Princess Luna has returned to Equestria and made peace with the conditions that led to her dismissal, but despite a thousand years of progress, ponies still shun the night and seek refuge in the sun. Refusing to allow herself to fall into the same pattern that brought on the fury of Nightmare moon a thousand years earlier, Luna seeks advice in Twilight, and in turn explains to her the true origins of the land of Equestria.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My only reconmendation for you is press enter whenever a new pony talks other wise good story
good stuff
Absolutely fantastic! Keep it up please.
Definitely good, a minor quibble I have is that I do think Twilight's reactions are a bit too muted, a little more anger would be justified. Also the benefit of the Element of Magic I'd love to see Celestia and Twilight spar, not to harm each other of course, just a little flexing of the magical muscles so to speak. Yes, Celestia has apologized but she really does owe Twilight something or other going forward. Looking forward to more.
16259
Thanks a bunch, Im glad you enjoyed it!
I plan on having Twilight engage in a bit more aggression as time goes on here, once she starts getting into the whole nocturnal thing, but I intentionally avoided it against Celestia. the ponynet is absolutely brimming over with situations where Twilight or pinkie or SOMEpony suddenly becomes a natural borne killer and brings the fight to the throne, and I was hoping to avoid that. Schism is, before anything else, a simple exposition story. Im using it as a sort of starting point for adventures later on where the main crew can engage the sort of mythical foes they usually fight with a bit more depth behind them. I know folks tend to get bored when no one explodes and explodes again after a chapter or two, but there's an awful lot of that sort of simple pleasure action floating around, and I wanted to offer something that focused more on the reasons why the world exists in the first place, to invite people to think it over. hopefully that's not a disappointment!
I love this story. Every chapter is a pleasure to read, and I eagerly await more. It's a crime this isn't more popular.
On a side note, I can't help but think of nocturnal twilight with altered eyes for night-vision and for some reason tattoos.
19662
new and improved cutie marks. thanks, glad you enjoyed it! I may end up re-writing the thing now that we have a real personality for luna, we'll see
You should simply ignore the cannon personality for Luna since if you update it for cannon-ness season 2 episode 11 well pretty much blow the entire story up. So just ignore em and update already!
Hey there, really looking forward to see where you go with this.
This is without a doubt the best old-mythology I've read for Equestria yet.
I do have to say, whether it's in this story or the next or one ten down the line, I think I'll find myself disappointed if Twilight doesn't wind up on the same level as the princesses. Out of all the Mane Six, she seems like the one who is best equipped to deal with eternity, and she's certainly got the pedigree for it. Her lineage was bred for a thousand years to come together into a being that is the living avatar of magic itself.
Hmm... I do wonder about the romance. Twilight x Luna?
Twilight x Celestia? 
... Luna x Celestia x Twilight? 
And Rainbow Dash too, because she gets shipped with everyone?!
Ahahaha... still. Story Alert and Favorites for you! I definitely look forward to more of this amazing story.
35403
Heh, glad you enjoyed the story. I'm afraid this one is coming to a close though, its been overwritten by the show almost entirely. call it a practice run!
35403
Heh, glad you enjoyed the story. I'm afraid this one is coming to a close though, its been overwritten by the show almost entirely. call it a practice run!72018
I greatly enjoyed this story, and am disappointed in it being abandoned. Importance of being in line with canon is overrated in my opinion.
I respect your desion... but I don't have to like it.
73777
*decision
silly phone auto-correct.
Also, I was very excited to get an email saying Schism had updated and now I am sad.
Seems a lot of bronys have enjoyed your work on this. I would recommend you add a Alternate Universe tag to it and keep going, let your creative juices flow. Treat it as a "what if" situation, and use the established personalities of the characters to help guide you.
I gotta say I was really excited to see this story appear on my tracking page again. As the author it will always be your choice as to what you do with this story but this is definitely a story I'm going to miss.
Awwww, really? Canon compliance is insanely overrated. I've been reading fanfiction for years, and how well it fits with canon is usually least among the factors dictating how many people like it. This is absolutely fabulous! I only read it yesterday, but I already really love it. I put it on alert, and it gets abandoned twelve hours later? That sucks!
This was an excellent fiction, and to abandon it just because it's out of date... that's a crying shame.
I'll keep reading whatever you write in its place, but I'm definitely going to mourn the fact that you dropped such an excellent and fun story for such a trivial reason.
Like most i respect the decision but i dont like it to be honest
Aw. Hopefully you will eventually revisit the plot of Twilight considering becoming nocturnal as a way to help Luna's... issue with ponies sleeping through the night. It is an interesting concept that I have not seen explored elsewhere.
