• Member Since 6th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Pen Stroke

A fan-fiction author and game programmer that lives in Glendale, CA.


Rarity returns to Ponyville from a business vacation in the camel homeland, bringing gifts for all her friends. Amongst the souvenirs, Fluttershy receives is a beautiful, blue bottle. Yet, upon taking the bottle home, she quickly discovers it contains something magical: a genie.

How will Fluttershy use the three near-limitless wishes she has been given, and why does this feline genie's smile seem to mask more than it reveals?

Written to be somewhat episode like. Was apart of the FimFiction LOEG Story Swap of August 2012. Originally appeared on Ninestempest's account

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 74 )

hurrah for second non - shipping story :twilightsmile:

And it was secretly a Pen Stroke story the whole time. :pinkiegasp:

Well played, gentlecolts. :moustache:

Still think they should make this more then a one time thing it's a great idea.

-delves into reading-

also YAY penstroke.

Oh boy, gonna get critical up in here.

This was the same story that every story about a genie has been. Protagonist makes a wish or two, wishes get twisted, use up the last wish to turn everything back to normal. You also fell into the same trap many other writers (including the staff of FiM itself) have fallen into concerning Fluttershy: trying to make her stop being such a pushover, even though they've proven several times that she's past it oh wait we need another episode lets just backtrack her character development, shall we? :fluttershysad:

To be fair though, the story was well written. It was just... stale.

Also, and this is just a personal nitpick, why does everyone assume that one bad show completely ruined Trixie's career?

Uh-oh. Trixie If Harmony or the sun, do NOT wish to switch places with Twilight (though that might be interesting:pinkiehappy:) or anything that could compromise her current existence!!!

JAG #7 · Aug 7th, 2012 · · ·

Not bad. A little predictable, but a fun read anyway.

I truly did enjoy this story as it was almost like an episode from the show itself. Good work upon such a novel idea.:yay:

“All I got to do is rub some of this dirt off.”

..and then shenanigans ensued. :derpytongue2:

For something that was allegedly proof-read by numerous people, there were quite a few mistakes such as the following:

"Do you want two want to come?"

Use of the phrase "in her magic" instead of "with her magic" is awkward.

... and crap I can't remember where the others were. I want to say I spotted about five such errors.

Also, as has been pointed out, this has a very predictable plot line. The Rainbow Dash courage thing was a nice twist, but it wasn't enough to spice up a tired plot line imo. This story definitely shows that you have talent, but I just don't care for it.

This story has got me thinking of writing a crossover about the girls meeting another trickester "cat" from a different world... A white one with red markings and way too many lives.

Red and white markigns... I can't say I know the reference. The first white and red animals that come to my mind are Okami and the cast of deity animls from that game.

Great story. But the proofreaders and editors missed one thing:
"Yet the sound of breaking class never came."
Class should be glass.

that ending...:twilightoops:

That butterfly part was a spongebob reference wasn't it?:rainbowkiss:

Cloud's referring to the anime "Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica", in which there is a cat-like being that grants wishes with *major* strings attached.

As for this story, I'll have to take a look at it sometime. Always been a fan of your work. :yay:

“All I got to do is rub some of this dirt off.”

We need a new one for Trixie I would LOVE to see what she would wish for.

Kyubey from Puella Magi.
He had a way of twisting your words and wishes until you regretted existing... And the moment that regret filled your heart, something tragic would begin.
Your genie reminded me of him greatly.
Edit: Dr Freemare got it!


Every time.

This is one of those things. The third wish is the one that undoes the first two.

Brilliant tale.

Trixie's wish:

1. Turn into an alicorn
2. World Domination
3. Three more wishes


Technically, it didn't undo the second one. :scootangel:

Discord would be involved in genies.

Oh, and the Trixie-tease ending? Perfect. Kudos!
Fluttershy can often be hard to write properly, I find, but you handle things very well here.

Hmm... Camels, Dromedor... isn't it from Where the World Ends?

It may very well be. I did't look at it anywhere else, but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if someone else came up with the idea.

great story but 1 problem...I can't get the image of belly dancing camels out of my head :raritydespair:

But seriously it was a good:twilightsmile:

if you do a sequel with Trixie, could you please please please please please please PLEASE not portray her as an egomaniac? Not such a huge one maybe? :fluttershysad:

Second wish: wish to undo the first one.
Third wish: wish for the genie to always interpret a Master's wishes, including this one, as the Master intends.

