Robobrony
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Interesting, So Far.
You got my attention, this looks very interesting you don't see this kind of story with beauty and the beast adaptation. The best thing about this for me is that confirmation that Chrysalis will reform along with her changeling *clap clap*
Huh, you know, I'm not surprised that she's the first pony they meet.
This deserves more credit than it already has. Love the FINLAND joke.
The plot is progressing a little bit to fast but not snail pace neither, that crystal that bond Chrysalis life is a good choice since crystal is a symbol of love in equestria. The only critic on this is that the two humans are a bit Deus Machina with their magic ability, casting more than one magic at a time will be too taxing and difficult to maintain, especially a human in their first time having magic.
10074317
Originally, the magic was going to be to have them pass through walls, but we felt that was too much. So we went with what a soldier would have gone with if they had the tech. As for being able to use magic as well as they are, think of the isekai manga where the protagonist has a large mana pool due to some aspect of their life and is able to fire one magic after the other. It's sort of the same thing here. One is former military, the other is trained in martial arts since childhood. Both require discipline, willpower, and concentration. Just like magic, at least, that's how we see it. Plus, as shown in the first chapter, the military one is a weeb, having seen so many fictions involving magic, one of their methods had to work.
Now, we're not gonna have them firing Supernovas or 'Explooooooosion!' left and right, that would be too insane. But for things like stealth, that will fall in nicely since they are used to it. Also, the sound cancelling bubble was only a short duration, meant only for quick movements through normally loud areas, and then he changed it to a sound proof bubble, which was a bit easier to maintain. Still, thank you for review and advice. We'll try to make things a bit more clear from here on out, but forgive us if we miss something.
10074647
Well, that put one of my concern to rest and for the other concerns, we will see how it go first. Cory background seems to be pointing that he was once a member of spec ops or he got a very brutal drill Sergeant. The moment the two got invited to dinner I expected one of the changelings to break out and sing, then again Chrysalis is there and she may feel embarrassed if that happens then again Kris may jump in and sing-along if his personality tells.
So now that the piece is getting set one is still missing: who is the antagonist? If we are taking a piece of the bueaty and the beast, there gotta be someone that will try to kill chryssi and make the two human fail in their quest, since she has a lot of enemies after all. And thank for answering my previous comment.
10074656
Oh, don't worry, I personally have a plan for that. And no, it won't be who you might think it will be. And you're welcome.
10074663
It's the butler did it isn't!? Knew it you shouldn't trust them. In seriousness I await the outcome of it on who it maybe, I am sure it isn't the princess. Now I shall wait and see.
10074669
Good come back. Liked the criticism. Always welcome as it helps writers grow. Appreciate the feed back and thanks for liking the story. This idea is something I've had in my head for a while and am glad I am getting it out there.
…Are massages really that good? It might just be me, but the thought of some stranger or someone I barely know putting their hands all over you, just seems uncomfortable, to me at least.
10078251
To each their own. Some people find it relaxing as it can get any unkown knots you might have in your muscles. I've never really had one myself but I can understand where you're coming from.
two heads are better than one and this premise has me invested just by synopsis alone.
uh oh, when they don't write off the pinkie pie stuff she does then you know things are serious.
Deus ex Pinkie, being awesome as always.
10087733
I've had one and nothing but bliss. If the person doing it wasn't married, I would have made a move then myself. That's how good it can feel. No BS
Well, it will be interesting if those two fanbases ever meet, it will be like star wars vs star trek situation. The attack of the geeks. Looks like the two are settling well to the point they squeezed themselves to the Hive. Keep up the good work.
you should explore if their horns are sensitive, if it seems like something that would fit in the story
10066636
Not one bit
But beauty and the beast trope the flower dying did not kill the beast just trap him in that form for life. So that seems a stretch and boy is that unicorn evil
10102702
To be fair, other countries that tell the same tale have differences like that. Like Grim's Fable tells the same child stories, but with a darker tone. So you can think of this like that.
about time for them to decide to spar it out, got to get used to those ambiguous powers that they have.
