1369510 Not for the foreseeable future. That's the point. There's nothing after this. It ends like this, and that's it. No prequels, sidequels, sequels, or epilogues.
1369521 Ok. The ending was just kind of abrupt, so I thought there would be more to the story still. Guess I'll just have to hope the future brings inspiration...
1369528 Look, it's not about "inspiration". I could write 100 foalcon clopfics and still have material. It's just the fact that the story is now finished, the way I wanted it to, and I'm happy with it. I just spent a week on writing this, well, a bit over. It chewed out a lot of my free time with all the planning, formatting and proofing. And I'm proud of my work. So please, do not say stuff like that about "inspiration".
There was a message with this story I wanted to say. Actually, several. If you got them, good. If you didn't, then I hope you at least enjoyed the story. In the end, this fic told a lot more about me as a person than I wanted it to.
Well... Fuck. Really, that's... That's more of a climax than a resolution. Pun definitely not intended.
I... Well.
...Fuck.
Without SOME form of ending this sort of devolves from ridiculously interesting experimentation to unfinished foalcon clop... That's one hell of a devolution, mate.
Seriously, as a climax, you have here the first 'failed' experiment and Sweetie finally coming to terms with her own sexuality, and then the two 'break up' moments after what is, essentially, their first times, respectively.
This isn't an ending so much as it is an author rage quit, methinks, and that's completely understandable, but this story is in desperate need of a proper conclusion.
1369561 Not all stories have a happy ending. Nor do they need to. If the story left you feeling empty and confused, then you feel what I intended you to. This was what I intended to end with since the beginning. Everything I've written has been for this goal. Call me a pretentious bugger or what have you, but I wanted to write a fic like this.
It's not empty and confused so much as it is built tension that isn't released.
An unhappy, unfulfilling ending is if, when the dust settles, Sweetie and Scoots can never be friends and Applebloom gets caught in the crossfire. That's a resolution because their lives are permanently changed and the conflict is resolved, albeit in the worst possible way.
Ending it on a spur of the moment fight isn't a resolution because nothing is resolved, whether it be good or bad, it still needs to be resolved.
It's an infuriatingly common mistake, but "Empty and unfulfilled" is not an excuse for half baked. It's the difference between Steak Tar-tare and just plain undercooked.
:EDIT:
By no means am I saying this is a bad story. I have thoroughly enjoyed it so far. That's just not the issue right now.
Oh well, if you ever fell like writing a sequel I can only say that you'll have a ready reader for it. A nice story and I can only say that it's a shame that it had to end now. Keep up the good work and looking forward to what comes next.
1369595 I have to agree with you the story has just got to the climax and there is no resolution. I don't care what the resolution is but it does need one.
and Isseus I'm saying this because I love this story and I think it is one of the best I have read but it just needed and ending.
1369646 I'll... give it a thought, okay? It's just that... right now I'm not really up to working with the issues the story raises. This was supposed to be a one-off deconstruction of clopfics. It turned out to be none of that. I had to pull the plug. Sorry.
1369661 It ok its that's your ending it, it's just the story doesn't end there. What I ment is that every story has a resolution to it. none the less I Still Love This Story
1369891 The story is now "Incomplete". Once again. Meaning that there will probably be something. Some day. The ending DID play out a bit different in my head, and maybe I gotta admit that it might not be enough. I just feel like this might be a small cop-out after what I said that I'd never-ever-ever continue this story, but hey. A thousand flies can't be wrong, right?
1369661 How about you leave the story as it is right now and make another story like, I don't know "Broken Bounds" (<-guessing for the story title), that is standing for itself, but refers directly to this one. Just thinking aloud. You decide this on your own and noone else. I give in that my inner reader screams and begs you to just continue, but this ending is so surprising that my inner author beats up my inner reader and lets you be. Make more awesome stories like this.
1370018 Eh, I think the ending worked well. It's about trust and how, if you're going to be doing something like this, you have to be HONEST and upfront about it. Reminds me of many years ago, in high school. Some jocks were going on about having just discovered things of such a nature and how 'if she wants me to smack her around, I'd do it.' Even then, I knew that this type of thing is really about trust and a healthy relationship and not about the pain or the sex. Sweetie had the right idea in getting something about safety, getting information about what to and not to do. Though she failed to use a safeword ... but she should have been more honest about what was going on. Communication is key.
Anyway, if you do make another ending, I'd suggest something about Sweetie trying romantic things to get her friend back as a young lover but, in the end, doing something friendly and nice getting her back as just a friend. This kind of betrayal of trust takes a great deal to heal and they might not be mature enough to have that happen to keep them lovers but they might be able to look past it to be just friends.
