• Member Since 9th May, 2013
  • offline last seen July 21st

Guardsman_Sparky


T

What is a young Imperial Guardsman to do when the warp spits him out into a land of ponies?


Warhammer 40K and all affiliated logos, characters and trademarks belong to Games Workshop. MLP and all related logos, characters and trademarks belong to Hasbro

Thanks go to the_marked_one for listening to all my crazy ideas and to FenrisianBrony and MyDigitalHazard for proofreading.

Chapters (30)
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Comments ( 366 )

just as planed

why did I find this just about 2 days after I started to write my story about a stormtrooper who gets sent to equestria?

Wow, thanks guys. I'm sorry about the short chapter length, but I was dipping my foot in the water, so to speak. However, I can promise longer chapters in the future, or at the very least, multiple chapter updates.

why did I find this just about 2 days after I started to write my story about a stormtrooper who gets sent to equestria?

To tell the truth, I didn't even know about your fic. Great minds, huh? I'd love to hear any suggestions you have. By the way, does anyone need an editor/proofreader?

I'm going to be perfectly honest, that was way better then I though it would be.

thanks, i thought so too.

wow this guy gets over things faster than any normal human.

Is a good AU 40k crossover, but nothing the guardsman is doing so far is anything like what one straight from the GW 40k would be doing.

Don't worry, all will be explained. Bwahaha* *ahem* right

No Purging? Aww. Though, I shouldn't complain. I am about to release a Fic... Slightly similar? Maybe.Keep a Eye out.

SELF PROMOTIONS! AWAY!

Oh and
MAKE LONGER CHAPTERS! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

How does a mere Guardsman know of the events of the Imperium's founding? It is stated many times that very few know of the Imperium's founding and the Heresy.

Hm, good point. well...it goes to reason that a guardsman would know the basic history of the worst part of Imperial history. He didn't know about the 2 missing legions or how the heresy happened, just that horus betrayed the emperor and turned to chaos. Nor does he know about the grey knights. i can see him picking up what he knows from soldiers gossip. Besides, guardsmen do know of the traitor legions, so therefore, they know of the heresy.

SURE IS HERETICAL IN HERE.

Seriously, why isn't this guy screaming about purging the xeno, the heretic and the pysker? These ponies are ALL of the above. Remember, the Imperial Guard is an army where if you don't pray the right way the appropriate number of times, you're shot. So it's not that far off to assume that the average guardsman is a bit of a religious nutjobber - course, the flip-side is that the IG is more tolerant of 'enemy of my enemy' type of behavior in the mid-echelon officer corp (at least in my mind) so it would be possible for him to come to an understanding with the ponies quicker than, say, a SPESS MAHREEN.

Yeah, it's a good thought but there needs to be more screaming and flailing about on the part of the IG guy here. Good luck mate.

EDIT: Oh, and remember - laspacks can be charged by cooking them in a campfire. So he'll never be out of ammo.

2571738 That's just it though, this isn't basic founding, the Horus Heresy is top secret, few know it even happened stuff. People are killed just for discovering there are traitor marines. This man is a simple guardsman. He would only be privy to this stuff if he was facing a traitor legion. The Great Crusade, an edited version anyway, he would know. But not the Horus Heresy in all likeliness.

2571940

Unless Alexander is a factor from an Alpha Legion cell. :rainbowderp: We never would know.

good point. However, i have seen an absolutely astounding variation on how much is known about the heresy and chaos in the books. at the one end, whole regiments and fleets have been, erm, silenced just to hide the knowledge of chaos. Heck, Armaggedon was sanitized after the first war there. Meanwhile at the other end of the scale, you have guardsmen dealing with plague marines, plague zombies, and reborn demon princes, and have vast amounts of experience dealing with said corruption, so it really is just a big crapshoot.

As for the las packs, IIRC, recharging a pack in a fire makes it more likely to fail, and by that, i think they mean explode

2571738

Addendum to the Lasgun, the powerpacks can be charged from solar light, heat, and normal electricity I do believe. The former and the latter are the most common. Oh, and Las weapon technology strikes with the kinetic energy of a 30mm auto cannon.

2572159 Well, just goes to show you how tough a manticore is then. Also, Alexander had just gotten barfed out by a warp rift. Into the everfree forest. which is dark. When did he have time to recharge his powerpacks?

2572165

He could not have recharged his Laspacks during battle. My mind was in the future. :twilightsmile:

2572217 Ok, although, I was planning to have Alexander try to recharge his lasgun packs with magic...maybe...:derpytongue2: not quite sure yet how to go about it though

LONGER CHAPTERS! NOAW! Seriously, just Glue a couple of them together or something.

how does none of this bother Alexander in the slightest?

To be honest, I really don't think a guardsman would defend anything that isn't human unless he was really driven to. Alexander seems to not give much of a shit about what the hell is going on, and yet he is a guardsman, trained to defend humanity. Although, it is completely understandable given the fact that you're new to story writing. Just ask some of the good ol' folks from the 40K group and they'll most likely help ya out!:twilightsmile:

2573014 Well, he's still young, only about 21, so he's still mentally flexible, and to tell the truth, He may or may not be slightly crazy. Also, he doesn't know why, he just knows it should.

