offthegrid

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Comments ( 6 )

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Neece

Neece #1 · Jan 19th, 2019 · · ·

Well, ok. It read like a what it is, a gore piece without a why or how. Had there been any explanation it might've been better but as it is? Empty. Just blood and aberrations that wanted that for some reason. Hell, it even lacks the Sex tag for being some kind of extreme fetishes club, so indeed empty.

Twilight did forget to take Discord into consideration though, and he could possibly easily fix that. And hear someone calling him, if any of them can still speak.

Whinifree

Whinifree #2 · Jan 19th, 2019 · 1 · ·

I’m afraid this is far too vague to make any sense of it.

unfortunately yiff

unfortunately yiff #3 · Jan 19th, 2019 · 2 · ·

the gore is written well enough, i guess (i don't have any ways to judge that). this story just really suffers from the fact that all context has been removed, and might feel a bit too brief even with just the gore.

think of it as a clopfic with no real coherent story beforehand and no emotional feeling. sort of, i guess, like a picture but transcribed into words quickly. it might work as a picture, but i have pretentious standard.

still i feel that this could be turned into something really good and horrifying if you could give it some backstory and flesh it out.

i think i just repeated the same statement three times

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #4 · Jan 22nd, 2019 · 4 · ·

Well, this Game Night is officially a bust.

In all seriousness, gore without context does not a story make. You've Pollocked blood all over the canvas with a vision in mind, but all the rest of us see is a stain.

Moosetasm

Moosetasm #5 · Jan 31st, 2019 · · ·

This definitely has the beginnings of something fantastic. If applied to some kind of prologue or epilogue, or a journal chronicling the events leading up to this scene, we would have a complete story. Something is lost without those things, however; without a buildup before or after this scene, it is a climax without any context, and much of the feelings meant to be evoked are lost.

Still upvoting, the style and potential are there, even if this was a serving of sauce sans goose.

Wolfeh05