- Member Since 17th Mar, 2019
- offline last seen Mar 18th, 2022
Bernard
Old medically retired first responder and farmer with an urge to grow in a new direction.
Bernard
Joined 17th Mar, 2019 ·
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Should this story go into the World-Building Alliance group?
11065797
Probably because I plan to explain some things about the universe that aren't well covered elsewhere but I'm not familiar enough with group to say definitively. My idea of perfection runs something along the lines of Heinlein's Future History.
Can't wait for next chapter âşď¸
Well, we are so....
I like this. The pacing seems a tad quick, but nothing too bad or anything. Oh, and that cover art made me question Equestrians again...DO they use toilet paper, though?! I NEED TO KNOW
11066415
Right after he pondered the question in the story he bought bathroom supplies which would have been the ideal place for that question to have been answered but it was left conspicuously absent.
Most fics seem to go with some sort of bidet system if they address it at all.
So far I don't like it but I can't point out an exact reason as to why but it does feel inconsistent.
In the beginning
then later
He's supposed to be able to learn magic but never mentions it.
He is a fan of the show and initially uses that to identify twilight sparkle but then later he either feigns ignorance or is somehow unable to identify pinkie.
yet the world he's in from what we've seen so far is incredibly idyllic with the exception of the draft as he's offered citizenship and a job as soon as he arrives aside from the initially relatively harsh introduction.
What? Also his choice was die now and go to the afterlife or get a second life and die later with a different afterlife, the afterlives are also never defined so it's unclear he knew what he was getting as far as the afterlife either way although it is implied he would be able to see his friends and family again if he had rejected the offer.
The risk is never described, mc is sacrificing his human afterlife in exchange for a new life and a new afterlife. What was the risk supposed to be?
He is given a passive power which may or may not ever even come up in the story as what constitutes interference? Is it something like immunity to magic he doesn't consent to like being picked up with telekinesis or is it only for big things like full immunity from manipulation by entities like discord?
It should be obvious that different Tribes might have different approaches to that but regardless, he will use toilet paper. The point is that here he sits staring the ultimate butt of that universe and all he can think of is taking a dump.
First, there is a certain paranoia inherent in knowing too much about the future. It could be personally dangerous to let too much of that knowledge get around. Celestia isn't stupid about it, she let him pick what to tell based on her evaluation that he could be trusted (and the fact she could ask more directly later). And it takes more than a flash of pink to bring Pinkie to mind when you're new and lost.
As far as the rest of it goes, thems spoilers. I will say that he definitely isn't being given the whole truth of things and for good reasons.
11066415
Here's a thought for you: can you imagine that a teenage Pegasus wouldn't fly over a competitor school and not take a mid air dump? Just think, for Equestrian school janitors the job includes shoveling the roof.
11068918
Oh lord that's gross. This is why people can't fly...we'd be as bad as the pigeons
Your the first author to have the Main character mention Centaurs as the result of his acts reproduction...and I'm honestly ok with that if it does happen.
I liked the fact that he said that neither is better then the other. But what dives me a little batty is the fact that for Equestria, magic is technology. Not only that, there will be differences not because ponies have magic, but because they are ponies. Some events that happened in human history, may never happen because the of those two facts combined.
11074052
Don't forget that you know that and I know that because we spent time thinking about it. The show glossed over things that would make a big difference. Jack has just begun his education.
At least he's fairly open minded about it.
Keep up the good work đ
Hay, thanks for letting us know that the next chapters will be held up, that puts you one up on some. The ones that just vanish without a word for example. Take care of your health and I hope all goes well. Waiting for more when you feel up for it. đ
This is enjoyable so far and Iâd have to say unique in a way. Iâm loving this. Iâm also glad you mentioned itâll be awhile before more chapters appears as Bronze says it certainly beats the ones that just fade into the ether. Hope you sort everything out an hope to see ya writing again soon! Canât wait to see more an keep up the awesome work! Both in writing an taking care of yourself.
If that restaurant emptied that quick I don't think Blueblood's influence is as great as he thinks it is. And the whole family just took a good hit also,
11089114
Have you ever watched a herd of Equines respond to a threat? It's amazing how they move with near perfect synchronization in an instant.
11089126
like watching a flock of birds
looking forward to more of the new series
Man this is your best chapter yet! Hope your doctors visits go well!
I love the concept of dueling, especially when it's done like how you set it up.
Great chapter!
11122003
Code Duello is a real thing and has a long and colorful history. Jack is taking a few liberties with it to move his goals forward but it also fits nicely into natural equine instinct. They contest for rights and status within the herd in fights that have rules that prevent most serious injury. So it just seemed to be a perfect fit to me.
every single one of those strange people . This is something that a lot of readers seem to forget. (People yes, but not human). Then they get all
upset when they do something that is nowhere near what a human would do in the same situation. Not in these comments but I have seen it many times.
11128292
That's what makes this so much fun, you get to explore new, different cultures and use them to highlight (and mock) some off the stranger parts of human cultures. This has been the purpose of fantasy since it was literally dangerous to criticize the king.
oof, someone might have a crush :P
ah, porn for the eyes.
keep it up!!!~
Adult stories with an actual plotline... heh,,, seriously though, I enjoy these stories where the smut is a bonus and not the reason it was written. well done and keep writing
i.chzbgr.com/full/9291096576/hCCDA2DCF/tuxedo-tia
He didn't say anything about leaving. He only wanted a more ideal spot to answer. For a princess of friendship she is really hostile and unreasonable just for being different. At least he called her out on it by pointing out how he is outnumbered and in no way a clear threat despite being treated as such. If only more hie fics would do the same.
Sigh. magic lie detector AJ. My most hated cliche. Can't that one just die already?
Wait she doesn't understand but can still tell he is honest. How does that work. Doesn't it require a basic understanding of the statement in order to tell if one is honest? This example of this cliche is worse than how it usually is.
Twilight disproved that by being hostile and deliberately trying hard to make him seem like a threat through questioning and she is the proclaimed princess of friendship.
Wait you had AJ appear because plot to use her cliche lie detector only to have her randomly go back only for you to have him end up having to do this again with a truth spell. Why not just have Applejack stay?
Why does she keep asking personal questions that require him knowing them for more than a few hours at most?
When did Jack give an indication of underestimating her? Applejack's statement comes out of the blue and is completely unnecessary.
Huh... Somehow this is tagged mature and still ended up on my list.
More importantly it was a nice read and even the sex chapter didn't make me cringe. It was also written in such a way that I could skim the sex parts while keeping the important bits easily readable. Kudos.