• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen June 1st

hibrid


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Sunset has been through a lot lately. She thought that making amends for her past mistakes and defeating the Dazzlings were already difficult enough, but then it appears that two of her friends wants something more. And this is the point when things get actually difficult.

Edited by Space Jazz from chapter 3 onwards.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 52 )

your depiction of pinky was Fantastic!
Pinky stares into your soul...
:pinkiehappy:

looking forward to moar

I'm really looking forward to seeing how Rainbow Dash drifts from despising Sunset Shimmer to crushing on her.

I liked that you had Sunset Shimmer say she enjoyed every single bit of her previous behavior, including telling Fluttershy that she loved bullying her. That's the first time I see this happen in a fanfiction here (though I didn't read every Sunset Shimmer story on fimfiction.net), usually it's just stated she regrets everything she's done. I found your version more interesting and more realistic.

This is only a suggestion, but you might want to change your description as it implies the Dazzlings have already been defeated but the story starts only one week after Sunset Shimmer was defeated.

And there's something I don't get. I can understand Sunset Shimmer insulting Rainbow Dash by implying she's too simple or dumb to use complex sentences since she's spent the better part of her life in the human world being a jerk, but why did she tease her just before? I don't recall teasing being in her nature and it doesn't seem to fit the scene or her feelings at the time.

Now for some corrections;

the opening thinking apostrophes are the wrong way; as of now, they're the in same direction as the closing apostrophes,

'whose were chatting freely' should be 'who were chatting freely'

I suggest you find a way to avoid the freely/free repetition in the same sentence;

'The week long absence' should be 'The week-long absence'

'taken advantage from every minutes' should be 'taken advantage of every minute'

'suddenly announced brake' should be 'suddenly announced break'

'and as because of her stubborn behavior, no effort were made' should be 'and because of her stubborn behavior, no effort was made'

'At least, they wasn’t aware' should be 'However, they weren't aware' (or something along the lines of 'However' since 'At least' doesn't fit there)

'between the two party' should be 'between the two parties'

'She made a quick glance' should be 'She gave a quick glance'

'Whoah there!' should be 'Whoa there!'

'a disordered rythim' should be 'a disordered rhythm'

'or Applejack by bringing me here' should be 'or Applejack for bringing me here'

'eating her dinner' should be 'eating her lunch'

'whose gaze has wandered constantly' should be 'whose gaze wandered constantly'

'Finally, Sunset glanced back at Pinkie, who ’wow' should be ' Finally, Sunset glanced back at Pinkie. 'Wow'

'Sunset stopped mid sentence, took a deep breath' should be 'Sunset stopped mid sentence and took a deep breath'

'The others face’s' should be 'The others' faces'

'ranging from sorrow across disappointment and anger' should be 'ranging from sorrow to disappointment and anger'

'She has seen enough' should be 'She had seen enough'

'Wasn’t waiting for an answer' should be 'Not waiting for an answer'

skip a line between '"WAIT!"' and 'Sunset stopped,' since the first part isn't said by Sunset Shimmer,

'towards not Pinkie' should be 'not towards Pinkie'

'a certain rainbow-haired girl blurted out' works better as 'Rainbow Dash blurted out'

'then calmly answered' should be 'then she calmly answered'

'then landed at Sunset' should be 'then landed on Sunset'

'Before the situation could got worse' should be 'Before the situation could get worse'

and

remove the skipped line between 'Applejack intervened.' and '"Relax, Rainbow. It was just some friendly teasing, is all."' since both parts are linked to the same person

5848487 Thanks for pointing out the grammatical/stylistic mistakes I had made - corrected by your feedback, chapter should be better now.

I don't recall teasing being in Sunset's nature and it doesn't seem to fit the scene or her feelings at the time.

You're totally right. I remember I was sitting on this chapter for quite some time without a break, and I just wanted to get over this. That dialogue line was the last I wrote. I'm not satisfied with it either.

Once again, thanks for your comment:twilightsmile:

5849865 You're welcome.

I've thought some time on the teasing, but sadly I've not found anything that could replace it.