Well, I'd be lieing if I said I wasnt disappointed. There was a lot of potential here, and discontinuing it because it doesnt adhere precisely to canon is a shame. Oh well. Off to look for another gem in the rough.
Bah. The appeal of the series is in its characters and the nature of its universe, not in how they're explicitly laid out. Intriguing ideas shouldn't be so quickly cast aside.
And in any case, the Hearth's Warming play can be pretty easily written off as an apocryphal fable that's morphed over the centuries into a story far removed from the actual events of over a thousand years prior.
graaaaaaa.
This was a great story, and i was really looking forward to seeing it resolved. It saddens me that I wont get to read anymore of it.
I was really enthralled with the story and excited to see its conclusion. I wish you had stuck to it and finished it, instead of abandoning it over something out of your control.
This was turning out to be a great story. I am sorry that you feel that you must comply to cannon. Please reconsider.
Awww no brus. Why'd ya have to cut it off? its a damned good fic AND you left on a cliffy. please reconsider
Silver out!
Substantative Points
Twilight may well have learned the Mending spells from Rarity -- she's really good at that sort of thing, as she's shown in several episodes. Twilight has raw power and scope of spells; Rarity is much weaker and more specialized, but is very good at what she does (multi-object manipulation mending and some other craft spells).
(*nods*) Very much Applejack. You're also well-capturing her fundamental sweetness. She's tough but extremely nice as well.
... and Cadance, of course, would probably be really friendly in communication with Twilight, since she's both her really old friend and her sister-in-law. Cadance does "royal dignity" just fine -- she just doesn't ever stand on it with Twilight.
I will point out that Luna tends toward a formal style even when she really likes the pony with whom she's communicating, when she does formal communications. This may be a holdover from less civilized ages where it was important to emphasize her royal dignity. Luna can be very merry with someone she likes face-to-face, though. Luna definitely both respects and likes Twilight in canon.
Typos/Editing Issues
Hope you don't mind these -- I actually find these sorts of comments very useful for my own fiction.
General point: Start a new paragraph when character acting or speaking changes. I am noticing that you often don't para break, and I think I know why you sometimes don't -- you're used to panel separation in comics, where one normally has more than one character speak in most conversations. Thing is that this is pure text, and the separation required for the reader is a little different. Seriously, it will make your story flow much more smoothly for the reader!
"Twilight smiled and nudged her friend" is a para start and should either be indented or spaced. Ditto "Twilight braced herself on the side of the ditch".
"Gritted" (past tense)
"axle"
"... populace."
Just realized, you wrote this before "Luna Eclipsed" aired, but you got the logic right. Nightmare Moon -- not Princess Luna -- was Twilight's enemy. This is shown directly in the original two-parter, as the (dazed and weak) Luna is basically one of the guests of honor at the party at the end.
For my take on the series opener from Luna's POV, you might want to check out my Nightmares Are Tragic. This is of course based on different assumptions regarding the causes of Luna's transformation into Nightmare Moon -- I go with hostile demonic possession.
You guessed very closely to what was picked as the canon story of the finding of the Elements of Harmony, I see.
I basically had that happen at the same time as my "Cataclysm." I have that be what caused the Cataclysm. It was mostly not the fault of the earlier incarnations of Celestia and Luna in my continuity -- they were trying to prevent something worse from happening, and just made some teeny weeny rounding errors that translated into massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, seabeds rising, oceans slopping over continents, and the annihilation of about 99.5% of what had been a world population of around 8 billion Ponies at the end of the "Age of Wonders."
The alternative would have been the annihilation of 100% of the Ponies, so the mistake should be forgivable. Not that Celestia and Luna are real happy about it.
That's one of the best reasons I've ever heard for a lot of the obvious editing of Equestrian history that goes on. In my own continuity, there is no shortage of lunatics and megalomaniacs, even among the Ponies (let alone other races) who would just love to unleash all sorts of evil upon the world because they imagine that they would wind up on top of the ensuing anarchy and mass destruction. That's a fairly common science-fantasy possibility, and one about which the land's rulers would logically be worried.
Exactly my conclusion. The way I put it in An Extended Performance was like this:
To further elaborate -- the town was founded 100 years ago by the Apples, a Badass Family with known roots going back at least 1450 years, by direct land grant from Celestia. The excuse was to guard the road (and then railroad) running from Canterlot southwest. The real reason was that Celestia needed a place to breed potential Element Bearers (and future Cosmic Concepts), to deal with the fact that Nightmare Moon would soon return (and that the forces behind Nightmare Moon might then invade Equestria). The town is overflowing with potential Element Bearers, so it was very likely Twilight would be able to find the other five she needed, given the geas Celestia placed on the whole situation.
