• Member Since 9th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Nailah


Hello, my name is Alicia and I wasn't always a fan of mlp, but now I'm like obsessed with it. Discord: Godfrog#4197

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Starlight Glimmer wakes up one morning to discover the Castle empty. Figuring, Twilight and Spike just forgot to inform her of a trip, she gets ready to go visit Trixie to give her a gift. Starlight discovers something truly terrifying, and the only pony that can fix it is herself. She had to stay calm, but it was hard when all the pressure of success relied solely on her hooves....

Preread by: Bricklayer and Skyward Sword
Edited by: Skyward Sword

Updates: Bi-weekly on Wednesday.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

All this is missing is a pony version of Rod Sterling...

I was really curious as to when this would wind up getting posted when you shared it back in June, really excited to see we where it goes, it’s a neat premise!

Why mature rating?

9770865
It's there to be safe, but there's no sex in this piece if that concerns you. It's mainly for the implied violence.

Very good work Nails, happy to have helped.

This seems to be a real promising story.

There are a few spelling errors and missing words or spaces, but I'm hooked.

I can point out the parts that's missing stuff if you want

9770921
If you would please and thank you. <3

“Trixie, No!” shouted Starlight as she startled herself awake. Blinking as her hues took in the light of the morning sunlight.She covered her eyes a bit, slowly allowing them to adjust to the morning light.

Here you need a space and change hues to eyes

“I hope they can see how much I’ve changed. I wonder what those two are up too.” she muttered aloud. Blushing a bit, she really needed to break this habit of talking to herself at this times or ponies might start thinking she was crazy! A nervous drop of sweat ran down her cheek. She took a deep breath and decided to inspect the castle further. Twilight and Spike could be anywhere.She made a mental note to tell Twilight to work on a locating spell that could be placed inside the castle.

Here you might want to take out the "s" in times or just take out at this times or just take out "at this" and add random and you need a space.

“I wonder where they went, and why they didn’t say anything. I know it’s not my birthday...did I complete a friendship lesson and forget about it? Or maybe Spike needs a bigger bed.” she chuckled to herself a bit. Starlight took a deep breath, gathered a small saddlebag from her room quickly, with a small blue box with purple ribbon into it. She smiled, hoping Trixie would in turn have something for her as well. Starlight Glimmer went outside of the Friendship castle, as she gazed around the rather friendly town that was Ponyville.

Here you might want to make into to in or change with to putting a small blue box with a purple ribbon into it

Starlight furrowed her brow a bit. “Seems I won’t find my answers here.” “Perhaps seek elsewhere for clues, so that you aren’t so blue.”

Here if it's Zecora saying "perhaps seek elsewhere for clues, so that you aren't so blue" you're gonna want to separate it

Starlight slowly started back towards Ponyville, a soft sigh as she approached Sugarcube corner.

Here you might want to add letting out Infront of a

“Come on, Starlight...think!” she lifted her forehoof to her head and tapped against her mane repeatedly. She needed answers. “Wait, that’s it! My village. If any pony has the answers surely some pony will be there.” she half heartedly chuckled because the last time she had returned to her village, well it hadn’t gone over entirely well, but she had made up for it. She and her odd bunch of friends had saved the day, and she still found it hard to believe that some ponies called her a hero. I’m no hero, Twilight’s the one ponies should be praising not me.

Here you might want to explain why they're calling her a hero or add something in here to indicate that it's a false memory

Who knows what did to Twilight. No. What SHE had done to Twilight.

Might want to nix did and add happened

“. No matter what I’m am going to fix this, I have too. For the sake of every pony, for the sake of Equestria.

Just need to take out the period in front of no

Interesting plot, but I'm going to need more, to understand what's going on.

Tracking...

Poor Starlight...
I wonder what happened? Is this an alternate timeline? Or is it a dream? Where is the Other Starlight? Thank you for the good start!

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