1370546 For anyone who's ever looked more into or actually done any real BDSM, this story would read more like a horror story of how to do BDSM wrong in every possible way. Safe words are just the tip of the iceberg. I even inserted them using a safe word in their NORMAL games, just to drive the point home. If anything, this is supposed to be a manual on how to fuck up anything to do with the hobby.
1370907 Oh, I think you delivered that quite well! It was an epic breach of trust, and I've seen friends and family turn to enemies for far, far less.
Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but to me it didn't really feel like they were actual lovers at any point. There was something sexual, yes; but that's not the same as romantic interest. It wasn't about the love blooming between Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle - they might have stumbled upon and explored their kinks with an entirely different partner.
I actually liked the ending. Well, I'm not sure I can say I liked it, but it felt like it fit with the rest of the story. A story like this one simply can't end well, and I don't know what a more extended resolution would add to the overall story - not to say I'd mind seeing what you could come up with, but I think the open-endedness of this ending has an impact that could be lost if you went on to deal with all the issues and drama that would need to be addressed.
Also, I think this is the first 'mature' rated story I can honestly say I was reading for the plot and not the clop - and I mean that as a compliment.
Well now. This isn't my usual cup of tea at all but by that very fact it says something that I found myself quite engrossed when I took a gander. You did an excellent job with the thought processes going on in Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo, disturbing though they may be.
I do have to agree with some of the commenters, though, that the ending felt a bit off. I grabbed the epub version of this story to read offline because it was marked "Complete" at the time I saw it, and when I hit the end it felt like I'd done so literally - the story was gripping and we'd just had some major revelations bust out and then it crashed to a halt right when I was expecting a denoument. I thought perhaps I'd grabbed an incomplete story by mistake.
Don't take that as too harsh a criticism though. I'm actually quite fine with the story ending with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo *not* becoming lesbian bondage lovers. However, IMO there should be another chapter wherein some resolution is brought to the underlying reasons for their feelings and their grievously incorrect expectations about what each other was in this for. It all came exploding out at the end and it feels like we *just* got to the crux of what the story was really about when the credits started to roll.
I'm glad to see that the story's been put back into incomplete mode, I'm really looking forward to what you might come up with. Even if it doesn't include either of them getting a BDSM cutie mark and having to explain it to Applebloom. :)
1371683 100% correct. There was a load of "shipping" but I wanted the two fillies to grow closer like siblings, not lovers. And I know Scoots only has eyes for RD anyways.
1375133 Happy to hear you liked it. But... I wouldn't want to sound ungrateful but... you already said that you liked this story with that thumb up / down thingy or pushing the star next to them. If you really REALLY want to thank a writer, especially on this site, please, tell me WHAT you liked and what you didn't. What thoughts the story raised? What felt underdeveloped? What was missing? I spent 30+ hours on this story, thinking, planning, writing, formating, proofing, and reading comments and ... erm... stuff? A lot of my thoughts and ideas went into it. So I'd appreciate any critique you might have.
Oh and I know this is quite far into the comments section, but that goes for the rest of you folks as well. My aim in writing has always been to improve.
Truth be told... I am a bad critic... Not that in the sense that I always give negative criticism... It's just that I am bad at making criticisms...
But I'll try my best!
Hmmm... Aside from some typos as the others have pointed out, I don't really see anything wrong... The story was well made. The ending was a bit, uh... Uncalled for. Made me expect something more... Since when I stumbled upon this, it was already marked as 'Incomplete.'
But even so, it was a fitting ending. Taught me something about trust.
I didn't say "weakly spanking". I said "weekly", as in every week. It sounded more like some sort of preventive measure. Spanking in general, okay in some cases that's maybe the best course of action (at least when one can't think about anything else anymore) , but then there needs to be a reason.
1369521 I had assumed this was not the end due to it not saying complete, but now that that I know this is the end;
Holy fuck. This has to be the best ending I have ever read. I don't even care about the content, or the grammar/spelling errors. This is a literary masterpiece. Now, it'll probably never reach that status in the fandom due to the content, but holy fuck.
I haven't seen an ending this good since the end of 'The Mist'. You sir, are getting a watch, and a thumb up. And a reminder to mark the story as complete.
1379030 Oh... people whined for more... I say fuck em. Writing is as much for yourself as it is for them. I mean, if I were writing a story (which I am), that had an outcome that was either A, not expected, or B, unfavourable because it isn't happy (yes to both on my part), and the fans bitched and complained about it, I would say fuck em.
Not to be rude or anything, but you give your time to us freely, so that we may enjoy your work. Criticism on how to do something better is one thing, whining to change the outcome is another...