1122722 I've been meaning to ask: How did you feel about CardsLafter trying to seduce you?

If Trixie is supposed to be a jerk victim here, I don't feel it, consider these genies don't believe in comeuppance, they believe in torture! I don't know why you chose to include the stinger. The story was perfectly good as a stand alone without a faux sequel hook. You told a good and clever story. Interesting that the bottle FORCES the genie to grant the wish no matter what. Why would Discord include that? You think REJECTING a wish they couldn't betray would be practical.

This was the first pony fanfiction I'd ever read and it was fantastic! It feels just like an episode with the characters staying true to who they are. I definitely recommend this to everyone! :pinkiehappy:

A very enjoyable read. Truly episode-like, if a bit dark near the end. The concept itself isn't very original, but the way you executed it--masterpiece.
Genie from a Camel homeland. Brilliant. :twilightsmile:

Let me warn you now: staying here longer, you're bound to read some canon shattering and/or mind-blowing stories sooner or later. No one leaves FimFiction unchanged. :trollestia:

This better be an episode eventually. :flutterrage:

Allright! Be careful what you wish for story AND a nice ending that leaves an opening for a sequel? :pinkiehappy:

Good, but not great. The basic plotline has been done to death many times and this failed to bring up any truly novel twists on the old idea. Still, it was an enjoyable read. I really liked the part with Dash defending Fluttershy in spite of her being terrified. To quote some really wise person (Internet gives many conflicting attributions):

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

I have to echo one of the posters above and say that for a story with so many pre-readers it had an inexcusably high number of mistakes.

It's very ironic when you think about it.
Genie make a living out of twisting language into completely absurd deliberate misinterpretations.
But this time the genie got screwed over by a GENUINE misinterpretation within her misinterpretation!

The genie didn't understand that courage isn't the lack of fear, but acting in SPITE of fear. So the genie thought she was granting the twisted version of Shy's wish, NOT by removing the courage of her friends, but by super amping up their fear! So Dash still had her courage underneath that mountain of fear the genie gave her.

So for once the genie screwed herself over.

Interesting don't you think?

Stellar storytelling. This could easily be an episode.

:pinkiegasp::twilightoops: O ye alicorns and little green apples... Equestria dodged a bullet with this one. I'm very glad that Flutterrage :flutterrage: saved the day. I was wanting to borrow Arthur Arcturus' cane and give that "pseudocat" a beatdown like nothing it or Discord had ever known. :flutterrage::rainbowdetermined2::twilightangry2::ajbemused: Excellent storytelling skills, Pen Stroke... The ending was a little too close to Butterfly Effect for my peace of mind, but thankfully you cannot erase who a pony is by spackling fear over the top of what's already in their souls. (Element of Loyalty and Beware the Nice Ones FTW!) :pinkiehappy:Now if they can just convince Trixie to put that darned box back where she found it--or better yet, as they find these brassafracken "vessels", have Luna collect them all and teleport them to the moon...! *rolls eyes*

Overall I applaud this story. While it is a generic genie story, you did add your own flair and it worked very well. Well done sir

One slight critique I have is the suggestion to revise this paragraph where Fahima describes the effects of Fluttershy's 1st wish

“But you did,” Fahima said coolly. She strode closer to Fluttershy, beginning to circle her. “Across the world, creatures are suffering because of you. You took away the courage soldiers need to stand their ground, and thus monsters are free to run wild. You took away the bravery of firefighters and police officers. There is no one courageous enough to put out fires. There is no one courageous enough to stop criminals. Doctors are not performing life saving surgeries because they are to scared they may make a mistake.”

If all sentient beings are cowards there should be no wars and all 'monsters' should be just as scared as the rest, so soldiers have no need to stand their ground. Same goes for criminals. However the other effects are good :)

also, I have found my favourite FIMfic writer. After this, Past Sins and Creeping Darkness there is no doubt. You have serious talent :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:


Fahima, at this point, is really trying to trick Fluttershy into making a wish she'll regret, so providing her with only selective information makes sense. You point is valid, but Fluttershy doesn't need to know that. :pinkiecrazy:


That's a good point. Keep up the good work.

Also, it's doubtful I know, but will you be signing the Past Sins hardbacks?


Unfortunately, the mass shipping isn't happening anywhere near me. Thus, there's no real way I could sign all the copies. I'll gladly sign any copy, but the book and its owner has to get me first.


It was wishful thinking :)

I knew that ending was coming. It is Pen Stroke after all. :rainbowlaugh:

“Bu all of you were egging her on!” Twilight said.

I think you mean "But"

Fluttershy should have consulted an attorney first...

Dat ending.

Damn. This could totally be an episode.
And it needs to be.
Luna needs more screen time darn it.

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