Oh, and something I forgot in the first comment: I love your this story's cover picture, haha.

Good thing you didn't describe the mathematics lesson. I don't think anyone wants to be reminded of school. :rainbowlaugh:

Corrections;

'Her mind has been busy' should be 'Her mind had been busy'

'who are now should be considered as her ’friends’,' should be 'who now should be considered as her ’friends,’'

'referring to them that way.' should be 'to refer to them that way'

'let alone befriending her' should be 'let alone befriend her'

'one way or an other' should be 'one way or another'

'Sunset held a respect in Applejack’s way' should be 'Sunset felt some respect for Applejack'

'who was one of the most sincere person she knew.' should be 'who was one of the most sincere people she knew.'

'Sunset was surprised on Fluttershy' should be 'Sunset was surprised about Fluttershy'

'but nevertheless showed confident' should be 'but nevertheless showed confidence'

'so many ways and so many times.' should be 'in so many ways and so many times.'

skip a line between 'She will need to make up for…' and '"Ahem."'

'A- is just a minor letdown.' should be 'A- was just a minor letdown.'

'as she laid closer to her.' should be 'as she leaned closer to her.'

'Most students chuckled loudly on' should be 'Most students chuckled loudly at'

'The rest of the time has passed by uneventfully' should be 'The rest of the time passed by uneventfully'

I have no idea what you meant by 'stain' in 'said Sunset in a stain way, looking at Applejack.'

'suddenly stopped in her track' should be 'suddenly stopped in her tracks'

'giving away a nervous chuckle' should be 'giving a nervous chuckle.'

'"You’re doing well… suppose."' should be '"You’re doing well… I suppose."'

'And why she’d deserve such thing' should be 'And why would she deserve such a thing'

add a period at the end of '…False hopes, I suppose'

'Sunset set a route to the cafeteria' should be 'Sunset started walking towards the cafeteria'

'Whatever are you talking about,' should be 'Whatever are you talking about?'

I have no idea what you meant by 'meet' in 'then returned to her meet'

'soon bursted into laughter' should be 'soon burst into laughter'

'"It ain’t ya didn’t work for it."' should be '"It ain’t like ya didn’t work for it."'

'Detention for Sunset has passed by rather quickly' should be 'Detention for Sunset had passed by rather quickly'

'Sunset and Applejack has met at the front of the school' should be 'Sunset and Applejack had met at the front of the school'

'which made Applejack thinking' should be 'which made Applejack think'

'that stupid country folk how Sunset had believed' should be 'that stupid country folk that Sunset had believed'

'mah surprise' should be 'to mah surprise'

'"You did well today, to my surprises," she smirked.' should be '"You did well today, to my surprise." She smirked.'

'then hastily added' should be 'she then hastily added'

'as is tomorrow Saturday' should be 'as in tomorrow Saturday'

'sharing Sunset tone' should be 'sharing Sunset's tone'

Comments;

At least someone was amazed by the old me

:rainbowlaugh:

"It’s a D. Again."

:rainbowlaugh:

"So well done, for getting on my nerves."

And then Rainbow Dash beat Sunset Shimmer into a pulp. :trollestia:

One thing I can say about her certainly, is that she’s a good judge of character.

Which is why she never even tried to speak to Rainbow Dash about her supposed reason for ditching her, courtesy of Sunset Shimmer's manipulation. :trollestia:

"Applejack’s a no-go 'cause of her cru…"

Subtle, Rainbow Dash, subtle. I can only look forward to when you start crushing on Sunset Shimmer too. :trollestia:

I still don’t like you.

"And I certainly won't be making out with you by the end of this story." :trollestia:

your sudden interest in… mathematics

Yeah, mathematics. Not Sunset Shimmer at all. :trollestia:

"Ya believe ya could help out Rainbow as well with this?" asked Applejack unexpectedly.

