentle rattle and a bang.
The effects of the crystals being put back into alignment were felt almost immediately. There was a blast of energy, and suddenly the wave of rainbows flew through the air and landed everywhere.
Sunny panted with the effort as her alicorn form powered down. She headed out onto the elevator and dropped down it to the ground floor, just in time for her friends to see her.
Izzy was the first to speak. "Hey Sunny! That sure was a wild ride! We were all speaking super weird!"
"You mean wierder than normal?" Hitch suggested. "The weird part is none of us even noticed what was going on. Clearly magic is more powerful than we thought."
"It shows the importance of keeping the crystals set up properly, huh?" Pipp added, relieved that her streams were no longer entirely composed of gobbledegook.
"How about we celebrate? Magic is saved yet again!" Izzy cheered.
"What is it now? It that the third or forth time?" Zipp enquired, as she touched down. "There seems to be a slight delay, as mom's still speaking in weird; apparently, she has mind to vomit."
Hitch now spoke again, the first thing he had said in a while. "Thanks for the help, Sunny. Without you, we'd all be struggling to make ourselves understood."
Sunny smiled. "Eh. Nothing some money, nothing some Swiss."
The smile dropped from her face as the words she had just said entered her mouth.
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Sorry is much to frolic. It is good some read of the classics. Yet this bit of dialogue is repeat:
This is not of the flashback how she is usually done.
11383331
I see you write in the Carolina style. Three smart.
Kamisama, the rotates ground Henry Fowler's butt is genius.
Oh, god. That smartass Henry Fowler is turning in his grave.
Mark Twain mentioned that book. It's what happens when you try to write a dictionary, are careless, do not have a proofreader, & do not speak English. He thought it was humorous.
Don’t worry, I got this one. *slaps Sunny to snap her out of it*
this is more like a pony of the dirty hungarian phrasebook from monty python's flying circus.
Star War The Third Gathers: Backstroke of the West.
Bafflingly hilarious.
It much is like watching of the Twitch chats. Strange and would hurted brain, in manner likely like mild dyslexia.
I really shouldn’t have read this so late at night. Brain really would hurted.
11383365
Hilarious. Much of the funny.
11383429
Abraham Lincoln was also a fan; he and his cabinet members would read extracts to one another as light relief after a long day's work.
11383437
It might not be that simple.
11383492
'Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook' is based on English as She is Spoke. However, the intent is rather different; the creator of the phrasebook has malitious intent. In comparison, Twain described English as She is Spoke as being written 'in serious good faith and deep earnestness, by an honest and upright idiot who believed he knew something of the English language, and could impart his knowledge to others.'
11383545
DO NOT WANT!
Also, good elephant.
11383561
Aww, thanks. The fun of literal translation.
11383586
Ouch. Have you burned oneself the brains?
11383675
ICR the exact words but he did note that most of the phrases expressed dissatisfaction or trouble & based on his travel experiences that was correct
11383682
I do remember reading that
"Out of sight, out of mind" came out "invisible idiot"
"Coke adds life" (ad slogan) came out "It brings your ancestors back from the dead"
Toyota proposed a deal with the Chevy people. They wanted to call the car a "Toylet"
Apache to English
"Kemosabe" = "Idiot"
"Tonto" = "Stupid" (Spanish)
11383703
In a lot of cases, you can figure out what Carolino was trying to say. 'The walls have hearsay', for instance, is clearly somebody trying to use the common idiom 'the walls have ears'. Then we have completely inexplicable ones like 'nothing some money, nothing some Swiss'.
11383710
In Wales, there was an incident where a sign that read 'staff entrance' in English read 'enchant the wooden stick' in Welsh.
Here, the Top Gear presenters are completely baffled by a literal translation of a French car owner's manual.
11383710
I'm pretty sure those specific examples are just urban legends, but it's a very real phenomenon.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TranslationTropes
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlindIdiotTranslation
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BiteTheWaxTadpole
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Macekre
11383750
Another famous example of wonky translation producing a work of unintended comedy is Striking and Picturesque Delineations, a book translated literally out of Scots Gaelic which provides such ideas as 'incoherent transactions' (a rather strange mistranslation of 'theft'). It is also notable for heavy use of archaic and misused words; it is believed the author had read a Gaelic translation of the works of Samuel Johnson and was trying to outdo him in terms of flowery langauge.
Toodle the song, was. Most fromish. Would expectorate again. Manipulative appendage in upward direction.
