• Member Since 4th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

JediWyrm


Just a person writing about ponies, like lots of people on here.

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Sunset's Other Bits.


Having seen a side of Sunset she rarely reveals has caused new feelings for her to drive Rarity's mind into chaos. She seeks the help of some of her other friends at school to better understand them and tries to figure out what to do with them.

Note: a Sunsarity fic. This will mostly be tame, but I will tag as Teen just in case due to some of the topics that might come up.

Cover art I found on derpibooru. Artist's deviant art doesn't seem to exist anymore, hopefully they don't mind if I use it.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 21 )

Yeah, dialogue heavy chapters start feeling repetitive as you write them. Especially with a larger group, where you can't use new paragraphs to imply switching to the other person. It's done fine here. It's a lot more annoying writing them than it is reading them.

"acadecathalomics" is very much a Pinkie word. Well played :pinkiehappy:

7910452 Yeah, I couldn't remember if there was an actual word they called that part of the games, then I decided to give the line to Pinkie and make up a word.

I am no editor, but the last bit is a lot of telling and it interrupts the flow (the 'show, don't tell' principle). You are telling the audience what is happening instead of showing it.

Also, Trixie's last name is Lulamoon.

Maybe discussions as the extra d word for the title ? I liked this chapter keep up the good work

7910951 Fixed her name, and what do you mean by 'last bits'?

Made a couple small fixes to the third chapter. Keep writing until late at night so I really need to wait a day, read over what I wrote before posting.

There was also a line I had in my head that I should've written down when I thought of it cause I couldn't remember what it was other than a rough idea. Might end up re-writing the rooftop scene at some point.

As I saw it written once or twice, Pinkie Pie really isn't crazy. She operates on a very different wavelength, aiming always to maximise others' happiness. The thought processes involved just seem alien to us.

(TL;DR: nice work!)

Anyone had problems going on the Internet?

7929512 In real life or in the story?

I going to mark this down as complete as I can't think of what to do next in it.

“My mind is a tad to confused to think straight right now.” Rarity sighed.

Excellent job summarizing the issue, Rares.

As she kissed back the red haired teen slid her hand down and gave her girlfriend's butt a quick grope causing her to gasp lightly.

oh la la~ :moustache:

7934331 Not that it would make a whole chapter but Sunset should ask Pinkie for a blue and yellow cupcake since she missed the secret FlutterDash party.

loved the bit with fluttershy staring at rainbow

"If our Pinkie is a 10 on the weirdness scale, her counterpart is a 15. On a tame day." Sunset replied.

ok i dont like this line human pinkie is just as physics breakingly weird as pony pinkie need i remind you that human pinkie peeled a ballon DESIGN as in not real off her skirt and blew it up like a balllon and it floated like it had helium in it in the first movie

or what sunset saw in pinkies mind in legends of ever free

or the possibility the 2 pinkies are hopping between worlds swaping places with the portal and no one can tell

7910500 Academic Decathlon I think, but good solution for the work around.

Uhg, huge missed opportunity with Fluttershy. Could have had Rarity tell her she already knew and not to be nervous. It would have been adorable. Instead you skipped over the entire conversation about why Rarity wasn't phased at all at Fluttershy's request and just had Fluttershy go with it.

"Hmmm. There were a few series I really enjoyed that probably have a few new books released since I left. I'll have to have her send me those over as well. My favourite was this series about pirates. They started as crew for this dread pirate, who was actually just a title. Every few years they would hand the mantle off and retire on their riches. Anyways, Rogue Wave was the main character. She was this awesome pegasus who gathered up a mishmash of a crew and stole her own boat." Sunset began, soon losing herself to the telling of the plot line of the books.

why does this sound like One Piece to me?:unsuresweetie:

The only down side is the whole scar thing.

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