So she wants a threesome? Kinky. :trollestia:

"Wow, I can't even guess who the song is about,"

:rainbowlaugh:

5908452 Thanks again for pointing out these mistakes of mine again, corrections are done. As for these:

I have no idea what you meant by 'stain' in 'said Sunset in a stain way, looking at Applejack.'
I have no idea what you meant by 'meet' in 'then returned to her meet'

I don't know what I wanted with 'stain' either.
I do know however, that by 'meet' I meant meat. No, not meat, meal. Those 3 words are always confusing me... along with others, mind me. I really need to find an editor.

So she wants a threesome? Kinky.

Hehe, not a bad idea. I might add something like this in a later chapter. Without math of course, that would just kill the fun.

5912462

Thanks again for pointing out these mistakes of mine again, corrections are done.

You're welcome again. :twilightsmile:

As for these:

I have no idea what you meant by 'stain' in 'said Sunset in a stain way, looking at Applejack.'

I have no idea what you meant by 'meet' in 'then returned to her meet'

I don't know what I wanted with 'stain' either.

I do know however, that by 'meet' I meant meat. No, not meat, meal. Those 3 words are always confusing me... along with others, mind me. I really need to find an editor.

Yeah, I don't think a spellchecker will cut it since you don't misspell words but instead use a wrong (though correctly spelt) word in the stead of another, something which spellcheckers usually don't catch.

Hehe, not a bad idea. I might add something like this in a later chapter. Without math of course, that would just kill the fun.

"Okay, math. Rainbow Dash plus Sunset Shimmer equal awesome. Applejack plus Sunset Shimmer equal lame."
"Why, you little-"
"Are you trying to tell me something?"

:trollestia:

Too bad neither of them is the element of generosity, that would solve many problems. :raritywink: Wonder if any (or both!) of them will go to Rarity for seduction advice. :rainbowlaugh:

I vote for Applejack and Sunset. I think they would make a great couple. Applejack is dependable and honest and would be there for Sunset

5922091 Just wait until the story speeds up - Rainbow wil show her caring side in time, rest assured.

5849865 Perhaps instead on 'stain', you meant 'staid': [ stād ] ADJECTIVE
meaning sedate, respectable, and unadventurous:
Not a common word, but it does seem to make sense in that context.

6000037 Yeah, 'staid' could work there, though I really did mean 'stain' originally.
You see, english isn't my native language, and it just sounded good in my head. It didn't even occur to me to look after the word's meaning. :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for the suggestion!

I must admit, this is a very interesting story. I've been looking for a fic that had Rainbow Dash actually having a romance with Sunset for a while now, and even if it is with Applejack as well I'm intrigued by the premise. I'll be looking forward to seeing how this goes.

6025497 Thanks. Actually, the lack of any stories with Rainbow/Applejack+Sunset pairing was kind of the reason why I started writing this.

6219401 This long break since Chapter 2 is starting to annoy me, so you can expect the next chapter to be released really soon. Then I hope future chapters will come more frequently.

I hope you keep writing this story. I really enjoy it!

Oh, Applejack, come on now, we all know why you made everyone but Sunset drug for the night... You wanted some alone time, didn't you? :rainbowkiss: Well, so this was your best chapter so far. Pretty much all characters had their time to shine. In terms of characterization of Sunset, Rarity and Fluttershy fit there perfectly because they both acted out their elements pretty well. Applejack is kinda being a tsundere and tries to make advances while she tries to hide her feeling, which might normally bother me but since Sunset is not being completely oblivious, it works with me. Rainbow obviously owns it in the end. (Probably got something to do with her being awesome :rainbowwild:) Drunk scene was handled pretty well and I also like the ending bit. I just love it when stories do that. So yeah, I can't really find anything negative to say (besides the grammar, I'm not really known to know much about the subject).
But if I had to nitpick, I'd say Pinkie needs her own moment. Which is saying a lot because I came here for a love triangle and got something more. So congrats on that! :twilightsmile:

Need an editor. That's the only objectively negative thing I have to say about this story so far. I like the story, and although I don't normally like drunk teenager scenes, I'm somehow not quite as bothered by it here as I normally am. Well done.