(Just so you know, it's also how I think I'd react in this situation)

On a slightly different topic, how's my depiction of pinkie pie?

2574657 well, there is adrenaline, and it turned out he just cracked the bone

Halo right or is that an actual Imperial ship

2576337 Forward Unto dawn? Halo. I thought the name sounded appropriately Imperial

There, I condensed the first 3 chapters into one. Now stop complaining about the short chapters :ajbemused:

The adventurous trio shrieked in terror and tried to run
before realizing that they were trapped between the Manticore and a small cliff.

I guess they were caught between... a rock and a hard place.
*puts on glasses*

One of my better friends was a psyker." Alexander's face fell.

Twilight's face softened. "What happened?"

Alexander turned away. "I don't want to talk about it," he whispered.

I think this was what happened.
i.qkme.me/35hrlh.jpg

2586384 well, i was thinking of writing something along the lines of *CENSORED FOR YOUR OWN GOOD* happened to him, but decided to leave it a mystery for now

A few things:

The ponified Aquila symbol makes for a cool scene break, but you're overusing the scene breaks. Walking outside the hospital isn't a scene break, because you're not jumping in time, nor are you changing perspective. Teleporting from the hospital to the library isn't a scene break either, for the same reasons. There's not much of a scene break when he's explaining about where he comes from, because there's no jump in location or perspective; you can just add a simple, brief sentence about him explaining to them where he comes from. Only use scene breaks if there's a change in two of three things: place, time or perspective.

On the topic of him explaining everything, that much exposition is probably a bad idea. The events of the Horus Heresy, in that amount of detail, just aren't relevant to the events of this story. If I went to Equestria, and they asked where I came from, I wouldn't start with "Well, there was a man named George Washington..." Since your primary audience is going to be readers who are already fans of 40k, they already know the broad strokes of the Horus Heresy. If a reader stumbles in who's not familiar with 40k, dropping all this information on them at once is only going to overwhelm them with stuff that has little bearing on your one single Guardsman anyway.

What's most concerning, though, is that there's no plot right now. There is no conflict for me as a reader to become invested in. So far, you have "Guardsman gets sent to Equestria." That's a premise, not a plot. If the whole story is him just hanging out with the ponies, it's going to be pretty boring. They need some sort of challenge to overcome for me to start really caring.

You still have a decent start. Your prose is a little plain, but I prefer that to writers who write "too much." This Alexander is a little bland, but there are hints of an interesting past, and a potential for growth. Just keep in mind the question: "What's his motivation?" whenever you think about his feelings and actions. All in all, I'm tentatively interested in where you're going with this.

Thought for the Day: A moment of laxity spawns a lifetime of disharmony.

:trollestia: Ave Imperatrix Celestialis :trollestia:

2591137 you've given me a lot to think about, sir. Thank you for the advice. Things will be picking up action wise soon, I promise. As for Alexander being a little bland, I think that he's just a bit numb trying to comprehend what has happened to him. I may have to move the heresy explanation to when he finds out about nightmare moon

"Ugh, anybody get the number of that Baneblade?"

:rainbowlaugh:Hilarious... I must use that sentence sometime.

a surprise party for a scarred veteran is never a good idea, for a second I thought he was going to shoot somepony.

one entire barrel of the Apple Family's finest hard apple cider

Standard issue guardsman liver of steel

According to the administratum, he shouldn't be caring for these xenos.
But...he did, and Alexander didn't understand why.
Why did this place feel so much like...home?

What if Equestria is the Emperor's mileena long day dream?

The ending feels a bit heretical
so my final conclusion is...
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1353/67/1353670414677.jpg
(In a positive meaning):twilightsmile:

What time period are we in discord good or before discord broke out the first time.

2600100 to tell the truth, I was going to have Alexander shoot Pinkie Pie in the face, and have pinkie cough up some soot while having her face covered the stuff a la Looney Toons. But i couldn't figure out how to pull that off right, so I went with the version i posted

just as planed i wonder if its old one eye?

Discord has a carnifex as a pet... Should anything surprise me anymore?

Carnifex...that's not a daemon...that's a Tyranid.

2611758 dude, it's just an expression. I took "like the hounds of hell were on his heels" and replaced hounds w/ demons and hell w/ the warp :facehoof:

2612099 I understand what you were hinting at..its just to those with limited knowledge of 40k,k they might get confused as to what you were referring to. You named a specific 40K thing, at the end. You mentioned a Carnifex. Which is a tanking creature within the Tyranid horde.

2612386 you think I should describe it next chapter?

2612430 wait...you have a daemonic Carnifex? Why not just use some Bloodthirsters or a Keeper or Secrets?

2612455 Well, because a demon with eons of experience seemed too intelligent for Alexander to outsmart, and I felt like using a regular carnifex. Few things are as brown-note inducing as a giant insect charging at you. trust me, it's better this way. Besides, this way, alexander only has to outsmart the equivalent of a t-rex from jurassic park.

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