That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

This is a much better closure. Sad, revealing, and enjoyable.
You are a very good author. *nods slowly*

1380215 Yay! I got complimented by a total stranger on the internet! My life is now complete!

very well this i can accept and love thank you

Hm...commence reading.

1380245 Was there EVER any doubt?

yes

1380269 Oh... well... then... ummm... Nice to hear you like it?

sorry after the chapter before this i was very sad that this wasn't going to have a nice sexy ending but this helped alot

This is a much more satisfying ending. Thank you.

1380234 Happy I could help...XD

I thoroughly enjoyed this story and I love how things were wrapped up between the two. The feelings that life nothing ever really goes as planned in truly felt by Sweetie Belle for the first time and it was captured in a great way. I'm excited to read more from you in the future

i loved the new ending, im sad that it has to end but all great things do.

i look forward to reading more of you works in the future

keep up the good work

A great ending, and a beautiful close to a story. Quite, marvelous good sir. Marvelous indeed.

You deserve applause. And some apple sauce. And cake.

Really great ending, sad yet still good.

A much better ending in my opinion. All the feelings of betrayal and confusion are still there but with so much more closure and we have a much better idea of what the future might look like for Sweetie and Scoots.

1379176 Erm, both of those scenes were fairly predictable. I just mean the culmination of the whole. If I had paid more attention, I probably could have noticed something leading to this ending, but alas, I did not, and that made the ending all the better.

From reading the comments above mine, I have inferred that the 'new' ending is out... I shall go and judge it momentarily.

Mmmm.... closure.

Me judging the new ending:

It was well written, and fairly good. I still prefer the other ending.
Thank you for making pony words for us to read.

I just love this story.
It moved something inside of me and made me think.
It showed me the values of friendship and that trust once lost is, if ever, hard to regain.
The morals through the story were awesomely set and I'm even going thus far to compare it to My Little Dashie.
Not as sad as it, but close for me at the ending.
You dear sir are a master of words and your ending now, is really good.
Now the story feels complete.
You touched my heart and that's not easy.
Thank you.

Bronydragon

1380801 W...wow. I didn't think it was that good. I mean... I just wrote up what came to mind... i just hope people like the story and maybe get them to think about stuff and... stuff. I think I need to go have a lie down from your praise. I'm more used to complaints and dissing from the web.

1380836
1.I'm a true brony and stick to the love and tolerance ideas of the show. (until someone deserves my rage)
For this I think about what I say and am able to really truly say what is in my heart.
2.Yes you are this good and maybe even better in the future. But that will be very hard.
3.The best things written are just sudden ideas. I once saw a pic where Derpy's eyes weren't crossed and momentarily came up with this:
In memory of Derpys crossed eyes.
They made the world a better place,
significated her whole face.
But now they're gone once and forever.
Will we forget them by passing time?
No we won't. That would be a crime.
We'll not forget them. NEVER!
She might be clumsy in the past.
Crashed into us from time to time.
But anger couldn't ever last,
as we're seeing her eyes shine.
Always remember the good past,
for it will never ever last.
In memory of Derpys eyes,
a Brony who now sits and cries.
4.You hope that they will only 'like' your story? They will love it!!!!
5.Take the rest, you deserve it. But please get up from it again and give us more of this god-like writing
6.Remember the web is wide and there are not only haters, trolls and idiots, but also some sane ones that appreciate what you do.
Hope to read from you soon. (Wish that my stories would be so awesome.)

Bronydragon

1380893
lunachan.net/chat/src/134129926975.gif

You're either batshit insane, or a really good person. Or both. Either way, have a big
... Guess you kinda already have one? Teehee.

1380930
Oh you are quite right. I'm both.
Don't know how big my heart is, but I'm using it to its fullest. Kindness saved some lives you know.
I'm overall just trying to be a good guy. (No, not cucky like)
Oh and the pic...Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw.
Have something in return.
static1.fjcdn.com/comments/lolzinyourmouth%2Brolled%2Ba%2Brandom%2Bimage%2Bposted%2Bin%2Bcomment%2B262%2Bat%2B_f2d9c3e9b075f48986e6434690b24eea.png

Bronydragon

That'll do. That'll do.

Hahaha.
But seriously, much much much better!!! If it hulps you can be our Big Sister. Dawwwww.

