• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2016
  • offline last seen March 12th

Crimson Blade79

I'm a big gamer, movie fan, and part time fanfic typer.

Comments ( 44 )

Tracking, let's see where this goes :moustache:

Not really sure how I feel about this, gets a job to find a sword in Vegas, ends up getting recruited by a god, given god-like power, then proceeds to act like it's all normal.

I'll follow to see where this goes, but I really hope you won't make her into a Mary Sue (a character that is powerful, liked, always wins, etc basically a perfect character)

I think I feel the same way, I honestly like it that some small stuff is different from what I usually dislike, but it goes in a certain direction at the moment that makes me wary.

Mary Sue (a character that is powerful, liked, always wins, etc basically a perfect character)

I thought Mary sue meant bad past and everything like that, but well I agree that this can be bad.
How would you call a character that is the opposite? I mean I incredible weak, always lose/hides or needs to be rescued by the ponies or other not exactly strong characters which makes him even more pathetic, etc basically an ultimate wimp which also get's manipulated in his opinions and whatever for the sake of the plot or has to suffer the whole story with a chapter count less than 10 where he get's a break.

I hope you understood how I meant it, anyway half of the time I see eithter asshole characters (Soldiers half of the time), OP chars or wimps which are also not exactly fund to read.

I'm honestly interessted in chase this looked like I would be mean in any way.

Then you'll get The Scent's main character, my friend.

From Wikipedia: "A Mary Sue is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character. Often, this character is recognized as an author insert or wish fulfillment."

But yeah

Hhhmmm the story description is suggesting that his is only clop, but does this story have a main char like I described, which was the extreme opposite of what he called a mary sue or what is this about again?

Well okay thank you, it is good to know or at least to remember what it was correctly.

Yes. You were saying the opposite of a Mary Sue would be pathetic, always need to be rescued, "damsel in distress" if you will. A great example of an opposite Mary Sue is the main character in The Scent.

Another displaced fic..."snicker"

I'll keep track of this for now.

Doesn't help that the author of that story has a hard on for psychological torture porn. Seriously, the main character in that story never catches a break and is always being taken advantage of with literally no way out besides suicide. Even then I'm sure the author would bullshit some way for him to come back just to fuck with him some more.

Hell, the author made an entire side story of the main character dying, turning into a lich, and still getting fucked over by the world at large.

Yeah, it's painful just to read. Never found anything more demoralizing (Close to Fall of Equestria bad).

Oh she is far from perfect, she has just about every bad habit known to man in case you haven't noticed yet.

Which is almost as bad.
Now, I haven't read this yet, but it doesn't sound much believable that a person has that many bad habits. Heck, if there's too many it could take up valuable words that would better be used for advancing the plot.

Let's See Where This Goes.
I Also Found Somepony That Looks Like Me.

I can't do this, also, unless Twilight is talking about what she did to the Diamond dogs, because

Twilight looked at Angelina and gasped, now forming tears in her eyes. She lit up her horn and shouted, "What did you do to them?!"

makes no sense. She could clearly see Spike and Rarity were fine, they were in plain sight.

Whoops, let me fix that.

Edit: There you go, hope it's more clear now.

Agreed, the "what did you do to them", line and friends being asleep when they have no good reason to be has been used far too many time to create stupid and unnecessary conflict. If the characters had functioning brains and eyes then it would never happen.

Huh, direct and shameless author self insert. It’s almost so blantant that it works wonderfully. I am intrigued. Kudos. Will be tracking for updates.

This story is ridiculous and i love it.

The premise of the story is good but you're telling more than showing. It could be cleaned up a bit and a few of the sentences could be gone, but it's good altogether.

Boi that intro 😂😂 wtf ? And where the next chapter at tho

Don't worry, it'll be published soon. More hilarity and maybe some backstory will ensue.

Does there happen to be a mention of being a courier somewhere here? No? Never mind I’ll just go back to massacring the legion...


didn't even read. yet

had to do gangster rap made me do it. :moustache:

Which legion exactly? There's a shit ton of them out there.

It was a Fallout joke. In the last quarter of New Vegas one of the storylines is “Wildcard.”

Oh! Okay, I forgot about that. Nice little reference you put there. :ajsmug:

Maybe Twilight should be paired up with Angelina?

the characters are very inconsistent sometimes they act like you think they would then they act like a whole other person

Yeah I know, that's the point. Something there is altering their personalities.

the chapter is so long and disjointed. Barely any description of anything. Is that on purpose?

Actually yes or at least for the boss fight at the bottom of the chapter. I tried to be a bit descriptive the rest of the way but there's only so much that I can do.

I like how you’re using Hellshock’s character, Suzumi as a base for your character. One of my favorite characters.

It's bothering me but is it on purpose that in some places it states that it takes place at the beginning of season 4 but it states that they already have the crystal castle which they don't get till the end of season 4

Actually technically they get the castle beforehand but don't decide to use it until Twilight's Library is destroyed.

I think either you or I need to rewatch the last episode of season 4 because from what I remember the castle is grown after they use the rainbow power to defeat Tirek and the chest flies to ponyville and sinks into the ground and then grows to become the castle

Do you remember what happened after the first episode of Season 4?

I assume you're referring to castle-mania but that episode is about the castle of the 2 sisters and I have gone back and watched the end of the season 4 finale and I was right about the chest so unless this is an alternate timeline in which they get the castle when they return the elements to the tree of harmony (which would work because you've already made it clear some possibly Void-dweller level being is manipulating the world) I don't know how it works

You are quite inconsistent. In your backstory you claim that she was raped but then in conversation you claim she has never had sex before. How about you just say all her previous experiences with that were bad?

I'm confused.

How are they in the Crystal Castle when it shouldn't be around yet?
It didn't appear until after the defeat of Tirek, when it grew out from the box.
By rights, they should be in the Golden Oaks library.

“I'm fine.” Angelina answered. “I've actually never told anyone what happened to me in Liberia…. Twilight's the only person I willingly told that I was a soldier to and that's only half the truth....Can she be trusted, can I finally get this terrible feeling out of my chest, the feeling of fear, pain, and emptiness that I've felt for so long?” she thought.

What level of maturity is she at? Six years old or some shit?

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