• Member Since 4th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

JediWyrm


Just a person writing about ponies, like lots of people on here.

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Sunset is enjoying a slumber party with her friends. While getting up off the couch she tripped tearing her pants. Through her damaged pajamas her friends see what they think is a tattoo. Explanations on pony society follow.

Tags: Bunset Shimmer

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 29 )

I kept in touch with the other pony until a couple week later when her grandfather came up from Neigh Orleans to retrieve her. She later got her mark in illusion with an aim to be a stage magician."

I thought for sure this was Trixie.

7825472 It is. Trixie's Fire in the Blood by Georg has her being from there. I like the idea (being Cajun myself) so it's part of my headcanon. The orphan thing with her was merely to explain them knowing each other for this story.

7825512 wait, so Sunset said her name was Beatrice. Is Trixie short for Beatrice?

I'd love to see more.

I'd like to point out that except for one small instance of reading between the lines in Sunset's explanation, as far as her friends know now it's an Equestrian tradition to get your butt tattooed when you hit puberty. :derpytongue2:

7825917 ... Probably should add a line stating that it is a magical mark rather than ink so it's clear to her friends on that. I mean it's implied by her waking up with a mark but considering how ... some of her friends think I should add that line.

7825556 I figured out it was Trixie from the talent and intended career.

This was nice. Although now I want to read a follow up where Sunset and Trixie do meet back up.

Why didn't Pinkie ask if they get those when they pony up?

7826446 Don't know if they ever stayed ponied up long enough to check, or had the free time to do so. It's not like they fully ponify, just a little bleedover. Anyways, didn't really occur to me, and the question itself doesn't fit for me as Sunset just shared a personal story with them.

7826406 That is sorta roughly my headcanon for Sunset's mark. I do have another story in mind that deals with Sunset returning to Equestria and reconnecting with Celestia, so I might include Trixie in that one, but that would be some time down the line.

Comment posted by Tiaa OwO deleted Dec 29th, 2016

Hm...nice, sweet, but...I felt like this could'a been bigger. Kinda wish that Pinkie ended up reuniting the two in the end. That would've been awesome. :rainbowlaugh:

The cutiemark explanation though...I never realized that for Sunset's cutiemark. :rainbowderp: Huh...it suddenly makes sense...

Anyways, keep up the good writing! 8/10 :twilightsmile:

7826001
I think it's funnier without that added explanation. :trollestia:

This is pretty good! I'd love to see more!

Wanderer D
Moderator

My thought is that it is exactly what it says on the description. Nothing more. It would have been more interesting to actually discuss concepts, theories and such rather than just have an explanation and a couple of questions, IMO. Or something. As it is, it really didn't do much outside a basic scope of "how I got my cutie mark" and then they proceed with their lives without further incident. I'm not saying it's bad it's just... bland and really doesn't take us anywhere.

7827292 I don't like it when authors spoil the entire story in the description. Like, why write the story if you're going to give it away in the description? There's no real hook to grab readers, and there's no cover art. Without those things, I'm surprised

7827292 Not sure what more there would be to this. While a more philosophical discussion about having your destiny on your butt could probably happen, that would be more of a Sci-Twi thing. Most of the others wouldn't care too much about that. The only one of them who would do more about the cutie mark would be Rarity, and that's to include it on whatever outfits she makes for Sunset.

Except for Sunset, they all are still just high-schoolers. Hearing about something meaningful to their friend wouldn't change too much for them so they would just continue on with their night, albeit with a greater understanding of their friend.

Wanderer D
Moderator

7827649 I guess it depends on what type of teens you know/knew. But it's also characterization and storytelling. Basically you're just explaining what the cutie mark means to you in broad strokes through Sunset, but there's no deeper meaning to it than exposition for it. And the little story about how she got her cutie mark is cute, but ultimately feels a bit pointless if it doesn't affect the characters in any way. These characters wouldn't just let that situation hang there with the "there's no point in checking on my old friend" thing, or at least there should be a bit more nuance to it when it comes to Sunset. These girls are not uninterested teens of day-to-day life.

I'll bet that orphan was Trixie. Also, Sunset is Scootaloo 2.0.

Thought about retagging the story what with the new Equestria Girls tags that came out, but since there was a Humane 6 tag and I didn't want to have to tag them all separately, feh.

Pure exposition and nothing more. Until her reformation in the movies Sunset was a horrible pony through and through, certainly not the type to help anyone as she was way too self absorbed, her helping Trixie is out of character to say the least. This really doesn't work as a story or for a headcannon on how Sunset might have got her cutie mark. Gotta give it a dislike i'm afraid.

7904890 You do realize that in the story, I have her as a fairly young foal. It's not like she was evil and manipulative from the moment she was born. Likely she got that attitude from being Celestia's personal student.

7904934 She wouldn't go from "I'll make the Sun glow so this filly I just met can feel better" to "I'm gonna take over Equestria, brainwash teenagers and kill in cold blood because I deserve to be in charge". Yes she wouldn't be full-on evil as a filly but it's highly unlikely she was would have gone out of her way for another filly. Filly Sunset still wouldn't have been the most pleasant pony to be around.

7904982 Meh think whatever you want. I don't think she was ever at the point of being able to kill in cold-blood though. Once she became a demon she definitely got worse than she ever was normally so that shouldn't be taken into consideration.

This needs a follow up!

"Within a week Princess Celestia herself showed up at the orphanage to pick me up as her personal student. I kept in touch with the other pony until a couple week later when her grandfather came up from Neigh Orleans to retrieve her. She later got her mark in illusion with an aim to be a stage magician."

Trixie?

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