1380993 Your avatar is exactly how I think Apple Bloom would reach if she ever found out what her friends did behind her back.

Better than Mass Effect 3's ending. I loved the story, and I found it about as realistic as I can find a pony fan fiction.

1381268 Erm... I'll take that ME3 thing as a compliment. And I will never forget Marauder Shields and still think the Indoctrination Theory was the right one, Bioware be damned.

Thanks for the epilogue.

1381316
It was a compliment. I was referring to the "fix" you gave. I liked the first ending enough to continue, but cautiously. The "real" ending put faith into me. Only you did it a lot better. And Marauder Shields... Will never be forgotten.

1381543 Is your name Gus, by any chance? Cos I think you're really fun, Gus. Btw, do you like heavy metal? Cos I love heavy metal. So much that I have a room for me to just mosh around. I call it, the Room Of Mosh.

Thank you, thank you. Buy a Tee, show you care.

You managed to give things closure while at the same time staying true to your original message. That's quite an accomplishment!

Finding one's kinks is a strange process. One of my best friends (haven't seen him in years) used to tie up his sister's barbie dolls when he was a boy. Or wrap them in duct tape, because that "made them look right".

Hazah! I was hoping you would post more on this! not that I had a problem with the original ending...I just hate when things end in general.

Anywho, a nice bitter ending with just enough sweet to let the imagination ponder. I tip my top hat, fez, fedora, and Scandinavian military helmet to you.

That's better. It actually feels completed now. I like how it ends in a realistic way, and not the "I totally forgive you! Things can go back to the way they were!" endings we're used to.

1382788>>1380126

Excellent, excellent, excellent. Perfect.

This is well done. This is the bittersweet ending.

You resolved the climax, resolved the underlying tensions and the internal denial, you made both of them confront themselves as much as they confronted each other in this...

All in all, you resolved it.

There's still an empty, hollow feeling, but now it's a FULL empty hollow feeling. The story is improved immeasurably for that.

Now- Wait... Wait, I got a credit mention? I'm so happy, really, but... I don't exactly know how I should feel for helping someone write underage bdsm.
:



Yep, decidedly, good. You should feel good too, methinks.

Yes, that was AJ slowly changing expressions.

1384707 Yeah. That's what you get when you start running off that big mouth of yours and helping people out.

And like you said, a story doesn't need a HAPPY ending, just an ending. And that's exactly what I aimed for: I wanted the two characters to end up changed, maybe forever, and afraid of themselves and what they'd found out. It'd take a long long time for them to come to fully come to terms of what happened in just a few days, but hey, that's life. And psychologists and -therapists need to make a living too. They're people after all.

October 4th: Edited a few typos and formatting errors. Should you notice any, please either answer to this message or PM me so I can fix them.

1387447 Sad to hear it. Would you like to expand on your worries?

This... I just don't know. This story... I can't say it's good. I can't say it's bad either. If I had to pick a word to describe it, I think I'd have to go with compelling.

Throughout my reading of this, I went through a gauntlet of emotions, but I couldn't stop. Your descriptions of the feelings these situations brought about were masterfully written and felt so genuine.

Even writing this comment is honestly making me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I really felt like I had to say, if you can write about THIS so... Eloquently, I really have to say you could write about anything and make it great. And that ending; it hurts. It's exactly what it had to be but it hurts anyway. Man, I'm honestly really conflicted. I can't condemn this subject matter, although I really don't like it personally, but this story really, I don't know, rose above it, maybe?

I think I might need to lay down for a bit, but I just want to reiterate that this story is... Kinda amazing.

1390140 It's not good, but amazing? I'll take that.

Seriously though, I never expected people to be so interested in this story. I just wrote it mostly from spur of the moment, and just tried to experiment on as many fetishes and kinks I could cram under the quite varied BDSM-header. And maybe I've shown people that there is more to it than just tight PVC and whips.

And I think I added too much background to Scootaloo to make the "feels" happen. If I was any better, I could have worked more on different angles, like on her hero-worship of RD, of her loyalty to her friends, of her speed-demon nature... so much good stuff there, and I end up inventing a doctor-mother who is never around. It doesn't contradict the canon per se, but it doesn't support it in any way.