Selective breeding is very easy when you are the ruler of a country, a master social manipulator, and immortal. You don't even have to order anyone to breed. Just put compatible members of lines you wish to cross in social situations where love and marriage are likely, and let Nature take its course.
Very much my Luna's attitude toward Twilight -- plus for reasons having to do with stuff which happened before either of them was in their current flesh, Luna likes her even more. For the equivalent scene in my fics, try "A Meeting By Moonlight." But the gratitude for saving her from the Nightmare is pretty much canonical in the TV series too -- and notice later how Twilight helps Luna out in "Luna Eclipsed." Twilight is one of the few modern ponies who understands Luna.
Of course Luna would always be something of a misfit among normal Ponies -- there's a specific reason why in my verse, which applies as well to Celestia -- but Luna's never been as good at maintaining a facade as is Celestia.
Ah, so your Moon Ponies are Twilight's idea! I rather like that ... Twilight's innovative in canon.
I use Georg's concept of the Nocturnes to explain some of the Night Guards (the "bat ponies") but the two concepts are not logically exclusive.
I also agree with your analysis that one thing Luna really likes Twilight for is her intellect. But then, who in their right minds wouldn't admire that about Twilight Sparkle?
Admittedly, intellect is one of the things I admire about my own wife in reality, so I may be prejudiced in that regard.
Substance
Heh ... in my verse, it's Celestia who is the "phenomenally" good liar. Not that she's evil -- just a really good social manipulator.
Celestia's own opinion on this, and her recently-returned sister (a few days after her return) from An Extended Performance:
She thinks this regarding Luna, as Luna sleeps by her side. (Celestia is protecting her from the remaining influence of the Shadows until Luna gets stronger again; at this point Luna is far too weak to resume her royal duties so her sleep schedule matters little).
Interestingly, Luna considers Celestia to be the one who is morally better than herself. They each have higher opinions of the other than they do of themselves, in other words. At least now they do. (Things were a bit different in that dark 5th Century of Harmony, the one that culminated in the Lunar Rebellion and Banishment). Absence, they say, makes the heart grow fonder.
Pinkie's actually right, though -- the essence of manipulating someone into doing what you want is to offer them carrot-and-stick choices. Though if the subject really wants to avoid doing the desired thing, she may choose the stick over the carrot anyway.
Pinkie's greatest powers in my verse all stem from causality. Subverting and twisting it, mostly.
Pinkie is also right regarding cookies. That's a pretty good batting average!
I think that shyness is not necessary for Kindness. I think, for example, that Applejack could have embodied Kindness (Liarjack does in Alex Warlorn's Dark World) -- even though she's not at all shy or unassertive, she's an exceptionally-kind Pony. There is more than one way to be Kind.
Typos
"Blinked", past tense.
Capitalize "A" in "Applejack"; and "ventured" should be past tense.
Substantial
Celestia's mane is actually pastel rainbow-colored, though it might look more white in low illumination. I've made the same mistake myself, regarding Trixie, which was kind of embarrassing as I didn't realize it until after I wrote An Extended Performance -- Trixie's mane is actually a delicate very light blue, so light that it almost looks white. I screwed up the description in an early post of A Night at the Hippodrome, and put it in the thoughts of a character who loves Trixie and hence shouldn't have made the mistake.
I read Celestia as a hedonist with her hedonism tempered by a very strong sense of responsibility. I've noticed, too, that she likes over-the-top living quarters -- huge soft beds, lots of furniture -- and other luxuries such as delicious meals, lots of cakes, and so forth. Luna, by contrast, I've always seen as a bit Spartan, with her favorite luxuries being weapons, armor and other aspects of martial display. Which, given her job, are useful.
This is my description of Luna's Midnight Chariot, and Luna's version of hedonism from Chapter 3 of All the Way Back:
Typos
This is more a judgement call than a grammar thing, but "joking" or "jesting" works better than "kidding," and "It is I" sounds like a likelier construction than "It's me" for Celestia, who tends to use slightly formal grammar even when speaking informally in-canon. Though you should distinguish betwen "its" (possessive third person) and "it's" (contraction for "it is") anyway.
Generally, you need the apostrophes to indicate contractions. I notice you tend to leave them out on Stories From the Front as well. All readers know what you meant to write, of course. It's more of a problem in pure text than it is in dialogue balloon lettering, but either looks better with the apostrophes.
Oh, now that is at least as good as the Midnight Chariot! I love this armor!
Oh, too bad -- I didn't think you were that badly jossed by "Luna Eclipsed" -- you could have rewritten some of the dialogue at the start and been ok. This was really good!