• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen May 16th

Infinite Affection


Writer, Gamer, Ticket Manager at HWCon 2018, and can't ever have enough Applejack :heart:

Sequels1

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Source

Sunset has been caught off guard by Applejack who has somehow found out about her crush on the farm girl. To her surprise, the apple farmer is more than willing to oblige her.

This is a side story to Inter-Dimensional Crusaders!.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

It was ok.

6940662

Thanks, Corey. Your word is always appreciated concerning Applejack. :twilightsmile:

6940678 Yeah, I'd say it was good.
I don't really read F/F shipping stories (or M/M for that matter) but seeing as you're a friend, I made it a point to at least skim over it.

I thought the type of story of story was fantastic; if any fan of this ship read it, I am sure they'd be pleased with it.
The one thing I write is shipping, but that doesn't make me an expert.
All I can do is try and capture how I think the characters would act, and you did this well.

Three things I would suggest to you:
1. The repetition of 'the teen' gets...well...repetitive. I'd suggest mixing it up with some other pronouns.
2. I believe the hat is called a Stetson.
3. Try adding this story to some groups. Getting it out there increases the chances of it being read.

Anyway, good story and here's an up-vote from me.

6941995

Thanks Marshall for that extra swell advice; nice to know you're my friend. :pinkiehappy:

Yeah I really do need to add these stories to groups; I'll likely go over each of them and decide where to put them. I'll make the edit about the hat and I somewhat agree about the "teen" thing - its hard to describe Sunset sometimes compared with the mane 6.

Btw love what ur doing with "My Idiot" at the moment. It's really fun seeing that lax character to Soarin'. :rainbowlaugh:

Something without the Dazzlings or a twilight is nice. Wouldn't mind seeing more with other Humane 5 members, perhaps Fluttershy?

This is a very nice story about two of my favorite characters. Well done. :twilightsmile:

Hosnestly, to put my soul out, I hate lesbian shippings, but you sir, are an exception. or ma'am. Sorry. My like for this is big, and wow youre great. 9/10 oreos, sorry though, but you have a follower. Twilight and Sunset is horrible, but at least this kicks the junk.

King of All Oreos, you must bow!

6942967

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm not that fond of SunLight either but these are my two favourite characters so i just decided to put them together. :twilightsmile:

Amazing!! I'd love to see more of Appleshimmer:applejackunsure::heart:

6946597

I'm honestly really glad you liked it. I'll be sure to do a sequel then. :twilightsmile:

to me, you already made a good start, but please make the p.o.v clearer

6975635

Ye I do tend to change the p.o.v a lot since I think it makes the story a lot more interesting that just being told from one perspective. :twilightblush: Your criticism is welcomed though and I shall try to improve on that in future.

Not using the characters names until nine or so paragraphs in is a really poor stylistic choice.

7014933

I was attempting to create a fuzzy sort of perspective until it became clearer after Sunset's breakdown. :pinkiegasp:

7015117 although this is uncommon ship, you wrote this one real nice

7283851

I appreciate the good word! And double thanks for the follow! :heart:

7284354 i didn't mean to rush you, but will there be a sequel to this one? i like this one very much

7284568

I am actually thinking of doing one ^^ but i need to spam some chapters of the main fic first to open up another opportunity to write it! :twilightsmile:

Adsense did it again, loved this story. Having it followed up by FarmToRanch.com ads was hilarious. :rainbowwild:

You have Human-Applejack use the expletive 'ponyfeathers', when it's more of an Equestrian term.

7766572 so what? She could've heard Sunset say it and adopted the term. I use "Horseapples" as a swear term and after playing Mass Effect I use "Bosh'tet" too.

7766572
That's true actually...sometimes it can be hard to not think of the things that pony AJ says

Like others have said I didn't like the pronoun game at the start. It's unnecessarily annoying and confusing.

Movies and such can do the whole blacked out unknown start thing because they give the audience sights and sounds to make up for the lack of context. The audience is still drawn a picture as a frame of reference for the dialog between the unknown characters in the written word without context and without imagery everything is black and silent the words that end up spoken are disassociated from any meaning.

We are painted a picture of a blushing face without any idea of what that face looks like until several paragraphs down, and even then that context is only given to readers who already know who Sunset and Applejack are.

The second problem is that Human Applejack saying ponyfeathers was also unnecessarily confusing, my first reaction was to check if Sunset had said that and if I'd somehow swapped the speaker between paragraphs at some point. Then to recheck the terminology used to reaffirm that it was the human version of Applejack. You don't have any explanation for it in the story so it being something she learned from Sunset is a unearned past that the reader will inherently be confused by.

And the third problem is one I haven't seen anyone comment on that was the most annoying to me. Your Applejack came off more like a pirate than a country girl. Using hick speech is fine but accents have rules too. "Yar" is never something Applejack should be saying unless she's pretending to be a pirate or using it in a normal word like Yardstick. The correct hick term for you are is "yer".
You got Y'all wrong at one point as well but that is fairly easy to do.

8046298

I will admit my Applejack is a bit sloppy in places. And yes I could have constructed the start better. Tbh, I'd put more effort into the style if this was an original story rather than Fanfiction (since almost anyone can write a Fanfic)

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