• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 2nd, 2015

Lancer


Warhammer nerdNot really sure what i'm doing with my life so i'll do what makes me happy. Writting a fanfic started as a way to improve grammar, speed and eloquence, kinda enjoying it now.

T
Source

A Warhammer Fantasy, MLP crossover.

Following the Changeling invasion the land of Equestria returns to relative peace. Princess Luna, furious at her own absence during Equestria's time of need leads the Royal Guard in pursuing and expelling the bulk of the remaining changelings. The hunt to root out any changelings that have gone to ground in Canterlot has been left to Trottingham Guard Captain Forlorn Wind as the Canterlot Guard finds itself stretched across the land.

Markus Holstein, Arch Lector of the Cult of Sigmar, leads a splinter force of veteran Empire state troops with the support of a Magister of the Light Order to hunt and destroy the two Tzeentch Sorcerers at work on a nefarious and unknown spell. The ensuing magical feedback from the Magister's attempt to counter twists the nature of the Sorcerer's work. A gateway to another realm is created and the beleagured Empire army is forced to retreat into the unknown.

The evil of both worlds however does not rest; the Tzeentch Sorcerers survive their spells corruption, finding themselves in a new world with their loyal followers. Elsewhere Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, bitterly broods over her defeat from within the depths of the Everfree forest with a collection of her own devout minions.

Please comment or like if you appreciated the story and thanks for giving it your time.

Chapters (28)
Comments ( 163 )

An interesting premise, i do not see too many cross-overs with the fantasy segment of Warhammer, but i do so love the empire. Now for the story itself, the writing and grammar are very well done, i do not see any obvious faults, so good on you there. All in all, i've enjoyed this beginning and im looking forward to more in the future.

Comment posted by Lancer deleted Jun 26th, 2014

Interesting story so far, and well written with only the occasional error (at least that's how it seems on the first pass.) I would recommend though that for more exposure you release chapters one at a time over a longer period of time.
:twilightsmile:

1061268
That was the plan, these were the first chapters i cranked out, now actively writing the next and i plan to release one per week. Just wanted to give readers something to get into, hence three chapters all at one.
Thanks for the feedback, if someone can direct me to any errors i'll happily sort them out ASAP

I can't really find any errors per se, but your prose could use a fair bit of editing. You have a tendency to let sentences become needlessly long, and there are several places where I feel commas are missing.

The story as is is reasonably good, but a bit of polish would make it easier to read.

1062201
ok thanks for the heads up, i'll finish off the next chapter then go over the others and edit them

halbrediers<3 also i love you for writing warhammer

Warhammer? hell freakin yeah.

Oh snap, Discord's gona be free, probably

Been a bit behind on writing for this, lots of distractions and such. Especially the warhammer tournament i have coming up, of which this army was loosely based on. Gonna crack on but if someone would like to give me a hand and read over it it would be much appreciated, can never summon the motivation to do an in depth edit of my own stuff.

first thing: FIRST!!!

second: i can really see chrysalis and the tzeentch sorcerer getting along seeing that tzeentch is the god of change

third: changelings with the power of tzeentch behind them? ohgodthehorror.jpg

fourth: i play warriors of chaos on the tabletop. the empire of man shall fall );D

fifth: are the sorcerers bodyguards chosens of tzeentch or just warriors of tzeentch?

Atleast the chaos worshippers aint followers of Nurgle, ponys wouldn't be able to deal with all the plagues.
Hopefully we'll see some action in the next chapter.

This is indeed an interesting story, also a good change of pace from the usual Wh40k fics, not that there's anything wrong with them, of course.

I did notice a few spelling and puntuaction mistakes around though. Specially in the narrations between dialogues. You also seem to forget the to use the apostrophe in some words, but overall, the story is very good.

1140762
I highly doubt there are any spelling mistakes, I use Microsoft Word and read through it after writing it. Would agree that there is an occasional problem with punctuation though but then i don't have an editor and i always was lazy with it.
Would agree with you on the pace of some fics, especially 40k ones. They do make things happen too soon and the lack of the Imperium killing the xenos like they always do makes the fics seem a bit convoluted at times.
Thanks for the feedback, may have to get an editor if the story gets more popular.

Pieter is almost badass enough to get me into fantasy... :derpytongue2:

dude i want to give pieter a fucking medal for punching fluttershy i allways find her to be so annoying i thank you for writting this awesome chapter

Jolly good chapter mate

Looking forward to the next one

Cheers

Dude Fluttershy just mind raped him, not cool.

Finally got around to doing some editing of previous chapters. Damn did i make a number of mistakes :facehoof: Although it was useful to read through my earlier stuff, it's surprising how much your writing improves after 30k of words.