Edit: What FaceDeer said kind of has some merit, but I think the more sudden and unexpected the ending (so long as still makes sense in the context and whatnot) the better. Chekhov should be begging you for his gun by the end of any given story.
1379039 Like the carrots? And the lemonade? Let's just say I'm a very big friend to Mr. Chekov... Although I'm pretty sure no-one guessed what they were really going to be used for. I have to admit to some giggles when I first mention the carrots and Sweetie not being able to eat all of them. You dirty perverts you.
And at first I was going to say "buck you all to heck" or even "BUYSOMEAPPLES" but then I thought about it more and... no. The story has to have an ending. Right now it's very good for emotional whiplash, but not closure, and as some people have helpfully taught me, a good story needs to have a solution to the ending climax/conflict.
The question here is... now that you know how I write and what I can do... Do you trust me to end it well?
The last chapter.
Any chance of an epilogue?
1369486 None.
1369491
A sequel perhaps? I would say there are some unresolved conflicts in this story, such as the major one between Scootaloo and her parents.
1369510 Not for the foreseeable future. That's the point. There's nothing after this. It ends like this, and that's it. No prequels, sidequels, sequels, or epilogues.
1369521
Ok. The ending was just kind of abrupt, so I thought there would be more to the story still.
Guess I'll just have to hope the future brings inspiration...
1369528 Look, it's not about "inspiration". I could write 100 foalcon clopfics and still have material. It's just the fact that the story is now finished, the way I wanted it to, and I'm happy with it. I just spent a week on writing this, well, a bit over. It chewed out a lot of my free time with all the planning, formatting and proofing. And I'm proud of my work. So please, do not say stuff like that about "inspiration".
There was a message with this story I wanted to say. Actually, several. If you got them, good. If you didn't, then I hope you at least enjoyed the story. In the end, this fic told a lot more about me as a person than I wanted it to.
That...
Wait, shit, THAT was the end?
Well... Fuck. Really, that's... That's more of a climax than a resolution. Pun definitely not intended.
I... Well.
...Fuck.
Without SOME form of ending this sort of devolves from ridiculously interesting experimentation to unfinished foalcon clop... That's one hell of a devolution, mate.
Seriously, as a climax, you have here the first 'failed' experiment and Sweetie finally coming to terms with her own sexuality, and then the two 'break up' moments after what is, essentially, their first times, respectively.
This isn't an ending so much as it is an author rage quit, methinks, and that's completely understandable, but this story is in desperate need of a proper conclusion.
1369561 Not all stories have a happy ending. Nor do they need to. If the story left you feeling empty and confused, then you feel what I intended you to. This was what I intended to end with since the beginning. Everything I've written has been for this goal. Call me a pretentious bugger or what have you, but I wanted to write a fic like this.
1369573
Ah. I see.
It's not empty and confused so much as it is built tension that isn't released.
An unhappy, unfulfilling ending is if, when the dust settles, Sweetie and Scoots can never be friends and Applebloom gets caught in the crossfire. That's a resolution because their lives are permanently changed and the conflict is resolved, albeit in the worst possible way.
Ending it on a spur of the moment fight isn't a resolution because nothing is resolved, whether it be good or bad, it still needs to be resolved.
It's an infuriatingly common mistake, but "Empty and unfulfilled" is not an excuse for half baked. It's the difference between Steak Tar-tare and just plain undercooked.
:EDIT:
By no means am I saying this is a bad story. I have thoroughly enjoyed it so far. That's just not the issue right now.
1369426
Me:
Oh well, if you ever fell like writing a sequel I can only say that you'll have a ready reader for it.
A nice story and I can only say that it's a shame that it had to end now.
Keep up the good work and looking forward to what comes next.
1369573 While perhaps not the most enjoyable of endings, it was quite well written and got the message across. Good job.
Liked the story - Hated the ending. Not just because its sad, but because it leaves too many things open to be a 'good ending'.
Still, It was an interesting read, and I did enjoy most of it.
1369611 Yay! *hug*
What was that about 'breaking a friend's trust..?' Oh, Sweetie, Sweetie. Trust goes both ways.
In any case, I was wondering about this:
"It was only Spike. And she gave me the book and promised not to tell anyone."
Shouldn't that be he ?
1369628 Why of course it should. But after writing "she" about one million times, I kinda messed that one up.
1369595
I have to agree with you the story has just got to the climax and there is no resolution. I don't care what the resolution is but it does need one.
and Isseus
I'm saying this because I love this story and I think it is one of the best I have read but it just needed and ending.
I Do Love This Story
Whut...
I agree with Mr. Numbers
A wonderful... series of sentences. Because honestly, I can't call this a story.