It would also make it seem like they're powers doesn't do everything they want for the sake of the story.
I got my money on Kris since he seems more like the pinkie pie between the two and bringing unpredictability to a fight is always an edge.
did kris sprayed himself with Axe or old spice or something for chicks to find them or what!?. The girls gonna make a mess that resulted in the bros to drink hard aren't they.
Welp Chryssy has lots of work ahead of her
Now await further shenanigans
well, time to play some 'open your heart' from oc remix on youtube' in the background and re-read this to make this good read a much better one.
Okay Starswirl has alot to answer for. Chryssy did not deserve that
Ok didn't expect a shadowy tendrils popping out of no where and taking the bros, wonder if kris made a joke about the tentacle when they were ambushed?. I can imagine the confrontation with the girls and the hive will be very tense, I'm sure the fan of the bros gonna flip out when they hear the news, but their fury is nothing to the burning fire of Chrysalis and she will not stop until they are back. The chapter is great
Don't worry Pinkie, this isn't your fault. Its Twilight's fault for having bias towards changelings for what happened to her brother.
Dark mist + black tendrils can only mean 3 things based on how this story is going so far.
1. A new villain shows up out of nowhere to test Kris and Cory's awesome abilities.
2. Nightmare moon is here somewhere and wants to get kinky and the dynamic duo
3. the forest is sentient and wants to let them know its down to fuck anywhere
Wait, when does this take place in the timeline. this could be the plunder vines making their appearance?
Seriously not mention8ng Starswirl's son in all of this!?
10124539
First, it was Starswirl that did the deed, not his son. Second, he never had a son, to our knowledge, and in this, he doesn't. And third, do you REALLY think Twilight Sparkle would believe THAT when it's only been a few months since the wedding invasion?
10124484
You are honestly very close in your guesses, but I'm not gonna say which ones. Also, if you reread the first chapter, you'll see it's only been a few months since the Canterlot Wedding Invasion, so a lot of the show has NOT happened yet.
10127940
Typo, meant role.
Holy.... that.. that is one hell of a plot twist i, i have no words. I mean i know it's a good story, one of the better ones in fact but i didn't expect THAT. I find myself awaiting the next chapter, can't wait to see how it will turn out
nice to know Chrysalis and Sombra know of each other, this could imply they were friends at some point or at least met before this.
Sombra turned himself female as he was having problems with his weird fetishes as Kris pointed out.
Also according to Kris, if your going to turn yourself into your rule 63 version might as well make yourself appear pretty.
No....no....No
This is the dumbest move you have done for this story. serious Sombra and not just Sombra but the female version. REALLY!? You jumped the shark with this move and I strognly suggest scrapping this chapter and do something better.
10128974
Wait, you’re upset just because it’s Sombra? And even more so because he’s a she?
10129114
YES! it's literally out of nowhere. Let it be a part of Starswirl left behind, he seems evil enough in this universe to do this.
10129126
I understand your dislike. But my friend and I talked it over and we wanted a female villain with a reason to steal their magic. It was either Umbra, or Nightmare Moon. We respect you might not enjoy our choice in this, but please respect that we do this for fun, just as nearly every other author on this site does. It being liked or not was never our concern. Also, we don't spend days on each chapter. We write them up within a the span of two hours, sometimes a bit more, and decide if that's how it will go for said chapter. Again, we respect that you don't approve of our decision to use Umbra, but please do respect the fact that we make these chapters out of fun and enjoyment.
That said, the number of likes over dislikes kinda already rests the case.
10128883
I'm honestly not sure if you're joking or not, but this is not Sombra who changed their gender on a whim, but was born female. Also, the idea of Chrysalis and Umbra knowing each other is based on an mlp comic where Chrysalis and Sombra have a meeting about a choice of the unicorn's. I can't remember the title, but look it up if you can.
10129422
Yeah but still you got to take fan reaction into account. Some ideas may look good on paper but don't always work out. If there were hints before it would be less an issue.