11383770
Take care it not do you a hoof kicks.
Delightful! I did not know the context of this before reading it, but it was still a very nice read. And I'm glad to have learnt of said context, as well!
11383772
No problem. English as She is Spoke deserves to be preserved in the annals of comedy for all time.
11383750
Well, I know for a fact, first job I got in a Mexican restaurant in Texas, the (Hispanic) cooks told me "soap = cabron"
The waitresses informed me "No, it's not. It is "jabon"
Well then that was certainly something else so apparently Sunny's day has been weird because everybody was speaking in strange words and she doesn't understand what they're saying half the time even asking her friends talking and weird language or accent so she went back to the lighthouse to check out what's going on apparently the crystal has been crooked for some odd reason and it affected everybody the way they talk boy that is some power the crystals have but once you fix it everybody was starting to speak normally well almost because now Sunny has it well again that was something but pretty good keep out the good work
11383780
Or how about the time where a company selling ballpoint pens believed that 'embarazadar' meant 'embarrassed'? (False friends are a pain in the rear.)
11383786
More or less. Glad you enjoyed.
11383802
And the very old anecdote of a tourist trying to ask how old a kid is, but not pronouncing the accented ñ.
¿Cuántos años tienes? "How many years do you have?" vs. ¿Cuántos anos tienes? "How many assholes do you have?"
11383810
There's another story from Ireland about the police trying to find a motorist called Prawo Jazdy, which resulted in lots of people getting pulled over. It turned out that 'Prawo Jazdy' means 'driver's license'.
Also, when I got to Texas, I had the fun of bumping into Xmas carols in Spanish & other new stuff IDK.
They told me Felix Navidad was running for office & that was why he was on the radio so much.
I also learned that Swamp Coolers were made with gin. Well,.....no, they aren't. IRL. I learned that they are an inexpensive alternative to an AC. They work fine -as long as the humidity is low. In East Texas this = never. In Phoenix, this = when they are needed most.
My god!! It looks like the original draft for The Room!
Promotion! Promotion! This is all I am hearing! Hear is your coffee and English muffin and burn your mouth!
11383336
You wrote day, month. By this I can tell that you aren't an America. We go month, day. Usually makes the list for "Things Foreigners Find Weird/Confusing About The USA"
The British are an exception to Mark Twain's epigram "Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. "
Recommend Mark Twain's essay "The Awful German Language" (A Tramp Abroad appendix D)
11383839
To be fair, British English is the original.
11383865
I have long maintained that anyone who says "Grennech" and "tems" instead of "Greenwich" and "Thames" has no right to claim to be an English-speaker.
And that includes New Yorkers. It's "Greenwich Village," full stop.
11383832
German word order is notorious for producing hilariously broken English. "Sustenance out of direct sun illuminates" indeed.
11383835
The connection is closer than you think. Tommy Wiseau is originally from Poland and speaks English as a second language. This explains many of the odd sentences.
Then again, this is why you hire an editor.
11383839
Indeed.
11383865
Yah.
11383878
They've got a "Jew Anita" Street
They also think "Soho" = South Of HOuse ton"
& Versailles rhymes with "fur sales"
Q Know how you can tell a New Yorker?
A They're the one yelling at Santa Claus "Hey Fatso, you wanna get that sled offa my roof? You're getting reindeer shit all over everything.
You can always tell the English.
You can always tell the Dutch.
You can always tell a Yankee,
But you cannot tell them much.
My hovercraft is full of eels!
11383892
Lol.
11383893
Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy-bouncy?
11383880
Well OLD old English was a Gaelic tongue. Even the Romans couldn't make them speak Latin.
The Angles & Saxons were Germanic invaders & they called their dialect of German Old English. It really got screwed up when the French invaded in 1066. They called the results Middle English.
Even the English need training to read anything much before the 16th century. Shakespeare & the King James version of the Bible are about as far back as we can read & they are thought of as weird.
11383904
As somebody whose father has a degree in old English, I agree. The King James Bible also has plenty of odd expressions; 'in my father's house there are many palaces' is one of the less weird ones.
11383903
I will not buy this record, it is scratched!
11383904
You mean Bretonic? Or Frisian?
11383904
To be fair, the King James Bible's English was archaic even when it was written. Can't have the layfolk reading the Bible, after all... (For those who think I'm being facetious, the church of the time raised objections over translating the Book to a living language).