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Starlight Glimmer wakes up one morning to discover the Castle empty. Figuring, Twilight and Spike just forgot to inform her of a trip, she gets ready to go visit Trixie to give her a gift. Starlight discovers something truly terrifying, and the only pony that can fix it is herself. She had to stay calm, but it was hard when all the pressure of success relied solely on her hooves....

Preread by: Bricklayer and Skyward Sword
Edited by: Skyward Sword

Updates: When I have time.
Hopefully bi-weekly on Wednesdays.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 22 )

All this is missing is a pony version of Rod Sterling...

I was really curious as to when this would wind up getting posted when you shared it back in June, really excited to see we where it goes, it’s a neat premise!

It's there to be safe, but there's no sex in this piece if that concerns you. It's mainly for the implied violence.

Very good work Nails, happy to have helped.

This seems to be a real promising story.

There are a few spelling errors and missing words or spaces, but I'm hooked.

I can point out the parts that's missing stuff if you want

If you would please and thank you. <3

“Trixie, No!” shouted Starlight as she startled herself awake. Blinking as her hues took in the light of the morning sunlight.She covered her eyes a bit, slowly allowing them to adjust to the morning light.

Here you need a space and change hues to eyes

“I hope they can see how much I’ve changed. I wonder what those two are up too.” she muttered aloud. Blushing a bit, she really needed to break this habit of talking to herself at this times or ponies might start thinking she was crazy! A nervous drop of sweat ran down her cheek. She took a deep breath and decided to inspect the castle further. Twilight and Spike could be anywhere.She made a mental note to tell Twilight to work on a locating spell that could be placed inside the castle.

Here you might want to take out the "s" in times or just take out at this times or just take out "at this" and add random and you need a space.

“I wonder where they went, and why they didn’t say anything. I know it’s not my birthday...did I complete a friendship lesson and forget about it? Or maybe Spike needs a bigger bed.” she chuckled to herself a bit. Starlight took a deep breath, gathered a small saddlebag from her room quickly, with a small blue box with purple ribbon into it. She smiled, hoping Trixie would in turn have something for her as well. Starlight Glimmer went outside of the Friendship castle, as she gazed around the rather friendly town that was Ponyville.

Here you might want to make into to in or change with to putting a small blue box with a purple ribbon into it

Starlight furrowed her brow a bit. “Seems I won’t find my answers here.” “Perhaps seek elsewhere for clues, so that you aren’t so blue.”

Here if it's Zecora saying "perhaps seek elsewhere for clues, so that you aren't so blue" you're gonna want to separate it

Starlight slowly started back towards Ponyville, a soft sigh as she approached Sugarcube corner.

Here you might want to add letting out Infront of a

“Come on, Starlight...think!” she lifted her forehoof to her head and tapped against her mane repeatedly. She needed answers. “Wait, that’s it! My village. If any pony has the answers surely some pony will be there.” she half heartedly chuckled because the last time she had returned to her village, well it hadn’t gone over entirely well, but she had made up for it. She and her odd bunch of friends had saved the day, and she still found it hard to believe that some ponies called her a hero. I’m no hero, Twilight’s the one ponies should be praising not me.

Here you might want to explain why they're calling her a hero or add something in here to indicate that it's a false memory

Who knows what did to Twilight. No. What SHE had done to Twilight.

Might want to nix did and add happened

“. No matter what I’m am going to fix this, I have too. For the sake of every pony, for the sake of Equestria.

Just need to take out the period in front of no

Interesting plot, but I'm going to need more, to understand what's going on.

Poor Starlight...
I wonder what happened? Is this an alternate timeline? Or is it a dream? Where is the Other Starlight? Thank you for the good start!

Pretty good, a few errors but good, I can edit them out if you'd like.

And Double Diamond is an earth pony, party favor is the unicorn

Alright, I'll fix it shortly. Thanks!

Holy shit, Twilight's fate was totally shocking & unexpected

tehehehe. It's just getting started. It gets worse.

“Tell me Starlight, you really didn't come here just for tea did you?” smiled Fluttershy, sheepishly. Her cheeks flushing just a bit, a bit of a suggestive smirk. “Or did you come to visit Twilight? After all you always did have a strong connection with her.”

Is that second “a bit” intentional? That aside I like where it’s going so far, can’t wait to see what happens next!

Fluttershy is best communist pony! Thank you for the chapter!

Starlight furrowed her brow a bit. “Seems I won’t find my answers here.”
“Perhaps seek elsewhere for clues, so that you aren’t so blue.”

Simply put, here you won't find solution to your problem because fucking with you I am :rainbowlaugh:

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