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Silverstream hadn’t always been deaf, but she’d always had a loving family who were willing to support her every step of the way. Gallus had always been deaf, and wasn’t so lucky.
An entry for GMBlackjack's Depth in Innocence contest. Pre-read by Jinzou, SockPuppet, and Sledge115. Cover by Little Tigress.
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Nice story
10242917
What do you like about it?
10242992
I like stories about disabilities and good things to come
This story is looking good so far, good writing and disability representation.
I wonder how sign language is going to work with the Ponies not having fingers.
Hey. This story seems interesting and you've done a great job so far. Can't wait to see what happens next!
I really hope Silverstream gets to go to the School of Friendship after all, her and Gallus have to meet!
I like the sensory deprivation minutae that’s used to build character. Especially the description of the falling book’s feel instead of its sound.
That frivolous lore tidbit about baking soda made me smile. Gallus getting stuck on it taps into a realistic feeling of youthful fascination. Everybody can remember one absolutely useless fact they looked up and memorized as a kid. When writing a handicapped character, moments like that are uber important to keep the reader feeling close to them.
Interesting choice to skip Silverstream’s attendance at the windsong. Perhaps that’ll be a plot point that pays off later. I’ll keep it in the back of my mind til then. Something else I’m aware of (but spoilering in case I’m correct) is that Silverstream isn’t necessarily mute. We know Gallus is of course, but with Silver I can imagine a future scene where she doesn’t have an interpreter and has to attempt to slur out some raspy speech to be understood. That could be a really raw moment of vulnerability there.
On another note...
I like this line. A lot. Obvious eventual friendship with Gallus is obvious, but making Terramar a more confident signer than talker adds a natural reason for the two to gravitate towards one another. Wonderfully purposeful character building. Ten outta ten. Chef’s kiss.
10245681
I really liked writing this chapter because I could insert tidbits like that. I noticed you did the same in Zecoroota. It made me realise that dialogue is my weakness, and the textual equivalent of a montage is my strength.
10245714
Sorry to disappoint you, but the windsong part was about characterisation, not foreshadowing. Though I just realised, since "Surf and/or Turf" can't happen in this continuity, that they won't end up turning it into Glad to Be Together.
My review of the first 2 chapters has been posted on the "I Just Want A Comment" group here.
10247436
I would've preferred if you posted the review under the actual fanfic, but thanks.
10247721
Sorry, a specific location wasn't mentioned in the request on the thread I made so I defaulted to that group.
10247736
After reading the review, I've changed my mind. Reviews are more suited to forums than story comments.
There is one thing I thought of, it concerns Gallus in this time-line and the following video:
10249459
I remembered watching that video before when you posted it, but oddly enough, I misremembered its contents as being in a Wikipedia article. That situation reminds me of a Legends of Localization comment where someone said they could remember the details of a conversation without remembering what language it was in.
10249754
First of all, that's interesting. Second, did you get the point I was trying to make?
On an unrelated topic; I still really hope that Silverstream gets to go to the School of Friendship after all, I feel like she's being robbed of important friendships in not being allowed to go.
10249946
I understood what you were getting at. I was going to put in a line about how the world became less murky once Gallus learned Arisign, but I couldn’t think of a way to fit it in.
I can’t respond to your second point without spoiling the story.
10249957
I just hope Gallus learned Arisign early enough that learning problems won't persist for the rest of his life.
Your second point is fair enough.
One thing this fic has caused me to think about how physiology, history, and culture would impact whether or not the other creatures of the FiM world have sign language at all, and whether they have their own sign language or a sign language from a different species.
10250957
Headcanon time!
10251289
My theories (keep in mind I am not a cultural or lingual expert):
I see the Griffonstone library is a lot less destroyed here. Coincidence, or did Gallus's parents sacrifice his hearing in a datk pact to preserve it?
10258282
Most of this chapter takes place pre-series, and I honestly forgot about that.
10251408
Changelings "sign language" might use a lot if, well, changing. Almost any non-abstract noun could be represented - and if they can turn into things with writing on, then it might be even easier.
(Of course when you start thinking about all this, uou wonder about whether they all have the same spoken or written language too.)
10258293
Again whether or not they have their own sign language depends on how tolerant of deaf Changelings Chrysalis was when she was their queen. True they probably had other leaders before her, but even if some of them ordered the development and implementation of a sign language Chrysalis could just end that in favor of getting rid of deaf Changelings when she became queen.
10258487
Being able to comm6nicate silently has benefis even for the hearing, though. So even if the deaf were gone, the language might hang on in some form.
10258288
I really hope that you are working on a new chapter for this story. (I know this is irrelevant to the comment it's a reply to but I had to say this to the author.)
10267699 Don’t worry, it’s on its way. The reason why chapter 2 came out so quickly is because I wrote the first two chapters simultaneously. Also, this fanfic will only be four chapters long because the deadline for the contest is the 1st of July.
10267938
You can't continue the story after the contest is over, or make a sequel to it?
10267999
10268012
Then I hope you can create a fleshed out story with just four chapters.
On a different note, have you seen Netflix's The Dragon Prince? I ask because there is a really cool character, who is deaf, on that show.
10268012
How's the progress on the next chapter?
10268012
Tick tock.
Aww, that's sweet. I liked this chapter, can't wait to see what comes next!
So, effectively, there is no Young Six in this time-line, with them not being particularly close friends. It seems that they are all being robbed of important friendships. It's interesting how things like deafness can have such a large impact on a time-line.
I do like that, with Terramar, Gallus is actually more open with his feelings
I really hope that the next chapter looks into what happens after the first Three Days of Freedom at least a little bit.
10293883
What do you mean by "after"?
That exchange was smooth as butter. So much natural characterization on display. It was also clever to parallel Terramar’s signing/speaking modularity with his hippogriff/seapony one. Gotta love tight, internally consistent protagonist design. Smolder’s dry quips throughout also helped keep the tone light.
Things are progressing nicely. The festival plot seeds planted in chapter 2 seem ready to sprout in chapter 4. Looking forward to the long awaited meeting of Gallus and Silverstream.
10293978
Part of the reason why this chapter took so long was because I got distracted by ideas about Smolder. The main reasons were because it took me a while to decide how to begin this chapter, and a while to come up with the specifics of the conversation in the second scene.
10293915
Maybe the immediate aftermath, particularly if Silverstream gets to go to the School after the Three Days of Freedom celebration (probably the most relevant idea). Maybe a glimpse of the time Luster Dawn goes to Ponyville with brief descriptions of events like Cozy Glow's attempted power grab or the Legion of Doom's attack (I would love it if Gallus were to become captain of the royal guard in this time-line). Something completely different? There are multiple ways you can have this story explore later events if only a little bit. Of course you don't have to do any of them if you don't want to or if you don't think later events are relevant.
This was such a great ending, I loved this
Very sweet end to a sweet story! Good luck in the contest.
I have mixed feelings about the ending. On one hand it's sweet but on the other hand it feels only moderately satisfying, of course maybe that's just me wanting to know more about this time-line.
10249957
How would responding to my second point have spoiled the story? Whether or not Silverstream gets to go to the School later is not addressed in the story at all.
I'm feeling quite warm and fuzzy already
I only wish there was more, but as it is, it's been a lovely story.
10310214
The answer is no.
While I had this ending planned out from the start, this chapter was rushed because I needed to finish it before the contest's deadline.