• Member Since 21st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

MaxKodan


Just a pony lovin' guy

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Dappled Shores


(Prequel is not required reading)

Sunset just wanted a haysadilla. Everything got worse from there.

Entry for Aragon's Comedy (is Serious Business) Contest

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Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

There's some clever stuff in here! I like the recurring gag with Bon Bon and Lyra's cousindaughter, the characters themselves feel very natural and witty, and while I wasn't sure about your style of presentation at first, you won me over before the end. This makes me want to go back and read your shipping contest entry (to which this is, apparently, a sequel!), too.

I guess if I had to criticize... some of the paragraphs are hard to follow, mostly the action-heavy ones (Pinkie's lunchtable journey, for instance), and the last scene doesn't feel as smoothly integrated with the rest of the story as it could be. I think that, maybe, it takes too long to get going; the paragraphs that open that scene stretch on longer than they reasonably should.

Other than that, pretty solid. I'd love to read a story on the same events from Equestria!Twi's and Rarity's perspectives.

8725838
Thank you! Naturally, now that I have it posted and the contest deadline is up, I can see a whole lot of stuff I'd like to fix, but the changes would be too big for me to be comfortable with, contest-wise. In the end, I'm fairly happy with this little story, and I'm glad you enjoyed it enough to want to check out my other stuff!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why nopony else was allowed to come with Twilight during Rainbow Rocks.

Not my preferred Sunship, but still incredibly fun throughout. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

8730148
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed. And yes, two of any of those characters would have been too much for any single universe.

so if im under standing the ending correctly

pinkie pie stole the brith certificate of bon bons niece ?

8741645
Stole is a strong word. She would prefer the word "procured."

The police are going to prefer the words "overcomplicated bank heist."

8741933
*giggle* i think you should write that story

8742109
We'll see. It's not on my docket, honestly, because I've got two other major stories I really need to finish first, but if I ever need a light short story I'll know where to go :pinkiehappy:

On the plus side I am reasonably sure that the police would release Pinkie within an hour and their therapy should be covered due to the nature of the job.

8753908
There aren't enough therapists in the world.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

How do you do it? That was amazing. :D

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