It's just pretty words. That's all.
1369646 I'll... give it a thought, okay? It's just that... right now I'm not really up to working with the issues the story raises. This was supposed to be a one-off deconstruction of clopfics. It turned out to be none of that. I had to pull the plug. Sorry.
1369661
It ok its that's your ending it, it's just the story doesn't end there. What I ment is that every story has a resolution to it.
none the less I Still Love This Story
i hope you right more at some time
I'm going to go against the grain.
Don't do any more if you don't want. It's a non-standard story, and it works like that.
While my inner-reader cries out for the more, the 'me' part understands and likes what you've done.
1369891 The story is now "Incomplete". Once again. Meaning that there will probably be something. Some day. The ending DID play out a bit different in my head, and maybe I gotta admit that it might not be enough. I just feel like this might be a small cop-out after what I said that I'd never-ever-ever continue this story, but hey. A thousand flies can't be wrong, right?
LAST! ;_;
1369661
How about you leave the story as it is right now and make another story like, I don't know "Broken Bounds" (<-guessing for the story title), that is standing for itself, but refers directly to this one.
Just thinking aloud.
You decide this on your own and noone else.
I give in that my inner reader screams and begs you to just continue, but this ending is so surprising that my inner author beats up my inner reader and lets you be.
Make more awesome stories like this.
Bronydragon
1370018
Eh, I think the ending worked well. It's about trust and how, if you're going to be doing something like this, you have to be HONEST and upfront about it. Reminds me of many years ago, in high school. Some jocks were going on about having just discovered things of such a nature and how 'if she wants me to smack her around, I'd do it.' Even then, I knew that this type of thing is really about trust and a healthy relationship and not about the pain or the sex. Sweetie had the right idea in getting something about safety, getting information about what to and not to do. Though she failed to use a safeword ... but she should have been more honest about what was going on. Communication is key.
Anyway, if you do make another ending, I'd suggest something about Sweetie trying romantic things to get her friend back as a young lover but, in the end, doing something friendly and nice getting her back as just a friend. This kind of betrayal of trust takes a great deal to heal and they might not be mature enough to have that happen to keep them lovers but they might be able to look past it to be just friends.
1370546 For anyone who's ever looked more into or actually done any real BDSM, this story would read more like a horror story of how to do BDSM wrong in every possible way. Safe words are just the tip of the iceberg. I even inserted them using a safe word in their NORMAL games, just to drive the point home. If anything, this is supposed to be a manual on how to fuck up anything to do with the hobby.
1371088
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111203120810/mlpfanclub/images/thumb/1/15/Apple-bloom-juggler.jpg/300px-Apple-bloom-juggler.jpg
1) I'm not?
2) Fix'd
3) They do now. And it's delicious.
Well, I liked this right up to the lack-of-an-ending. Then I flipped a table.
1370907
Oh, I think you delivered that quite well! It was an epic breach of trust, and I've seen friends and family turn to enemies for far, far less.
Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but to me it didn't really feel like they were actual lovers at any point. There was something sexual, yes; but that's not the same as romantic interest. It wasn't about the love blooming between Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle - they might have stumbled upon and explored their kinks with an entirely different partner.
I actually liked the ending. Well, I'm not sure I can say I liked it, but it felt like it fit with the rest of the story. A story like this one simply can't end well, and I don't know what a more extended resolution would add to the overall story - not to say I'd mind seeing what you could come up with, but I think the open-endedness of this ending has an impact that could be lost if you went on to deal with all the issues and drama that would need to be addressed.
Also, I think this is the first 'mature' rated story I can honestly say I was reading for the plot and not the clop - and I mean that as a compliment.
Well done, sir.
Well now. This isn't my usual cup of tea at all but by that very fact it says something that I found myself quite engrossed when I took a gander. You did an excellent job with the thought processes going on in Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo, disturbing though they may be.
I do have to agree with some of the commenters, though, that the ending felt a bit off. I grabbed the epub version of this story to read offline because it was marked "Complete" at the time I saw it, and when I hit the end it felt like I'd done so literally - the story was gripping and we'd just had some major revelations bust out and then it crashed to a halt right when I was expecting a denoument. I thought perhaps I'd grabbed an incomplete story by mistake.
Don't take that as too harsh a criticism though. I'm actually quite fine with the story ending with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo *not* becoming lesbian bondage lovers. However, IMO there should be another chapter wherein some resolution is brought to the underlying reasons for their feelings and their grievously incorrect expectations about what each other was in this for. It all came exploding out at the end and it feels like we *just* got to the crux of what the story was really about when the credits started to roll.
