Rarity is wondering the school halls until she stumbles upon music coming from the Gym. She knew it would be the street dance club but she did not expect to see the club being lead by her newly formed crush and former bad girl,Sunset Shimmer.
Post Friendship games and I apologise for the picture being nothing to do with the story really but I can imagine Sunset wearing while shes dancing but again sorry. I can't art to save my life and there isn't a lot of Sunset x Rarity material to work with.
Chapters (1)
Okay, I was interested in reading this RarityxSunset, but after taking a look at the description... It has a lot of mistakes in there, so the story must be filled with them too.
Not wondering, wandering.
Stumble upon music, find another way to say that.
Not except, expect.
Not them, the.
Also, bad punctuation, missing some commas.
7281998 While I'm open to constructive criticism (if that is even what this is) you have said nothing good about the story either. If the story was that bad do not comment and do not come near my stories in the future without having anything good to say about it as well as tips on how I can improve. It is as simple as that;your negativity is not welcome here so take it elsewhere please and thank you.
7284088 I can't say anything good about the story because I didn't read it, that's why i didn't gave it a good or bad rating. But if you want me to say something positive then here it is: Keep writing and improve.
Happy?
7284117 Does it really matter if I'm happy or not?
7284186 Yes.
7284252 It doesn't actually matter if I'm happy or not. My point was is that you should always see two sides to everything even if it seems like there is nothing good you must always find something as it balances things out and leaves people from thinking you are just being nasty and harsh
Isn't sunset technically decades older than Rarity? I mean think, Sunset was full grown when she skipped town to Humanland and there's been time since for Twily to grow up.
7764351 Sunset is technically a good bit older than Rarity yeah. But Sunset would be 20 something I'm assuming while I think Rarity would be 18 (assuming it's their senior year in high school) so it's not all the bad I guess. I'm not sure though I'm not the best person to talk to about the aging in Equestria and the human world
7764669 Pony Twilight is commonly believed to be in her early twenties. she became Celestia's student at cutie mark age which is 5-10. id assume Sunset was 20ish when she skipped world. and it would make sense for Celestia to have waited at least a couple years before taking on another student. my words are not meant to be mean. I like the ship I promise. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I repeat, this post is not negative towards this story nor this ship.
7765553 I know they aren't mean :) but yeah I understand what you're saying about the age thing
You can has review!
The concept of this story is cool, but the grammar makes this a hard read and overall, this was not executed right at all.