- Member Since 17th Nov, 2016
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
WuzzyBlu_92
I'm not ACTUALLY A SPINDA! I swear!
WuzzyBlu_92
Joined 17th Nov, 2016 ·
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Neat.
Some criticism, though: It's missing a bit of punctuation, pacing is a tad fast, but other than that it's pretty solid.
Keep it up.
9159131
Thanks for your input. I can see what you mean by that (Well at least the pacing part) and I will try to improve on that in the future. Though, could you give me an example of where I should've put in punctuation?
9161355
Mainly the dialogue, a lot of the sentences the characters are speaking are missing periods at the end.
I’m liking this story, pretty neat concept.
May want to slow the pacing down just a little inch though.
Nice start. Keep it up.
Nice chapter! Waiting patiently for the next :)
9169270
Thank you for that. I hope you find the next chapter's pacing better. This one will take a while. Planning with my pre-reader on making this one a long one.
I'm starting see why the dislikes outweigh the likes
Oi.
ANNNDD there goes ANY respect I might have had for Shining Armor in the fic, Hope he eat's a Sword
Spelling still needs some work and the Pacing too, but other wise a really good story. I will be keeping an eye on this.
9181380
Would you like to elaborate or should we just make an assumption for ourselves? I can somehow get why you don't like the story but leaving cryptic messages doesn't help me or you. So if you could give me your constructive criticism, that would be very nice.
No no no! That's the Centaur's job Shining Armor. The Changelings can only absorb love, not Magic!
Cadence even said so back at you guy's wedding.
9190835
Wow! Another piece of criticism (Somewhat)! I may just keep that there to expand on the point of Shining being a damn fool though.
I got bored of this after the first couple paragraphs
9201020
Was there any particular reason the chapter didn't appeal to you?
Okay first: AWESOME chapter, I can't say I was expecting how it wen't but I had my Suspicions.
Two: Is this "Code" a Geass or a Contract?
Finally Three: I say keep the Chapters at the Length you have them, they are just fine as is.
9237800
Thanks, I really appreciate the input you made, I was thinking about making the chapters at least 4000 to 5000 words long. As for the 'Code', it's going to be explained in the first chapter of Act 2 so hang tight and enjoy what I have in store.
9239114
I look forward to it!
Good for 'em, I have always thought since seeing a Canterlot Wedding that Cadance and Shining were a Horrid pair that I didn't think would really last a year. Cadance: Princess of the Crystal Empire and Shining: Captain of TWO guards? yeah not much time to do anything (Makes you wonder if Flurry Heart is really his, yeah?).
Also was that Luna yelling? Bout' time some one told those pathetic Nobles that!
9246924
Yeah, it would take a blind man not to realise their marriage was for plot and for plot only. The story kind, not the butt kind. However, from Shining's perspective, it may as well be since as soon as we were introduced to Shining, he's been as assertive as a doormat and as interesting as a wallflower. Shining let's face it, you're furniture; only there so there is male around and make the screen look brighter.
Also, no, that was Celestia. Probably should've put the POV thing there.
Twilight for someone so smart you’re so dumb your mad at cadence Because chrysalis isn’t there even though you should be mad at her for doing all of this you’re mad at cadence because she’s there And be mad at chrysalis would serve no purpose so directing your anger at her because it’s easier
9260064
I think it's more Protection over her Brother and the fact that they got into a Relationship with only token Efforts (at least in her mind) to find Him, It's understandable, She is angry and it's not letting her think strait. Besides, this could be built up anger at Noire that is finally overflowing and being directed at Cadance after all we Don't have much information on their interactions in the past.
What has me more worried is Applejacks calmness, some times the most calm person in the room is far more dangerous then the one screaming and raging. Not only that, but with how Extensive and entrenched the Apple Family is into Equestria's population and Economy she can do FAR more damage to Cadance and the Crystal Empire than Twilight, Celestia and Luna could EVER do if the Crystal Empire has to Import most of their food from Equestria.....Think on the Ramification of THAT!
I liked the start of the story but it started to feel a bit rushed with the use of multiple time skips. You should focus on fleshing out the story a bit more to avoid that rushed and fast paced feeling but you're doing pretty good.
9181828
yup this shining armor has officially joined the *Xenophobic arse hole club*
and he would be shocked entering its main building because there were at least 35 different versions of himself there aswell
Try not to mix first and third person when writing, this has been really hard to follow because of that. Pick one and stick with it.
So what's going to happen when Luna finds out she forgot to somehow teleport him back?
I don't mind switching between first and third but be consistent (like the mane character/s always in first and background people in third). The way your doing it derails the brain and forces them to consider if "he" is an external creature in regards to "I".
I DO love how you show the Pov. You would be surprised how many forget that detail.
......DAAAAAAAAAAMMMNNN
9261153
Thanks for that. I'll be sure to do less of that in the future.
9304730
Thank you for the criticism. I'll try to change that in the future.
I like the name of the magic attacks you gave. Really cool.
Sounds like Grim is manipulating Chrysalis.
I thought it was emotions?
9493992
I mean the POV of an unknown character at that moment.
This story is getting real close to just being edgy teenage angst, and the whole I have autism just feels like edging teenage copout. Lastly anyone who uses the word bony is one.
Huh, apparently pacing isn't a thing in the story and everyone seems to be a bit... overdramatic.
No but the celestial sisters did. So thats a potential four way herd. (only problem is the egg inside her that is consuming her inside out. )
I'm gonna be honest, The way shining is portrayed in this feels very off.
So they’re fighting Grimm from RWBY then ... nice.
this
9709741
All i think is steamed hams
This was a fun read. I love the main character and the interactions are well written and kept me interested the whole time. Im glad that the as burger thing got dropped or toned down. That sort of thing is almost impossible to do right, and when done wrong always burns the story down around the Authors ears. Those types of issues are fine for supporting cast, and often create great fuel for plot and story ideas, but never in a main character.
I like where the Authors taking this and am looking forward to more.
A well deserved Like and Up-Vote.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
Well, at the beginning I was in the fence about this Fic, but know am all in, loving where the story is going.
This chapter was amazing, I love the action, this was a game changer for me, it went from a 7 to a 9.
loving so far, kind of weird how many dislikes it has, Maybe it’s because the beginning is a little rough.
This is the first time that a self cockblock doesn’t annoyed me, I completely understand why would he not want to take cadance just yet.