A young filly goes on a fishing trip with her parents.
Winner of the 'Rarity' award for Everfree Northwest Scribblefest 2018
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- Member Since 3rd Jun, 2012
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WritingSpirit
Try again. Fail again. Fail better. (Ko-Fi / Tip Jar)
WritingSpirit
Joined 3rd Jun, 2012 ·
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The first thing I think of
8773472
Wow, this was... interesting.
On one hand, i had a hard time getting into it. The prose was so embellished and used so many metaphors and references that i had a hard time seeing what was going on underneath it all. At the begining, it took me a couple paragraphs to tell that melody, not sugar belle, was the subject, and I'm still not sure who the other mare onboard was, or if there even was one. Also, what's with the flames, i never quite got that part.
On the other hand, the conflict of the story is really emotional and compelling. The conflict between the two lovers and between melody and her parents is sad in a "real" way that really gets at you. One of my all-time favorite one-shots is also anout Big Mac's mare troubles; it's just such an oddly emotional and compelling subject, and you really gave an interesting viewpoint on it here.
8938052
Oh boy, lengthy answer coming your way.
Yeah, this story is one of the two stories I wrote and published on this site that uses a lot of metaphors, the other being Atomic Number. I wrote this story in the vein of that, so if you liked this, I recommend you check the other one out.
Self-promotion aside, I initially envisioned this story to be some sort of arabesque fairytale, as viewed by the eyes of a filly with an overactive imagination. I also wanted this story to be something that can be reread, so I did try to compact much of the family's circumstances into the story as much as possible. There's too much to really unpack in a single comment, but a lot of the metaphors were mainly used to paint an idea of what happened in the many other times that this family got together, as well as some other things, like the identity of Melody's real mother, for one.
The other mare that you're unsure of, I'm guessing, came from the mention of 'Melrose Apple'. It's basically Melody's actual name, as given by her father, but I imagined her mother, whether it be Sugar Belle or someone else, wasn't too fond of it, so she elongated it to Melody Rose Apple. In that moment, Big Mac was basically the parent lecturing his child after learning she got into a scuffle at school over some things said about Sugar Belle, which is why he used that. If it's not that, it might be when Sugar Belle came out from the ship's cabin after hearing Big Mac and Melody's argument, since I didn't explicitly used her name there.
The flames were actually one of the major metaphors that ties everything together. In this case, the 'flames' meant the weight of the words, or in Melody's case, the way they sounded. Thus, 'it was only the flames they held, never the words themselves, that she comprehended' meant that she didn't know what the more difficult words she heard actually meant, but she has a rough idea of what the words were trying to convey.
The usage of the word 'flames' came about from me utilizing the classical elements (earth, air, water and fire) to conceptualize the setting of the story. In the case of fire, Melody, like her father before her, found out from experience that words hurt. Having lived throughout her life seeing her parents arguing all the time, it would be no surprise for her to draw that comparison. Beyond that, there's really a lot of interpretations that can be made regarding the flames in relation to everything else, which I won't get into. Part of the fun for me as a writer is to keep people guessing.
Anyways, hope that clears some things up! Thanks a bunch for the fave and the comment! Glad you liked it!