• Member Since 18th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2016

Deneld the Unspooked


You are an idiot.

Sequels1

Comments ( 66 )

Then a black tanktop with My Chemical Romance's logo on the back and made her large male-madness inducers perk out quite nicely

Rainbow Dash wore a short red skirt with long black stockings that had holes where the toes would go so she could still paint her toenails.

So now they're suddenly anthro? But your cover shows ponies and your story isn't tagged Anthro.

Also, you've tagged your story as Adventure, but there's... only 1k words. That's nowhere enough to warrant the Adventure tag.

And lastly, there is a lot more telling than showing here. Here's something that might help you: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/showing-vs-telling-in-your-writing

... the fuck did I just read?

~Twi

Comment posted by SkydreamPegasus deleted Nov 4th, 2016
Comment posted by Adda le Blue deleted Nov 4th, 2016

7695139
Makes you wonder why this is marked as "romance", "adventure", "comedy", and "mature / sex". I can understand "random", though, since there's just random words in here.

~Twi

Comment posted by Whiteout deleted Nov 4th, 2016
Comment posted by Thunder-Bolt deleted Nov 4th, 2016

7695230
7695064
i'll have you pathetic lot know that this is a literary masterpiece. shove your "criticism" up your cum-drenched asses if you please.

7695246 I'll be reading this, later, but based on a likes/dislikes ratio of 1:25, and all of the comments talking shit on it, I expect nothing more than one of the worst fucking things I've ever read.

7695254 if you hate it, then that's your fault, not mine. :rainbowlaugh:

Twlight Sparkle sat at the bar. It was empty save for her .

Twilight? At a bar by herself? Highly unlikely, but nothing too big.

"Long time," spoke Snips and he poored himself a glass as well.
Twlight Sparkle grumbled.
"I deserved that," the grey unicorn said and took a gulp from his whiskey.
"Go away," Twlight Sparkle said.

Why are these two kids in a bar? And Snails isn't grey. Snips isn't either.

"Calm down, The lavender unicorn…"

What the heck. You did not just do that in quotations.

"Then there was that time I...Destroyed Pinkie Pies carpet!"
"oh, Rainbow Dash! thats positively evil! and I should know!"
They both laughed. The night had been full of stories like this. The time The pink pony blackmailed a a Biochemist. Or the time The blue pegasus fooled a Coder into thinking it was the end of the world.. Endless stories shared just between them and no one else.

Why would Pinkie or Rainbow do any of that? They're not exactly evil. Sure, mischievous at times. But evil? No.

A/N but I'm running out of imagination to describe it, so I guess he looked like Neo from the Matrix i know it's an old movie but those clothes look soooo cool)

Please, don't do this. Again.


Okay, so are you a troll or just really that unexperienced? This story made no sense, had mislabeled tags, and an OOC main cast. I'm not even sure what the plot is supposed to be, or what the heck is going on. Pinkie and Discord weren't even needed in this fanfiction, and Rainbow Dash just barely made it over the line.

Just, just uh.

Comment posted by NotSoWickedWitch deleted Nov 4th, 2016
Comment posted by NotSoWickedWitch deleted Nov 4th, 2016

Soooo, is this a crack-fic or a serious attempt? Cause I can not for the life if me, say what is the case here. I strongly lean towards crack-fic though.

T6
T6 #16 · Nov 4th, 2016 · · ·

So the author added this to the Lightning Dust is Best Pony group. For a very brief moment as I saw the group avatar in my feed, I got my hopes up that we might finally have some more decent horsewords involving her.

And then there was this.

...

i.imgur.com/LVIIcso.png

7695246 Are you actually shitting me!? Did you really have to go and delete our comments? You are being an immature idiot right now.

7695330

Waaa my precious special snowflake opinion isn't being put on a pedestal waaaa

:rainbowlaugh:

Obvious troll is obvious. I won't even give this a downrate, it doesn't deserve it.

This literally made no goddamn sense. It lacked any form of coherence.

7695335

Oh yes, I'm the next fucking Einstein of jokes! Bow before me peasants who can't voice their ill feelings about my story!

Two can play at that game, bud. :trixieshiftleft:

Well, this is DEFINITELY going in the review folder. :rainbowlaugh:

.-.
No idea what the fuck TBurtons is, but m
I've never seen a MCR shirt with the logo on the back.
Beyond that?
Well, your story could use help in the spelling, grammar, and plot development areas.
Oh, could also use a once over in the FUCKING EVERYTHING category. That could use some tweaks.
Like a lot.
This story could actually be a good story.
If it didn't exist.
I mean, literally, whatever mod approved this needs to rethink his life and probably should resign.
Literally, my eight year old sister can write better stories than this piece of trash.

7695064 ignoring that the description has nothing to do with the story, the completly ravaged grammarscape, the painful headache this story has given me, and the complete lack of 'plot'
.-.

oh yea

it's da bst bby

Comment posted by Adda le Blue deleted Nov 8th, 2016
Comment posted by m1ntf4n deleted Nov 8th, 2016

Near total red on the likes bar...

Deleted comments...

Stereotypical "I am the best thing ever and everyone who disagrees with me is the scum of the Earth" attitude in the writer's responses...

Troll confirmed. Nothing to see here, folks.

Man what is with the obvious troll fics this week.

Comment posted by SolidFire deleted Nov 8th, 2016

Trollfics are a spook

Ironic shitposting is still shitposting

This story has inspired me to write my own masterpiece.

Twilight Sparkle does 911.

thnks bae

Comment posted by Adda le Blue deleted Nov 8th, 2016

well it took me three hours but I managed to find every single folder in every single group this is listed in and let the groups know what this story really is and where it doesn't belong. Please only submit your story to groups it fits in, my feed was drowning in this.
This is a Random fic, it has no shipping, no romance, comedy can probably slide by, based on everyones personal preference, there is no adventure, there are no Thrills. And there is no Clop. There is no Twidash/Twinky/Twipie/PinkieLight/RainbowPie/PinkieDash, the story suddenly becomes Anthro, Discord is mentioned perhaps 3 times in the entirety of this fic but never actually seen or interacted with.

-Starlight Glimmer is not in this fic
-Sunset Shimmer is not in this fic
-None of the EQG characters are in this fic
-Changelings are not in this fic
-No one dies in this Fic
-There is no Violence in this fic
-This fic does not have more than 100,000 words. It has 1131 and is marked complete meaning it will never have more than 1131 words.
-There is not one single original character in this fic.
-There is nothing Dark about this fic, unless Alcohol suddenly is enough for a fic to be Dark. (unless you are counting Goth???? Which doesn't count)
-Princess Luna is not in this fic
-There are no Parties, there is no clop, there are no Clop Parties.
-Lightning Dust is not in this fic
-This fic does not have over 200 views. As of this comment it has 159
-There is no Alicorn Twilight in this fic. She is a unicorn throughout its entirety.
-There are no crossovers in this Fic
-There are no Humans in this fic

Comment posted by Adda le Blue deleted Nov 8th, 2016

Um... What the fuck is this shit?

After reading My Immortal, I didn't think fan fictions could get any worse—

Then this came along.

7696468 Can I get a link to that? I love reading cringy stories.

7696479
It's really easy to find, a quick Google search and you'll find it on the search results. There's also a dramatic reading on it on YouTube.

You can find it here. Be weary though, you might want to find spare time since it is long.

I got more entertainment from reading the comments than the actual story.

So many dislikes the upvotes bar looks like a fucking sith lightsabre.

7696592 eventuly the dislikes will start leaking out the sides and it'll look like kylo ren's sabre

Login or register to comment