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Star Dusk has moved to ponyville as a request from his father to find his meaning in life. And to find his happiness.
Well this will be my first Fanfic ever. So expect issues and whatnot
I'd love it if you guys can give me some tips to help me make better Fics!
Pic isent mine!
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Interesting. Not bad.
ill watch this
1105781 it's done lol but yeah thanks XD if you have anything that you think i missed it'd be great if you let me know
1105778 Thanks!
*read's OC dialogue. McFry Face* Not sure if he has a Country accent, or if he just speaks plain old english.
1113975 lol Well i kinda based it lightly on where he lived, as he lived near a big city but also lived on a farm where proper enghllish isent needed. But now that you said that it does seem a little confusing i supose. XD
Oh! Gotcha!
So he speaks regular engilsh.....but also country?
ACCENTCEPTION
1114257 lol! XD Well for instance me personally, I live out in the middle of nowhere in the country, however i also have a sophisticated way of speaking then my family sooo yeah kinda on the imbetween. odd i know but somehow it works.
So you're the "weird one"?
1114382 Dependes on what type of weird i supose but i am quite weird in many ways XD
Well, on this ship, I must say. *British accent*
Good show! Jolly good show!
When I read OC ships, I like to pretend I'm the OC himself and say the lines. Unfortunately, I end up doing a deep, British accent (like Chris Martin's) or just my voice with different pitches. I tried speaking in a country accent. Gotta say, kinda difficult. One moment I had the hang of it, the next, I lose it. It's a minor problem.
But anyways, good job. May have needed editing, but who cares, as long as you spelled most of the word correctly. Also apostrophes man.
Here, have a funny video of Chris Martin quotes to show my appreciation.
Did I say apostrophes? I meant to say commas. My bad!
1114509 omg that was an halarious video XD and thank you for the helpful tips
on that note if you dont mind me asking, do you prefer 2nd perpective Fics or OC's?
I abseloutely love this story, and now i have feelings for Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and the newest addition: Applejack
congratulations
1181008 Lol you are very welcome
I'm glad you enjoyed my story. 
Review time!
1) I thought Dusk needed more development. We saw him as a nervous, unsure stallion when he arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, but we didn't see how he grew and changed during the course of his stay. You mention how he's grown and changed, but how? Just looking at his actions and words, I didn't see a very big change between newcomer Dusk and the later Dusk, other than physical strength. This makes him rather uninteresting to read about.
2) Dusk is a fairly common name among OC's. It's not a big deal, but I'd recommend a little more creativity in choosing names.
3) You had some spelling/grammar/formatting errors, but they were small and not very common. To highlight a few I noticed:
-This sentence is repetitive. The peak of day is the exact same thing as the sun being at its highest point. Also, weather reports aren't the most interesting way to start a story.
-You have two run-on sentences here. There should be a period between investigate and as, trees and he, and town and hi (hi should be him, right?). To tell when a sentence should end, look for a subject (who's doing something), verb (what's being done), and a complete thought. I noticed a few others, so see if you can find them.
-You start the flashback with another weather report. Try and vary it up.
-I thought some of Granny Smith's lines were out of character. Remember, a lot of the time she's not sure what's going on.
Overall, your writing was good, and the story was fairly interesting. I think doing more development with Dusk is the best thing you can do to improve the story. Hope that helps!
1235676 Omg you dont know how happy i am to get a full reveiw like this. I agree with you 100% on that reveiw, he was bland and the name isent all that. I suck at naming my characters as you can see.
When i get better i'll try to do a rewrite on this story more then likely.
1236246 Glad I could help.
As far as naming characters go, I like to think about their backgrounds, abilities, and traits in order to come up with a name. For example, let's say your character is an older pony who's dedicated his life to studying history. Well, Equestrian history is written in scrolls and books, so how about Scrollkeeper or Bookworm? Let's say he's a farmer - we could go with Grainthresh, Cropharvest, Field Reap, or Oatbuck, to name a few. Artist? How about Color Wheel, Shuttleweave, or Mezzo Tint? A writer? Featherpen or Scribblestick are good options.
By the way, I have used all those names in my stories, so don't think I'm just coming up with them on the spot. It took me quite a while to come up with some of them, so don't expect them to just come to you (thought if they do, awesome!). Pony names tend to say something about the characters (think of the ones from the show, and you'll see what I mean), so in a way, it's another opportunity to tell the reader something about your OC.
Good luck!
1114549 Oh gosh. I'm sorry if I haven't answered you in a while!
Glad you like the vid!
Ummm tough choice.
"Is it too much to ask for both?"
1277113 Lol its no problem, friend.
and i also chose both 
1277194 4.bp.blogspot.com/_Kl8HL_vDiXA/R1DYH-caA1I/AAAAAAAAAD0/qwyPOfIYbaU/s1600-R/BurnsExcellentSticker.jpg
Listening to this album right now:upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/28/Coldplay_X%26Y.svg/220px-Coldplay_X%26Y.svg.png If you don't recognize the album, ask me.
1277275 Nope cant say i do know that album.
1277293 X&Y: Third Album of famous alternative band Coldplay.
They're awesome!
userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/500/63567163/Coldplay+every+teardrop+2++PNG.png
1277304 Oh coldplay thats pretty cool havent listened to them in a while....
1277317 Nice!
1277352 Indeed!
1277360 images.wikia.com/combatarms/images/6/67/Indeed.jpg
1277393
Good show.
Oh hey you should give my other story a read if you have time. It'd be nice too see what you think of it so far. This is assuming you have time or like that type of story of course.
1277407 OK!
1278460
1278468
the story was purely amazing :D i loved it all i love the details i could picture everything. you have tallent my friend. this story was just amazing.
and i have a few words for you :D imageshack.us/a/img39/8664/purebritish.png
1459470 Aww, Shuckscdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-ablush.png Thank you for the lovely comment!
1459487 you're very welcome, did you like the picture? hehe
T.peters
1459516 Lol yes i laughed alot! be sure to like and whatnot!
1459538 i'm glad you did :D a brilliant story watched and Favorited
T.peters
That was really well written.A few spelling errors here and there but overall, not too shabby
1559063 Thank ya kindly! like it...
Lol
1559070 Did you review mine yet?
Finally got around to reading this. There were various issues but overall this was pretty good for a first fic and I did enjoy it. Overall great job! I'll be sure to check out "A Hero's Fantasy" sometime soon
1598915 Lol yeah it is flawful. but i did acomplish what i wanted and i wanted a sweet cutesy story to test the waters. But thanks I'm glad you liked it!
1599239 You're welcome!
YAY
2256018
I will read it now... favorite because I know I'll like it!
For a first attempt this was pretty well done :)
4604148 Thanks, I've improved a lot sense this fic. But I love it all the same.
Heh....heheh... I'm like #69
lol
Sorry had to so it.