"So, you said you need help with the meets?"

meats

"You two try not to get killed each other next time, okay?"

killed by each other

6676348 Well, thanks! I'm quite content how this chapter turned out eventually.
As for Pinkie not having her own moment, it's because she's a pain for me to write, even though I really like her character if done right.

6676691 Yep, I'm not really fond of drunk teenager scenes either, but as long as it's not overly annoying, it's cool to use if necessary.

6679894 I mix up 'meets' and 'meats' for the second time. :facehoof:
But noted and corrected. Thanks!

I agree with Draco Loco. This chapter could really use an editor. The story itself was enjoyable, but the many errors made for a pretty clunky read.

"We're gonna be best friends! And that's a Pinkie Promise!"

And so her fate was sealed... :pinkiecrazy:

Once sat down, Sunset let out a tired yawn and scretched her arms. Just then, Fluttershy edged really close to her, with their sides pressed against each other’s. The two exchanged an awkward, short lasting glance.
Fluttershy extended her arm, the one free of the empty bottle of cider, and with childlike enthusiasm, caressed the tip of Sunset’s chin with caring affection. "Who’s the good little pony? Yes, you are!"

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Nice story so far, good work.

6810185 Heh, thanks! The story will be continued this month, so prepare for more.

6810185 yes, i agree with you about this chapter, but, the ending does make me so curious about the next chapter:twilightsmile:

I'm guessing that Sunset's new clothes will come into play.

6820100
I Like this story so far, especially this line

Wow, Rarity. Your hair is a couple shades darker than it should be," Pinkie remarked as Sunset sat next to her. Just as Pinkie was preparing to add a second dose of oil to the fire, Sunset grabbed the bottle from the pyromaniac.

i like you describe pinkie as a pyromaniac, wich is totally fitting her random personality
keep up the good work! and i'm very sorry that i cannot help you with the grammatical things

well, this chapter is a splendid work, and there may be some mispelling

Thinking about it again, Sunset realized that Rarity was a master of manipulation and faking of all sorts. The sole reason why she hadn't proven to be a worthy rival during her realm at CHS, could be considered to the fact that the fashionista's heart had been in the right place, unlike Sunset's.

it's should be regime, since it refers to the time when sunset "ruled" the whole school. nvertheless, keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

Well I'll be, I came across this fic a couple of days, having read it a while ago, and I find it updated. A pleasant surprise to say the least :twilightsmile:

7387858 We'll cover that as well, though not before we do something about Sunset's hair first.
7388541 'Regime' could work as well, I believe. I'm glad you liked this chapter.
7389679 I'd say expect for more updates soon, but so far I've been terrible in keeping the promised deadlines. I'll just be quiet this time...
7390480 Glad you enjoyed it!

Hey Hibrid who drew the cover of your story?

Excellent job by the way both the art and the fic.

7679068 Cover art made by me and pretty much my first ever drawing in vector, hence why Rainbow's right arm is a couple inch shorter than it should be.

Sorry for not reviewing again. This story had completely slipped my mind. Somehow. For over a year and a half. :facehoof:

Anyway, I've not found any typo or mistake in this chapter.

I wasn't a fan of the drunken scene. This has all to do with me disliking drunkenness and nothing to do with Rainbow Dash not making out with Sunset Shimmer, honest. :rainbowwild:

I lost it when Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash started treating Sunset Shimmer like a pony. :rainbowlaugh: Good thing they didn't ask for a ride. :rainbowwild:

That said, I hope Applejack is familiar with a drunk Rainbow Dash because otherwise, getting her drunk in the hopes to make her nicer to Sunset Shimmer could have backfired horribly. Some people react very badly to alcohol. :twilightoops:

And it fits Rainbow Dash's character so much to try to freak Sunset Shimmer out with meat. The only more in character thing was her genuinely believing bragging about herself was what Sunset Shimmer needed to cheer up. :rainbowwild:

More comments;

"Um," Fluttershy started, "but since you're from Equestria, does that mean…"

"That you're a princess as well?" Rarity chimed in, her eyes literally sparkling from excitement.

