• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2022
  • offline last seen 32 minutes ago

Jymbroni


Easy day!

T
Source

Octavia stumbles into another, mysterious reality during a visit to Twilight's castle. With no apparent way home, she seeks a way to return, but perhaps the music called her for a greater purpose.

Editor: Rego

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 33 )

Well done on using your horse words

Alright, there are a few issues I'll DM them to ya!

11192737
Thank you, that is what I was hoping for! :twilightsheepish:

Holy shit just read it through, its getting better and better

Wow
It was an immense privilege to witness the forging of this chapter. The situation's awkwardness was well portrayed with the whole business with the statue, the phones, and Jacen's attempt to assist her, which is also in character and more realistic than in the original one.
HELL, even I read Jacen's Naval story intently! The pacing is impeccable. The story has been improved tenfold from that initial draft I got. Congrats on being persistent and working hard to crank out this excellent chapter.
Thank you for writing this, waiting for the next one!

THIS IS FRICKIN AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, cool. Rego recommended your fic to me, and I'm quite glad he did so far. A nice, fluffy relationship between Vinyl and Octavia, a humorous and likely highly accurate depiction of life in Twilight's castle, and a really nice description of a fascinating musical effect, with a throughline of good character interactions. And, of course, the bit at the end. Very curious to see where this goes.

Dude. That dream sequence was smooth, and your dialogue is awesome.

Ah, the "How am I going to get home?" begins to sink in. I'm honestly quite curious about that myself. It feels like something to that end should've been considered already, even if only briefly.

I am quite curious about what's going on with Jacen. There's enough hints at whatever problems he's having (and had?) to be tantalizing but not enough information to figure much out.

What, I wonder, is Twilight doing on the other side? Is there such a time differential that Octavia's absence would not yet be noticed, or has the search begun? The cello was left, if I remember right, and given that the mirror was clearly a designed contraption, one would expect Twilight to follow that to its conclusion, at least eventually. Unless, of course, the music changed the destination. That would be harder to discover.

11515175
Thank you! This chapter problem went under the most rewrites and I'm happy that you got to read the completed section and the concert hall design was probably the roughest part to write because of the hours I spent researching it. But, my musical background made it easier for me to understand it and apply it so Twilight sounds like Twilight.

11515189
That dream is still my favorite thing that I've written so far and it took me two months to finally nail it. Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it and I think you can see where I drew a lot of inspiration from another story you're familiar with.

11515192
I wanted to build upon Jacen more in this chapter, but that question definitely is still there.

11515245
Yup, its been a struggle to balance that since this is my first story. Luckily, Rego has guided me in the right direction through his many comments.

1151525
I had considered adding that, but it took away from Tavi and Jacen's development, and future events. It will all be explained in due time.

Ooh, that got interesting inplications.

It wasn't active, but was...breached by music?

Now this a correct reaction to change.

I know someone who is like Jacen. It's a bad mix of bad expirience, low self-esteem, narcissic disorder and few others. He's very loyal, but his melt-downs are hard to deal with.

I'm surprise that Octavia isn't using the Cello in front of the pedistal, it's what happened at the beginning of the story when she was curious about that mirror in the first place. I guess with Jacen's shenanigans, the other turbluent thoughts going through Octavia's mind, it just happen come up yet. Hopefully Jacen's insight on how she got there will help her remember that little tibit and try it out. It would be a nice chapter if nothing did happen. Can always enjoy some music at a mall or by the subway...

Good read by the way. It's definetly going into the fav, can't wait to read more! Can already see the shenanigans between Vinyl and Jacen in a sequel, HA!

11604617
But it was left on other side?

11605403
Are you saying that she can’t find a way to get a cello on our end of the portal?

I’m sure if she can Strategically Transfer the Equipment to Another Location. She’ll probably be back home if playing the rights music again…

Dumb question when I found this story yesterday there was only 1 chapter where did the other 6 come from???

I have an issue with the start of this chapter cause near the end of the last one it said

Octavia reached out with her forehoof as an uneasy dread crawled up her spine. The creatures in the surrounding area started to notice her as they looked and pointed in her direction. Quickly she began to back up, trying to return to the castle through whatever way she came until her back hooves hit something solid; seeing what had impeded her progress sent terror ripping through her body.

And in this chapter POOF the people instantly dissapeared and then we start with

Octavia backed away from the solid marble she had just appeared from, unexpectedly bumping into a trash bin, causing nearby crows to voice their displeasure. The unexpected sound caused her blood to run cold as the creaking of the metal continued to echo through the waning day. The smell from the garbage wafted over her now tiny nose as she shuffled across the dirty, cracked pavement to distance herself from the putrid smell.

so what happened?

11607852
Yes, they're still there; however, her focus in this chapter has shifted to the surroundings closer to her. But, I could be leaving out important worldbuilding stuff, which is showing my lack of experience in writing since this is my first story I have ever written that has a proper editor and stuff. I have plans on revisiting this chapter anyways because my skills as a writer have improved (hopefully, lol), so I will definitely look into that; thank you!

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