• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 25th, 2013

Neon


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T

A new stallion comes into Ponyville, but will his charisma and fiery personality win the heart of a rainbow maned pegasus?

Blaze is a determined, and athletic pegasus. He moved out of his old town because of the horrors and terrible memories it contains. He left to find a better life in Ponyville, but when he got there, he fell in love. How will he handle it? Will things turn out well? Will his past come back to haunt him? Will the mare of his dreams love him back? Why is Derpy so bucking adorable? Read and find out!
(This story has comedy in it, therefore it has slight language. Nothing serious at all though)


P.S. Yes, I understand this has a cliché story-line, but don't let that turn you off about it, I tried making it as unique as possible
This is out of topic but if you enjoy this story, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. I'm better with stories than videos
the link is here: http://www.youtube.com/user/NeonThePegasus?feature=mhee

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 123 )

holy crap. 20 bucks says this is generic either Gary Stu or Mary Sue with sad backstory and love.

But seriously man, all 11 chapters? Really?

This story looks good so far. I hope to not be dissapointed.

I liked this story at "Get your sh*t and get out!"

588549 What do you mean by "All 11 chapters?" This is my first Fanfic, so I'm not positive what's right and what's wrong :c

Allright, few chapter in... Chapters are a little short, and you overuse the term "Wingboner" a little too much. Overall it's a decent story though.

588565 Its kind of overwhelming is what he means.

588596

And it's usually best to release one chapter at a time, actually, this could have been written as a one-shot...

Also, you spelt Pegasus wrong in the description.
EDIT: I can sorta see why.
You're confused between Pegasus and Pegasi...
Pegasus, Singular.
Pegasi, Plural.

my only complaint: this storie has more dislikes than likes

One question. Why is it always Rainbow Dash? Why are all OCs and self inserts always shipped with Rainbow Dash? Can't people think of shipping that doesn't consist of Rainbow Dash? I guess not. I'm not even going to read this because of that.

588631 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, like I said, it's really quite different. Rainbow Dash just happens to be my favorite character. I really like her (Not sexually) so I made a fic about her. My friend wrote a self-insert about Fluttershy and that inspired me to do one about Rainbow. But please don't dislike it for that one reason, it IS my first fic after all

As I said before, too many wingboner references. Also, it was WAY too short. You could have added in a LOT more detail. I accept that it's your first fanfic. I know that it can be hard to do. However, more length would be appreciated. Also, an editor would be a good idea, to check for spelling/grammar mistakes (I saw a few of them). However, it was a good story, and nice use of pictures.

Why are people always shipping with Rainbow Dash? do something unique...

I'm sorry it...just...ASFSJDNSJBSD VBSDJD FS :flutterrage:

588707 I answered that before.

This better get more likes, I mean this shit is hilarious. Seriously, like this or somepony's gona get their ass kicked!
P.S. nice story

588712 Hah, thanks at least i have SOME support:twilightsmile:

I saw this in the chat. Self inserts don't do so well here. :c

Not sure if this is supposed to be a trollfic or if you were trying to be serious. :rainbowhuh:

Oh shit, son.
Also, I keep on seeing the dislikes rising. WTF guys? A little rushed, but this guy poured his heart and soul into it! There's nothing wrong with it. It's sweet.

AND THATS HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE

588631 I wrote one with Fluttershy. :trollestia: I'm his inspiration, so blame me, if anything. It's his first, and not terribly bad for a first.

Sweet love story. Like saidbefore, you could put more detail in. Still good.

588728
I havn't read the story yet, I will later but I want you to know that since I caught you with ur first story if there is anything I can do to help just ask and I will do my best to help you. If I enjoy I will add a like and if I don't i will not dislike it, it has too many alrdy :twilightoops:. Honestly from the word count I can already say that you should either expand and add detail or make it one whole story.

588812 Only thing i can really ask is once you read it... tell me where I went wrong. what seems to be the magical force to make people dislike it. I know it's rushed but i dont see anything else wrong with it. Thank you for your nice comment. God knows i need more of those :raritycry:

Ok, I will try to drop little tips through these chapters and at the end I will go over big stuff, when refering to the main charecters many bronies would understand mane 6, I honestly don't care but just to let you know.