So in character from Rarity. :rainbowlaugh:

"Hey, Sunset. Whatcha doing?" Rainbow asked with a grin.

"You, hopefully." :trollestia:

"Wow. That was…" Sunset bit her lip, holding back the urge to call it stupid. "…interesting."

"She shouldn't hide anything from her friend," eh? :trollestia:

It seems my enthusiasm at the chapter's title was misplaced; Sunset and Rainbow didn't share the mentioned double beds. :rainbowwild:

I loved when Sunset Shimmer reminisced about the tiaras... as well as Rainbow Dash's joke about her underwear. :rainbowlaugh: Speaking of her, I'd have loved to see her justify adding to Rarity's check with "manipulators deserve payback." :raritywink:

I found one mistake;

the Fall Formal and everything what happened before

the Fall Formal and everything that happened before

Comments;

I doubt it would hurt my budget anyway.

(...)

It would hurt

Hasn't Celestia taught you about tempting fate, Sunset? :rainbowwild:

"But then again, why wouldn't I? After all, I'm the.. uhm, I'm sorry, what was that again?"

Applejack simply rolled her eyes. "Element of Manipulation?"

"Exactly!" Rarity said with beaming pride.

Fixed that for you. :trollestia:

Sunset agreed, not quite in the mood of questioning her friend's superior appetite.

That would have gone well. "Rainbow, are you pregnant?" :trollestia:

I think it might even be suitable for two!" Sunset's odd look she gave reflected Rarity's thoughts. "I honestly don't know why I had to point that out

Subtle, Rarity, very subtle. :trollestia:

7696129 Hey, you're back!
No probs at all for not reviewing for awhile, you didn't miss much anyway as you can see. I haven't been really busy updating the story.

I wasn't a fan of the drunken scene. This has all to do with me disliking drunkenness

Meh, same here, which is exactly why I didn't really enjoy writing the 3rd chapter. But at least this whole affair led the to some cool character moments.

I lost it when Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash started treating Sunset Shimmer like a pony.

...yep, moments like those.

"Wow. That was…" Sunset bit her lip, holding back the urge to call it stupid. "…interesting."

"She shouldn't hide anything from her friend," eh?:trollestia:

Fun fact is that before the rewrite that section played out a bit differently. Also, there were typos throughout the original chapter. Lots of it.

It seems my enthusiasm at the chapter's title was misplaced; Sunset and Rainbow didn't share the mentioned double beds.

Just when you thought there's going to be some actual progress made between the characters, but no, you're bound to wait more.

I loved when Sunset Shimmer reminisced about the tiaras...

I'm glad you did. Truth is I wasn't really satisfied with it when I wrote it, but since you're not the only one who pointed that part out for being good, I guess I did something right there.

I found one mistake;

Typo taken care of. Thanks!:twilightsmile:

7709385

Hey, you're back!

No probs at all for not reviewing for awhile, you didn't miss much anyway as you can see. I haven't been really busy updating the story.

I still should have reviewed earlier, I mean, over a year late? Shame on me. :facehoof:

Meh, same here, which is exactly why I didn't really enjoy writing the 3rd chapter. But at least this whole affair led the to some cool character moments.

...yep, moments like those.

I genuinely thought drunk!Rainbow Dash was going to french Sunset Shimmer instead of bringing her to Applejack's personal arcade. :rainbowlaugh:

Just when you thought there's going to be some actual progress made between the characters, but no, you're bound to wait more.

My imagination can deal with it. My sexy, very child-unfriendly imagination. :trixieshiftleft:

Question - before I read this, what ship is it?! Or is it three-way relationship? Not a threesome - that's when you want sex for one night and then never see them again..

8024783 It's very much a three-way relationship story.

Sunset: Thanks, Dash.

Rainbow: I still don't like you, baka!

Rainbow best tsundere confirmed :trollestia:

A story good and fun, so if new chapters would come, they'll be worth to wait.
Keep going ^^.

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