• Member Since 20th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 12th, 2015

Sev


I poni. I poni all over the place.

T

Twilight's slight miscalculation with the Elements of Harmony land her and Rarity in a telepathic funk. But when Princess Celestia goes missing, it looks like having a window into each other's minds is going to be the least of their problems. The Mane Six will find themselves everywhere from Equestria's capital, to the home of the sea ponies, to a battle on the ocean for the fate of the world - all in this long adventure with more innuendo than you can shake your plot at. (Comments are appreciated! Finally done!)

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 335 )
Sev

79600
This is why things run better when you just let the pretty white pony with the alluring eyes and the sun on her ass handle everything

Very interesting so far.

testing too see if my comments got though. anyway on topic very nice chapter good cliffhanger at the end too and its good too see Luna again

"I was your backup singer for Winter Wrap Up"
fantastic line right there! keep up the good work and sea-kelpies!

I do hope the world-encompassing danger thing is exaggerated. I've always disliked the tendency to keep throwing bigger and badder dangers at a hero over time to create interest in the plot like Dragonball Z. The world shouldn't need something worse than Discord to get our interest. I'd be perfectly happy with a simple evil faction trying to mind-wipe Celestia into betraying Equestria and ruling over all these immortal spawn of Discord's rule...

:pinkiehappy:Good:
Like the Kelpies so far. The ocean is powerful, bountiful and fickle.
The merged mind mechanic has a lot of potential for exploring characterization and private lives.
The writing style works for me.

:duck:Could Improve:
I would enjoy a bit more emotion in the descriptions where they occur to give mood, but that's common problem I see. Not everyone likes that though.
Kelpie magics for blending with water and staying hidden seem a bit powerful so far. Need to see more of the limitations they have come into play.
The villains seem a bit one-dimensional so far. No large group can exist without emotional ties and history. Make them a wronged party, give them families in danger, offer us some way to sympathize with them too. Take the General for example. There should be a reason he is so suspicious of government and family betrayal from Luna.
I like humor in my adventure stories too. Don't forget to entertain us with laughs as well as adrenaline and tears.

I loved the entire vibrator spell sequence... Damn Girl indeed!!!

All I can say is::moustache:

I really like this story :) I hope you keep up with the good writing.

Sev

83394
thank you! ill do my best

now things get interesting! the big question is why did they kidnap her and what could they need her for hmmm i was hoping luna would have gotten too stay since i like her the most but we'll see how this goes.

Sev

86134
not to worry, she'll be back!

yay! its good too see Luna again! but i hate that law that stops her from ruling in her sisters absence that's just wrong. the interaction between Twilight and rarity was very funny. LOL checking out AJ ass O.o and whats this? Flutter sly rising too the task Luna has given her ? this should be interesting i hope gets too kick butt soon! all and all a grate read so far!

the just don't dance ever again line at the end kills me! XD twilight maybe a good singer and a very good bookworm but shes a horrible dancer! now we know the main plot behind this story and its a good 1 lets see how it goes from here

Sev why have you not plugged this in IRC? *track*

The plot thickens... Can't wait to read more:twilightsmile:

Sev

94428
I honestly didn't know i should! I don't use IRC and I'm pretty new at this fanfiction stuff. I could use any help promoting it you can give me, what do you suggest I do?

'So Equestria is run by 2 Princesses and 12 Secret Lord (Ponies)?"

I'm surprisingly OK with that too... Great story so far, though those kelpies must be much stronger than they appear, I can't imagine Celestia going down so easy.

this is a great story so far, I can't wait fr more of this so keep working on it please! :twilightsmile:

yay! new chapter. I'm enjoying this so much:twilightsmile:

Best Pinkie moment ever.

Pinkie Pie, you are so RANDOM :pinkiehappy:

AHAHAHAHAHA I actually laughed every time there was a new pipe. This story is starting to become a daily addiction for me. Linking this.

Oh Twilight. Your inner most secrets are bared for all.

Sev

101697

heh, glad you're liking it

that pinky pie! XD i like the interaction between Twilight and Windswept. so needless too say its going too very hard too find Princess C if no one knows were she is or are not willing too tell them. this is going too make things interesting indeed..

Pinkie Pie is best pirate.

PINKIE PIE IS BEST PIRATE FOREVEEEEER.

My love for Pinkie and Applejack in this chapter knows no bounds. This story has been a heckuva ride so far, and we've barely even begun. Looking forward to more.

This story is not grabbing me at all.

Also, I'm seeing several misuses of commas, periods and the like. Misspellings as well here and there.

My judgment? Run this through the editor again, plox.

Sorry, kiddo.

Oh shit, that scene right before Twilight got captured was priceless. I can't stop Pinkie grinning :pinkiehappy:

“Watch after her, little one.” Luna said softly. “She will need you.”

Fluttershy swallowed and resumed her turn, diving off toward Rainbow and the palace below as princess Luna soared left and deeper into the heart of Canterlot. As the meek pastel Pegasus caught Rainbow's slipstream, her eyes narrowed with uncharacteristically firm resolve.

“Always.” she said, in a voice only the wind could hear.

This is perfect. This is exactly how the Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash relationship works in my head, and it's a lovely moment as well as a nice inversion of expectations.

.....A 'Dungeon'.....

Oh Celestia you naughty girl. Though now I'm worried as to what's going on....very interesting, if one ignores a few spelling/grammar errors.

On an unrelated note: The way applejack speaks seems natural save one detail.

'Tew'.

When you read it, your mind just stops, and it's a tad jarring. Her accent would suggest using 'ta' in place of 'to' because, like the rest of her accent, t's very relaxed and tolls off of the tongue.

'Tew', however, feels forced and jittery, like soemone's DEMANDING she speak 'proper english' annd it's making her stutter. it just feels unnatural.

Aside from that, the story's going great!

Can has next chapter?

Also, that whole mind thing between Twilight and Rarity is pretty cool...

...I've always been a big kinda TwiRarity shipper :twilightblush::raritywink: (When I'm not shipping Twilestia :trollestia:)

Sev

116150 next ones up!

Rarity's last line is just to funny xD

Is there really a harem....

wut

Here, I think you left some of these behind: </i></i></i>

Sev

120207

woops! lemme go fix that

Huh, I think this is the first story I've seen that drew a distinction between Princesses and alicorns.

Wait what? Rarity becomes Princess? :unsuresweetie:

I'll just trust this is going to be awesome. Because it's been pretty awesome so far. But I'm sad about no more RariTwi mind link, because that was the funniest part of this.

MOAR :yay:

Rainbow's a Shadowbolt! Rarity is a princess! HAREM!

I can't even handle it. Can. Not. Handle.

Also, will likewise miss the Rarity/Twilight telepathy, as it was hilarious and made for surprisingly heart-warming bonding moments, but all things must pass. C'est la vie.

I would find a way to murder you with my mind.

Lol... Naughty Princess Celestia.

I need to know for certain.
IS THIS :raritystarry:RARI:heart:TWI:twilightsmile: SHIPPING?
I'm so confused on this matter.

Are twilight and rarity going to be able to communicate with their minds again? Was kinda sad when the connection broke because it was to funny xD

Oh my goddess! I love this. (Double plus especially the last line of chapter 10.)

Good story but did you really have to cut the mind link?:pinkiesad2:

Perhaps it can be turned on and off.
Say, when Rarity takes off her crown/tiara/whatever it is.

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