Also i put a note in chapter 6 stating i have so much to do over the next week chapter 7 probably wont be done for two week. So just another reminder.

am i the only one that thinks that nurgel would be a much better patron god for the changelings rather then tzeentch?

i mean, tzeentch is the god of change but down to his core he is actually the god of hope as that is the emotion he came from

why nurgle though? he is just the god of plague and disease you say?

same here, while nurgle is manifested in pestilence and rot he actually came to be from the fear of death and the desire to be loved. also, the changelings are bugs and which onne of the dark gods often has flies? yes, nurgel.

(yes, i play chaos on the tabletop, yes i read the whole army book and yes im a huge nerd)

just wanted to get that thought out of my head

the chapter is really good, i love where this is going and i want to read MOAR!!!

1270429
Pah the Empire of Man has beaten you for over 2500 years. Chaos is just there to get their arse kicked in order to make the Empire look good. In all honesty i also have a WoC army but Empire work so much better for me. Also Tzeentch all the way, in my head if i had every other god getting a look in, nothing would get writen because it would take so long to work every god into the story, but Khornate griffons would be pretty damn awesome.

The origin and nature of the changelings was never actually explained though, they could have a chitinous shell but be a mammal in every other way. Human's evolutionary categories really dont apply lol. Well that's just my thoughts at any rate.

khorne griffons, slaaneshi diamond dogs, nurgling changelings and tzeentchi ponies that is the most logical combos according to me

also, chaos will eventually rule the old world
"though you may have won this battle, we shall return, and ultimetly we shall win the war. every head hewd from neck, every drop of blood spilt, makes khorne stronger regardless of whom it is that dies in the dirt. you cannot win, for fighting us is to give us power" ~ Khagras, horselord of khorne

At first I was like 'SPESS MEHREENS!'
TBut then I saw this was only a WH fic, not a 40k fic, and was like 'Fuck it. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!'

Will read later.

not overly sure i'll have chapter 8 finished by tomorrow since i've had so much crap to deal with for the new house. Not going to be able to continue it until next tuesday, so yeh it'll probably be next week unfortunately. :applejackunsure:

Ok, you just made a mistake that is a real pet peeve of mine.

Canterbury has been raised to the ground.

The word you are looking for is RAZE. Raise means to lift up. Raze means to destroy.

1304646Crap you're right, i'll fix that. Must be my aversion to Z's getting the best of me.

1304684

Yeah, I don't think it's just you, though. Almost EVERY fic I see uses "raise", and not the proper term.

1304782 Ah well, that should hopefully be the first and only time i mix words up. Thanks for the catch though.

Hoooooh, boy. :applejackunsure:
Chaos has officially arrived. :pinkiegasp:
This is going to be interesting.

A Tzeentch blessed Chrysalis? Well now, Equestria is as good as destroyed.

oh trixie you have the worst and the best luck ever all at the same time

i predict that the next chapter will go something along the lines of...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/195/109/143.jpg

I was expecting Discord but Chrysalis is cool to.

Once again i have fallen behind on my self imposed timeframe for writing, so sorry about that. Probably going to have to put it to two weeks a chapter now since the workload is already beginning to pile up and i swear my housemates are all alcoholics so the peer pressure to go out with them is winning through :twilightoops:

Yeah, kick their chaos worshiping ass with the power of Sigmar!

I'll admit, I'm usually into 40k, but this is pretty damn epic too.

Right then, time for more excuses as to why I am taking so long. Basicly life is conspiring against me here. The computer's cooling fan has stopped working so it's getting sent off for repairs. By the time I get it back it will be essay season for History so six essays will be between me and happiness :pinkiesad2:

On a side note if anyone has seen any minor faults in the story such as wrongly capitalised words, punctuation etc can you PM me. Same goes for any advice to improve my writing style since i find it to be lacking in comparison to some of the fics i read, i wanna get featured hopefully :pinkiehappy: Also if anyone could come up with some art for the fic it would be greatly appreciated, I like the cover but some proper art would be better. Main reason I ask is because I am planning on going on up to the 200k mark for words and i want the quality of the fic to stand out.

Another good chapter looking forward to more, cheers! :twilightsmile:

As for the rating I think its fine for now as descriptive as you are, bump it up if you feel the need to.

They ever gona return to the Empire?

1906580 that should be carios fateweaver not a mere lord of change

1906580 I considered using this image for the fic when i started writing it. But then Discord plays a very minor role in the story and it would have been wrong to neglect every other character for one who barely features, hence generic Empire vs Tzeentch picture.

1908291 It's supposed to be a long story mate, i'd say it's about a third of the way through. Not counting a sequel i had in mind for it either, but then that's merely a mental plan, this one's plan is written out by and large.

1910408 1/3 of the way through? I'll be looking forward for the rest.

Well, this is interesting. Can't believe I didn't come across this until now.

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