Imagine if I suddenly switched the characters around, so that Sweetie was having all the problems about loneliness and abandonment because her parents always just drop her off at her big sisters while they travel around, at least she seems to spend a lot of time there. What if I changed scoots into Apple Bloom in that scenario? Now we would have had a story about family values vs. noncaring parents, about AB not even having parents, but still having such close relations to her own big sister, while Sweetie is always in the way and gets ignored.

Why didn't I work that angle more? There's just so much stuff that I didn't even consider when writing this, and afterwards I feel like it's missing a lot of the realistic conflicts that it should have had. Maybe I need to make a sequel with those two characters in it now to get my head empty again. I dunno.

1380234 okay if you dont do a sequel
do a "few years down the road " kind of epilouge or something
they must end up together or something man

1423346 No. The story is complete.

If you want to know what happens in the future for these two, watch the series. Yeah I'm serious. I try to write my stories in a way that could end up in status quo. For these two, they'll continue crusading, try to forget the stuff that happened and build up the trust between each other slowly but surely. They're still kids, and it's easier to mend something like that, so there is a lot of hope for their friendship to continue. And they were never lovers or anything like that. They were just experimenting.

I enjoy working in the confines of the setting, without changing the already established facts. I even cringe about the thought that I added a complete OC into the story in the form of Scoots' mother. At least I didn't give her a speaking role. Just writing the story and adding in the stuff I find convenient and disregarding everything else is not what I think a fanfic should be. I think more on the lines of "Does it fit the characters?" "Does it fit the setting?" "Could this happen if X happened...?". It's more challenging, and to me, it's about not taking the easy way out.

1437709 I made a funny! Yay!

I really liked this story. I came into it with so many expectations, and almost all of them were surpassed. I wanted shipping, and I got it. I wanted a story of self-discovery, and I got it. Deep down, I always want a sad, cathartic ending, and boy did I get it. Just looking at the story's description, I hadn't even thought this would be anything more than your average clop. The length, though; that's what roped me in. I dared to hope that I was in for a mature take on such kinky subjects, and I was far from disappointed.

One thing that I really like, that made this ending even more heartbreaking, was how uninvolved Apple Bloom was with the story. Sure, I can sit and imagine how hollow Scoots and Sweetie's friendship is going to be, but imagining how that could affect AB? How she, likely still not having gone through any comparable phase of self-discovery, won't understand why her only real friends are suddenly so much colder? How the two of them will probably never help her to understand what happened between them, and will go on keeping a chilling emotional distance from each other? A delicious extra layer of icing on this wonderfully depressing cake.

God I love a good sadfic...

Anyway. You, sir(?), are excellent. Not just a good writer, but, if your comments and thought processes are any indication, a pretty damn cool person, too. Good luck with your future work.

1442399 Wow. I can't describe how much I love getting replies like this. You are just the kind of person that I love to write for. You are thoughtful, and don't go for the obvious answers and pretend everything in life has a happy ending.

That said, I found myself thinking on how much these events would affect Scoots and SB in the long run, how traumatised they would be, how their whole perspective on sexuality, trust and friendship would get warped. It's tasty to say the least. I know that kids can carry a huge burden on their shoulders sometimes, and especially Scoots (my fav CMC, ofc) has the worst of it,

Your thoughts on Applebloom... I can only hope that one day one the other two will confide in her and tell her how much they messed up. That would lead to AB trying to fix things up, but like you said, she wouldn't know what to do and would make things even worse. Fast forward ten years and loads of therapy, and they might actually be okay.

1443802 That's the best compliment I've gotten in a good long while, so thank you.

The CMC in therapy, though; that could make for a very interesting read. Hell, in Dominant Ideal's canon, even before the story takes place, therapy could have done Sweetie and Scoots (also my favorite) an awful lot of good. And just within the show's canon, there's a lot of potential there... I might have to do something with this soon.

The ending oh the ending hahaha

For me it was a great story it really moved my feels, the first "ending" was really something that made me angry i mean...i wanted a happy ending...ok it is your choice on how to end YOUR story but yeah that was really really open with a lot holes in it...i mean you cant creat some connection between the reader and the characters and then let them out hanging like that..this is way better and hope to see more of your work

It was just somo "constructive critisism"...or so i think but nonethe less you are awsome :)

1460826 Thanks. You touched on several subjects that others have also pointed out and I'll try to improve on those points in my future stories.

Thank you i just want to wish you good luck and eager to find more of your stories...maybe a more happier one but its up to you...good vibes :D