I'm glad to see that the story's been put back into incomplete mode, I'm really looking forward to what you might come up with. Even if it doesn't include either of them getting a BDSM cutie mark and having to explain it to Applebloom. :)
1371683 100% correct. There was a load of "shipping" but I wanted the two fillies to grow closer like siblings, not lovers. And I know Scoots only has eyes for RD anyways.
shit just got real
Damn, I thought I was in for a full ride. It's a shame this is the last chapter, I was coming to look forward to each update of this story.
1373918 This from someone who complained that most clopfics are too long?
1373603
Too true! Also, that Sweetie Belle and Spike picture from the wedding... Not quite the same, but close enough^^
I somehow agree with how the others say that the ending is a bit... short...
But I still enjoyed the story of it all... I somehow got the point you wanted to share... Somehow... And once more, a most enjoyable read.
I applaud you, good sir/madam.
1375082 As has been said, It ain't over yet. Because of you whiners.
1375091
Well, if you make another chapter, I'm not complaining, nor if you decide not to.
It was a very enjoyable read.
1375133 Happy to hear you liked it. But... I wouldn't want to sound ungrateful but... you already said that you liked this story with that thumb up / down thingy or pushing the star next to them. If you really REALLY want to thank a writer, especially on this site, please, tell me WHAT you liked and what you didn't. What thoughts the story raised? What felt underdeveloped? What was missing? I spent 30+ hours on this story, thinking, planning, writing, formating, proofing, and reading comments and ... erm... stuff? A lot of my thoughts and ideas went into it. So I'd appreciate any critique you might have.
Oh and I know this is quite far into the comments section, but that goes for the rest of you folks as well. My aim in writing has always been to improve.
1375211
Truth be told... I am a bad critic... Not that in the sense that I always give negative criticism... It's just that I am bad at making criticisms...
But I'll try my best!
Hmmm... Aside from some typos as the others have pointed out, I don't really see anything wrong...
The story was well made. The ending was a bit, uh... Uncalled for. Made me expect something more... Since when I stumbled upon this, it was already marked as 'Incomplete.'
But even so, it was a fitting ending. Taught me something about trust.
Beautifully made story, my good man...
Ehhh... Like I said... I'm a bad critic.
1375250 You did good, son. It's not about the results, but trying.
1375284 Thank you, good sir.
And I will speak unto you your own words, good sir. You tried your best, and I am sure you did your best.
1378394
I didn't say "weakly spanking". I said "weekly", as in every week. It sounded more like some sort of preventive measure.
Spanking in general, okay in some cases that's maybe the best course of action (at least when one can't think about anything else anymore) , but then there needs to be a reason.
1369521 I had assumed this was not the end due to it not saying complete, but now that that I know this is the end;
Holy fuck. This has to be the best ending I have ever read. I don't even care about the content, or the grammar/spelling errors. This is a literary masterpiece. Now, it'll probably never reach that status in the fandom due to the content, but holy fuck.
I haven't seen an ending this good since the end of 'The Mist'. You sir, are getting a watch, and a thumb up.
And a reminder to mark the story as complete.
Truly a masterful ending.
1378646 Oh... whoops. Okay then... My bad.
1378991 ...but ...but... You didn't read the rest of the comments?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEHEEEHEEEAAAASEE DON'T HATE ME!
1379030 Oh... people whined for more... I say fuck em. Writing is as much for yourself as it is for them. I mean, if I were writing a story (which I am), that had an outcome that was either A, not expected, or B, unfavourable because it isn't happy (yes to both on my part), and the fans bitched and complained about it, I would say fuck em.
Not to be rude or anything, but you give your time to us freely, so that we may enjoy your work. Criticism on how to do something better is one thing, whining to change the outcome is another...
Edit: What FaceDeer said kind of has some merit, but I think the more sudden and unexpected the ending (so long as still makes sense in the context and whatnot) the better.
Chekhov should be begging you for his gun by the end of any given story.
1379039 Like the carrots? And the lemonade? Let's just say I'm a very big friend to Mr. Chekov... Although I'm pretty sure no-one guessed what they were really going to be used for. I have to admit to some giggles when I first mention the carrots and Sweetie not being able to eat all of them. You dirty perverts you.
And at first I was going to say "buck you all to heck" or even "BUYSOMEAPPLES" but then I thought about it more and... no. The story has to have an ending. Right now it's very good for emotional whiplash, but not closure, and as some people have helpfully taught me, a good story needs to have a solution to the ending climax/conflict.
The question here is... now that you know how I write and what I can do... Do you trust me to end it well?
sorry, you lost me at this chapter....
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/205/251/hansenlol.jpg?1322001926