• Published 31st Jul 2020
  • 899 Views, 16 Comments

How old are you? - NorthernLegacy



Twilight asks a very important question, she is surprised

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How old are you?

How old are you?




“YOUR HOW BUCKING OLD?!” Twilight screeched at the top of her lungs as she stared at the two Alicorns in front of her.

“4.6 billion years old” Celestia said casually as she sipped her tea from a jewel encrusted cup. Twilights jaw dropped as she struggled to comprehend what she was hearing, She looked over to Luna hoping to see her snickering and laughing at what has to be a joke, but no laughter could be heard as she opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m 4.4 billion....do pony’s not know this? I thought we made sure to let them know around 3 millennia ago” Luna questioned as she absent mindlessly stared at her coffee. The amazing smelling but bitter black liquid had frozen solid once it touched her lips, being the moons incarnate had its drawbacks, the main one being that anything would either freeze or turn incredibly cold once it touched her.

“Yes I remember singing that bill” Celestia said as she sipped her tea that was at boiling point and beginning to evaporate. Like Luna being the incarnate of a celestial body had its drawbacks, like food incinerating, or drinks evaporating. “Meh” she said as she threw her tea cup behind her. The liquid then hit the a servant who walked into the room at the worst moment possible, who proceeded to run out the room screaming. “oops” Celestia said

Twilight almost fainted ‘this couldn’t be possible’ She thought. ‘This has to be a prank’ she looked up at the Alicorns who were staring down at her. “You can’t be that old! Your body’s shouldn’t be able to- I can’t, I refuse to believe that!” Twilight yelled at the literal gods in front of her.

“Trust me Twilight, we are most definitely as old as our celestial bodies. I remember when I first formed, I thought I was going to be a miniature planet, but no. The universe bucked me and now I’m a desolate rock” Luna sneered as she too threw her frozen coffee over her shoulder, which put a hole in the wall.

“Oh yes, I reminder your little temper tantrum when you ended up being desolate” Celestia chuckled “You almost crashed into Equis. He wasn’t to happy about that“

“I apologised to him already!” Luna said in embarrassment as she recalled almost killing the two of them and all life in the known universe

“EQUIS?! HE?! IS THE PLANET ALIVE?!?!” Twilight screeched in a voice so loud it was almost inaudible. Celestia and Luna both nodded. Twilight couldn’t believe it. She was standing on a Living planet, that was surrounded by two other Living celestial body’s. She shakily stood up and walked to the balcony “I need some air” She said and opened the balcony door, only to be blocked by a massive Sage green Alicorn with a dirt brown mane. He was REALLY tall, just slightly shorter then Celestia

“Somepony said my name?” He spoke in a firm yet kind voice. He entered the room as Celestia and Luna stood up and rushed over to him

“EQUIS”

“BROTHER” They both yelled as they tackled him. He let out a ‘oof’ as his older and younger sister tackled him and smothered him in hugs, He laughed and returned the favour.

Twilight watch the almost comical seen unfold in front of her. Here, there were the two, no, three most powerful beings known to pony kind...rolling around in the floor hugging each other. Twilight let out a loud cough and the three stopped instantly and stood up blushing

“Twilight” Celestia spoke in an excited voice “Meet my younger brother Equis, Equis meet twilight, my personal student”

“Hello young one” The green Alicorn said as he looked down at her, Twilight looked back with a mixture of emotions, Excitement, curiosity, fear and confusion.

‘Celestia and Luna have a brother’ she thought to herself ‘Celestia...and Luna have a brother’ Twilight giggled. Earning a look of confusion from all three alicorns. She sat down and began hyperventilating while the three looked at her in concern and confusion.

“Was it something I said?” Equis spoke up in a confused voice

“Oh no, you have nothing to be worried about. She does this a lot when she finds out something shocking” Luna said while she watched the scene unfold. Celestia stifled a giggle while Equis just sipped his drink which he magicked up. Luna glared at him as he drank, what she wouldn’t give to be able to drink something that wasn’t being constantly super heated.

Leaving twilight to get over the fact the diarchs have a brother, Celestia went up to her younger brother and asked something on her mind “Why haven’t you visited in so long? It has to have been at least three hundred years since I last saw you” Celestia asked curiously

“Well, when your responsible for your stopping most natural disasters from eradicating all life and having to painstakingly and slowly move the continents and blow the wind in the sky and form mountains an-“ He was cut off by Celestia’s hoof on his lips

“Alright I get it, your job is hard and long” Celestia giggled “But may I remind you only exist because I had left over material after I formed?" They were so distracted talking to each other that they didn’t notice Twilight teleport out the room and reappear with all sorts of science equipment and about a hundred notepads

Equis yelped as a strange helmet that had wires connecting to several scientific instruments was slapped onto his head by Twilight who looked like she had just ran through a tornado. Her usually neat mane was ragged with bits of hair sticking up at random angles, she had a ear to ear grin that screamed psychopath as she began jotting down information from the machines, giggling all the while.