Using one of my own stories for example. I had the main character kill Discord. I knew there might be some backlash for doing it. But i laid a foundation to lead to it. This came out of left field.
I want this story to be the best so please understand that any criticism is because I care enough to do so.
10129422
I was joking btw.
10129516
And thank you for that. But please, in the future, keep in mind that how you put said criticism might not be taken as constructive. How you put yours before had came off as you just not liking the idea and that was it. You merely stated that we screwed up and suggested we scrap and redo the chapter with no alternatives. Again, this is just how we saw it as it was written, not what you were trying to imply. As for no build up, the idea was for a sudden impact with no warning. After all, in the show, there was no build up whatsoever, as least to my knowledge anyway as I have only seen clips and heard second hand information, that Discord was acting as Grogar. This is sort of similar but for a different purpose.
Once more, I want to state that we do accept the criticism, but please word it a little better so we know more than just 'Why do this!? You screwed up, scrap the chapter!'.
Furthermore, there were few villains we could chose from given the time period and we wanted a female. Gusty wanted me to bring in A villain, not THE big bad villain, so this won't be the end, FAR FROM IT. I originally planned for Nightmare Moon, but scrapped that as we would have had to bring in the royal sisters as, let's be real here, there is NO WAY in Faust's beautiful world that they would have missed that alicorn returning, being they both were intimately familiar with her. As with Sombra, or in this case Umbra, I has not really been stated how well the sisters knew the tyrant aside from facing him and turning him to shadow and then the return before being blasted with the Crystal Heart.
That then left us with HOW Umbra would return. Before, Sombra was brought back thanks to Discord, posing as Grogar, restoring him with his magic. It wasn't stated exactly HOW Sombra came back again that time other than he and the others were summoned. So, while a little out there, we tried to give an explanation for how Umbra came back and this was the result.
Also, we already have plans for Starswirl, and NO! He's not the, to borrow gaming terms, 'final boss' of this story.
Now don't worry, when the REAL baddy is getting ready to make an entrance, we WILL have a bit of buildup for the suspense and let everyone guessing. I know we're already having people guessing what happened exactly and all that jazz.
10129718
I was just really ticked off for it it feels like a clop event shoe horned in. while I don't mind clop I like a good story to go with it. And I did suggest some part of Starswirl taking the guys.
10129729
By Gusty, he meant me. And I have to agree with how Nightshadow stated his response. We're doing this for fun. So while criticism is welcome that might help us improve as writers, the statement you gave before was more as what Nightshadow put it. You just didn't like the chapter.
disney death ftw, just don't have it happen too often.
also since sombra/umbra came back, going to assume nighty's coming back as well.
I've ALWAYS hated that line! When people say that, they're not acknowledging past actions. One is a heartless enslaving monster who uses messed up dark magic to do whatever she wants without caring about how it affects others. The other is a grieving dude who was forced into a situation that harmed (and at the time, he thought killed) someone he views as a brother. Him killing her would not make him the same as a slaver who was willing to kill everyone just because she wanted to win. That line, no matter the context, is and always will be, stupid.
GODS, DAMN IT!!! Why did it have ta be her!?!
Kris is to Umbra as Cory is to Chrysalis, with this thinking in mind hope Umbra and Chrysalis become friends somehow.
Well that was easy.
Well, this is going along nicely, the road to be a normal mare for Umbra gonna be hard for her, especially if she experiencing a whispers from the deamon or something. Are we gonna ignore that kris had a great opportunity to make umbra ware a maid outfit, since they did made a deal if nothing else they can tease her with it. No? Alright then.
Yeah I am out now. All this redeeming is just too much.
Okay. I'm only here because this is bugging me, and I have nothing good to say about the story, so I won't say anything.
But what is the obsession some stories have where some idiot in Equestria summons a random no one from our world, and expects them to be useful in some way?
This isn't the first story I've seen where that happens.
i can't find a more hilarious way to phrase this, but looks like friends with benefits is magic.