the characters are very inconsistent sometimes they act like you think they would then they act like a whole other person

9176747
Yeah I know, that's the point. Something there is altering their personalities.

the chapter is so long and disjointed. Barely any description of anything. Is that on purpose?

9186340
Actually yes or at least for the boss fight at the bottom of the chapter. I tried to be a bit descriptive the rest of the way but there's only so much that I can do.

I like how you’re using Hellshock’s character, Suzumi as a base for your character. One of my favorite characters.

It's bothering me but is it on purpose that in some places it states that it takes place at the beginning of season 4 but it states that they already have the crystal castle which they don't get till the end of season 4

9228012
Actually technically they get the castle beforehand but don't decide to use it until Twilight's Library is destroyed.

9235968
I think either you or I need to rewatch the last episode of season 4 because from what I remember the castle is grown after they use the rainbow power to defeat Tirek and the chest flies to ponyville and sinks into the ground and then grows to become the castle

9235994
Do you remember what happened after the first episode of Season 4?

9236024
I assume you're referring to castle-mania but that episode is about the castle of the 2 sisters and I have gone back and watched the end of the season 4 finale and I was right about the chest so unless this is an alternate timeline in which they get the castle when they return the elements to the tree of harmony (which would work because you've already made it clear some possibly Void-dweller level being is manipulating the world) I don't know how it works

You are quite inconsistent. In your backstory you claim that she was raped but then in conversation you claim she has never had sex before. How about you just say all her previous experiences with that were bad?

I'm confused.

How are they in the Crystal Castle when it shouldn't be around yet?
It didn't appear until after the defeat of Tirek, when it grew out from the box.
By rights, they should be in the Golden Oaks library.

Is this one still going?

“I'm fine.” Angelina answered. “I've actually never told anyone what happened to me in Liberia…. Twilight's the only person I willingly told that I was a soldier to and that's only half the truth....Can she be trusted, can I finally get this terrible feeling out of my chest, the feeling of fear, pain, and emptiness that I've felt for so long?” she thought.

What level of maturity is she at? Six years old or some shit?

next ch?