“Uhhh Twilight? I think your overreacting a bit” Luna said as Celestia and Equis struggled to get the helmet from his head.
Twilight giggled like a maniac and looked at Luna.

“I’m not overreacting, if anything your under reacting! You had a brother and none of us knew! Why didn’t you tell us this. Whyyyyyyyyyy” Twilight said “No talk, to much information to process. Not enough time” Twilight turned to a blag duffel bag and pulled out a notepad, quill and a large sledgehammer

Equis finally managed to pull the helmet of his head with help from his older sister and looked in confusion towards the small violet mare that was running at him with a sledgehammer....wait..WHAT?! He didn’t have time to react as the hammer smacked him over the head and shattered. Into a million pieces of. She immediately began jotting notes in her notepad and muttering to herself “Sledgehammer shattered against cranium, no immediate affect” she muttered as she jotted things down on her notepad “must try something else” Twilight said and pulled a literal bucking flamethrower from the duffel bag

Celestia teleported the flamethrower to the sun and teleported twilight back to her home in an instant ‘Where did she get a Faust damned flamethrower?!’ She thought before turning back to her brother who was incredibly confused and looking down at the now destroyed sledgehammer

“What in mother’s name just happened?” He asked in a dazed voice as Luna stared at him worriedly. He stumbled to a chair and sat down shaking his head from the dizziness

“Are you alright, big bro?” Luna asked as she looked up at her brother in worry

“I’ll be fine” He said “If I can survive Celestia’s fat flank walking on me everyday then I can survive a hammer to the head” He said cheekily as his older sister glared at him and tackled him to the ground

Luna watched her older siblings wrestle and looked out the window. ‘it’s good to have the family back together’ She thought to herself, ignoring the ruckus in the background, when one thought crossed her mind

“If me and Equis exist only because Celestia had left over material....does that make her our mother?” She said out loud to herself as her siblings joined her after finished their wrestling match with Celestia putting Equis through the table. Equis and Celestia opened their mouths to reply but they couldn’t think of anything to say.

Celestia then got a grin on her face and levitated her siblings into the air “Celestia what the buck!” “Put us down sister!" the younger two said as Celestia carried them out of the room.

“Mommy says it’s bed time!” She giggled as she saw the colour from her siblings faces drain as they struggled against her magic while yelling, Celestia laughed as she carried her siblings towards the door while they yelled profanities towards her. She ignored them and said the most horrifying thing Equis and Luna had ever heard “I think I still have your old baby blankets!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” They screamed as the door closed

...

The Guard outside their room watched as one of his princesses left carrying the other princess and a green alicorn in her magic left the room screaming and laughing.

“I don’t get paid enough for this shi-



The end.

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Comments ( 16 )

... Well. That a load of stupid. And not the good kind either. WHY is so much in italics? That took me right out of the story, on top of none of this makes any sense, and not in a good way either.

And if this is the end, why is it no marked Complete?

10361766
The incomplete status was an accident, and i don't know how the italics were put there. In editing there is no italic markers, I'm trying to fix it RN

I think this is a good second story, but you have some glaring grammatical mistakes that distract the reader.

The opening was hilarious, but the missing commas made it tedious.

You're off to a good start, but you need to edit more.

10361893
Thank you!, I just fixed the massive grammar issue which slipped through when I was writing it. Appreciate the compliment

Can we get more of these three?

I am amused. Then they learn there true mother was a literal big bang.

No my dear guard, you are not.

I couldn't imagine a story like this even when drunk...

Loved it.

:moustache: Really?
:twilightoops: Yes Spike your egg wasn't an egg ! It was Equises kidney stone. . . Three hundred years ago...
:duck: You're telling me my Spikey Wikey was an annoying waste product?
:facehoof: It looked like an egg
:moustache: Does this mean I can ask Rarity for a real date? I'm old enough!
:raritywink: Let me think....

Bucking hilarious. I love it.

Just as Well Equis and Luna didn't form the same way Earth and the Moon did. That would be something like being conjoined twins which were then torn apart by someone.

10364061
:duck: I'm still wondering if a kidney stone is precious or not. . . .
:facehoof:
:raritywink: It's a yes precious pants
:twilightoops: She said yes?
:moustache: Yea! WHAT DO I DO NOW!
:rainbowlaugh: RUN SPIKE RUN!

10364303
I didn’t think about that, and I didn’t want to imagine that in my head

Awesome and hilarious!

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