The loneliest ponies, are the kindest. The saddest ponies, smile the brightest. The most damaged ponies, are the wisest. All because they do not want to see anypony else suffer the way they do.
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You have my attention for now
I hope I will not waste this opportunity. Thank you :D
Interesting.. Please proceed with this story I like where it started at.
I will... of course
That should probably be "debt".
Despite the spelling and grammar errors, this is a pretty good story. I'm curious to see what happens next.
9329402
ummm yes... I will change that...
I have no proofreader... so... I am greatfull for every help I get
9329712
is it realy that bad? :/
a few grammar errors, But i understand what was meant to be said, so im looking forward to seeing where this is going
Great stuff! You've got me hooked.
The quality of prose and depth of characterization (that you've accomplished in just two chapters) more than makes up for the minor amount of uncorrected typographical mistakes.
Don't get discouraged by people pointing them out, they just pop out in contrast with how exceptional the rest of it is.
9338771
This is flattering ... thank you! But I know that I will make mistakes ... so I am sort of grateful if someone corrects them ... as long as he is not crying about those ...
And to all of you out there ... THANK! YOU! OMG I NEVER THOUGHT THAT ONE SINGLE SOUL WOULD LIKE MY STORY! *Squeeee*
Hey keep it up! Maybe poke around and see if you can find someone to proofread for you. It can really help to just have someone else to point out the issues that you naturally skim over when you reread your own work! I'm enjoying this even if there are a few rough patches. Thanks for writing!
Great now i want to see twilight eat all the Food in a All you can eat restaurant and now i am a 100% hook
Ouch, right in the feels, Twi.
And then so comfy in the kitchen.
Keep up the good work, I can see the effort you've put in.
I'm having a bit of trouble reading this. You have a lot of typos and grammar mistakes. Looks like the story is interesting, but there's enough errors to pull me out of the story. You might want to run this through an editor. Is english not your first language?
9342971
nope ... sorry I am from Germany ...
I even use the read-aloud function of this website to check ... I am well and truely sorry ... I'll try to improve it.
9342977
Like I said, try to find an editor. Your english is pretty good, but native readers are going to stumble while reading the errors. It pulls you out of the story. Keep trying!!
9343047
*smiles genuinely* Thank you ... as much as it ales me to know that I made so many mistakes, I will not stop writing in the foreseeable future. I will try to improve though and I hope I can show results soon, but for now, all I can do is hope that you are patient.
9343128
Considering you're writing in a second language it's pretty impressive how well you're doing. Plus, fanfic writing is a great way to improve your skills. Keep it up!
This was really good, can't wait of the next chapter.
And so Rarity learned a valuable lesson. Never approach a sleeping alicorn.
9357753
OMG I had to laugh so hard ... That's the exact words I wanted to use for rarity ... Hey ... at least I learned a valuable lesson ...
DAM BOY ... NOW I HAVE TO RETHINK ... eventually ...
OMG MY STORY IS IN THE ANNOUNCEMENT BOX! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE*
(btw... Thanks to my new proofreader for helping me with the new chapter... the old ones we will revisit later this week)
Hmm did you intend to spell the title "sparke"?
Interesting to see that Twilight doesn’t react to Opal as one of the plagues of ponykind.
The first chapter is now proofread. Huzza!
9370149
not rly, I am honest, but... I was a bit too afraid to change it later.
Now... my proofreader has convinced me to do so, I hope it will not make anyone upset.
I recall a story where Twi accidentally transmogrified herself, Cadence, and Celestia. Similar level of feels/cute.
Ok so a white cat with purple eyes (Celestia) and three baby kittens with three different color eyes, teal (Luna), blue (Cadance), and purple (Twilight). Was that intentional or did that color choice just come out that way?
9380742
both to be exact...
Sooooo, will Twilight give them a new home? Because they really bonded over this experience.
Also kitty Twi is cuuuuuuute Twi!
9380781
? Ok. Well, I am looking forward to more of this story. Keep up the good work.
This was cute and I don't blame you for publishing it per se, but now I want to see if you can roll this little escapade into something more meaningful to the overall narrative you're building.
9381085
the cats are in some sense or another still a thing an will come back... but when you are speaking of the story's plot... then you hopefully find the next chapter a bit more interesting...
9381184
To be clear, it wasn't uninteresting at all, if only to reinforce the character of Twilight as you write her and establish a touch of arcane lore.
But were it to not have further-reaching repercussions beyond this incident, it would end up looking like either a non sequitur that only serves as a chunk of character inspection or a dangling plot thread.
I doubted you would do that, but didn't want you to feel like no one was paying attention either. (I know it always does me well to get feedback on what readers are thinking, so I try to pay it forward.)
D'awwww!
Good conflict. Very intimate setting.
9381229
I do have some things I liked to do with of the information I gave in this chapter
...
As I said it to. my proofreader... there are many storys out there which throw in an idea and never come back to it...
I want to be difrent. I like to make my version of the story where I want to change all that what bothered me in other storys...
I know it is way to early to say so... but all future storys... all future chapter... or whatever... will take place in this universe I create.
I dont want to simply draw a blank when I have finished some thing...
It may sound complicated... or maybe undoable... but I want to try... maybe fail spectacularly... but I want to try atleast...
I cannot promise that I will not forget some stuff... or have some things of minor importancy... but I d like to build a consistent universe where I can give my ideas a home...
I thing I am rambeling... again... but anyway... thats the thing I like to do... and so I can asure you... I have some or another plan with the things I say...or do... well... as grandious a plan of a german 20 year old student can go... but still...
ps. : sorry for errors... I wrothe this from my smartphone... 3:40 in the morning...
Poor Twilight. That dream was touching.
chapter 2 is now proofread
Rarity's pretty amusing.
Next Chapter will most likely come out this weekend!
good chapter bye bye kidnappers
No, Celestia help those idiots who thought this was a good idea. May she have mercy on their souls, 'cause Twi won't have any. They messed with the wrong pony.
thumbs.gfycat.com/BrownGrossBluetonguelizard-small.gif
HERES MIDNIGHT
clipartmax.com/png/middle/143-1435900_pissed-alicorn-twilight-vector-by-mangaka-girl-mlp-twilight-sparkle-angry.png
Those poor extremists.
Something is going to happen and if lesson zero is anything to go by something bad is going to happen. Keep up the good work on this story, I am really looking forward to seeing what happens next.
“Well, they do have a point there darling, even I, as a big sister, am uncomfortable with little Sweetie learning such uncouth things like reproduction at her age.”
Yes, Rarity, the holy miracle of reproduction, the sacred act that brings life into the world, the highest expression of love and intimacy two physical beings can share is quite uncouth.
The sad part is such idiots exist in real life. *Sigh.* There's no quick fix for stupidity.
The chapter itself was great though :)
...And they never found the bodies. On an unrelated note, Twilight's family recently acquired some striking new garden statuary featuring ponies recoiling in horror and agony.
I didn't even pick up on the significance of her becoming a kitten specifically; clever! And the train of thought is totally how that kind of thing goes.