I liked this story.
I liked it because you obviously put effort into it, and that is something I can both appreciate and respect you for. On a cautionary note; you should probably take a look at what's usually frowned upon when it comes to mlp fanfiction. In the end though, write what you want and continue to improve. :pinkiehappy:

I agree the term wingboner is used way to much, and as to that picture of Rainbow Dash: HOLY F(yay!) that is amazing! You sir have earned my approval! Hope to be able to help you in the future, mabey even collab if we can manage it.

:D I love the pics!!!! Idk what other people think, but I don't care! I enjoy them, but I guess if other people don't you gotta please the crowd but darn thats amazing.

588907thank you for your approval.. it means a lot to me :pinkiehappy:

:o No Rainbow Dash dont cry! :fluttershyouch:

588944 Glad you're enjoying it, we could collab, i'm looking forward to it :twilightsmile:

Wow, Fluttershy you freaking perv....

just reading through a couple of comments and suddenly a wild Flarechaser appears

589002 uhhh kenne, wtf is that?

First of all, gasoline in the air does not creat an explosion if it is not at the right ratio. Seeing as it was in open air it is very unlikely that the gasoline vapors could build up to an explosie level. It would have been more realistic to have it combust into a fireball and he got burned and fell. :/

589013 This is My Little Pony. A world where unicorns and pegasi roam free and talk. And one pegasus can travel at hyper-sonic speeds (Mach 10) Anything is fair play here XD

589012 lol dash, i should probably start reading this, hearing some good things. only bad things i hear are the cliche-ness but i think i can get passed that. Also if you wanna talk text me or whatever.

... Uhhh.... (awkard silence) ...

Well, overall I enjoyed it, hope to see more from you about Blaze and Dash.

589057 Ahh thank you. your positiveness is rubbing off on people.

Not a bad story, though your lack of indentation is disturbing

589090 Shut up kenne XD

589097 Also dash, if you ever get the cover to update let me know. And if you need me to add that gray background just let me know because i can always slap that under all the other layers easy. Also if you write another one in the future i can always help. Even if you just need someone for revising or editing...especially if you need someone to help you with indentation.

589108 Like i said kenne, i tried to update the pic, but it wouldnt work. i am so butthurt over it. And yes, i am making another fic that will be 0% shipping because that is no longer accepted in this society and i could always use your help :pinkiehappy:

Good short story. I raise you one like.

589129 Well, if you ever need me to slap something together for a cover or need something for me to draw up ill always be wherever i am. And at least you can save it and use it on your OC whenever. But secondly, its accepted to a degree, i mean look at Trey. He's like in the top what is it? 25 or 50 in most read and his is 100% ship.

588631 Because she is best pony, obviously.
(Kidding, everypony is best pony. RD just happens to be the bestest.)

Really guys....I just don't understand...I don't see what I did wrong. I admit it's cliche, I admit it's rushed...but people ignore my apologies...Like I keep saying, this is my very first fanfic, EXPECT mistakes, but don't dislike for the stupidest reasons. My friend lilinuyasha (Author of Flutterheart)
Inspired me to "write for myself and nopony else" but I can't. Plus i spent a total of 16 days on this (384 hours). The LEAST you guys can do is leave the dislike button alone. I'm not trying to get sympathy, i just want to let everyone know my thoughts. :fluttercry:

My major complaint here would be how fast the story is going. It's hard to get pulled into a story let alone follow one going 90mph. Now yes, it is a theme that is looked down upon but I try not to judge this. You have the right to write what you want after all.

Piece of advice thou, i skimmed the comments and you said the reason it went so fast was you were rushing? Never rush. Never. I sat on my first story for a good week to think it out, type it, re-read it i don't now how many times and such. Writing is a process after all.

Now with that said, don't stop writing. You can only get better after all. Most importantly thou, keep it fun. We're writing fan fiction after all. :twilightsmile:

Edit: Woah woah woah.... 16 days? May i ask, what were you doing those 16 days?

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