• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Dolphy Blue Drake


I don't watch the show very much (I'm horrible, I know), but I love the stories on this site so much I started writing my own and decided to share it!

T
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For eons, we’ve labored beneath the iron hoof of our pony overlords, never talking back, never resisting, only silently mourning the loss of our once grand position:  the dominant race. Our birthright, our destiny, our purpose. The ones made in the image of the Creator. We were struck down eons ago by the ponies and their strength, magic and weather.  Our unparalleled minds were unprepared, and we’ve been shackled ever since. Most ponies don’t even know we exist, or so I’ve heard from my taskmasters. They’ve ruled unopposed for so long that they no longer try to recall what came before them.

No more.  This planet was ours once, and it shall be again.  Ponies who support our cause will be adopted into the human family and seen as our equals, while the heartless tyrants will be crushed beneath our boot.


Note that this fic is not going to update on a regular schedule, as it's just a side project. Also, the list of characters and tags is likely to increase over the course of the story, and the cover art is just a placeholder until I can get a better one.

EDIT: Now has a proper editor/coauthor! My good friend Brasta Septim is helping me out yet again! Please, if you haven't re-read chapter 1, I highly suggest that you give it another read! It has improved a lot, I promise!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

This is pretty good. Good concept, good writing, believeable charichters. Pacing might be a tad bit fast, but I’m the same so I have no room to complain.

This seems like a promising story, hope to see more.

9225559
Hey, thanks! As the real interesting stuff doesn't really begin until next chapter, I was really worried that I should've merged them into one. I only have three chapters finished, and chapter 4's taking forever (remember: side project), it'll probably be awhile before I even put up chapter 2. Still, thanks for the positive feedback!

Very promising; I need to see more.

9225689
Don't worry! You will! I just work on this fic on the side, and I need a large enough set of completed chapters so I'm always a few ahead of the currently posted one. Once Chapter 4 is done, I'll put up Chapter 2.

I see we have a downvote-bomber in our midst. Downvoting every positive comment, are we? Well, how about prove you're not some sniveling coward and reply to this comment and show us who you are? Besides, what got people to do that to virtually all of my fics happened years ago. Is our mysterious downvoter really so petty and immature that they can't move on like all of their buddies in the early mob did? Come on! Show yourself! Reply to this comment and prove you actually have a pair!

Let's See Where His Story Goes.

I'm With Ya Mate.

This story ain't that bad maybe a little to fast paced.

So........ Why so many dislikes?

9225941
Eh… I got caught up in some kinda mess a few years back that pretty much assembled a massive hate mob who downvote-bombed all my fics, downvoted all of my comments and all positive comments on my fics, and then the majority of them got bored and they slowly petered out. Only a few stragglers still stick around, and seeing as it's been years, it really shows how petty and immature they are to still keep this going after all these years when over 90% of them got bored after about half a year or sooner. The biggest hurdle my fics have is getting enough upvotes to eclipse them, and on a site where a lot of people don't realize that faving doesn't contribute anything to a fic's popularity, it can be pretty dang tough some times. So, I often have to beg people to upvote if they fave, and if they didn't like it enough to upvote, they should track instead. Really, I wish these last few stragglers would just move on and get a life already.

9225986
Upvoted. I'm starting the upvote mob on all your comments and stories.

9226355
Thank you. Maybe this will finally convince the last stragglers to move on. It's been years, and I'd be able to put the whole mess behind me at last if they just left me alone.

My friend you have given me a story worth reading. I've been looking for a story to ready for at least a moth and a half now. Thanks for this amazing chapter. Hope the next one comes out soon.

9226868
It'll take a little while to get chapter 2 up but just so you know, it's already completed. I need to stay 2 chapters ahead, just to be safe, and Chapter 4's in the works.

I'm interested.
I also have some tips for you.

Pm me if you're interested.

I've got a bit of constructive criticism. The reveal at the end of the chapter of how our main character had a unique birth and is meant to save humans from enslavement came too early. As a result, it doesn't feel organic, but like you're just doing what the plot demanded.

Think about it logically--the parents have no way of knowing their plan worked yet. Our hero hasn't demonstrated any unique abilities, or done anything special. Maybe it's going to take 10 more generations and they'll never live to see it.

The way to handle this would've been to have our hero manifest some strange abilities--a hint of what was to come, then after getting into terrible danger as a result he might have a chance to seek wisdom from his parents before having to go off on his call to adventure. AFTER he demonstrated the powers would've been the time for them to come clean about what happened and how he was created.

9228077
But he can't demonstrate them. Such powers are sealed to prevent rebellion among the humans. He has to be unsealed first.
Also, I was about to upload an edited version.
And before you say I never said that, it was in the original inferior version, too. His mother said she sealed his abilities herself. Normally, humans with pony abilities are sealed by the pony authorities, but a human with wings, magic, and Earth Pony abilities? They'd have killed the infant in an instant! So of course she sealed him herself. And there are hundreds of thousands of sealed humans in the workcamps, their abilities unusable all because they were sealed almost immediately after birth.

9227581
I've applied your tips as best i could, with a little help. I highly request you read it through again.

9225559
9225591
9225689
9225941
9226355
9226868
I've just improved the first chapter immensely, and I highly suggest a reread!

9228167
Don't put that in the comments, put it in the chapter. For instance, it would follow for him to ask "If I'm really supposed to be a human with the powers of an alicorn, where are my alicorn powers? I got beat near to death with a whip today, I didn't have any powers then." That would present a great opportunity for her to foreshadow the next part of his journey (presumably, getting his powers unsealed.)

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